Disclaimer: Wait, what authority do you have telling me that I have to disclaim my own work? If the creator or the Hamtaro show saw this, they would be happy that they are getting free advertising. Plus I've already done this disclaimer 4 times already! Grrrrr….
Authors note: Hello, I'm flash_fox, the writer of the fic. I know that almost everyone read this is a huge fan of Hamtaro as I am, but I think everyone has noticed the small little things that they might not like about the show. Whether it's the pointless journal book signing in which I call "Hamtaro's final thought", the wacky human characters, or the hamster's ignorance about the world around them. But I, as a sufferer of the No-Life Symdron, saw these as satire gold. So I started this fanfic. But today, I focus on issues more at home at fanfiction.net. Most common fanfic concepts at fanfiction.net are about the beliefs of the fan fiction writer, either who they believe one ham should go with, or why one ham does something. So in today's fic, I shall emphasize these beliefs and some more stuff... Enjoy.
A Very Hamtaro Satire
Episode 5: Fan Fiction
(The hamgals enter the clubhouse. They find only Snoozer there.)
Bijou: Where is everyone?
Sandy: Look! A note! (Picks up note and reads it.)
Dear girls,
All the boys except Snoozer had to go somewhere else today. Cappy is went to the fair with Lady Magnus Prime. Boss followed wondering who Lady Magnus Prime is. Stan fallowed trying to hit on Lady Magnus Prime. Panda was mistaken as a real panda and has been dragged to the zoo. Maxwell is teaching a class of Gerbils, big mistake because they never really got along ever since the rodent wars. Howdy went to a rodeo where he will be riding wild cockroaches. Oxnard lost another sunflower seed in the land of sunflower seeds. Oh yeah, and Dexter is trying to get Dexter from Dexter's laboratory to change his name so he can be the only Dexter. I think that's all… As for me, I'm a figment of your imagination.
From,
Figment
(The letter disappeared from Sandy's hands into thin air)
Bijou: The letter didn't say what happened to Hamtaro.
(Meanwhile…)
Announcer: and the next American Idol is… Hamtaro!
Hamtaro: Ticky Ticky Ticky, when you're in a jam…
(Back at the clubhouse…)
Pashmina: So what are we ganna do?
Penelope: Ookyoo!
Bijou: I dunno…
(Later…)
Penelope: (Saying Ookyoo's in the tune of the Hanson song… forgot what it is called…)
Sandy: Think we can do something else?
Pashmina: Like what?
Bijou: How about we play truth or dare, no?
Penelope: Ookyoo!
Sandy: That sounds like a great idea!
Pashmina: Is it ok if I go first?
Sandy: Sure.
Pashmina: Ok, Bijou truth or dare?
Bijou: Truth
Pashmina: Which ham do you like the most?
Bijou: (thinks)
(Daydream sequence)
(Background music is "Sometimes When We Touch". Hamtaro and Bijou are running in slow motion on the beach. Hamtaro trips on a seashell, both of them tumble downward. Cappy wears the seashell.)
Cappy: Wow, this fits me nicely!
(Hamtaro and Bijou Krmp sunflower seeds together. Hamtaro chokes on one. Cappy appears out of nowhere and dose a hemlock maneuver. When Cappy is done, he wears a sunflower seed shells as a hat.)
Cappy: Wow, this fits me nicely!
(Hamtaro and Bijou are riding a motorcycle together. A bug hits Hamtaro in the face and they fly off the road. Cappy put the bug on his head.)
Cappy: Wow, this fits me nicely!
(Hamtaro are watching a drive in movie. Cappy is in the back seat with the popcorn bucket on his head.)
Cappy: Wow, this fits me nicely!
(Out of daydream sequence)
Sandy: Bijou…
Bijou: (Adoringly) Oh Cappy…
Pashmina: Bijou!
Bijou: Huh? What?
Pashmina: Are you ganna answer the question already?
Bijou: Oh. No one in particular…
Pashmina: Well it's your turn to ask someone Bijou.
Bijou: Ok, I pick Sandy.
Sandy: Truth
Bijou: Why doze Maxwell look like a peanut?
Sandy: Maxwell once told me why. It turns out his baby crib was a peanut shell so he just grew that way.
Everyone in the room besides Sandy: Wow
Sandy: Now it's my turn! Pashmina, truth or dare?
Pashmina: Dare!
Sandy: I dare you to kiss Snoozer!
Pashmina: That's not that hard. (Kisses Snoozer)
(Snoozer wakes up, everyone gasps.)
