SCENE 1
(scene opens on, for once, the correct set. SANDY, a golden-brown queen is sitting among a haystack, her blue eyes having a faraway look.)
SANDY: Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby. Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do.... come true... someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind
me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me. Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow, why then -- oh, why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why, oh, why can't I?
(she stops, seeing GRIDDLEBONE fast approaching on a battered-looking tricycle)
ALONZO: (off-stage) Oh, heaviside. That girl loves to torture me, doesn't she… CUT! Griddlebone… why are you riding a tricycle?
CASSANDRA: Sorry, 'Lonz. The Author didn't give us a very big budget this time, and we couldn't afford a bike. So we got the next best thing.
ALONZO: (to the heavens at large) WHY ME??!!
THE AUTHOR: (in a mysterious voice) Because you're the cutest little thing I ever did see, Alonzo. I'll give you catnip if you promise to finish out this show…
ALONZO: (happily) Okay! Grid, we'll take it from you're scene, 'kay?
GRIDDLEBONE: Sure, why not. (she gets back on the trike and rides it up to a house. GIRIZABELLA, GUS, OLD D and TUGGER sit outside, playing strip… go fish?)
TUGGER: Got any aces?
OLD D, GRIZ and GUS: Go fish!
TUGGER: (after hunting in the pile for a card) Ah, lost it. Looks like I hafta give up my… BANDANA! (he does so as a Gungan races by)
GUNGAN: Heeelllllppp!!! Mesa gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
STEVE: (in hot pursuit) GET BACK HERE YOU INFERNAL CREATURE, BEFORE I LET OBI-WAN AND LORI DEAL WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!! (both disappear in the distance, leaving a stunned foursome behind)
TUGGER: O…k… that was really weird…
GRIZ: I'll say.
GUS: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!!!!!!!!!
OLD D: (slapping his forehead) Why can't we ever have a normal show???
TUGGER: Beats me. The Author says she'll let us have some normal scenes in this one.
OLD D: Why'd she say that?
TUGGER: Well… she didn't SAY it… she SCREAMED it.
OLD D: (gagging) WHAT?!
TUGGER: Calm down. Alonzo was flipping out so she had to scream to be heard.
THE AUTHOR: Will you please shut up and pay attention?! Tugger, you get backstage with Old D. Griz and Gus, stay here and wait for Sandy.
GRIZ: (as TUGGER and OLD D leave) Sandy? She's in this?
GUS: Oh, please, Everlasting Cat, whatever I did to offend you, I am heartily sorry!
SANDY: (skipping up) Hi Auntie Griz! Hi Uncle Gus!
GUS: Sandy… kid, aren't you a bit old to play this role?
SANDY: (glaring) No! (sniffling) Auntie Griz, mean old Ms. Griddlebone said that Fluffy was digging up her garden again. But he wasn't, and then she said he tried to bite her. He'd never do that, Uncle Gus, you know he wouldn't!
GUS: Fluffy? (at this, a small white fluffball runs on stage, with two blue eyes and no markings) Oh… THAT'S Fluffy?
FLUFFY: Yup!
SANDY: (scooping her daughter into her arms) Where's your daddy?
THE AUTHOR and ALONZO: Just get on with the damn show, willya!?
SANDY: Sure… (putting FLUFFY down)
GRIDDLEBONE: (finally arriving, gasping for breath) That… thing… tried to… bite me…
SANDY: He'd never try to bite anybody! He's the best… er… KITTEN ever!
GUS: Sandy… we've got to give her the kit. (he picks up FLUFFY, who glares at him, but goes to GRIDDLEBONE without too much of a struggle)
SANDY: You… you mean old witch! (she runs from the stage in tears, causing GRIZABELLA to cheer)
GRIZ: (realizing everyone's looking at her) What? Oh, right… Griddlebone, I've wanted to tell you what I thought of you… but as a decent citizen I can't! (she walks off-stage after SANDY)
GRIDDLEBONE: Was it something I said?
