Author's Note: This takes place in the hours after "Aftershock", of course.
It's not going to end the same way. Be warned, I am not exactly sane, and
the people who helped me come up with some of the ideas are even less sane.
Usually I would end the Author's Note with a little idea of where I got the
story idea from, but for this.. . Well, I truly do not know where the heck
it came from.
Disclaimer: I do not hate Abbie Carmichael. I do not even dislike her. I like her a lot actually. But, I decided that she would have to be the one made fun of here ^.^ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Claire woke up. Well, it sure seemed like she woke up, but now she wasn't so sure. Everything was so bright and colorful, and it was hurting her eyes. She looked around and saw a little dog lying down next to her. She also saw her old Honda on top of some woman with striped tights. "What the hell?" she said to herself. The little dog next to her barked in response. "I guess we're not in Kansas anymore, huh? At least I don't have to wear the little blue outfit, and so far there has been no singing."
Suddenly, Serena Southerlyn flew down in a pink dress. "Hello, I am the good witch of the north. Technically, I don't come on this show until 5 years from now, but no one else would wear this dress," she paused and smiled a huge, very fake smile. "Anyway, now that you killed the evil witch of the east, you need these slippers." She pointed her wand at Claire's feet, and red slippers appeared there.
"Umm, do you possibly have another color? Red doesn't really go with the outfit," Claire said, looking down at the shoes. They were very bright red. It was awfully irritating.
"Back to the point. you've saved the ferrets!" Serena started, as the ferrets began singing "Ding-dong the Witch is Dead", in a very nice baritone.
"Wait, ferrets? I thought they were supposed to be munchkins," Claire said. "Besides, can't I just click my heels now because I already know that I am going to find the wizard but he won't help, then I will find out that I had the power to return home all along?"
"No, because then you will get blinked into oblivion. You are in a coma, Claire! Sheesh, haven't you been listening? You got in a car crash!" Serena said, pointing at the Honda.
Claire looked shocked. "But, but, but how will I come back? I want to go back home!" "Toto" barked.
Then, the ferrets started singing, "Follow the Purple Planked Path", instead, of course, of the yellow brick road, which Claire was quick to point out.
"Just GO! You must see the DA of Hogan Place!" Serena said, very irritated. Then, as Serena stood with her hands on her hips tapping her shoe, a poof of smoke came and Abbie Carmichael emerged. "Gasps!" Serena exclaimed.
"Um, I think you were supposed to gasp, not say gasp," Claire whispered to her.
"But, it says, 'Serena: gasps' right in the script!" Serena protested.
"No, no, you see, it says, 'Serena gasps', not 'Serena' colon 'gasps'," Claire pointed out.
Abbie cleared her throat. She did not like being ignored. "I am the wicked witch of the west!" she cackled. "I've come to steal Jack from you! If you come back to consciousness, I'll have absolutely no chance with Jack! If it weren't for you, Jack would have slept with me in a heartbeat! Therefore, I must prevent you from reaching the DA's office again."
"But, I love him! He would never go with you anyway, he's mine!" Claire said.
"I steal him yet! Besides, those are nice shoes," Abbie said, disappearing is a puff of smoke.
"Wait a minute, you forgot 'I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!' You didn't finish!" Claire exclaimed. When she realized that Abbie had disappeared, she gave up and started walking on the purple path or whatever the hell those ferrets had called it. She was walking along when she saw a fork in the road. "Shit, where do I go now?"
"Right over here," a voice said. Claire thought she recognized the voice, but of course, it wasn't possible that he would be here. She looked up from the road and saw Mike Logan.
"Detective Logan, why the hell are you wearing that ridiculous costume?" Claire said, irritated.
"I don't know, it's your coma," Logan said, bitterly. "Now, I think we should go that way."
"Excuse me? We? Who said you were coming along?" Claire said.
"Hey, you are the one who is so adamant about sticking to the original story. You can't just kick the scarecrow out of the story, now can you?" Logan grinned. Claire grumbled bitterly. They continued on the purple planked path until they came to a forest.
