I Remember
R
A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed, you are the people who make my heart jump rope. I am delighted. I'd like to remind readers that this was set in the past, so please understand if the timelines are mixed up. The thoughts are now in bold, easier for you and I. I wanted to make this a song-collaborated chapter with the song 'Thoughtless' by Korn, but I decided against it. Enjoy it anyway.
Chapter 8: Thoughtless
Stephanie hadn't seen Chris in ages after the last incident they had, an estimated three weeks. She didn't care if three weeks was just less than a month, it just seemed long to her. They didn't make it any further than her thighs, because she didn't want problems and consequences; she was responsible, and she had a name to keep. Chris left reluctantly, and they never kept in touch since. Somehow, Stephanie wasn't quite sure how to feel about him at the moment. Things happened in time, and she and Chris couldn't keep in touch much.
"Knock-knock," a voice rose from behind the door.
"C'mon in," Stephanie replied, not looking up from her work.
"You were supposed to say 'who's there', Steph."
"…Chris! It's so nice to see you… It's been awhile."
"Yes!" he sounded quite excited. "I guess it has. He sat himself down on a chair. Stephanie thought he looked just as good without the two championship belts hanging from both his arms lazily. "Anything new?"
"Not really. Getting divorce papers ready in a couple of months."
"Good to know. That's right for me to say, right?"
Steph nodded with a smile. "Yes, it's alright."
"Gee, I've missed that." Upon his words, she looked up quizzically. "Your smile."
She could feel herself getting a bit embarrassed, but it wouldn't keep her from a retort. "I can't say the same about you," she said, "after always seeing those evil smirks on the television."
"Those weren't evil smirks!" he defended. "Oh, I heard that in the near future, they're gonna set me up with someone."
"And it concerns me because?"
"I don't know… I'm just saying." Chris was blushing profusely at this point, just by trying to get a hint of jealousy out of her. "Anyway, where were we when we spoke of our past?"
Being successful in changing the subject, Stephanie replied, "I'm not too sure."
"Ooh yeah… Nicole."
"Is it my turn or yours to tell?"
"I don't know. Let's hear from you today."
"Here goes then…"
~*~
Summer was coming close, and I couldn't wait for school to be over. However, with the turn of events affecting me in the past few months… Things got worse as they went on. That's when all hell broke loose on me, the worst –well, almost- of my adolescence was to begin.
Stephanie was at her locker, staring at the books she dumped inside blankly.
Her week was bad, very bad. She felt as if the whole world was against her. Shane had an accident while driving on the way home, Chris was worrying too much, Pryce was hung over Connor's many problems, and Nicole was all over her back. James was settled; Vince and Linda had paid for the cost of the lawyers' charges.
Steph slammed the locker door shut, out of frustration. I hate my life. She leaned her head against the door and sighed.
"My, my, haven't we got a lot to do today?"
Nicole's voice made her freeze.
"You know what to do with her guys."
Her eyes widened. Do what?!
A hand whipped her around and another guy held her against the lockers. No passer-by would dare interfere with one of the largest football quarterbacks, as he held her in his grasp. Suddenly, she thought, Where the SCREW is Chris? She handled a first blow to her face, fist connecting to bone, hard.
"You'd do anything for money, huh?" she yelled at him. "How much did that bitch pay you? A dollar? Her so called virginity?" With that, she received a slap where she had been hit. "…I'm not afraid of any of you." She managed to kick her legs forward, and luckily, it struck him where it hurt most between his legs and attempted to escape. Chris, I need you now. Unfortunately, she did not go very far, as a guy whom she only recognised as Ryan from he Swim team had caught her bag netting and pulled her back, causing her to stumble and fall. Oh shit, ran through her mind when she went down.
"You're not running that fast, missy."
"Let me, GO!" she screamed helplessly. "LET, ME, GO!"
"We can't do that," the football player, Mike Warner said, tossing her over his shoulder. "I'll be bringing you somewhere."
*
"Where the fuck are you taking me?!" Stephanie demanded to know.
"To see Nicole," Ryan replied, following behind Mike. "She's left seconds after the first punch."
She was then put down on the ground. Nicole took a little while to appear.
The basketball court.
"Hold her," she heard her arch-rival say.
Stephanie struggled her best to free herself from the strong holds of two people, another two sitting at the side to watch. However, the two holding her were too massive to defy, it seemed.
"What do you want?" Steph spat, eyes gleaming with a scheming revenge already.
"To damage your sweet little face, just like you had to mine…" she stoked Stephanie's chin with false affection, "And of course, try to claim your Chris," she added, pouting her lips.
Stephanie looked away in disgust. "Screw you, bitch."