(scene opens on, for once, the correct set. SANDY, a golden-brown queen is sitting among a haystack, her blue eyes having a faraway look.)
SANDY: Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high, there's a land that I heard of, once in a lullaby. Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do.... come true... someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind
me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me. Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow, why then -- oh, why can't I? If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow why, oh, why can't I?
(she stops, seeing GRIDDLEBONE fast approaching on a battered-looking tricycle)
ALONZO: (off-stage) Oh, heaviside. That girl loves to torture me, doesn't she… CUT! Griddlebone… why are you riding a tricycle?
CASSANDRA: Sorry, 'Lonz. The Author didn't give us a very big budget this time, and we couldn't afford a bike. So we got the next best thing.
ALONZO: (to the heavens at large) WHY ME??!!
THE AUTHOR: (in a mysterious voice) Because you're the cutest little thing I ever did see, Alonzo. I'll give you catnip if you promise to finish out this show…
ALONZO: (happily) Okay! Grid, we'll take it from you're scene, 'kay?
GRIDDLEBONE: Sure, why not. (she gets back on the trike and rides it up to a house. GIRIZABELLA, GUS, OLD D and TUGGER sit outside, playing strip… go fish?)
TUGGER: Got any aces?
OLD D, GRIZ and GUS: Go fish!
TUGGER: (after hunting in the pile for a card) Ah, lost it. Looks like I hafta give up my… BANDANA! (he does so as a Gungan races by)
GUNGAN: Heeelllllppp!!! Mesa gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
STEVE: (in hot pursuit) GET BACK HERE YOU INFERNAL CREATURE, BEFORE I LET OBI-WAN AND LORI DEAL WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!! (both disappear in the distance, leaving a stunned foursome behind)
TUGGER: O…k… that was really weird…
GRIZ: I'll say.
GUS: Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears!!!!!!!!!
OLD D: (slapping his forehead) Why can't we ever have a normal show???
TUGGER: Beats me. The Author says she'll let us have some normal scenes in this one.
OLD D: Why'd she say that?
TUGGER: Well… she didn't SAY it… she SCREAMED it.
OLD D: (gagging) WHAT?!
TUGGER: Calm down. Alonzo was flipping out so she had to scream to be heard.
THE AUTHOR: Will you please shut up and pay attention?! Tugger, you get backstage with Old D. Griz and Gus, stay here and wait for Sandy.
GRIZ: (as TUGGER and OLD D leave) Sandy? She's in this?
GUS: Oh, please, Everlasting Cat, whatever I did to offend you, I am heartily sorry!
SANDY: (skipping up) Hi Auntie Griz! Hi Uncle Gus!
GUS: Sandy… kid, aren't you a bit old to play this role?
SANDY: (glaring) No! (sniffling) Auntie Griz, mean old Ms. Griddlebone said that Fluffy was digging up her garden again. But he wasn't, and then she said he tried to bite her. He'd never do that, Uncle Gus, you know he wouldn't!
GUS: Fluffy? (at this, a small white fluffball runs on stage, with two blue eyes and no markings) Oh… THAT'S Fluffy?
FLUFFY: Yup!
SANDY: (scooping her daughter into her arms) Where's your daddy?
THE AUTHOR and ALONZO: Just get on with the damn show, willya!?
SANDY: Sure… (putting FLUFFY down)
GRIDDLEBONE: (finally arriving, gasping for breath) That… thing… tried to… bite me…
SANDY: He'd never try to bite anybody! He's the best… er… KITTEN ever!
GUS: Sandy… we've got to give her the kit. (he picks up FLUFFY, who glares at him, but goes to GRIDDLEBONE without too much of a struggle)
SANDY: You… you mean old witch! (she runs from the stage in tears, causing GRIZABELLA to cheer)
GRIZ: (realizing everyone's looking at her) What? Oh, right… Griddlebone, I've wanted to tell you what I thought of you… but as a decent citizen I can't! (she walks off-stage after SANDY)
GRIDDLEBONE: Was it something I said?