Disclaimer: I don't own any of the ham hams or fanfic titles in this fic. The only way to do so is to go back in time before the first book was first written and claim it for my own.
Authors note: Since I'm not sure if Cheerleader Bijou got this or not, here is a formal apology edited into the last chapter:
"I've changed it so it doesn't say you went to the football game Cheerleader Bijou. I'm sorry if the idea of you cheerleading a football game offended you. I don't see how I called you a boy, but just in case I find it in the mere future, I'm sorry for that too."
As for Pahminafan, I'm sorry if you were offended by the idea of fanning Pashmina.
A Very Hamtaro Satire
By Flash_fox
Chapter 8: The Producers
(It's morning, Foxy walks down the stairs and jumps when she sees a fat fox cooking breakfast.)
Foxy: Woah!
Fat fox: It's me! Your Uncle Buck!
Foxy: I have an Uncle?
LFF: I didn't know either.
Lord Shorty: (Give an I dunno sign)
Uncle Buck: Good morning everyone! (Presents giant pancakes) Wait till you see the toast, I couldn't even get it through the door!
(Meanwhile at Hamtaro's house…)
(It is 4:00 Am. Laura and Hamtaro are sound asleep when they wake to the 5-foot tall alarm clock standing in the corner of the room.)
Laura: (Crawls out of bed) I've got to get a new alarm clock.
(Laura changes into her work cloths and leaves. Hamtaro wakes)
Hamtaro: Ugh… we have the musical today don't we? If you said yes, you're talking to the computer haha… (Gets up and walks out the giant hole in laura's wall. He Ticky Ticky Tickys on The Hot Tin Roof. Hamtaro slides down the drainpipe and lands on Brandy. He tickies off.)
(Later when Hamtaro reaches the clubhouse…)
(The hamhams are buzzing with excitement.)
Boss: In honor of our first musical, I present you the Clubhouse Rock! (Places a Opal rock on the floor.)
Bijou: Aquamarine would be better.
Boss: Aquamarine it is! (Picks up Opal and runs off.)
Stan: Hey Pashmina baby, where have you been all my life?
Sandy: Stan!
Stan: Oops, I Flirted Again. Oh well, I still have my skateboard! (Skateboards away)
Sandy: (Sigh)
FF: So I was at my best friend's wedding when he screamed out "I have to many people at My Big Fat Slobobian Wedding!" So to calm him down, I told him The Weirdest Hamtaro Love Story Ever! Hey Rurouni Hamtaro!
Hamtaro: It's Hamtaro!
FF: Whatever. How about instead of a musical, we can have a Ham Ham Tournament!
Everyone: Nah
FF: You did in the burnfist fic… Oh well.
LB: Hey Maxwell, I have a question.
Maxwell: Yes LB?
LB: What Do HamHams and Their Owner Dream About?
Maxwell: …Wha?
LB: You don't know?
Maxwell: I'm not psychic.
LB: You're a fraud!
Sandy: Watch it LB!
LB: Ok, I'll let this one go, but I'm Watching You…
Maxwell: Can we get to the musical please!
FF: Right. I'm thinking of doing a musical version of Romax and Sandiet.
Everyone: Nah
FF: What's wrong with it?
Dexter: the ZeroX guy would sew.
Howdy: We would be Jailhouse Hams!
FF: Oh… Well maybe we can use this idea. The ham hams go to Britain in an all out comic adventure! We can call it Welcome to Britain!
Everyone: Nah…
FF: how about we do A Really Funny Hamtaro Parody.
Pashmina: I think that's been done already…
LB: Butterflies! (Runs into picture of butterflies, fall flat on his face.)
Maxwell: (Looks at LB) Fate of the Fallen…
FF: Oh! We can do a musical about nothing!
Everyone: Nothing?
Cappy: I dunno about that idea…
FF: Well it's my decision!
(Meanwhile at the walnut farm…)
(Mr. Yoshi yells out who got what parts.)
Mr. Yoshi: And the lead part goes to… Laura!
Laura: Yes!
