Disclaimer: Tolkien the book-writing Genius owns all. Well except my plot,
but as for that I'm sure he's rolling in his grave, just like my grandpa
does every time I go bowling.
Author's Notes: more reviews! Woohoo!! And 2 people added me to their favorite author's lists!!!!! YAY!!! YOU GUYS ROCK!! Also I'd love to thank all the people who reviewed individually, but there's too many people and I'm too lazy. *sighs* however I appreciate all your comments and try to improve my writing each time with your help! But since I need lots of improving... you should probably keep reviewing. =)
Legolas: Is it just me, or is everybody getting sick of your insane notes and the way they drag on forever?
Duo: Hey buddy shuttup! This is the only time I'm mentioned!! *looks sad and pitiful*
Emerald: Legolas...dear... muses inspire, they do not trash the way authors do things.
Duo: They don't? Since when?
Legolas: Could we please move on to the story featuring ME? *sticks tongue out at Duo*
Duo: YOU'RE SO MEAN! *sobs*
Chapter 4
~flashback~ (that was not mentioned before hand but suddenly became important so is mentioned now)
Legolas and Arwen were sitting together outside talking. Legolas sighs. "Arwen, how is it that both of our fathers have been gay for years, and nobody suspects them.. well at least not my father..but I've been totally straight for years and everybody suspects me!?" Arwen looked at Legolas for a minute thoughtfully. "Well, one part is because you're just too damn pretty and sexy. Also, though you've had lots of women nobody ever knows about it. Except me, Aragorn, and Beleglion of course. And as for why nobody suspected our fathers: both of them have been married and had children. Obviously if they have a child they have no qualms about sleeping with a woman." "Yah, I guess you're right Arwen." Here Arwen pointedly stared at Legolas for a moment, until it finally sunk into his head. "And you're a genius!" he suddenly exclaimed before giving her a hug and rushing off.
~end flashback~ (three guesses on why it was important)
All throughout Rivendell a notice was being delivered. However only the females were being gifted with the notice, and they were also being warned not to tell a soul about them. Arwen was sitting outside in her garden, reading her notice and laughing, when Aragorn rushed up. "Did you get one? Were they delivered?" Aragorn asked as soon as he had breath to talk, for he had been running looking for her for some time. "Yes, did you help Legolas write them?" Arwen asked with an amused expression on her face. "Of course! Haldir helped too, he's hoping that if we prove Legolas isn't gay everyone will think Haldir isn't too." Arwen laughed. "Poor Haldir, always being assumed as Legolas' lover, just like you." Aragorn glared at her before asking, "Let me see the notice! I didn't get to see the end result." Arwen unrolled the parchment, which read as follows:
________________________________________________________________________
LADIES!
Ever found yourself desiring that hot, sexy elf Legolas? Afraid there was no hope what with his apparent attraction to men? Well good news! Not only is this gorgeous sex God straight, but he's offering himself to you for one whole night! That's right, this Friday night, come line up at his chamber for one whole hour of bliss! The only requirement is that if you end up pregnant, you must be willing to surrender the baby to Legolas, or at least agree to raise the child together. If you are willing to meet this, you're entitled to one hour of heaven! Legolas is looking forward to seeing you this Friday night!
________________________________________________________________________
Both Aragorn and Arwen cracked up laughing again. Finally Arwen managed to say in between laughs, "Who wrote most of that, Legolas or Haldir? And what part did you put in?" Aragorn tried to calm down enough to answer. "Well I put in the last two sentences, and Legolas put in the requirement, and Haldir did the rest." Arwen started laughing all over again. "Haldir! Haldir put the hot, sexy elf, and gorgeous sex God?!? I never would of thought!! Where does he get his inspiration?" she said, tears falling from her eyes because of laughing too hard the entire time. Aragorn turned a very nice shade of green before answering. "Do we really want to know about his inspiration?"
Legolas was walking around Rivendell thoughtfully. He had nothing to do until Friday night, when his plan would be put in action. Though he could always go put slugs in the twins beds for still attempting to "court" him... but some random idiot would probably find out and say it was his way of flirting. 'Curses! There goes all my fun for the next 200 years' he thought. At that moment Haldir walked up.
