Thought it was over? Think again…
Please review, it's much appreciated
Thanks!
~JOEY~
-The Hours After-
Chapter 13
I just can't take this anymore. I feel trapped and suffocated by the sterility of this hospital. It's like the outside world doesn't exist anymore. I'm stuck in my own little personal world - a bubble, some may call it. There could have been a world war out there for all I know and wouldn't have heard about it. There is nothing I wouldn't give for two minutes of fresh air. That's all I'm asking for - two minutes in the sun. Hell, I'd even take two minutes in the rain. Anything is better than this.
I was moved into my own room today. I thought it would be nice, having some privacy, or as I refer to it, hospital freedom. But instead, I find myself even more bored than I was before. Eighty percent of the time, I'm alone. Occasionally a nurse or doctor stops by, but generally speaking, I'm all by myself. I feel needy, and it bugs the crap out of me.
I'm feeling so much better than I was a few days ago, but they don't seem to agree with me. Today I asked when I would be able to go home, and the smart-ass nurse replied, "You can sign out now, for all I care."
I knew she was joking because she couldn't hide her smile, but it still bothers me that she didn't give me an answer. If she had any idea when I'd be able to leave, she would have told me. I figure in a couple more days, if I keep progressing like I have been, I should be able to go home. I swear, the second I can eat, I'm out of here.
I think they said something about trying out solid foods again. I'm kind of nervous about the whole thing. What is it that they have to try out? I mean, as far as I'm concerned, I put it in my mouth, chew and swallow. I don't quite see how that can backfire. Maybe they're not telling me something... or maybe this freakin' hospital has made me paranoid. Yeah, that's probably it.
I'm tapping my fingers on the bar at my bedside when I hear my name being called out joyfully, Bosssco!"
I look up to see Davis enter my room, followed by Faith and Sully.
I can't help but give a small smile. Not necessarily because they came to visit, but I'm just SO DAMNED bored right now, I would kill for any kind of company.
"Look at you, getting promoted to your own private room!" Faith says while admiring my new establishment.
"Please Faith, I would rather be out in the hall. At least there's some action out there."
"A little bored are you there, Bos?" Faith replies with her eyebrows raised.
I nod, "You have NO idea," I answer while playing with the plastic bracelet that has been fastened to my wrist through the entire ordeal. "I'm just excited to eat 'food' again soon. I've had enough of this intravenous crap."
Sully chimes in with his typically sarcastic comment of the day, "It's an exciting day, Bosco. You get your own room and a hospital feast. What more could you possibly ask for?"
"I could ask that you not be here so I actually get a chance to eat my own food," I reply just as quickly. I must be feeling better, the wisecracks are again flowing freely.
"No, that's okay, Bosco. I'm thinking of having a nice juicy steak tonight. Medium-rare, with mash potatoes on the side. Mmmmm, that sounds good..." Sully closes his eyes while rubbing his stomach with one hand.
My mouth is salivating but at the same time, my stomach is turning. Maybe this whole eating thing is going to be a bit of an event than I thought it would.
"You okay, Bos?"
I snap back to reality at Faith's concerned comment.
"You just went a little pale there."
I nod and try my best to take as deep a breath as my lungs will allow, my voice comes out barely above a whisper, "Yeah... I'm fine. Just thinking about how much I want out of this hell-hole."
"Now now, that's no way to talk about my place of employment," I look over to see a nurse coming towards me, juggling a few charts in her hands.
I shake my head and sigh, but end up coughing painfully a few times. The nurse frowns while setting down the stack of charts on a nearby table, waiting for my coughing fit to end.
"You're not sounding too good officer. How do you feel."
I hate that, I was doing great and she just happens to come in at my worst moment. At this rate, I'm never going to get out of here. I clear my throat in an attempt to regain my voice before answering her, "No, I feel okay. Really," I try to sound as convincing as possible.
She skeptically raises her eyebrows, "Okay," she sighs, "If you say so. But don't be putting on this tough guy act. If you don't feel well, you let someone know. Understood?"
I nod and feel ashamed at how she's made me feel like I'm in kindergarten in front of my colleagues.
