Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro, and if I did I would be sewing you haha!

Voice: We interrupt this fan fic for a live news break!
Voice: The writer of the fic, flashfox has just been hospitalized!
(FF is being wheeled in to the emergency room)
Surgeon: What is wrong?
Nurse: He has been acting strange all day and then he just fainted in the evening
Surgeon: What did he do?
Nurse: He spent 5 hours trying to perfect his theory on why Snoozer's always asleep, then he spent 3 hours complaining to a Boss/Bijou supporter who Bijou should go with. Then he spent the rest of the day wondering who Pashmina should go out with.
Surgeon: My god, must be the worst case of No-Life Syndrome I've ever seen!
(They hook FF up to the machine. The meter is going crazy.)
Nurse: Maybe 50 cc of "That 70's Show" would help?
Surgeon: Anything with moral value will only make it worse!
Nurse: Then what do you suggest doctor?
Surgeon: Get 20 cc of "Jerry Springer", stat!
Nurse: But...
Surgeon: Now!
(The nurse gets out the shot full of Jerry Springer. The Surgeon injects it in FF. FF's heart goes to normal.)

(The next day, FF wakes. The nurse enters the room.)
Nurse: Ah, I see your awake. You've suffered through the "No-Life Syndrome". It's where you take every show way to seriously. Now I'm going to have to prescribe some medication...
FF: I don't need any (bleep)king medication.
Nurse: What?
FF: Why do I need any (bleep)king medication? I mean, what the (bleep) is that about?
Nurse: Doctor! He's suffering the side effects!
FF: I'll show you side effects! (Throws a chair)
Voice: Now back to your featured program.


A Very Hamtaro Satire
By flash_fox

Episode 3: Diamonds of Sugar
(Laura and Kana are hanging out in Laura's room eating diamonds of sugar.)
Kana: Wow, these are delicious, where do you buy them?
Laura: Not if front of Hamtaro.
Kana: You're still taunting him about him not being allowed to eat them cause he's a hamster? I thought we decided to stop doing that 30 minutes ago.
Laura: I know, it's just so much fun!
Hamtaro: (Thinks) When will you girls go to bed already! It's 3 AM for crying out loud!
Laura: Well I better go to bed, I have school tomorrow.
Kana: Me too.
Hamtaro: Yes!
Kana: Gotta get to school on time so you can run into Travis.
Laura: (Blushes) ha ha, very funny.
Kana and Laura: (goes on talking about Travis.)
Hamtaro: Doh!

(The next morning...)
(Laura's mother comes running upstairs.)
Laura's Mother: Hamtaro, don't you think you'll be late for the clubhouse?
Hamtaro: (Wakes in Laura's bed, looks at alarm clock.) Ack! I must be turning off the alarm clock in my sleep! (Runs down stairs) Oxnard is probably still waiting for me. Bye mom!
Laura's mom: Don't you think you should get something to eat?
Hamtaro: No time for that! Got to go! (Runs off to the clubhouse.)
Laura: (Gets out of Hamtaro's cage. She dresses real quick. She moves the bed so she can get through it. She climbs out a hole her size and slides down a drainpipe the size of an air vent Brandy moves his head seconds before Laura lands.)
Laura: See ya later Brandy. (And walks off towards school.)

(Later...)
(Laura enter class with an unhappy face.)
Travis: This isn't your happy face...
Laura: I kept Hamtaro up all night, I felt really cocky so I taunted him with diamonds of sugar all night.
Mr. Yoshi: Hamsters do need a total of 8 hours of sleep or they could get sick.
Fat kid who ripped Kana's drawing of Oxnard in "Be Brave Cappy": Agh! My stomach!