"Legolas! Have you seen the notices? They turned out quite well." He said with a smirk on his face. Legolas blushed.
"Yes I did, and I can't believe what you put on there about me!" Haldir shrugged.
"Hey I just asked some maiden to give me some words to describe you, and that's what she said." Legolas lifted his eyebrow.
"Is that true?" he asked while Haldir nodded enthusiastically. Then Legolas stared off into the sky, a frown visible upon his fine features.
"Do you think it will work Haldir? Do you think people will finally accept the fact that I'm straight when I have a wee child of my own?" Haldir looked thoughtfully at Legolas for a few moments, intending to give his true feelings on the subject and needing to sort them out. Eventually he cleared his throat so Legolas would turn to look at him.
"I think that most will believe it, though a few stubborn people will hold on to the theory that you're inclined towards males. But even if they do, we will be ready to come up with plan after plan, until there is no doubt about your sexual preference. I have sworn to do this, as has Aragorn." A bright smile lit up Legolas' face.
"You are my true friend Haldir." And smiling the two elves embraced, sharing a brief brotherly hug. From behind them they suddenly heard a shriek. Whirling around the two found a small group of elves, apparently walking around the grounds to make use of the fine weather. All were standing with mouths wide open and looked rather faint.
"So it is true!" one exclaimed. "Lord Haldir is your lover, Prince Legolas" They quickly jumped five feet apart. "NO!" they shouted together.
"I was just... congratulating lord Haldir on his new betrothed." Legolas managed to quickly reply.
"Indeed, and I had just asked the prince if he would do me the honor of being my best elf." Haldir concurred. The other elves looked at them suspiciously before moving on. Legolas and Haldir looked at each other before heading off, each afraid that this would not do anything to help quell the rumors flying around at the moment.
And they were justly afraid, for that night at dinner Aragorn overheard many new whisperings of the pair being caught in an intimate embrace. He hurried over to Legolas, believing that it would be wise for him to know what was being said. When he found the golden haired prince, he was chatting up some young maiden. Seeing the panic in Aragorn's eyes, Legolas quickly made an excuse and went to question him. After hearing the news, Legolas dropped to his seat dejectedly.
"I'm just never going to win at this, am I?" he said with a sigh. Aragorn wanted to say some words of comfort or make a small gesture of friendship in the hopes of consoling him, but was afraid new rumors would start about them too. Arwen walked up to them and seeing Legolas looking so glum quickly got the scope from Aragorn. She grabbed Legolas' arm and pulled him out to dance.
"Worry not, my dear friend-brother." She whispered to him as they danced. "Your plan will work on Friday, and when the people see your child they will finally know your heart. Be patient until that day." She continued to whisper helpful advice until the dance ended. Legolas then went back and found the girl he had been talking to earlier and danced with her for awhile. He hoped that his affection for young, beautiful maidens would be enough to soothe his spirits. He particularly liked this young girl, named Lostsulëwen. She was pale and had long black hair and light green eyes. They danced and talked and drank all evening, and when finally he made to retire for the night she came with him. As they were walking towards his chamber a few elves spotted them.
"Ah, the prince fancies a girl now? Who would have known he actually went for females." The first said, shocked.
"Of course he doesn't!" the next exclaimed. "He just likes to switch every few nights from one sex to another, mix things up a bit."
"Oh!" a third one replied. "Doesn't that sound fine." Then they all looked at each other and laughed.
Emerald: Well I'm thinking one more funny chapter, then a short follow up that is more serious. And as for Haldir suddenly having a more important role, I had to give him one after what happened in the movie!!
Legolas: *looks at her suspiciously* you don't like him more than me, do you?
Emerald: Of course not!!
Duo: Uh huh.. Anyways, I'm just 'sposed to add this... A special thanks goes to Urylia, who not only reviewed this story but went and read Emerald's poem too. Not too many people are insane enough to read her poetry.
Emerald: *smacks Duo on the head* I resent that! And yes thank you very much! My poor poem is finally getting some love! And Draco Malfoys Girl, the only other person to read and review, tons of thanks to you too!!!
Legolas: WARNING. None of you should now be tempted to read this poem.. You will be horribly scarred for the rest of your life!