I hear Faith stifle a laugh. I don't even bother to shoot her a 'shut-up' glance. I actually want to scream out loud. I lift my head and stare blindly into the space in front of me.
Faith stops laughing, "Bos, you really ok?" she asks in a soft voice.
I shake my head and avert her glance, "Just frustrated."
She just nods, sensing my discouragement.
"Look, we've gotta go check on the status of s perp downstairs. Just wanted to see how you were doing, Bosco. Glad you're feeling better."
"Thanks," I reply to Sully, as he ushers Davis out of the room in front of him.
Faith makes her way over to me and sits on the edge of my bed. For the moment, nothing is spoken. We both wait for the other to make a comment, but the silence drags on for an awkward period of time.
Finally, Faith clears her throat, "You know, Bos, you're gonna get out of here."
I just nod and keep my eyes fixed on the window across the room.
She makes a point of turning my chin towards her with her finger and widens her eyes, "You will."
I have no choice but to look at her now. She doesn't appear to be making any attempt to move. I glare back at her, long and hard.
I just want out of here. I want my health, my strength, my friends, my family. And although before I came here, I wasn't so sure I had some of those things, I realize I must have, because I miss them. I want to scream, cry, throw things and hit something really hard… but I can't. I'm stuck in this god damned hospital until someone else decides it's okay for me to leave. Like I said earlier, as soon as I can eat real food, I'm out of here. I don't care if I have to sign out AMA. I'll do it. Otherwise, I'll lose my mind.
My eyes tear up at the pure frustration associated with my thoughts. I immediately close them to prevent the tears from falling as well as to avoid Faith's gaze.
I feel Faith's finger pull away from my chin. God, I wish she would just go away. I hate this more than words.
"Bosco…" she take a moment before finishing her thought, "It's going to be okay."
My eyes shoot open, my frustration has turned into rage. I HATE being told that. I was told that about ten minutes before overhearing that I was going to die. I don't want to hear anymore bullshit. I'm sick of it all.
"YOU don't know that. NO ONE KNOWS THAT," I scream as loud as my lungs will allow. "Do you see that?" I ask, my voice cracking, as I point towards the window. "I DON'T even REMEMBER what THAT'S like. I JUST WANT OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOSPITAL. Doesn't ANYONE understand that?" I yell as I rip the IV needle out of my arm and whip it across the room as hard as I can. I immediately start coughing as a result of the excessive screaming. My chest burns and I can taste the blood merging into my mouth from my throat.
Faith is standing up, a shocked expression in her eyes. She glances over her right and then left shoulder to see if there are any doctors, nurses or any sort of witnesses to what I have just done. When she realizes that there is no one around, she moves towards me cautiously.
I'm not crying, but the violent sting from the coughing has caused tears to fill my eyes. Due to the distortion from the liquid, I can barely make out Faith's form as she approaches my bed.
I clutch my stomach in pain and tilt forward when the coughing fails to cease as it usually does. My face is increasingly getting hotter and I can feel the sweat forming all over my rigidly-tense body.
The next thing I know, a doctor is pressing an oxygen mask onto my face and encouraging me to breathe slowly. A feel a nurse pressing something soft against the hole in my arm that used to occupy an IV needle. Finally, after several minutes, the coughing slows to a stop, and I take a few shaky, relieved breaths.
My head is tilted back with my eyes closed, but I can still tell Faith's eyes are on me. Chalk it up to years of experience, I guess.
"What the hell happened?" the doctor sounds more curious than pissed.
I open my mouth to respond to him and am cut off by Faith, "I said something he didn't want to hear and he lost his temper a bit… Don't worry, it's not out of character. If anything, I think it's good news."
Was she antagonizing me? By the look that was on her face, I would have guessed no, but after hearing what she said to the doc, I gotta think otherwise.
"Well, try not to get him so wound-up, please?"
I crack my eyes open to see Faith nod and then wink at me. She's unreal.
The doctor bugs me for a few more minutes while the nurse sets up a new IV, then after a stern warning, they both gather their belongings and leave the room.
The whole tantrum took a lot out of me, and I've closed my eyes again in exhaustion.
"You know, Bosco, you aren't going to get out of here any faster by pulling crap like that."
I don't bother responding to her. I hate it when she tells me stuff I already know.
