Author's Note: Yeah, the chapter title is from the Lord of the Rings… This whole chapter just screamed LotR to me, so I had to give credit where credit is due.
~~~
"Rey, this is really horrible. Your plan was supposed work!" Abbie yelled, as Rey cowered away in fear. Rey wished desperately to run away very quickly, but all those defense attorneys frightened him.
"Umm… Abbie, I am sure the defense attorneys will take care of them," Rey said uneasily, hoping Abbie would calm down.
"Oh, I just don't know. I mean, the defense attorneys only go so far, and Jack's probably slept with half of them," Abbie put her head down in her hand and sighed. "Oh well," Abbie whimpered, "send them anyway." She half-heartedly gestured with her hand.
Rey walked down to where the defense attorneys (with wings! Oh yes) were sitting, waiting for orders. Incidentally, all of Jack's exes were there. Probably because this was Claire's dream and all. "Ummm, okay everyone, Abbie said, well, she said, okay, just attack all them if they come okay?" Rey said uneasily, quickly turning to walk away.
"Wait a minute," one of them said. Rey groaned to himself and turned around. "Why are we attacking them again?"
Rey uneasily turned around and looked at Danielle Melnick. "Because… well, I don't really know, OK!" Rey said defensively. "Abbie said so, and since she kidnapped me I sort of have to do what she says."
Many of the attorneys just shrugged their shoulders. Some of them looked at Rey strangely. But, no one protested, so Rey went away rather quickly, repeating to himself under his breath, "I don't like lawyers, I don't like lawyers…"
~~~
Nothing much had changed in the lives of our heroes (that, my friends, comes from way too much Pokemon), as Claire was still ranting, Serena was still prodding, and the rest were still following around confused. Mike had explained where they were going to Lennie, who now at least could somewhat understand Claire's ranting.
"Umm… Claire, it won't be that bad, really. I mean, I know he didn't do what the blond over here said he would, but he might yet if we do this," Jack continued, trying unsuccessfully to calm Claire down.
"Maybe we don't have to melt her," Mike said. "Maybe she would get over you and not want to kidnap you if she, say, met a younger hot tempered Irish man, like, say, me?" Serena harrumphed.
"Somehow I don't think that would work. She seems pretty dead set on Jack, besides, that really didn't happen in the movie. Then again, a lot of this stuff didn't," Claire said, looking specifically at Lennie and Serena.
"I think I should try anyway. You know, not for any personal gain or anything," Mike said, attempting to be serious. He was trying really, really hard.
Claire was fed up. She was simply fed up with everyone talking, and having to do this, and pretty much everything else. She was tired of being in a coma, really, she reminded herself, none of this was real. She sighed, and ran up ahead, "Fine, since all of you figments of my imagination don't seem to know how to get rid of OTHER figments of my imagination, I'll just have to do this myself!"
Jack looked around, not quite sure what to do, but not really wanting to stay with all the rest of the people, ran up next to her. "Claire, you didn't have to run away like that. They look really confused."
"Jack, none of this is real. You aren't really real. Although, if I have to hang around with fake people, it might as well be fake you rather than fake them," Claire said, still pacing rather quickly ahead, although allowing Jack to catch up. "I don't understand any of this anyway. I'm either going to wake up, or I will stay in a coma forever, or I will die. Nothing I can do here can change any of that, but I still feel like I need to work through this all."
"Well, maybe you needed to work this out in your head anyway, and this just happened to come along and give you a chance to work things out, and it's really just your own stubborn head that is keeping you here until you do," Jack said.
Claire stopped walking and flipped around to face him. "Work what out?" she said, very accusingly. She wasn't in the mood for an argument, especially with a fake Jack after many weeks of arguing with the real thing, but she seemed to always step into these traps. Toto barked, in a most random manner.
"What? Oh come on Claire, you know. Us!" Jack said, "We've both been all in a huff about the Scott case, and it's been bringing us apart. You are even considering quitting! Now, do you think I would just let you leave me?"
This was irritating. She shouldn't let this go on, arguing with herself. "I wasn't leaving you, I was leaving the job. How did you know about that anyway?" she said, looking down. She really was doing this, arguing with herself.