Mr.Yoshi: Now I send the names to… wait a second… Kylie…
Kylie: Yes Mr. Yoshi?
Mr. Yoshi: Your last name isn't on here. What is your last name?
Kylie: I don't have a last name.
Mr. Yoshi: What?!?
Kylie: It's kinda like Shar.
Laura: I can't believe I made the starring roll!
Kana: It's just a cat Laura…
Laura: Cats are cool, one tried to eat my hamster once.
Kana: That's so cool!
(A little bit later at the clubhouse…)
(FF is directing everyone)
LB: (Walks up to Oxnard.) Hey Oxnard
Oxnard: Yes?
LB: You remember at the audition earlier? Well you remember the box of sunflower seeds? When you left from the audition, the box was gone and I was wonder if you…
Oxnard: What auditions?
LB: …good point…
FF: Ok everyone! Let's get this over with! We have 5 hours till the musical contest so let's get this on! (Turns on music from the movie Rocky)
(At the contest since I'm running out of ideas to do on the rehearsals…)
(Everyone is seated)
Host guy: Because of an incident with a toaster, only two musicals will be showing tonight.
FF: Told you rigging that toaster was a good idea.
The ham hams: Ssssh!
Host guy: The two producing groups are Yoshi Walnut Production Plant and FF is Super Cool Ham Ham Opera Service. Now let's start with the Yoshi one with their musical Cats: The Baxter Story.
(All actors position them selves on stage.)
(Phone rings)
Kid who sits half asleep behind Laura in class that doesn't exist in this chapter: Umm… maybe we should get that…
Kylie: No!!! Might be your wife!
Kid who sits half asleep behind Laura in class that doesn't exist in this chapter: (Picks up phone) Hello?
Laura: Meow
Kid who sits half asleep behind Laura in class that doesn't exist in this chapter: It's Baxter!
Laura: (Meows to the Meow Mix song)
Kid who sits half asleep behind Laura in class that doesn't exist in this chapter: (When Laura is done) It's Baxter!
(Crowd goes wild.)
FF: That's ganna be a tough one to beat…
Host guy: Next is that FF thing with… their musical thingy…
(The Ham hams position themselves on stage; they stand there for one minute singing the Row Row Row Your Boat. Then they Bow and leave. Crowd goes wild.)
FF: Told you a musical about nothing would work.
Host guy: ok, time to announce the winner. Envelope please. (They give him the envelope. Opens it.) Congratulations, you may have already won a million dollars… Wahoo! I'm rich! (Runs off leap for joy.)
(Later when FF and LB returns home…)
FF: (Walks through door) I'm home!
LFF: (Runs up to FF and gives him a big hug.)
(Turns into an emotional scene. LB walks in and takes off his hat to the sight of the scene.)
FF: Everything is going to be ok from now on.
(The sound of pots and pans falling breaks the silence.)
FF: What was that?
LFF: That's Uncle Buck
FF: You don't have an uncle Buck…
LFF: What?
FF: And that sounds like the pots I keep $200 in.
(Noise of window breaking and car driving off is heard.)
LFF: Awww man… I can't believe I fell for that…
FF: (hugs LFF) It's ok, everything will be all right now.
LFF: FF…
FF: (Stops hugging) sorry…
(Meanwhile in Laura's room…)
Laura: (Writes in journal) I competed in a musical contest.
Hamtaro: I know
Laura: Because of reasons unknown to me, I never got to see my opponent, wonder what they are like.
Hamtaro: That was us and if it weren't for that cheap writing ploy I would of won!
Laura: Well we sure had fun today and I bet we'll have more fun tomorrow don't you think little guy?
Hamtaro: Hekay?
FF: Cut cut!
Hamtaro: What is it now?
FF: it's Heke not Hekay
Laura: How many times do we have to do this scene?
FF: Ok, everyone take 5!
Laura: I'll be in my trailer. (Stomps off)
It's sad that after 9 days this is the best I can come up with… sigh… Well login in next time for Episode 9: The Magic Hambus! See ya then!