Emerald: *pouts*
Duo: You could go read the stories with me in them though! *smiles angelically*
Author's Notes: more reviews! Woohoo!! And 2 people added me to their favorite author's lists!!!!! YAY!!! YOU GUYS ROCK!! Also I'd love to thank all the people who reviewed individually, but there's too many people and I'm too lazy. *sighs* however I appreciate all your comments and try to improve my writing each time with your help! But since I need lots of improving... you should probably keep reviewing. =)
Legolas: Is it just me, or is everybody getting sick of your insane notes and the way they drag on forever?
Duo: Hey buddy shuttup! This is the only time I'm mentioned!! *looks sad and pitiful*
Emerald: Legolas...dear... muses inspire, they do not trash the way authors do things.
Duo: They don't? Since when?
Legolas: Could we please move on to the story featuring ME? *sticks tongue out at Duo*
Duo: YOU'RE SO MEAN! *sobs*
Chapter 4
~flashback~ (that was not mentioned before hand but suddenly became important so is mentioned now)
Legolas and Arwen were sitting together outside talking. Legolas sighs. "Arwen, how is it that both of our fathers have been gay for years, and nobody suspects them.. well at least not my father..but I've been totally straight for years and everybody suspects me!?" Arwen looked at Legolas for a minute thoughtfully. "Well, one part is because you're just too damn pretty and sexy. Also, though you've had lots of women nobody ever knows about it. Except me, Aragorn, and Beleglion of course. And as for why nobody suspected our fathers: both of them have been married and had children. Obviously if they have a child they have no qualms about sleeping with a woman." "Yah, I guess you're right Arwen." Here Arwen pointedly stared at Legolas for a moment, until it finally sunk into his head. "And you're a genius!" he suddenly exclaimed before giving her a hug and rushing off.
~end flashback~ (three guesses on why it was important)
All throughout Rivendell a notice was being delivered. However only the females were being gifted with the notice, and they were also being warned not to tell a soul about them. Arwen was sitting outside in her garden, reading her notice and laughing, when Aragorn rushed up. "Did you get one? Were they delivered?" Aragorn asked as soon as he had breath to talk, for he had been running looking for her for some time. "Yes, did you help Legolas write them?" Arwen asked with an amused expression on her face. "Of course! Haldir helped too, he's hoping that if we prove Legolas isn't gay everyone will think Haldir isn't too." Arwen laughed. "Poor Haldir, always being assumed as Legolas' lover, just like you." Aragorn glared at her before asking, "Let me see the notice! I didn't get to see the end result." Arwen unrolled the parchment, which read as follows:
________________________________________________________________________
LADIES!
Ever found yourself desiring that hot, sexy elf Legolas? Afraid there was no hope what with his apparent attraction to men? Well good news! Not only is this gorgeous sex God straight, but he's offering himself to you for one whole night! That's right, this Friday night, come line up at his chamber for one whole hour of bliss! The only requirement is that if you end up pregnant, you must be willing to surrender the baby to Legolas, or at least agree to raise the child together. If you are willing to meet this, you're entitled to one hour of heaven! Legolas is looking forward to seeing you this Friday night!
________________________________________________________________________
Both Aragorn and Arwen cracked up laughing again. Finally Arwen managed to say in between laughs, "Who wrote most of that, Legolas or Haldir? And what part did you put in?" Aragorn tried to calm down enough to answer. "Well I put in the last two sentences, and Legolas put in the requirement, and Haldir did the rest." Arwen started laughing all over again. "Haldir! Haldir put the hot, sexy elf, and gorgeous sex God?!? I never would of thought!! Where does he get his inspiration?" she said, tears falling from her eyes because of laughing too hard the entire time. Aragorn turned a very nice shade of green before answering. "Do we really want to know about his inspiration?"
Legolas was walking around Rivendell thoughtfully. He had nothing to do until Friday night, when his plan would be put in action. Though he could always go put slugs in the twins beds for still attempting to "court" him... but some random idiot would probably find out and say it was his way of flirting. 'Curses! There goes all my fun for the next 200 years' he thought. At that moment Haldir walked up.
"Legolas! Have you seen the notices? They turned out quite well." He said with a smirk on his face. Legolas blushed.