After a few moments of silence, I quietly ask, "How are you feeling, Faith?"
She shrugs while answering, "Good. Not great, but good. I was lucky - if you want to call it that."
I nod again before catching a glimpse of the blood that has stained my bed sheet because I decided to take out my frustrations on an IV. Faith follows my eyes, "I'll have a nurse get you a new sheet. I gotta go, Bos," she says while grabbing her purse, "You sure you're gonna be okay?"
I give her a small nod of reassurance, not wanting to talk too much for fear of another coughing outburst.
"Okay, then. You have fun eating whatever it is they plan on giving you later. I'm sure it will be a meal fit for a king."
She smiles sympathetically before she turns to walk out the door.
Once Faith has left, I glance around to see that there are doctors in my general area, and pull out my IV again - this time gently, making sure I don't tear open any more wounds. I flip my sheet off of my body, and gingerly swing my legs over onto one side.
If I recall correctly, they usually leave your clothes under the bed… I wonder if they left mine around after it looked like I would be here forever. With my hands supporting myself on the bar of my bed, I slide down, lowering my feet to the floor, and then move to stand up slowly. Even at the reduced speed, all the blood drains from my head, causing my vision to go spotty. I close my eyes and tilt my head forward, realizing it's been over a week and a half since I've been on my feet.
Eventually, the dizziness fades and I open my eyes to resume my search for my clothes. I crouch down slowly, my muscles are so stiff, I feel like I'm 90 years old. I blindly reach under the bed and feel my hand brush across fabric. I grasp the articles and pull them out, relieved to see that I have indeed found my clothes. As quickly as I can, which isn't very fast, I dress myself.
I freeze when I hear footsteps. I tense as they approach and then relax when they pass by the door. For God's sake, I'm a grown man, I should be able to get up and leave whenever I want. What am I so afraid of?
I toss the hospital gown onto my empty bed and pat my back pocket with one hand and my jacket pocket with the other to make sure my wallet and keys are still there.
I take one last look around before I turn to leave. Satisfied that I haven't left anything behind, I turn and slowly make my way into the hall.
TBC.
Please review, it's much appreciated
Thanks!
~JOEY~
-The Hours After-
Chapter 13
I just can't take this anymore. I feel trapped and suffocated by the sterility of this hospital. It's like the outside world doesn't exist anymore. I'm stuck in my own little personal world - a bubble, some may call it. There could have been a world war out there for all I know and wouldn't have heard about it. There is nothing I wouldn't give for two minutes of fresh air. That's all I'm asking for - two minutes in the sun. Hell, I'd even take two minutes in the rain. Anything is better than this.
I was moved into my own room today. I thought it would be nice, having some privacy, or as I refer to it, hospital freedom. But instead, I find myself even more bored than I was before. Eighty percent of the time, I'm alone. Occasionally a nurse or doctor stops by, but generally speaking, I'm all by myself. I feel needy, and it bugs the crap out of me.
I'm feeling so much better than I was a few days ago, but they don't seem to agree with me. Today I asked when I would be able to go home, and the smart-ass nurse replied, "You can sign out now, for all I care."
I knew she was joking because she couldn't hide her smile, but it still bothers me that she didn't give me an answer. If she had any idea when I'd be able to leave, she would have told me. I figure in a couple more days, if I keep progressing like I have been, I should be able to go home. I swear, the second I can eat, I'm out of here.
I think they said something about trying out solid foods again. I'm kind of nervous about the whole thing. What is it that they have to try out? I mean, as far as I'm concerned, I put it in my mouth, chew and swallow. I don't quite see how that can backfire. Maybe they're not telling me something... or maybe this freakin' hospital has made me paranoid. Yeah, that's probably it.
I'm tapping my fingers on the bar at my bedside when I hear my name being called out joyfully, Bosssco!"
I look up to see Davis enter my room, followed by Faith and Sully.
I can't help but give a small smile. Not necessarily because they came to visit, but I'm just SO DAMNED bored right now, I would kill for any kind of company.
"Look at you, getting promoted to your own private room!" Faith says while admiring my new establishment.
"Please Faith, I would rather be out in the hall. At least there's some action out there."
