In Which Everything that Can Go Wrong, Goes Wrong

(Or In Which We Wreak Havoc In Middle-earth)

by Mako-Shadows

Disclaimer- We still don't own Middle-earth. Not for lack of trying though.

Chapter Two: Getting to the Gates of Moria

~*~*~*~

Last time.

"We must take the Pass of Caradhras."

~*~*~*~

And so despite Mako and Gauntlet trying to convince Gandalf that spies really wouldn't announce their presence like crebain had.

A few hours earlier.

"Really Gandalf, I don't think they were spies." Mako said.

"They were spies." Gandalf insisted.

"Oh, well if Gandalf says a flock of birds are spies, then they must be." Gauntlet said sarcastically. "I mean someone as wise as a senile old wizard, must know what a spy really is."

"Why Gauntlet, I believe you're right. Those birds simply have to be spies because Gandalf said they were. So Gandalf those are spies because you said so, right?"

Gandalf nodded.

Present Time

They were walking towards a mountain that looked like it had been bathed in blood at the beginning of time and probably a bit more recently. Gauntlet and Mako were walking in the back, sulking because they still didn't think that a flock of birds spied on them for Saruman. As they got closer to the mountain Mako began to get jittery as she realised that they really were going to have to climb it. She was just a bit hesitant when it came to heights. Gauntlet on the other hand loved them and always enjoyed walking closer to the edge then Mako thought healthy.

~*~*~*~

"Shit, Mako, I just realised something." Gauntlet cursed, while they took a rest before climbing Caradhras.

"What?" Mako asked.

"I'm missing my flying lessons. How my supposed to get my wings now that we're stuck here?" She complained.

"Get your wings?" Frodo asked. "What's that?"

"When I learn how to fly I get my wings." Gauntlet explained.

"Your kind can fly?" Boromir asked looking at them strangely.

"No, of course not, we don't have wings!" Gauntlet said.

"But you just said-" Pippin said.

"I know what I just said. I don't really grow wings when I learn to fly. It's just a term we use. I'm learning how to fly a machine, an iron bird. Sort of." Gauntlet explained.

"Oh. What do you do on your world?" Merry asked.

"Well I'm a student, and Gauntlet is a student too, but she's also in the reserves." Mako said.

"You world allows females in the military?" Boromir asked incredulously.

"Yes." Gauntlet snapped.

"For someone in the military, you have no discipline." Boromir noted.

Gauntlet for some reason was looking highly insulted. "I'm not wearing my uniform. In uniform I'm disciplined and a damn good soldier."

Boromir looked sceptical. Gauntlet went rigid and looked him in the eye daring him to look away first. Mako sighed and thought this is why our friends call her Gauntlet Challenge. This battle of wills went on for some time and eventually Boromir looked away. Gauntlet smirked, looking incredibly arrogant and prideful.

"Let's go Gandalf. We should get this done with." Mako suggested.

~*~*~*~

They had walked up a bit of the mountain when Frodo decided to fall back down it. Aragorn helped him to his feet and then they realised that he didn't have the Ring anymore. Not that that was a problem in Mako's eyes, so long as her sister didn't pick it up. Lucky for Gauntlet, Boromir picked it up. The Fellowship tensed, excluding Gauntlet who was oblivious to what was happening as she was busy making a snowman, since they had stopped and all.

"Boromir." Aragorn said his hand reaching towards his hilt.

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing. Such a little thing." Boromir said softly.

"Boromir! Give the Ring to Frodo." Aragorn ordered, half pulling his sword out.

"As you wish. I care not." Boromir said handing Frodo the Ring and tousling his hair. The air was still filled with tension until...

"Hey, Lego, Mako! Look at my snowman." Gauntlet demanded. Legolas and Mako rolled their eyes and obediently looked at the snowman.

~*~*~*~

They set off once more up Caradhras. Going up the mountain wasn't to tough until it started to snow... heavily. Gauntlet enjoyed the snow and didn't seem to mind one bit that it was slippery when she went right close to the edge of the path to look at the sharp rocks down below. Mako watched her sister walk along the edge like a tightrope walker and sighed. The way she acted made Mako wonder if she was the older sister and someone had just switched their birthdays. It would explain a lot.

"Get away from the edge, Gauntlet." Aragorn ordered. "You will fall."