"Yes I did, and I can't believe what you put on there about me!" Haldir shrugged.
"Hey I just asked some maiden to give me some words to describe you, and that's what she said." Legolas lifted his eyebrow.
"Is that true?" he asked while Haldir nodded enthusiastically. Then Legolas stared off into the sky, a frown visible upon his fine features.
"Do you think it will work Haldir? Do you think people will finally accept the fact that I'm straight when I have a wee child of my own?" Haldir looked thoughtfully at Legolas for a few moments, intending to give his true feelings on the subject and needing to sort them out. Eventually he cleared his throat so Legolas would turn to look at him.
"I think that most will believe it, though a few stubborn people will hold on to the theory that you're inclined towards males. But even if they do, we will be ready to come up with plan after plan, until there is no doubt about your sexual preference. I have sworn to do this, as has Aragorn." A bright smile lit up Legolas' face.
"You are my true friend Haldir." And smiling the two elves embraced, sharing a brief brotherly hug. From behind them they suddenly heard a shriek. Whirling around the two found a small group of elves, apparently walking around the grounds to make use of the fine weather. All were standing with mouths wide open and looked rather faint.
"So it is true!" one exclaimed. "Lord Haldir is your lover, Prince Legolas" They quickly jumped five feet apart. "NO!" they shouted together.
"I was just... congratulating lord Haldir on his new betrothed." Legolas managed to quickly reply.
"Indeed, and I had just asked the prince if he would do me the honor of being my best elf." Haldir concurred. The other elves looked at them suspiciously before moving on. Legolas and Haldir looked at each other before heading off, each afraid that this would not do anything to help quell the rumors flying around at the moment.
And they were justly afraid, for that night at dinner Aragorn overheard many new whisperings of the pair being caught in an intimate embrace. He hurried over to Legolas, believing that it would be wise for him to know what was being said. When he found the golden haired prince, he was chatting up some young maiden. Seeing the panic in Aragorn's eyes, Legolas quickly made an excuse and went to question him. After hearing the news, Legolas dropped to his seat dejectedly.
"I'm just never going to win at this, am I?" he said with a sigh. Aragorn wanted to say some words of comfort or make a small gesture of friendship in the hopes of consoling him, but was afraid new rumors would start about them too. Arwen walked up to them and seeing Legolas looking so glum quickly got the scope from Aragorn. She grabbed Legolas' arm and pulled him out to dance.
"Worry not, my dear friend-brother." She whispered to him as they danced. "Your plan will work on Friday, and when the people see your child they will finally know your heart. Be patient until that day." She continued to whisper helpful advice until the dance ended. Legolas then went back and found the girl he had been talking to earlier and danced with her for awhile. He hoped that his affection for young, beautiful maidens would be enough to soothe his spirits. He particularly liked this young girl, named Lostsulëwen. She was pale and had long black hair and light green eyes. They danced and talked and drank all evening, and when finally he made to retire for the night she came with him. As they were walking towards his chamber a few elves spotted them.
"Ah, the prince fancies a girl now? Who would have known he actually went for females." The first said, shocked.
"Of course he doesn't!" the next exclaimed. "He just likes to switch every few nights from one sex to another, mix things up a bit."
"Oh!" a third one replied. "Doesn't that sound fine." Then they all looked at each other and laughed.
Emerald: Well I'm thinking one more funny chapter, then a short follow up that is more serious. And as for Haldir suddenly having a more important role, I had to give him one after what happened in the movie!!
Legolas: *looks at her suspiciously* you don't like him more than me, do you?
Emerald: Of course not!!
Duo: Uh huh.. Anyways, I'm just 'sposed to add this... A special thanks goes to Urylia, who not only reviewed this story but went and read Emerald's poem too. Not too many people are insane enough to read her poetry.
Emerald: *smacks Duo on the head* I resent that! And yes thank you very much! My poor poem is finally getting some love! And Draco Malfoys Girl, the only other person to read and review, tons of thanks to you too!!!
Legolas: WARNING. None of you should now be tempted to read this poem.. You will be horribly scarred for the rest of your life!
Emerald: *pouts*
Duo: You could go read the stories with me in them though! *smiles angelically*