"A little bored are you there, Bos?" Faith replies with her eyebrows raised.
I nod, "You have NO idea," I answer while playing with the plastic bracelet that has been fastened to my wrist through the entire ordeal. "I'm just excited to eat 'food' again soon. I've had enough of this intravenous crap."
Sully chimes in with his typically sarcastic comment of the day, "It's an exciting day, Bosco. You get your own room and a hospital feast. What more could you possibly ask for?"
"I could ask that you not be here so I actually get a chance to eat my own food," I reply just as quickly. I must be feeling better, the wisecracks are again flowing freely.
"No, that's okay, Bosco. I'm thinking of having a nice juicy steak tonight. Medium-rare, with mash potatoes on the side. Mmmmm, that sounds good..." Sully closes his eyes while rubbing his stomach with one hand.
My mouth is salivating but at the same time, my stomach is turning. Maybe this whole eating thing is going to be a bit of an event than I thought it would.
"You okay, Bos?"
I snap back to reality at Faith's concerned comment.
"You just went a little pale there."
I nod and try my best to take as deep a breath as my lungs will allow, my voice comes out barely above a whisper, "Yeah... I'm fine. Just thinking about how much I want out of this hell-hole."
"Now now, that's no way to talk about my place of employment," I look over to see a nurse coming towards me, juggling a few charts in her hands.
I shake my head and sigh, but end up coughing painfully a few times. The nurse frowns while setting down the stack of charts on a nearby table, waiting for my coughing fit to end.
"You're not sounding too good officer. How do you feel."
I hate that, I was doing great and she just happens to come in at my worst moment. At this rate, I'm never going to get out of here. I clear my throat in an attempt to regain my voice before answering her, "No, I feel okay. Really," I try to sound as convincing as possible.
She skeptically raises her eyebrows, "Okay," she sighs, "If you say so. But don't be putting on this tough guy act. If you don't feel well, you let someone know. Understood?"
I nod and feel ashamed at how she's made me feel like I'm in kindergarten in front of my colleagues.
I hear Faith stifle a laugh. I don't even bother to shoot her a 'shut-up' glance. I actually want to scream out loud. I lift my head and stare blindly into the space in front of me.
Faith stops laughing, "Bos, you really ok?" she asks in a soft voice.
I shake my head and avert her glance, "Just frustrated."
She just nods, sensing my discouragement.
"Look, we've gotta go check on the status of s perp downstairs. Just wanted to see how you were doing, Bosco. Glad you're feeling better."
"Thanks," I reply to Sully, as he ushers Davis out of the room in front of him.
Faith makes her way over to me and sits on the edge of my bed. For the moment, nothing is spoken. We both wait for the other to make a comment, but the silence drags on for an awkward period of time.
Finally, Faith clears her throat, "You know, Bos, you're gonna get out of here."
I just nod and keep my eyes fixed on the window across the room.
She makes a point of turning my chin towards her with her finger and widens her eyes, "You will."
I have no choice but to look at her now. She doesn't appear to be making any attempt to move. I glare back at her, long and hard.
I just want out of here. I want my health, my strength, my friends, my family. And although before I came here, I wasn't so sure I had some of those things, I realize I must have, because I miss them. I want to scream, cry, throw things and hit something really hard… but I can't. I'm stuck in this god damned hospital until someone else decides it's okay for me to leave. Like I said earlier, as soon as I can eat real food, I'm out of here. I don't care if I have to sign out AMA. I'll do it. Otherwise, I'll lose my mind.
My eyes tear up at the pure frustration associated with my thoughts. I immediately close them to prevent the tears from falling as well as to avoid Faith's gaze.
I feel Faith's finger pull away from my chin. God, I wish she would just go away. I hate this more than words.
"Bosco…" she take a moment before finishing her thought, "It's going to be okay."
My eyes shoot open, my frustration has turned into rage. I HATE being told that. I was told that about ten minutes before overhearing that I was going to die. I don't want to hear anymore bullshit. I'm sick of it all.
