Through Blind Eyes: Chapter 2
Plot developing now...0.o scary!!! This was only supposed to be a one-shot angst ;)
Warning: The usual amount of darkfic, with bits of horror/violence interspersed, slight sexual content(no lemon, just implications)..don't read if you're nauseated by thoughts of gore. Hehe. Guess this is kind of a first for me...
MKR doesn't belong to me, blah blah blah....
~~~~~~
[Let's see...where did we leave off? Ah, yes...]
...Alas.
I am performing self-interrogation, wondering why I can't reveal my true self to anyone. Perhaps it is the common perception of my 'naivety' that hinders my ability to be real. But why should the way other peopole perceive me cause me such a problem?
I suppose that's the problem many people live in. They suffer from a lack of understanding. But is it alright for me to be worrying like this in a war? No, no, I mustn't. I can't, for the sake of the country.
Glumly, I get up to get out of this room. I have duties to attend to, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
As I walk, my gait is pained, my feet moving unwillingly, as if they have iron weights chained to them. And as I'm trying to wonder what'll happen next, I find myself walking aimlessly down the corridors and, in a few minutes, lost. Once again, excepting this time I'm lost in both senses of the word...certainly much more hopeless a situation.
~~~~~
Endless pathway after endless pathway, I walk, feeling pain well up inside me. Just as I'm ready to fall over and writhe in emotional agony rather than frustration, I open one last door and what I see here...is enough to make me gag, laugh, cry...all at the same time.
A good many corpses are lying carelessly on the floor. Many of them have now grievously infected wounds for their bodies have given up. Blood oozes from hundreds of wounds and stains the floor crimson. I'd compare it to the color of my hair...but my hair doesn't have that tint. It doesn't reflect who I am right now...it never did. Murderer.
This pile of death, on the other hand, seems a perfect revelation on my soul. Dead to the world, lying there, forgotten. How I'd like to be one of these people, the burden of life lifted from me...
No, no. I can't keep thinking like this. I have a world to save. I have to fulfill my duties as heroine, or otherwise...the people I love...the people I cherish...
Why do I care about them anyway? This whole world could be a dream from which only the dead can awaken. There's no mistake in that, no flaw in that perfect illusion. This could all just be a seamless dream, woven in order to protect people from the truth.
Is this the truth? If it isn't, why is it here anyway? Is it somebody's effort to forget the past? I wonder where the spirits of these people are now...but what happened to them? Who killed them?
It isn't that important, this; people die anyway, and I envy them, for their position in death is higher than mine. I don't believe in myself because I've seen what I'm capable of...and I loathe that.
Murderer.
~~~~~~
"Hikaru!"
"Hikaru-san!"
As I expected, they're looking for me. Don't they understand the uselessness of their efforts? There's nothing important about me. No one should even be able to cherish me, the deeds I have done are so grievous. They didn't kill Princess Emeraude or Zagato. It was my sword. And Zagato...he didn't even need to die...but I killed him.
Should I lead them into this pit with me? No, no, no. I can't. They're happy the way they are; I don't need to concern them with these worries.
"Thank goodness you guys found me. I was lost," I explain, trying in near vain to become innocent little Hikaru again. Silently, I finish the sentence...'and I still am.' "Where is Clef-san?"
"He's in his office, as usual." Fuu gestures down one of the corridors and I follow the motion of her hand bleakly. My head just revolves around the same thoughts, my feet not knowing the meaning of their step, and my eyes dully looking at the tile on the ground.
I nudge the giant door open and walk towards the chair on which Clef sits.
"Clef-san, was there a massacre here, or did about sixty people just fall over wounded and die?" Even I am surprised at the sadistic sarcasm that's left my lips. Quickly I move to apologize, but Clef simply shakes his head and motions to me that it's alright.
Hesitantly, Clef replies. "It's not anybody's concern how those people died...I wish not to tell the story. Please, go." I can see the same anger and sadness welling up inside him as there is inside me. But was it he who killed those people? I have to wonder.
I kick the ground in anger at the dishonesty that the world's become. No one has the courage to tell the truth...they can't even admit to themselves the pain they've caused. It frustrates me, it really does. However, wouldn't that make me a hypocrit? Murderer...
~~~~~~
I find myself back in my quarters again. I gaze blankly into the mirror, not understanding why Clef can't just tell me what happened. I'm not that naive or that stupid! Why can't they just accept that? Just because Fuu and Umi worry, suddenly I have to be carefree? I doubt that that's fair.
No...I can't keep blaming them for the pain I've caused myself. Yet the lure of the pain is too great, and I'm drowning again.
~~~~~~
After hours of revelation, I decide to just take a walk. Maybe that'll calm me down...but I am calm! I'm just not happy. Is that so hard to do?