"Look, the apples!" Claire said. She was about to walk over to them when one of the trees looked over at her in disgust.
"I thought we went over this already, missy! Don't pick the apples!" the tree said. "Now, I am going to throw them at you, and we can skip the fight part." He threw some apples at Claire, and she, true to form, chased them. She stood up and saw a very, very familiar face.
"Jack! What are you doing here?" Claire exclaimed happily. "I thought I was going to have to be stuck with him this whole coma!" She pointed at Logan. Logan grumbled.
Then, suddenly, Abbie once again appeared. She cackled (she very much enjoyed all of this cackling), and perched herself on a roof. She liked the flying part too. This wicked witch thing was a lot more fun than she thought it would be. "Jack! What a pleasant surprise!" she cackled.
"Wait a minute. I know. No wait, actually, I don't. Who are you?" Jack said. He looked at Claire quizzically to see if she knew something.
She looked at him and shrugged. "From what I understand, she will be your assistant in a couple of years should I not wake up from this coma. She's in love with you, but you would not sleep with her because, of course, you were still mourning over me." She grinned triumphantly. "So, now she's out to get rid of me so all that won't happen."
"Yes! And I will succeed to! I will prevent you from coming out of your coma," Abbie said. She lost her footing on the roof and slipped a little, but caught herself.
"Isn't that a little," Logan finally spoke up, "mean?"
"Of course it is! I'm the friggin' wicked witch!" Abbie said, very angrily. She swooped down and grabbed Jack's arm. Of course, Claire wasn't just going to let that happen, so she grabbed his other arm. Jack, meanwhile, was trying to inconspicuously lean over to Claire's side without Abbie noticing, because, frankly, Abbie scared him.
"Oh, fine," Abbie began. "But don't think you've seen the last of me!" She let go of Jack's arm (much to the relief of both Jack and Claire) and flew off.
Will Claire make it to the DA's office? Will Abbie succeed in stealing Jack? Who's going to be the cowardly lion? What the hell was I thinking? All this (except maybe the last one) will be answered in the next chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not hate Abbie Carmichael. I do not even dislike her. I like her a lot actually. But, I decided that she would have to be the one made fun of here ^.^ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Claire woke up. Well, it sure seemed like she woke up, but now she wasn't so sure. Everything was so bright and colorful, and it was hurting her eyes. She looked around and saw a little dog lying down next to her. She also saw her old Honda on top of some woman with striped tights. "What the hell?" she said to herself. The little dog next to her barked in response. "I guess we're not in Kansas anymore, huh? At least I don't have to wear the little blue outfit, and so far there has been no singing."
Suddenly, Serena Southerlyn flew down in a pink dress. "Hello, I am the good witch of the north. Technically, I don't come on this show until 5 years from now, but no one else would wear this dress," she paused and smiled a huge, very fake smile. "Anyway, now that you killed the evil witch of the east, you need these slippers." She pointed her wand at Claire's feet, and red slippers appeared there.
"Umm, do you possibly have another color? Red doesn't really go with the outfit," Claire said, looking down at the shoes. They were very bright red. It was awfully irritating.
"Back to the point. you've saved the ferrets!" Serena started, as the ferrets began singing "Ding-dong the Witch is Dead", in a very nice baritone.
"Wait, ferrets? I thought they were supposed to be munchkins," Claire said. "Besides, can't I just click my heels now because I already know that I am going to find the wizard but he won't help, then I will find out that I had the power to return home all along?"
"No, because then you will get blinked into oblivion. You are in a coma, Claire! Sheesh, haven't you been listening? You got in a car crash!" Serena said, pointing at the Honda.
Claire looked shocked. "But, but, but how will I come back? I want to go back home!" "Toto" barked.
Then, the ferrets started singing, "Follow the Purple Planked Path", instead, of course, of the yellow brick road, which Claire was quick to point out.