"What was that?" Nicole said, tilting her victim's head up. She then threw a punch at the apple of her cheek. It didn't hurt that badly, but the ring she wore sure did like hell. Steph felt a knee connecting directly to her gut, and collapsed. Her hair was in locks and strands over her face, which Nicole softly pushed away. "I actually wonder what Chris sees in you. I mean, you don't even look half as good as I do."
A sharp slap hit the brunette's face, but she was unshaken. "That's because I'm not some playgirl tramp," she whispered, refusing to shed tears. "Why not you ask him yourself?"
Stephanie felt herself fading away as continuous blows were delivered. She could already taste the blood that came from her mouth (or was it her nose?), and still held back the tears of pain she felt when Nicole kicked her –really hard- in the gut.
"That's too much already," she heard Ryan's voice. Her vision was too blurred to identify the people around. "Stop it."
"Don't tell me what to do," Nicole shot back, pointing a finger at him. She turned back to an abused Stephanie. "You're lucky I don't feel like teaching you a harder lesson. Mess with me and you will face the serious consequences." With a final haughty snort, she walked away triumphantly, the boys following behind, except for Ryan.
Stephanie fell to the floor, absolutely drained of life. Chris, where are you? Where the FUCK are you?
Ryan helped her up to a sitting position.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what drove me to be part of that gang," he said. Steph harshly pulled her arm away from his touch, but simply had no energy to keep herself up, even on her knees. When she fell, the rough ground of the court grazed her skin on her elbows, and caused an abrasion on her temple.
"Get…" she started, "Go away." She took in a deep breath. "Go away."
She was chewing on her lip, rocking to and fro like she always did when she was distressed.
"I'm truly, very sorry," Ryan apologised again.
But she had lost her cool. "…I said go away. Get the fuck away from me!" With backward steps, Ryan left reluctantly. Where were you Chris? Where were you?
Then the leaves fell from the warm breeze that blew.
*
My world is coming down on me.
Stephanie wiped the blood that oozed from her still-fresh wounds she had gotten earlier. She hasn't cried yet; she was saving that for before she slept.
She was waiting for someone, anyone to come along. But soon on the inside, she felt as if no one was there for her. Chris wasn't there to protect her.
Steph threw the piece of tissue dotted with blood behind her shoulder. No one needed to know about this. Not even Chris.
"Are you doing okay?"
Ryan McDonough sat opposite from her on the table. She didn't answer.
"I understand if you won't talk to me. I'm sorry for what happened." He shifted. "I quit."
"Should I care?"
"If it makes you feel any better, they beat me up too."
Stephanie looked up at him. "…You got hurt?"
"And I have the same scars to prove it." He rolled up his long sleeves, revealing arms spotted with ugly bruises and cuts. His right forearm looked bad; a light pink could be seen, blood clearly clotting randomly on top of it. "Made me go down to the floor and kinda rubbed me all over gravel and cement," he said rather light-heartedly. She grimaced at the graphic images that formed in her head.
"Why would you want to talk to me? I'm boring, and very beaten, if you haven't noticed already," Stephanie said.
Ryan shook his head. "You're stronger than anyone I've ever seen… You spoke up for yourself and never let Nicole bring you down. It's what gave me the balls to call it quits with them in the first place. At least you're better off than I am."
You don't even know the inside story yet, she thought, but pasted a convincing smile on for him. "Thanks," she finally replied.
The bell rung shortly, which meant that she had missed a complete day of lessons. Due to the recent tragedies, the play had been cancelled, replaced by normal English lessons. They were important for the finals.
Very soon, Chris rushed to her. Ryan had departed quietly, and Chris took his place. "What happened? You missed a lot of stuff."
Steph had her head bowed down, buried in her cut arms. "I got beat up."
"WHAT?!" Chris exclaimed. "Look at me, Steph."
She lifted her head slowly. She was absolutely battered, her eyes empty.
"Tell me who did it," Chris urged gently.
"No."
"Tell me."
"No!" she shouted. "I called for you, Chris, my heart was crying out for you… But you weren't there. You promised."
Right now, she didn't have enough heart to continue speaking with her closest any longer. "Excuse me while I return home."
Her feet carried her blindly to wherever she would head to, but Ryan stepped in front of her. "Your boyfriend, I assume." He pointed to Chris with a thumb.
"Whatever," Steph replied, then remained silent. Chit chat was so useless these days.
"Has he been treating you well lately?" he asked as she continued to walk.
"I'm fine with him. He's really great and all."
"Hmm. That sounded convincing," he uttered with sarcasm.
"…Look, what I do, how I live is none of your business. If you're trying to socialise, I'm sorry that I'm making it tough for you. Maybe you can try again when I'm NOT angry and sad and when you've brushed up on those social skills."
She felt like killing herself now. What the hell was he trying to do, be another James? I've had enough. She quickly ran somewhere, anywhere, just as long as it was from away from school. Please let all of this stop. Please.
