Title: Through Blind Eyes
Author: PK (hotarushou@hotmail.com)
Pairing: none
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Hikaru awakens to a truth that causes her heart to bleed.
Disclaimer: MKR doesn't belong to me, blah blah blah...
Warning: darkfic
Author's Note: This is supposed to be a more philosophical piece based on an experience I had with some friends right after 8th period, just a few weeks ago.
* * *
"Hikaru-neesan!"
Mira energetically waves her arms at me. Sometimes I can see myself in her...well, excluding the red hair, I suppose.
"Coming, Mira, coming!" I'm always glad to lead someone...it is a comfort, in a way - knowing that I can help someone feel better, though it may be only a small girl.
Walking next to her, I find myself happy as always, a trait that many consider a facade. Truth be told, I'm not sure, myself - I have never known who I am. To a certain extent, that is. I know my family, I know my friends, but there's a part to me that even I don't understand.
I am a murderer. That word, in itself, causes so many memories to return to me. Princess Emeraude, the summoning, everything. Though it may have been her wish, I cannot deny myself the fact that I did murder her.
But these thoughts should be postponed until later. I don't need to burden a little girl with such scary ideas.
So I wear my mask once more, slipping into the irresistible happiness and innocent way that so many accept to be me, and all of me.
That couldn't be farther from the truth...
Murderer.
* * *
'Flowers bloom, even without a pillar...' Those words are still clear in my head, the words of Lantis...I suppose he is right in that aspect. He is normally correct, yet I cannot help noticing that he doesn't seem to enjoy life at all. He's so lonely. If only he knew what he meant to some people, Eagle and myself alike.
I find myself in this room once again, with small children. I don't want to look so sad, so glum, for I will only scare the kids. They don't need these complications, not yet, at least.
Why is it that this same, redundant train of thought keeps crashing into my conscious?
Am I guilty of some crime so horrible that it must weigh me down like this?
I suppose I am...
Murderer.
"Ne, Hikaru-neechan...will you play with us? Please?" I am jolted back into the real world(what is the real world?) by Mira. I cannot resist the lure of some childish fun...I never could. I suppose Fuu-chan and Umi-chan would like me to relax, anyway.
"Sure!"
How can I be playing with such innocent children, with clean hands, while the hands I hold theirs in are stained with betrayal...or is it simply disbelief? I have to wonder.
* * *
Now that I am finally alone, in my own room, I can ponder the meaning of this time I have here living, which has turned out to be much more than a simple battle over political freedom.
Much more. It has become, to me at least, an inner battle which only I can fight, a battle between myself...and my past.
Because I cannot change the past, I find myself wondering what would have happened if I hadn't killed her.
If I hadn't, this world would be under the reign of Zagato, Princess Emeraude encased, and Lantis still in Autozam. The countries wouldn't be invading, for this realm would have a pillar, even should she be encased and unable to pray.
But I wouldn't be able to think like this, for I wouldn't know of this realm, or even think it possible for anything like this to happen.
I am confused and wallowing in self-pity. How can I be like this when I have a realm to save? I suppose it is my duty to save it, for it is my fault things are this way. Alas.
* * *
Should I write more?
PK
Please R/R as always...
Author: PK (hotarushou@hotmail.com)
Pairing: none
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Hikaru awakens to a truth that causes her heart to bleed.
Disclaimer: MKR doesn't belong to me, blah blah blah...
Warning: darkfic
Author's Note: This is supposed to be a more philosophical piece based on an experience I had with some friends right after 8th period, just a few weeks ago.
* * *
"Hikaru-neesan!"
Mira energetically waves her arms at me. Sometimes I can see myself in her...well, excluding the red hair, I suppose.
"Coming, Mira, coming!" I'm always glad to lead someone...it is a comfort, in a way - knowing that I can help someone feel better, though it may be only a small girl.
Walking next to her, I find myself happy as always, a trait that many consider a facade. Truth be told, I'm not sure, myself - I have never known who I am. To a certain extent, that is. I know my family, I know my friends, but there's a part to me that even I don't understand.
I am a murderer. That word, in itself, causes so many memories to return to me. Princess Emeraude, the summoning, everything. Though it may have been her wish, I cannot deny myself the fact that I did murder her.
But these thoughts should be postponed until later. I don't need to burden a little girl with such scary ideas.
So I wear my mask once more, slipping into the irresistible happiness and innocent way that so many accept to be me, and all of me.
That couldn't be farther from the truth...
Murderer.
* * *
'Flowers bloom, even without a pillar...' Those words are still clear in my head, the words of Lantis...I suppose he is right in that aspect. He is normally correct, yet I cannot help noticing that he doesn't seem to enjoy life at all. He's so lonely. If only he knew what he meant to some people, Eagle and myself alike.
I find myself in this room once again, with small children. I don't want to look so sad, so glum, for I will only scare the kids. They don't need these complications, not yet, at least.
Why is it that this same, redundant train of thought keeps crashing into my conscious?
Am I guilty of some crime so horrible that it must weigh me down like this?
I suppose I am...
Murderer.
"Ne, Hikaru-neechan...will you play with us? Please?" I am jolted back into the real world(what is the real world?) by Mira. I cannot resist the lure of some childish fun...I never could. I suppose Fuu-chan and Umi-chan would like me to relax, anyway.
"Sure!"
How can I be playing with such innocent children, with clean hands, while the hands I hold theirs in are stained with betrayal...or is it simply disbelief? I have to wonder.
* * *
Now that I am finally alone, in my own room, I can ponder the meaning of this time I have here living, which has turned out to be much more than a simple battle over political freedom.
Much more. It has become, to me at least, an inner battle which only I can fight, a battle between myself...and my past.
Because I cannot change the past, I find myself wondering what would have happened if I hadn't killed her.
If I hadn't, this world would be under the reign of Zagato, Princess Emeraude encased, and Lantis still in Autozam. The countries wouldn't be invading, for this realm would have a pillar, even should she be encased and unable to pray.
But I wouldn't be able to think like this, for I wouldn't know of this realm, or even think it possible for anything like this to happen.
I am confused and wallowing in self-pity. How can I be like this when I have a realm to save? I suppose it is my duty to save it, for it is my fault things are this way. Alas.
* * *
Should I write more?
PK
Please R/R as always...