"Remember? I'm in your head… you know, therefore I know. But I am sure he - I mean I – is extremely upset right now, and you ought to be done with this all this coma stuff and get back there. Whatever you do about the job, you have to fix the me situation first."
"You know, that doesn't sound like you at all," Claire observed.
"Hey, you can't blame me, I'm in your head. It's not my fault that you can't do a proper characterization of your own boyfriend and boss that you've spent the last two years with," Jack said, in a sort of a huff.
"Well, maybe it wasn't a characterization problem, maybe I just wanted to hear you say it! You know, I could make you say whatever I wanted now, because this is my head, so to hell with characterization!" she said, basically summing up this whole fanfiction. "Anyway, we should probably get going. I would hate for them to get to Abbie's castle before we do… I don't know if I would be more afraid for Abbie or them." She reached for his hand and they continued to walk along the road
~~~
In the meantime, the rest of our heroes seemed to have gotten themselves lost. They forgot the whole, "Follow the purple planked path," business.
"Wait, we can do fine without her! And Jack too, we don't need them stinking lawyers," Mike said.
"Hey," Serena said, slightly hurt. "What about me? I'm a lawyer…"
"Oh, not you of course," Mike smiled, anxious to correct his mistakes. "Those lawyers. Not you."
"Oh, good. Well, I'm supposed to get you all to Abbie's castle. This is a complete change of plot, and I'm very confused. So, I say we should just go. Claire said she was going to take care of this herself, which means she is headed there. So, we must go too."
"But… I don't really want to," Lennie said, not exactly whining but effectively serving the same purpose.
"We have to anyway… It's our only real purpose here," Serena said. "We aren't really effective entities on our own, we are part of a dream."
"I think I'm more important than some character in a dream. I'm my own being!" Mike protested.
"No, you aren't," Ben said, finally speaking up after moping over his ridiculous costume for practically the whole chapter. "The castle is over there. We were never lost. I still hate this costume." So, they wandered off in search of the castle, still not sure what to do but continuing on anyways.
Author's note: I got almost serious there for awhile… but then I returned in true completely bizarre form. The next chapter will be the last one, I solemnly promise.
~~~
"Rey, this is really horrible. Your plan was supposed work!" Abbie yelled, as Rey cowered away in fear. Rey wished desperately to run away very quickly, but all those defense attorneys frightened him.
"Umm… Abbie, I am sure the defense attorneys will take care of them," Rey said uneasily, hoping Abbie would calm down.
"Oh, I just don't know. I mean, the defense attorneys only go so far, and Jack's probably slept with half of them," Abbie put her head down in her hand and sighed. "Oh well," Abbie whimpered, "send them anyway." She half-heartedly gestured with her hand.
Rey walked down to where the defense attorneys (with wings! Oh yes) were sitting, waiting for orders. Incidentally, all of Jack's exes were there. Probably because this was Claire's dream and all. "Ummm, okay everyone, Abbie said, well, she said, okay, just attack all them if they come okay?" Rey said uneasily, quickly turning to walk away.
"Wait a minute," one of them said. Rey groaned to himself and turned around. "Why are we attacking them again?"
Rey uneasily turned around and looked at Danielle Melnick. "Because… well, I don't really know, OK!" Rey said defensively. "Abbie said so, and since she kidnapped me I sort of have to do what she says."
Many of the attorneys just shrugged their shoulders. Some of them looked at Rey strangely. But, no one protested, so Rey went away rather quickly, repeating to himself under his breath, "I don't like lawyers, I don't like lawyers…"
~~~
Nothing much had changed in the lives of our heroes (that, my friends, comes from way too much Pokemon), as Claire was still ranting, Serena was still prodding, and the rest were still following around confused. Mike had explained where they were going to Lennie, who now at least could somewhat understand Claire's ranting.
"Umm… Claire, it won't be that bad, really. I mean, I know he didn't do what the blond over here said he would, but he might yet if we do this," Jack continued, trying unsuccessfully to calm Claire down.
"Maybe we don't have to melt her," Mike said. "Maybe she would get over you and not want to kidnap you if she, say, met a younger hot tempered Irish man, like, say, me?" Serena harrumphed.