"No, I won't. Lady Luck loves me." She said and went on walking ignoring Aragorn. Mako was going to say something but Legolas beat her to it. He walked up to Gauntlet and grabbed her ear and dragged her away from the edge.

"That wasn't very elf-like you know." She told Legolas.

"That wasn't very adult-like you know." He retorted mimicking her.

"Oh, grow up Legolas. Live a little. Have some fun." Gauntlet said. Legolas blinked.

"What was that?" Boromir asked.

"It was an oxymoron." Gauntlet replied.

"It was a moron alright." Boromir muttered.

Gauntlet didn't respond instead she calmly bent down and picked up some snow, rolled it into a ball and threw it at Boromir. It missed of course and hit Gimli. Gauntlet was an expert shot with guns, laser tag, darts and everything else like that including Frisbees. But when it came to throwing something round the closest she ever came to hitting her target was three and a quarter inches, and the target was two feet across and three feet high. Gimli blinked the snow from his eyes and glared at Gauntlet, Gauntlet didn't notice since the dwarf's eyes were usually squinted. Merry and Pippin on the other hand had decided that Gauntlet's snowball was lonely and wanted company, so they let lose some snowballs, both hitting Gauntlet. And so the snowball war went on. Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Mako, and Gauntlet pelting each other with snowballs and sometimes missing and hitting Gimli, or the Big Folk. (It was mostly Gauntlet who missed.)

Unfortunately their game was brought to an abrupt end when each one of them had an ear pulled. Boromir grabbed Merry and Pippin by the ear, Aragorn grabbed Frodo and Sam, and Legolas grabbed Gauntlet and Mako.

"I swear you take a sadistic pleasure in twisting people's ears Lego." Gauntlet complained trying to pull Legolas' hand away from her ear. Not the brightest thing to do.

Gandalf then started to lecture them on the importance of behaving, it was enough to put someone asleep. As Mako learned judging from the snores coming from beside her. She glanced over and sure enough Gauntlet was sleeping, while the rest of the delinquents including herself just had their eyes glazed over. Gandalf finally finished and they continued up Caradhras. Walking silence mostly because half of the fellowship was sulking.

~*~*~*~

"I hear a fell voice on the air." Legolas said.

"What's a fell voice?" Gauntlet asked.

"It's Saruman." Gandalf shouted.

"Him. Again." Mako said. "Why doesn't he get a hobby."

"I think this is his hobby." Gauntlet shouted.

The Fellowship jumps back as they are narrowly missed by an avalanche.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain! Gandalf, we must turn back!" Aragorn shouted.

Mako sighed and was about mention that shouting does cause avalanches when Gauntlet beat her to the punch.

"Tch! Shouting causes avalanches, dear fellows. Not wind." Gauntlet smirked not humbled in the least by the avalanche nearly missing them. Gandalf shouted no and then some words in the wonderful language of gibberish. Then the wind said some gibberish and lightning struck the mountain. Gauntlet sighed and wished she wasn't standing on the edge when the snow hit them. The group dug themselves out of the snow. Even Gauntlet and Mako gaped thinking that Lady Luck did indeed look out for her sister.

"We must get off the mountain! Make for the Gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!" Boromir shouted.

"The Gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard!" Aragorn shouted.

"Why don't we want to go there?" Gauntlet tilting her head to one side.

"Saruman lives in Isengard." Mako said knocking her sister upside the head.

"We cannot pass over the mountain. Let us go under it. Let us go through the mines of Moria." Gimli suggested.

"Let the Ring-bearer decide." Gandalf said.

"Hey that's not fair!" Gauntlet complained. "I don't think you've told us everything. You're letting him make an uninformed decision." She finished making it sound like the worst thing a person could do.

Mako sighed, in her sister's mind that could quite possibly be the worst thing in the world.

"We cannot stay here! This will be the death of the Hobbits." Boromir shouted.

"Frodo?" Gandalf asked grimly.

"We will go through the mines." He said.

~*~*~*~

And so the Fellowship turned and went back down the mountain. That night they set up camp in a grove of trees. Mako decided that she was going to find out what exactly what it was that her sister wanted to trade the Ring for. So while they were eating dinner around the campfire Mako decided to ask the question she figured everyone wanted the answer to.

"Gauntlet what exactly was it that you were going to trade the Ring for?" Mako asked.

Gauntlet shrugged before answering. "A glass of orange juice."