Snoozer: Thanks; all I needed was a kiss from a princess.
Sandy: Wow, the Snoozing Beauty…
Bijou: Pashmina iz not a princess…
Snoozer: Looks like one to me.
Pashmina: (Blushes)
Sandy: Oh no, don't let him be like my brother!
Snoozer: (To Pashmina) Hey girl, say we go out and make fun of the hypochondriacs
Pashmina: Ok!
Sandy: What about our game?
Pashmina: What game? (Walks towards door) So what is your real name?
Snoozer: My name is Dr. Donedeal of the united clinic of psychiatry, but you can call me Joe Millionaire if you want to.
Sandy: Now what are we ganna do?
Bijou: Why don't we talk till zey get back, no?
Sandy: Ok.
We'll be right back
(Hamtaro eats a Hamster treat)
Gourmet Hamster Treats by container: 50 sunflower seeds
(Hamtaro runs on whiz wheel until Laura leaves)
High-tech whiz wheel: 30 sunflower seeds
(Hamtaro slides down the rain pipe wearing a new hat.)
New hat: 15 sunflower seeds
(Hamtaro runs off to the clubhouse.)
Living everyday an adventure: Priceless
There are some things you don't have to pay for
For everyone else, there's Hamster card.
Howdy: (Brings Pashmina a pink apron.) Don't you think it's the greatest?
Pashmina: Umm… thank you Howdy…
Dexter: (Gives Pashmina a bag of sunflower seeds.) Seeds for a beautiful hamster?
Pashmina: Wow, thanks Dexter, you're the greatest!
Howdy: grr…
(Later, Howdy is on the computer. He is at HREF= . He types in "Sunflowers". Howdy grins. Pashmina wakes to a patch of sunflowers in her house's garden with Howdy in the middle of the patch grinning. Dexter is off in the distance watching angrily)
Do you Yahoo?
(Hamtaro is in the shower when the phone rings. He runs to the phone and answers it.)
Hamtaro: Hello? No you want Hamboppo, not Hamtaro. Well that's un-called for. (Hangs up.)
Call Hamboppo car insurance to save hundreds on your car insurance.
Now we are back
(It's a little later. Bijou and Sandy are at the table with coffee mugs filled with sunflower seed coffee. Penelope is playing with blocks on the floor.)
Penelope: Ookyoo!
Bijou: I wonder how Pashmina thinks of thoze two.
Sandy: Think of whom?
Bijou: Were you even paying attention to me?
Sandy: Oh sorry, I was thinking about Maxwell.
Bijou: For two hours?
Sandy: Yep
Bijou: I was talking about who Pashmina should go with if not Snoozer.
Sandy: Well, there is Howdy and Dexter who seem to like her.
Bijou: I think she should go with Panda.
Sandy: Panda?
(Visualizing)
Panda: Welcome to Wood Time. I'm Panda Taylor and this is my partner Howdy.
Howdy: Odley
Panda: Today, we will use our most commonly used tool, a weird nut thing.
Howdy: (Grabs it) you use it to break holes into cardboard!
Panda: Umm… no…
Howdy: Umm… Yes! (Starts attacking cardboard with nut thing.)
Panda: Ack!
(Later)
Panda: (walks through door) I'm home!
Pashmina: Hello Panda! How was your day at work?
Panda: Not to good. I shouldn't of hired Howdy, I should of known he would be jealous.
Pashmina: Awww, there there. Come on, come over here and give me a kiss.
(Panda walks over to kiss her when…)
Howdy: Wait just a second! I can't allow this to go on any further!
(End of Visualization)
Howdy: This will not go on any further!
Bijou and Sandy: Heke?
Howdy: These wrinkles in my apron are going down! (Irons the apron)
Bijou: What happened to ze rodeo?
Howdy: It finished. Where is Pashmina?
Sandy: She went on a date with Snoozer.
Howdy: What!?! I'm ganna show him! (Storms out.)
Bijou: Hey, isn't every episode supposed to end with the journal book writing?
Sandy: Oh no! How are we ganna do that with Hamtaro gone?
(Later)
(Laura is writing in her journal)
Laura: (thinks what she is writing) Today, we took a trip to the slaughterhouse. Now I'm a vegetarian! Hamtaro looks different tonight.
Bijou: (Kooshi Kooshi) I always wanted to do this.
Laura: Well, we had fun today, and we'll have even more fun tomorrow!
Bijou: Heke
Ok, I didn't touch every topic, but it was a nice go.