She didn't know where she was, but she passed a sign that said 'Coleman Street' and settled under a tree. She didn't care if the dirt caked on her expensive denim or if her hair was out of place. She didn't care if she had chipped nails or that the bruises and cuts still hurt. All she wanted was for everyone to just leave her alone, so she could have time to herself for some reflecting. Did she do anything to deserve this?
Then she wondered how she was able to cope with what she was experiencing so well, without breaking down mentally and being able to stay hopeful for the next day.
She took out her wallet. How much will sleeping pills and anti-depressants cost? She got up, dusting off her back pockets and tank top, and checked inside her wallet. Twenty dollars could buy you quite a bit. But Stephanie made the decision to buy pills…
"Steph?"
She looked up, then kept her wallet away. "What do you want, Chris?" she said, acting tired. But she was tired. She was also still feeling sore about the day.
"I want to… Steph, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I didn't know something like this would happen."
"Yes you did! Chris, you KNEW Nicole would do anything to ruin me! She'll be taking you away."
Chris went to her immediately in an embrace. "Baby, I'm never going anywhere. Not to anyone, except you."
Stephanie was confused and unsure about everything. But for the moment, she never felt safer in Chris' arms, like she always thought. When she looked at him, she could see him examine the extent on damage that had been inflicted. His thumb brushed over a healed incision on her cheek. His eyes had an assurance to them as he told her, "I love you," and that it was for real.
But that didn't change her mind about going to the nearest pharmacy.
"Chris," she said, "I'm going to stop by at the store for awhile, if that's okay with you."
"…Sure. Walk you home?"
"…No, I'll be alright by myself today," she replied, then kissed him softly. "Bye Chris."
She hated her life now. In fact, she was going to hate it even more. Chris went back home hesitantly after she insisted that he left her, and so she walked slowly to the direction of where she thought the pharmacy was.
Unfortunately, the boys who skated past her down the road halted abruptly and went after her. Part two of the bad day was about to begin.
"Still haven't scooted back home after what Nicole did to you?" The familiar Mike Warner said, stepping in front of her.
"It's a wonder how that board holds your fat ass. Did my kick to your balls affect your brain matter? Because it sure seems like it's gotten smaller," she retorted bravely. "Oh, I remember now… You had no one to stroke your ego for the day."
"Your mouth needs a little working on, McMahon." His hand held her by the cheeks. She winced as she felt his fingers disturb her healing wounds.
"…The piece of crap in your skull needs fixing."
He pushed her back up on a tree, and she started to feel afraid. Another guy took over, Trevor Lee Birkins, captain of the basketball team. He was the other guy who watched alongside Ryan.
"You're a tough chick… I wonder if you'll be just as rough?"
Her brow furrowed as he worked his hand up her shirt. Even if his looks were passable, good even, she was never going to let anything like this happen again. "Oh God," she thrashed wildly, "You sick FUCK!" She managed to shove him back.
"We have a feisty one in our hands," Trevor said, rubbing his hands together.
Stephanie made a run for it again, but for the second time, she was caught. "No!" she yelled, and struggled to break free. Trevor was on top of her now, but because of his smaller physique compared to Mike, her was easier to push off.
"Get off her!" a familiar voice shouted.
Pryce? Pryce!
Then there was another voice. "You go help her.
Pryce gave the hardest kick to Trevor, which immediately got him off. It was then when Ryan came to her aid.
"Are you alright?" he asked, helping her up.
"…I'm fine. Thanks guys."
Pryce's face was filled with worry. "I think you need bodyguards, and I'm serious about that! Luckily we caught some hints they were dropping, and Ryan heard you."
"What were you doing with him?"
"He's my neighbour, and we live just there. Coleman street, remember?"
Right… I've been through too much to remember.
I… I uh, I need to go." She shrugged off all arms on her.
*
Stephanie popped the cap of the bottle of sleeping pills. One before I sleep, and a glass of water. She took one and downed it as directed. Hopefully, she wouldn't have nightmares.
The phone rang, and she gave a little grumble. "Hello, Stephanie here…"
"I knew I should have stayed with you. Steph, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry----"
"How many times are you going to apologise? What's past is past, and it's not your fault. I told you to leave, and you did, and I appreciate that you respect my decisions and requests," she said.
"But Steph, I can't forgive myself."
"Chris, you're not to blame…" she yawned. Pop.
"What's that?"
"What's what?" Then she yawned again.
"You're taking sleeping pills."
"What?"
"You yawned, and I know that sound, it's those medicine bottles." He paused. "Steph, please, don't do anything stupid."
There was urgency in his voice that moment. Stephanie sighed. "I promise."
"What are they for?" Chris asked.
"I'm making sure I get a good night's sleep. You have to understand."
"I will. Just wanted to know." Stephanie yawned again. "I guess I'll let you sleep. Take care, and always remember that I love you."