I suppose no one else appreciates the difference. Nontheless, I walk out of my room with heavy footsteps of sorrow. As I listen to the empty clack of my feet against the ground, I can't help but let my mind travel to why exactly I find it so hard to be happy, to be truly happy...
As I walk, I dimly note a monumental shadow approaching me, casting its own darkness upon me.
I look up...
and all of a sudden, the world is completely red to me. Sharp scythes attached to floppy, muscular arms slash at me, cutting through the mortal flesh that adorns my body. It doesn't pain me, though...and I wonder why.
But my human instincts take over and I find a sword in my hand as I struggle to fight back against it. I cut through its arms and relish in the sharp stinging that finally makes itself felt in my arms and legs. The floor tiles here are already partially stained red from all the blood...
one more shot from its scythes and my world is now black. I'm floating somewhere, though I can't imagine where...perhaps I was knocked unconscious.
~~~~~
I think it's been days since I've been awake, but when I open my eyes sluggishly, the most unwelcome face in the world greets me.
"Hikaru, let's play...stay here forever..." Nova. As she's trying to molest me, I can't help but shout at her and move her arms away...
"Goddamnit, Nova, stop it! Can't you see that because you _are_ me, I can't stand you? Nova, please, just get off!" I'm surprised at the tears that fall like liquid streams of anger from my eyes, yet I can't stop them. The frustration is just too great.
"Hikaru, my poor, innocent, Hikaru..." Nova tries once again, but it just angers me more...
"I'm not innocent! I killed people! My hands are...so dirty..." I break into shamed sobs at last, and I can't help but lie there, helpless.
"Don't you understand? They made you come here...it's their fault. My poor little Hikaru...she's been abused. It's not her fault that they cause her such pain." Nova soothingly puts a finger to my lips and kisses my wounds, drinking the blood as if it were an exquisite wine. I relax into her arms for somehow it's comfort knowing that it's not my fault. I never wished this upon myself...
~~~~~
"h...hikaru..." I wake up, stunned, as I see Fuu and Umi looking at my feverish state. My blood soaks the sheets of my bed and the memories come flooding back...how could I let Nova do that? I don't love her! I don't love anyone...I can't.
~~~~~
~~~~~
End of chapter.
Eek, even I scared myself...
R/R!!!!!!!!! This is my first fic like this...
PK
Plot developing now...0.o scary!!! This was only supposed to be a one-shot angst ;)
Warning: The usual amount of darkfic, with bits of horror/violence interspersed, slight sexual content(no lemon, just implications)..don't read if you're nauseated by thoughts of gore. Hehe. Guess this is kind of a first for me...
MKR doesn't belong to me, blah blah blah....
~~~~~~
[Let's see...where did we leave off? Ah, yes...]
...Alas.
I am performing self-interrogation, wondering why I can't reveal my true self to anyone. Perhaps it is the common perception of my 'naivety' that hinders my ability to be real. But why should the way other peopole perceive me cause me such a problem?
I suppose that's the problem many people live in. They suffer from a lack of understanding. But is it alright for me to be worrying like this in a war? No, no, I mustn't. I can't, for the sake of the country.
Glumly, I get up to get out of this room. I have duties to attend to, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.
As I walk, my gait is pained, my feet moving unwillingly, as if they have iron weights chained to them. And as I'm trying to wonder what'll happen next, I find myself walking aimlessly down the corridors and, in a few minutes, lost. Once again, excepting this time I'm lost in both senses of the word...certainly much more hopeless a situation.
~~~~~
Endless pathway after endless pathway, I walk, feeling pain well up inside me. Just as I'm ready to fall over and writhe in emotional agony rather than frustration, I open one last door and what I see here...is enough to make me gag, laugh, cry...all at the same time.
A good many corpses are lying carelessly on the floor. Many of them have now grievously infected wounds for their bodies have given up. Blood oozes from hundreds of wounds and stains the floor crimson. I'd compare it to the color of my hair...but my hair doesn't have that tint. It doesn't reflect who I am right now...it never did. Murderer.
This pile of death, on the other hand, seems a perfect revelation on my soul. Dead to the world, lying there, forgotten. How I'd like to be one of these people, the burden of life lifted from me...
No, no. I can't keep thinking like this. I have a world to save. I have to fulfill my duties as heroine, or otherwise...the people I love...the people I cherish...
Why do I care about them anyway? This whole world could be a dream from which only the dead can awaken. There's no mistake in that, no flaw in that perfect illusion. This could all just be a seamless dream, woven in order to protect people from the truth.
Is this the truth? If it isn't, why is it here anyway? Is it somebody's effort to forget the past? I wonder where the spirits of these people are now...but what happened to them? Who killed them?
