Gotta make the money, credit's no good, when the disclaimer runs the shop in yo' neighborhood... Anyway, this is a little off-shoot of my usual Brotherhood stories. Why isn't it with the others? Well, the Brotherhood's not in it.

Now, Mastermind is a fairly unpopular character. So why am I writing about him? I dunno. I just like him for some reason. Also, he's more interesting than any of those worthless New Mutants. Just so you know, I've basically dropped the idea of Mastermind being Toad's dad, not because I don't think it's a possibility (come on, you people can't go on denying the similarities), but because there's not much I can do with that plot point... unless it becomes canon, and then you'll all owe me money, and don't think I won't expect you people to pay, you bunch of damn cheapasses, I know where all of you live, and if you don't give me the money, I'm gonna have my enforcer knock at your door and cut off your fingers one by one until you do! Then we'll see who's laughing!

Oh, and excuse the grammar.

It was a day like all others in Magneto's strange little metal base, and his minions loitered about the main chamber. Colossus was busy moving empty crates from one side of a room to the other and back, and though this served absolutely no purpose, he did as Magneto commanded. Pyro, in one of his rare non-psychotic moods, was checking his flamethrower tank as he did every so often to make sure it was working properly. Sabretooth was eating something dead. Gambit... Gambit was sitting on a box, shuffling a deck of cards for no particular reason, except that he thought it made him look cool. As for Mastermind, he sat on a chair close to the wall and hope none of the others noticed him.

"Mastermind!" Magneto's voice resonated through the metal chamber.

"Oh, you are in some deep shit," Gambit said with a casual grin.

"But... I've done nothing."

"He only yells like that if he's really, really ticked," Pyro added. "But don't worry, mate, he's not a bad guy... he'll make it quick." Gambit and Pyro snickered, and the other two were too busy with their current work to even notice the conversation.

"No, literally, I've done nothing! I don't understand, how could he be upset if-"

"NOW!" Magneto yelled. Mastermind panicked and rushed to Magneto's chamber. There, Magneto sat on a big metal chair behind a big metal desk, with a set of clanking metal balls hovering above it. His helmet sat on his desk, off to the side, and Magneto held a stack of papers in his hands. "Take a seat." Magneto pulled a metal chair up for Mastermind to sit on.

"What is this about?" Mastermind nervously asked.

"Mastermind, you've been with this organization for three months now. It's time for your ninety day review."

X-Men: Evolution

"Ninety Day Review"

King of the Worthless

"I don't know how this is usually done, but I've been meaning to do this with my recruits." Magneto idly thumbed through the papers. "You'll be the first to go through this, and if it works out, I'll review the others."

"Well... I'm glad I could be of use..."

"...Said the guinea pig to the researcher..."

"Wha-?"

"Now then, what is your name?" Magneto asked.

"Master-"

"Your real name."

"J-jason. Jason Wyngarde."

"Wyngarde... what kind of a name is that?"

"I don't know."

"And... we have 'unknown' for you under age, sex, and place of birth."

"Hey, wait a minu-"

"You look about eighty or so..."

"No, I'm actually f-"

"Sixty, whatever. I'm going to assume you're male, but you never know these days."

"I am defi-"

"Place of birth? You were hanging around Venice, weren't you?"

"Yes, bu-"

"Yes, born in Venice, Italy... current powers?"

"You already know what my powers are."

"Yes, but this stupid form doesn't. Now tell me, what your powers are?"

"I don't think I could put them into words, to be honest, but I can create illusions, and I can see into people's minds... I didn't think I could see and alter memories, but it seems I can do that, too. Oh, and I have a sixth toe on my left foot."

"Sixth toe."

"Yes."

"That's a power?"

"It's a mutation."

"Mastermind, I have white hair. Do you consider that a power?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then how in the world is your stupid sixth toe a power?!"

"I guess it's not, then."

"Yes, you guess. Let's move on then. Mastermind, you have been with us for three months. When you joined, what goals did you have in mind?"

"I didn't have any, I didn't join willingly."

"Then why did you join?"

"You told me to."

"And if I told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?"

"If you did?" Mastermind paused, and gulped. "I'm sure I would."

"...Lack of ambition, lack of leadership skill," Magneto muttered as he wrote it down. "Now that you're here, what long-term goals have you established?"

"To stay alive."

"Stay... alive."

"Yes. I don't want you to kill me."

"Ah, so you do have some motivation. Hold... hold on. Where's my pen? Where... ah, there it is. Any other goals?"

"Er... uh... I would like to meet some new people," Mastermind absentmindedly answered.

"New people, excellent. You will be working with four of the best-"

"I've already met them."