"Mm," was all she replied. She hasn't admitted that she returned the sentiment completely yet. She was going to say only if she was really sure that he was right. Not that she didn't trust him… She just felt that waiting a little longer might make her see a few things. It was an important feeling inside. "Goodnight, Chris."
"'Night, baby."
When she put the phone down, she sank back into her bed, staring at the ceiling. As her eyelids became heavier with each passing minute, she thought about the next day. Would it all happen again? Maybe she needed the security. But suddenly, swimmer Ryan McDonough comes in, and now he looked like he was Clark Kent protecting his Louis Lane.
Maybe she was being harsh on her boyfriend. After all, he really cared. Stephanie herself didn't know what she was waiting for.
Thoughts of Nicole invaded her mind, and all she could think of was what she did and all the other possibilities she was capable of doing. She wants to steal Chris too. I bet it's another excuse to wreck my life, bitch.
*
Stephanie stared at the clock, dazed. Just 3 more minutes until the bell rings. 3 more painful minutes.
"Pay attention, Stephanie," History jerk Harrim said, tapping his pointer on the desk. She kept silent and fixed her eyes on the chalkboard. However, her mind was off somewhere else.
Listening to the bell ring brought her relief. She used to love going to school, but now, just stepping into the compound… She dreaded it. With quick steps she escaped her class wearily, dumping her unneeded textbooks into her locker, fast. She didn't care if people thought she was paranoid.
"Stephanie!"
Her head snapped to the direction of the voice. It was Ryan again. What was his problem? She didn't need him. She needed Jericho. Mr Chris Jericho. Chris, her boyfriend.
"How are you doing today?" he asked, observing her. The wounds had healed, but her abrasions and bruises were still very bad, stinging almost every second.
"What do you think?" she shot back annoyingly. "You should know yourself." Despite her mood, Ryan was still nice about it.
"I thought I'd walk you home today… Pryce suggested it too."
"Oh Pryce," she muttered. "Did you have to care so much?"
"If it's alright with you, that is," he added.
"It's fine by me," Steph replied. "…Let's go then." She shut her locker door and turned to face him. "I uh, I guess I'm gonna be waiting for Chris."
As if on cue, his voice sounded gloomily. "What are you doing here?"
Stephanie saw Chris standing in front of her when she turned around. "Pryce told him to walk me home."
"What the HELL are you doing with Ryan McDonough?" He pulled her to his side closely, away from the swimmer.
"Yeah, what am I doing with him?…I don't know. But he was there on two occasions too, when you weren't. Fair enough?"
Ouch. Chris fell silent, but his eyes told her everything. He had something serious against Ryan, and she didn't like it one bit.
"Could I have a word with you?" Chris questioned, turning her around and bringing her aside.
"What?"
"Did you know he's after Connor?" Stephanie was surprised.
"Connor?"
"He's the guy that Connor's been borrowing from. Well, not really. Ryan's like a guy collecting for the overlord."
"Your point?" she asked, not understanding anything.
"Is there something I should know?" Ryan said, feeling a little left out. "Because I could –"
"No, no, stay there," Steph said, gesturing for him to stay put. She turned back to Chris.
"You don't understand. If he doesn't pay in time, he's going to die. And the problem is, there's a small chance Pryce will be involved, being his present-day girl." Steph's eyes widened.
"You mean Pryce can… get killed too, then?"
"Anything to get the money."
Stephanie turned to look at Ryan. He was a nice guy… He might have been sort of coming onto her unsuccessfully, but she didn't know if it was for personal reasons, or just to get close to Connor…
"You know what? You both can walk me home, just for today. How does that sound?" She gave Chris a pleading glance.
"…Ok," Ryan said.
"…Whatever. Okay." Chris rolled his eyes.
*
I wasn't quite stable at that time, so I spent my time in the bathroom. What the hell I really did in there, I couldn't really give a damn to remember.
Her eyes scanned the mirror. Her fingers reached out to touch the scabs that formed on her temple and cheek. Who did it? Was it her fault?
Was it Nicole's? James'? Chris'?
Hers?
These are kind of bad.
What did she ever do wrong? Her hands, marked with faint bruises, close, leaving a finger pointing out at the mirror.
This is you. And you turned out like this.
Stephanie gave herself a good look in the mirror. She did look very worn out, and perhaps anxious too. I think I need more medication to add to my list.
She turned her face sideways. He could've been there, but he wasn't. Why? He promised. Five times.
"Stephy?" the sound of her brother's voice rang outside. "Are you alright in there?"
"Yes, I'm fine, Shane," she answered hesitantly. "Just finished washing up."
"Okay. Don't be in there too long."
Quick, get your tablets, a voice inside her said. Do it before anyone finds out.
So quickly, she took off the cap and popped one into her mouth. "Oh God," she said to herself, "I feel so drained…" And then, she came out, laid on her bed, and drifted off to sleep.