"Just GO! You must see the DA of Hogan Place!" Serena said, very irritated. Then, as Serena stood with her hands on her hips tapping her shoe, a poof of smoke came and Abbie Carmichael emerged. "Gasps!" Serena exclaimed.
"Um, I think you were supposed to gasp, not say gasp," Claire whispered to her.
"But, it says, 'Serena: gasps' right in the script!" Serena protested.
"No, no, you see, it says, 'Serena gasps', not 'Serena' colon 'gasps'," Claire pointed out.
Abbie cleared her throat. She did not like being ignored. "I am the wicked witch of the west!" she cackled. "I've come to steal Jack from you! If you come back to consciousness, I'll have absolutely no chance with Jack! If it weren't for you, Jack would have slept with me in a heartbeat! Therefore, I must prevent you from reaching the DA's office again."
"But, I love him! He would never go with you anyway, he's mine!" Claire said.
"I steal him yet! Besides, those are nice shoes," Abbie said, disappearing is a puff of smoke.
"Wait a minute, you forgot 'I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!' You didn't finish!" Claire exclaimed. When she realized that Abbie had disappeared, she gave up and started walking on the purple path or whatever the hell those ferrets had called it. She was walking along when she saw a fork in the road. "Shit, where do I go now?"
"Right over here," a voice said. Claire thought she recognized the voice, but of course, it wasn't possible that he would be here. She looked up from the road and saw Mike Logan.
"Detective Logan, why the hell are you wearing that ridiculous costume?" Claire said, irritated.
"I don't know, it's your coma," Logan said, bitterly. "Now, I think we should go that way."
"Excuse me? We? Who said you were coming along?" Claire said.
"Hey, you are the one who is so adamant about sticking to the original story. You can't just kick the scarecrow out of the story, now can you?" Logan grinned. Claire grumbled bitterly. They continued on the purple planked path until they came to a forest.
"Look, the apples!" Claire said. She was about to walk over to them when one of the trees looked over at her in disgust.
"I thought we went over this already, missy! Don't pick the apples!" the tree said. "Now, I am going to throw them at you, and we can skip the fight part." He threw some apples at Claire, and she, true to form, chased them. She stood up and saw a very, very familiar face.
"Jack! What are you doing here?" Claire exclaimed happily. "I thought I was going to have to be stuck with him this whole coma!" She pointed at Logan. Logan grumbled.
Then, suddenly, Abbie once again appeared. She cackled (she very much enjoyed all of this cackling), and perched herself on a roof. She liked the flying part too. This wicked witch thing was a lot more fun than she thought it would be. "Jack! What a pleasant surprise!" she cackled.
"Wait a minute. I know. No wait, actually, I don't. Who are you?" Jack said. He looked at Claire quizzically to see if she knew something.
She looked at him and shrugged. "From what I understand, she will be your assistant in a couple of years should I not wake up from this coma. She's in love with you, but you would not sleep with her because, of course, you were still mourning over me." She grinned triumphantly. "So, now she's out to get rid of me so all that won't happen."
"Yes! And I will succeed to! I will prevent you from coming out of your coma," Abbie said. She lost her footing on the roof and slipped a little, but caught herself.
"Isn't that a little," Logan finally spoke up, "mean?"
"Of course it is! I'm the friggin' wicked witch!" Abbie said, very angrily. She swooped down and grabbed Jack's arm. Of course, Claire wasn't just going to let that happen, so she grabbed his other arm. Jack, meanwhile, was trying to inconspicuously lean over to Claire's side without Abbie noticing, because, frankly, Abbie scared him.
"Oh, fine," Abbie began. "But don't think you've seen the last of me!" She let go of Jack's arm (much to the relief of both Jack and Claire) and flew off.
Will Claire make it to the DA's office? Will Abbie succeed in stealing Jack? Who's going to be the cowardly lion? What the hell was I thinking? All this (except maybe the last one) will be answered in the next chapter!