"You... oh, right. Now, there's the issue of rival organizations. How do you feel toward the X-Men?"

"Indifferent."

"Indifferent?"

"I don't care about them either way."

"...Lack of competitive spirit. Now if, say, a blue shape-shifting woman were to try to recruit you to her own organization, would you join her?"

"I don't know... is she attractive?"

"I suppose so, if you like blue women."

"Oh, of cou-" Mastermind quickly realized it was a trap. "-rse not. Why would I?"

"...Homosexual."

"What?!"

"Given the option to join this woman or join me, which would you choose?"

"Wait, I thought that's what you meant, the phrasing confu-"

"Answer the question."

"You, of course."

"Loyalty, good trait. Now, I've been watching your work on the field, and I must say I'm greatly disappointed by your fighting abilities. The others have a success rate of at least eighty-five percent in battle... you have a zero."

"I've never actually fought anyone while in your employ."

"Exactly! Why not?"

"My powers don't lend themselves easily to confrontation."

"We'll have to fix that."

"What? I can't change my powers, this is how I-"

"Enough! We'll talk about that later. I've received complaints from your co-workers about your habits."

"Habits?"

"According to one, who will remain anony... okay, it was Pyro... 'he smells like someone took a 'expletive deleted' in a 'expletive deleted' dirty sock and rubbed it in one of those new sandwiches they make at the place down the street, the one with all that 'expletive deleted' vinegar in it.' I'm told your hygiene is subpar."

"Do we even have showers here?"

"That's not the point. I want you to clean up. Also, your behavior is extremely antisocial."

"I have nothing to discuss with them."

"Of course you do, talk about how much you love me and my views."

"But I don-"

"Pretend you do. Colossus doesn't like me either, but you don't see him moping around."

"But he never says anything."

"That's because I've ordered him not to. While we're on the subject, let's discuss your work uniform..." Magneto took a moment to look at Mastermind's ragged coat. "I must remind you that the uniform you wear represents this organization, Mastermind."

"But this isn't a uniform, these are my-"

"If it's not your uniform, why are you wearing it on company time?!"

"I have no uniform!"

"You have no uniform?!" Magneto slammed both hands on his desk and stood up. "Why do you not have a uniform?!"

"...Because there is none?"

"BECAU... oh, right. We will have to fix that. In the meantime, try wearing something new."

"But you don't make Sabretooth change his outfit."

"Sabretooth is here by contract, not by the hour... or something like that. Look, I don't like talking to him. He's a good bodyguard, but he's worthless as a person. Now Gambit, he's good for conversation. And he makes eye contact! Yes, I could stare into those beautiful eyes for hours... and be lost in them..."

"Uh... Magneto?"

"...And that sauve voice of his..."

"You're acting like your son."

"WHAT ABOUT MY SON?!"

"He's... er... he tends to daydream."

"Yes, he does. I should smack some sense into that boy. He's not like Gambit..."

"Magneto, you're doing it again."

"Hrm? Oh. It's one of Gambit's mutant powers... he has this effect on people... that handsome rasc-"

"Mag-"

"Enough!" Magneto yelled. "Now there's one last thing we need to discuss... do you feel your salary is sufficient?"

"Salary?"

"Yes. The money I pay you to work for me."

"You don't pay me at all."

"Answer the question."

"N-" Magneto scowled at him. "-Yes."

"Very well. After reviewing all of this information, I have decided to keep you on as a member of my team, and as a reward for three months of service, you will receive a twenty percent raise."

"Twenty? That's very gener-"

"What's twenty percent of nothing, Mastermind?"

"Uh... its... oh. Right."

"The review is complete, thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me. Now get back to work."

"Back to work? Doing what?"

"Doing... that thing. I don't know, move crates around or something."

"I'm not that strong."

"Then just sit there." It was a day like all others in Magneto's strange little metal base, and his minions loitered about the main chamber. Colossus was busy moving empty crates from one side of a room to the other and back, and though this served absolutely no purpose, he did as Magneto commanded. Pyro, in one of his rare non-psychotic moods, was checking his flamethrower tank as he did every so often to make sure it was working properly. Sabretooth was eating something dead. Gambit... Gambit was sitting on a box, shuffling a deck of cards for no particular reason, except that he thought it made him look cool. As for Mastermind, he sat on a chair close to the wall and hope none of the others noticed him.

"I should've let him kill me..."

The End

Okay, so it's got no real plot and stars a character nobody cares about. Sue me. At least it's a break from all the Rogue/Gambit garbage. Seriously, it's worse than the Kurtty crap we had to endure during the early years.

Yep, the early years... dammit. I feel old and worthless now. Stupid kids.