A couple of loud thuds were heard as just about everyone besides Gauntlet fainted in light of her answer. After they were revived and Gandalf was just about to start lecturing, Gauntlet interrupted.

"What I was thirsty." She said, obviously not finding anything wrong with what she had tried to do. Mako gave a long suffering sigh as she glanced at her companions. Legolas' hands were again twitching as he tried to control the urge to wring her sisters' neck. Aragorn and Boromir were sharpening their swords very obviously. Gimli was flabbergasted. And the Hobbits were just staring incredulously until Pippin broke the silence.

"Yeah, a glass of orange juice sounds good right about now." He said. Frodo began to back slowly away from Pippin and Gauntlet.

~*~*~*~

The next morning the started off once more towards the Mines of Moria. It took them awhile to get there since Gandalf got them lost a few times. Mako was getting more and more worried about going through some very extensive mines with someone whose memory was obviously going. She was just about to raise this concern of hers when they arrived at the mines.

"The walls of Moria." Gimli said reverently.

"Wow! Looks like a mountainside to me!" Gauntlet said sarcastically.

Gimli ignored her 'gracious' comments. "Dwarf doors are invisible when closed."

"Yes, Gimli, their own masters cannot find them if their secrets are forgotten." Gandalf told them.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Legolas asked. Gauntlet snickered and Mako sighed trying not to join her sister.

As far as Gauntlet was concerned Gandalf was just talking to himself when suddenly a door appeared. Well actually it looked more like a drawing of a door than an actual door. Gauntlet thought Gandalf was really smart and all but sometimes she wondered. I mean some of the things he told her just weren't scientifically possible. He didn't honestly expect her to believe that even if they were real dragons, they could fly, especially if they were encrusted with jewels as armour. Did he? Not that it mattered much to her, she'd just do what she always did. Believe when she saw it. Seeing a dragon sounded like fun, and she wondered what it would do if she poked it. She still remembered the beaver poking incident. Not to mention the ant poking incident. Not that she learned anything from it.

"Well, let's see. Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight. It reads, 'The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.' " Gandalf explained.

"What do you suppose that means?" Merry asked.

"Oh, it's quite simple. If you are a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open. Annon Edhellen edro hi ammen! (Gate of the Elves open now for me!)" Gandalf said.

Right... That's why the doors aren't opening. Gauntlet thought.

"Nothing's happening." Pippin said tugging on Legolas' sleeve.

"I once knew every spell in all the tongues of Elves, Men and Orcs." Gandalf said.

Key word. Once. Gauntlet thought.

"What are you going to do, then?" Pippin asked.

"Knock you head against these doors, Peregrin Took! And if that does not shatter them and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words." Gandalf snarled.

Sure, blame your senility on the Hobbit.

"Don't worry Pip, the only foolish questions are the ones left unasked." Gauntlet said.

Mako looked at her 'dearest' sister. Was that supposed to be comforting? One minute her sister was the way she was when they were younger and the next she reverted back to the cynical, caustic person she'd become after seeing the 'real world'.

Gauntlet looked around and saw that her sister was watching Merry and Pippin throw rocks. Aragorn and Sam were getting rid of the pony, err... Rather letting it go. She didn't really care, she didn't trust the pony, as it kept trying to kick her. Gauntlet was sure Sam put the pony up to it, all because she wanted a glass of orange juice. Why couldn't she have lied about what she was willing trade millions of peoples lives for?

Gauntlet watched as Aragorn walked up to the Hobbits and told them not to disturb the water. Shouldn't he have said that before they threw stones? Whatever was in the water was probably already awake after having some stones drop into its' living room. Like the talking frog from the Enchanted Forest books.

"Oh, it's useless." Gandalf said slumping down in defeat.

"It's a riddle. "Speak 'friend' and enter." What's the Elvish word for "friend"?" Frodo asked.

"Mellon" Gandalf said. Then a crack appeared and soon the doors opened into a dark cavern of pitch black unknown.

Real welcoming.

~*~*~*~

AN- WOW! An update! Don't worry I'll try to be faster next time, and if I ain't feel free to e-mail demanding another chapter. Next story I will be updating is Merry's Birthday. Either later tonight or early tomorrow.

For the record I am keeping my sister and my personalities very close to our real ones. Mako really does get jittery at heights above three feet up a ladder. And I am joining to reserves this summer, and never look away first when someone challenges me.