(Meanwhile, in the clubhouse...)
Maxwell: So how are you today, Sandy? You seemed preoccupied last night.
Sandy: I was thinking of my accomplishments and how much I was proud of them.
Maxwell: WHAT! YOUR CONTRACTED TO A CHANNEL FAMOUS FOR THREE KINDERGARTNERS WITH SUPER POWERS, A COW AND ROOSTER WITH THE SAME PARENTS, 5 SECRET AGENT KIDS, AND A DOG WHO IS AFRAID OF EVERYTHING! AND YOUR SAYING YOUR PROUD OF THAT?
Sandy: I ment in gymnastics, but I guess I'm proud of that too...
Maxwell: Good
Cappy: I've got an adventure for us all to participate in! It'll be a load of fun! It is...
Hamtaro: (Bursts into the room.) We must get those diamonds of sugar, Laura's been taunting me about them all night!
Cappy: Spoke to late...
Pashmina: I thought we weren't ganna mention that unless if Boss is going on a very dangerous rescue missions like in "Bijou's In Danger."
Penelope: Ook you!
Oxnard: Wasn't it "Look out Bijou!"
Pashmina: Nope
Panda: I thought it was "Operation Bijou".
Pashmina: No, "Operation Bijou" is another fic written by flash_fox
Oxnard: Isn't that the one where Bijou is kidnapped by a ham mafia which is run by two notorious brothers?
Cappy: and Raymond, a guy who chooses to help us ham hams has to even go against his own brother for his brother is part of the mafia?
Panda: All in part that the mafia is really after something that can determine the fate of the world?
Pashmina: Yep
Stan: Wow, this fic sounds real cool! Where can I find such a tale?
Sandy: Easy, just go to the Hamtaro section of fanfiction.net and look for "Operation Bijou".
Boss: (corny) Read it today! (Big smile with sparkle)

(Meanwhile...)
Laura: What's wrong with the fat kid who ripped Kana's drawing of Oxnard in "Be Brave Cappy"?
Kana: I dunno
Laura: Why don't we just ask him?
Kana: The dude I ment in Casablanca, Africa (If miss-spelled, I don't care.) said I should always stay away from the fat kid.
Laura: I think he ment the fat man...
Kana: Hey, your right! How did you know what he said?
Laura: Saw it in a movie once, come on!
(Laura and Kana go over to the fat kid who ripped Kana's drawing of Oxnard in "Be Brave Cappy".)
Laura: Hey fat kid who ripped Kana's drawing of Oxnard in "Be Brave Cappy", are you ok?
the fat kid who ripped Kana's drawing of Oxnard in "Be Brave Cappy": My stomach hurts from eating to many twinkies...
Kana: (Looks at rappers.) Those weren't Twinkies... (Wields a rapper, appears to be for yellow toy cars.)
The fat kid who ripped Kana's drawing of Oxnard in "Be Brave Cappy": I was wondering where the cream filling was...
Laura: I know what will cure him, we will fatten him yogurt!
Kana: That's so cool!

(Meanwhile...)
(The ham hams enter Laura's room.)
Hamtaro: Now here is the plan, we climb up along the sides of the book case and we push the jar onto a pillow!
Boss: You mean we can climb the book case?
Hamtaro: Yes
Boss: Then how come we didn't do that before?
Hamtaro: ummmm...

(Later in the club house...)
Boss: Woo! Now we finally have those diamonds of sugar!
(They let loose some onto the floor.)
Everyone: yay!
(For a long moment, the hams just stand around with happy faces on.)
Hamtaro: So... What do we do with them again?
Everyone: (Sweat drop)
Sandy: I know! They are used as soccer balls. Hamtaro, get ready for a pass! (Kicks hard towards Hamtaro.)
Hamtaro: What? (Gets hit in the head with the diamond of sugar.)
(Everyone crowds around Hamtaro.)
Sandy: I'm so sorry...
Boss: Maybe you should go home.
Hamtaro: ok, I am a little tired any ways. (leaves)

(Meanwhile...)
(The fat kid who ripped Kana's drawing of Oxnard in "Be Brave Cappy" sits in a lazy boy watching the game while Laura and Kana search the fridge.)
Kana: I think I found it! (Lifts up a tube)
Laura: No! We are looking for Yogurt, not Gogurt!
Kana: oh... Sorry...
(Hamtaro climbs up the front porch.)
Kana: I thought your Hamster comes home later...

('cause of the fact that this is parodying "Get Well Laura" and I don't feel like going on, you can see the episode yourself to find out what happens next. For now, I'll just cut to the journal log in, and because of certain difficulties, we had to shorten it.)

Hamtaro: Heke?

(Oh well, who cares any ways?)