"YOU don't know that. NO ONE KNOWS THAT," I scream as loud as my lungs will allow. "Do you see that?" I ask, my voice cracking, as I point towards the window. "I DON'T even REMEMBER what THAT'S like. I JUST WANT OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOSPITAL. Doesn't ANYONE understand that?" I yell as I rip the IV needle out of my arm and whip it across the room as hard as I can. I immediately start coughing as a result of the excessive screaming. My chest burns and I can taste the blood merging into my mouth from my throat.
Faith is standing up, a shocked expression in her eyes. She glances over her right and then left shoulder to see if there are any doctors, nurses or any sort of witnesses to what I have just done. When she realizes that there is no one around, she moves towards me cautiously.
I'm not crying, but the violent sting from the coughing has caused tears to fill my eyes. Due to the distortion from the liquid, I can barely make out Faith's form as she approaches my bed.
I clutch my stomach in pain and tilt forward when the coughing fails to cease as it usually does. My face is increasingly getting hotter and I can feel the sweat forming all over my rigidly-tense body.
The next thing I know, a doctor is pressing an oxygen mask onto my face and encouraging me to breathe slowly. A feel a nurse pressing something soft against the hole in my arm that used to occupy an IV needle. Finally, after several minutes, the coughing slows to a stop, and I take a few shaky, relieved breaths.
My head is tilted back with my eyes closed, but I can still tell Faith's eyes are on me. Chalk it up to years of experience, I guess.
"What the hell happened?" the doctor sounds more curious than pissed.
I open my mouth to respond to him and am cut off by Faith, "I said something he didn't want to hear and he lost his temper a bit… Don't worry, it's not out of character. If anything, I think it's good news."
Was she antagonizing me? By the look that was on her face, I would have guessed no, but after hearing what she said to the doc, I gotta think otherwise.
"Well, try not to get him so wound-up, please?"
I crack my eyes open to see Faith nod and then wink at me. She's unreal.
The doctor bugs me for a few more minutes while the nurse sets up a new IV, then after a stern warning, they both gather their belongings and leave the room.
The whole tantrum took a lot out of me, and I've closed my eyes again in exhaustion.
"You know, Bosco, you aren't going to get out of here any faster by pulling crap like that."
I don't bother responding to her. I hate it when she tells me stuff I already know.
After a few moments of silence, I quietly ask, "How are you feeling, Faith?"
She shrugs while answering, "Good. Not great, but good. I was lucky - if you want to call it that."
I nod again before catching a glimpse of the blood that has stained my bed sheet because I decided to take out my frustrations on an IV. Faith follows my eyes, "I'll have a nurse get you a new sheet. I gotta go, Bos," she says while grabbing her purse, "You sure you're gonna be okay?"
I give her a small nod of reassurance, not wanting to talk too much for fear of another coughing outburst.
"Okay, then. You have fun eating whatever it is they plan on giving you later. I'm sure it will be a meal fit for a king."
She smiles sympathetically before she turns to walk out the door.
Once Faith has left, I glance around to see that there are doctors in my general area, and pull out my IV again - this time gently, making sure I don't tear open any more wounds. I flip my sheet off of my body, and gingerly swing my legs over onto one side.
If I recall correctly, they usually leave your clothes under the bed… I wonder if they left mine around after it looked like I would be here forever. With my hands supporting myself on the bar of my bed, I slide down, lowering my feet to the floor, and then move to stand up slowly. Even at the reduced speed, all the blood drains from my head, causing my vision to go spotty. I close my eyes and tilt my head forward, realizing it's been over a week and a half since I've been on my feet.
Eventually, the dizziness fades and I open my eyes to resume my search for my clothes. I crouch down slowly, my muscles are so stiff, I feel like I'm 90 years old. I blindly reach under the bed and feel my hand brush across fabric. I grasp the articles and pull them out, relieved to see that I have indeed found my clothes. As quickly as I can, which isn't very fast, I dress myself.
I freeze when I hear footsteps. I tense as they approach and then relax when they pass by the door. For God's sake, I'm a grown man, I should be able to get up and leave whenever I want. What am I so afraid of?
I toss the hospital gown onto my empty bed and pat my back pocket with one hand and my jacket pocket with the other to make sure my wallet and keys are still there.
I take one last look around before I turn to leave. Satisfied that I haven't left anything behind, I turn and slowly make my way into the hall.
TBC.