"Somehow I don't think that would work. She seems pretty dead set on Jack, besides, that really didn't happen in the movie. Then again, a lot of this stuff didn't," Claire said, looking specifically at Lennie and Serena.
"I think I should try anyway. You know, not for any personal gain or anything," Mike said, attempting to be serious. He was trying really, really hard.
Claire was fed up. She was simply fed up with everyone talking, and having to do this, and pretty much everything else. She was tired of being in a coma, really, she reminded herself, none of this was real. She sighed, and ran up ahead, "Fine, since all of you figments of my imagination don't seem to know how to get rid of OTHER figments of my imagination, I'll just have to do this myself!"
Jack looked around, not quite sure what to do, but not really wanting to stay with all the rest of the people, ran up next to her. "Claire, you didn't have to run away like that. They look really confused."
"Jack, none of this is real. You aren't really real. Although, if I have to hang around with fake people, it might as well be fake you rather than fake them," Claire said, still pacing rather quickly ahead, although allowing Jack to catch up. "I don't understand any of this anyway. I'm either going to wake up, or I will stay in a coma forever, or I will die. Nothing I can do here can change any of that, but I still feel like I need to work through this all."
"Well, maybe you needed to work this out in your head anyway, and this just happened to come along and give you a chance to work things out, and it's really just your own stubborn head that is keeping you here until you do," Jack said.
Claire stopped walking and flipped around to face him. "Work what out?" she said, very accusingly. She wasn't in the mood for an argument, especially with a fake Jack after many weeks of arguing with the real thing, but she seemed to always step into these traps. Toto barked, in a most random manner.
"What? Oh come on Claire, you know. Us!" Jack said, "We've both been all in a huff about the Scott case, and it's been bringing us apart. You are even considering quitting! Now, do you think I would just let you leave me?"
This was irritating. She shouldn't let this go on, arguing with herself. "I wasn't leaving you, I was leaving the job. How did you know about that anyway?" she said, looking down. She really was doing this, arguing with herself.
"Remember? I'm in your head… you know, therefore I know. But I am sure he - I mean I – is extremely upset right now, and you ought to be done with this all this coma stuff and get back there. Whatever you do about the job, you have to fix the me situation first."
"You know, that doesn't sound like you at all," Claire observed.
"Hey, you can't blame me, I'm in your head. It's not my fault that you can't do a proper characterization of your own boyfriend and boss that you've spent the last two years with," Jack said, in a sort of a huff.
"Well, maybe it wasn't a characterization problem, maybe I just wanted to hear you say it! You know, I could make you say whatever I wanted now, because this is my head, so to hell with characterization!" she said, basically summing up this whole fanfiction. "Anyway, we should probably get going. I would hate for them to get to Abbie's castle before we do… I don't know if I would be more afraid for Abbie or them." She reached for his hand and they continued to walk along the road
~~~
In the meantime, the rest of our heroes seemed to have gotten themselves lost. They forgot the whole, "Follow the purple planked path," business.
"Wait, we can do fine without her! And Jack too, we don't need them stinking lawyers," Mike said.
"Hey," Serena said, slightly hurt. "What about me? I'm a lawyer…"
"Oh, not you of course," Mike smiled, anxious to correct his mistakes. "Those lawyers. Not you."
"Oh, good. Well, I'm supposed to get you all to Abbie's castle. This is a complete change of plot, and I'm very confused. So, I say we should just go. Claire said she was going to take care of this herself, which means she is headed there. So, we must go too."
"But… I don't really want to," Lennie said, not exactly whining but effectively serving the same purpose.
"We have to anyway… It's our only real purpose here," Serena said. "We aren't really effective entities on our own, we are part of a dream."
"I think I'm more important than some character in a dream. I'm my own being!" Mike protested.
"No, you aren't," Ben said, finally speaking up after moping over his ridiculous costume for practically the whole chapter. "The castle is over there. We were never lost. I still hate this costume." So, they wandered off in search of the castle, still not sure what to do but continuing on anyways.
Author's note: I got almost serious there for awhile… but then I returned in true completely bizarre form. The next chapter will be the last one, I solemnly promise.