It isn't that important, this; people die anyway, and I envy them, for their position in death is higher than mine. I don't believe in myself because I've seen what I'm capable of...and I loathe that.
Murderer.
~~~~~~
"Hikaru!"
"Hikaru-san!"
As I expected, they're looking for me. Don't they understand the uselessness of their efforts? There's nothing important about me. No one should even be able to cherish me, the deeds I have done are so grievous. They didn't kill Princess Emeraude or Zagato. It was my sword. And Zagato...he didn't even need to die...but I killed him.
Should I lead them into this pit with me? No, no, no. I can't. They're happy the way they are; I don't need to concern them with these worries.
"Thank goodness you guys found me. I was lost," I explain, trying in near vain to become innocent little Hikaru again. Silently, I finish the sentence...'and I still am.' "Where is Clef-san?"
"He's in his office, as usual." Fuu gestures down one of the corridors and I follow the motion of her hand bleakly. My head just revolves around the same thoughts, my feet not knowing the meaning of their step, and my eyes dully looking at the tile on the ground.
I nudge the giant door open and walk towards the chair on which Clef sits.
"Clef-san, was there a massacre here, or did about sixty people just fall over wounded and die?" Even I am surprised at the sadistic sarcasm that's left my lips. Quickly I move to apologize, but Clef simply shakes his head and motions to me that it's alright.
Hesitantly, Clef replies. "It's not anybody's concern how those people died...I wish not to tell the story. Please, go." I can see the same anger and sadness welling up inside him as there is inside me. But was it he who killed those people? I have to wonder.
I kick the ground in anger at the dishonesty that the world's become. No one has the courage to tell the truth...they can't even admit to themselves the pain they've caused. It frustrates me, it really does. However, wouldn't that make me a hypocrit? Murderer...
~~~~~~
I find myself back in my quarters again. I gaze blankly into the mirror, not understanding why Clef can't just tell me what happened. I'm not that naive or that stupid! Why can't they just accept that? Just because Fuu and Umi worry, suddenly I have to be carefree? I doubt that that's fair.
No...I can't keep blaming them for the pain I've caused myself. Yet the lure of the pain is too great, and I'm drowning again.
~~~~~~
After hours of revelation, I decide to just take a walk. Maybe that'll calm me down...but I am calm! I'm just not happy. Is that so hard to do?
I suppose no one else appreciates the difference. Nontheless, I walk out of my room with heavy footsteps of sorrow. As I listen to the empty clack of my feet against the ground, I can't help but let my mind travel to why exactly I find it so hard to be happy, to be truly happy...
As I walk, I dimly note a monumental shadow approaching me, casting its own darkness upon me.
I look up...
and all of a sudden, the world is completely red to me. Sharp scythes attached to floppy, muscular arms slash at me, cutting through the mortal flesh that adorns my body. It doesn't pain me, though...and I wonder why.
But my human instincts take over and I find a sword in my hand as I struggle to fight back against it. I cut through its arms and relish in the sharp stinging that finally makes itself felt in my arms and legs. The floor tiles here are already partially stained red from all the blood...
one more shot from its scythes and my world is now black. I'm floating somewhere, though I can't imagine where...perhaps I was knocked unconscious.
~~~~~
I think it's been days since I've been awake, but when I open my eyes sluggishly, the most unwelcome face in the world greets me.
"Hikaru, let's play...stay here forever..." Nova. As she's trying to molest me, I can't help but shout at her and move her arms away...
"Goddamnit, Nova, stop it! Can't you see that because you _are_ me, I can't stand you? Nova, please, just get off!" I'm surprised at the tears that fall like liquid streams of anger from my eyes, yet I can't stop them. The frustration is just too great.
"Hikaru, my poor, innocent, Hikaru..." Nova tries once again, but it just angers me more...
"I'm not innocent! I killed people! My hands are...so dirty..." I break into shamed sobs at last, and I can't help but lie there, helpless.
"Don't you understand? They made you come here...it's their fault. My poor little Hikaru...she's been abused. It's not her fault that they cause her such pain." Nova soothingly puts a finger to my lips and kisses my wounds, drinking the blood as if it were an exquisite wine. I relax into her arms for somehow it's comfort knowing that it's not my fault. I never wished this upon myself...
~~~~~
"h...hikaru..." I wake up, stunned, as I see Fuu and Umi looking at my feverish state. My blood soaks the sheets of my bed and the memories come flooding back...how could I let Nova do that? I don't love her! I don't love anyone...I can't.
~~~~~
~~~~~
End of chapter.
Eek, even I scared myself...
R/R!!!!!!!!! This is my first fic like this...
PK