The disclaimer's backpack's got jets, it's Boba, the Fett! It bounty hunts for Jabba Hutt to finance its Vette! Alright, just two reviews left, and this is one of them. This was surprisingly hard to write. OH WELL! Oh, and excuse the grammar.

Magneto walked into his office carrying a box of files and on top of it, a potted plant. He flipped the switch, but nothing happened. He turned it on and off, on and off, but nothing happened.

"...Odd." Enough light was coming in from the hall to allow him to see his desk, and he set down his files and put the plant in the corner. "Too dark in here. One of the others must have a flashlight..."

Magneto heard a clang.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" Magneto saw nothing. "You coward, come out and face me!"

The door suddenly closed. Magneto hovered in perfect darkness.

"I grow tired of this! Is it you, Mastermind? I know how much you like the dark..."

"BOO!" Pyro screamed, lighting the room with both flamethrowers. Magneto was not surprised, nor did he flinch. "Did I scare you?"

"No."

"Awwwwwwwww..." Disappointed, Pyro went and turned on the light. It turned out that a fake switch had been placed slightly closer to the door. He pulled it off and put it away.

"However, I believe it is my turn. Sit down, Pyro. It's time for your evaluation."

"AWWWW, FUCK."

X-Men: Evolution

"Part Four: Pyro"

King of the Worthless

Magneto sat at his desk, with a small clear box next to his helmet, and in it, a picture of Professor Xavier and several metal shavings, moving about to create comical images. Pyro particularly liked Afro-Chuck. Magneto wrote something on a form and changed Afro-Chuck to Dreadlock-Chuck.

"Yeah, HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Dammit, Pyro, can you shut up for just one minute?! There's some paperwork I need to take care of!"

"Here, boss, lemme take care of it for you!" A flame-squirrel jumped onto Magneto's desk and crept towards the paper. "Squirrels are nuts and nuts are squirrels, am I right?"

"..."

"Come on, it's funny!" Magneto replied by slamming his hand on the squirrel and putting the fire out. Pyro pouted, and Magneto stacked his papers.

"Alright, no more horseplay. Let's get through this so I can get some sleep. What is your name?"

"Pyro's the name, mayhem's the game!"

"Original, Pyro. I want your real name."

"Uh... er..."

"..."

"Wait, hold on a minute now..."

"YOU FORGOT YOUR REAL NAME?!"

"No, I swear! I just... uh... ST. JOHN ALLERDYCE! That's it, St. John!"

"Who names their son St. John? What sort of name is that?"

"Eh, my mum was Catholic, she-"

"Enough. Pyro, describe your powers for me."

"I got the power of the Hulk in my hands, AND I LIKE IT!"

"..."

"Fine, not in the mood? I can play that too."

"You're being unusually obnoxious, Pyro."

"I had some cereal this morning."

"The sugary stuff Colossus has been buying lately... with his... wage..." Magneto was quite disgusted by the concept, for previously stated reasons. "We're wasting time. What are your powers?"

"I can make this flame here dance and laugh!"

"Laugh?"

"Yeah, watch this now..." Pyro turned on one of his flamethrowers and created a giant face, which started to laugh. Pyro himself provided the voice. "'Hahahaha! Fire is happy! Fire good! Magneto, why is Magneto not smiling? Why is Magneto making that stapler fly? Why is the stapler flying at'- CRAP!" Pyro rubbed his head after the stapler nailed him in the head. "That's not very polite!"

"No, but it was quite funny. So you've got fire control, good, good." Magneto wrote something down. "Pyro, where are you from, originally?"

"Down under."

"Down under where?"

"Down under, down under."

"..."

"Well you know what 'down under' is, right?"

"Yes. Under a bridge. I'm sure that is also where you were conceived, 'St. John.'" Magneto wrote some more.

"Well what's your problem, you sound like Gambit shoved that staff of his up your arse."

"These reviews are stressing me out. If my hair wasn't already and unnatural white, I'm sure unnatural gray hairs would be appearing on my head right now."

"You got one now."

"WHAT?!"

"MADE YOU LOOK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-ACK!" The stapler again. "Will you stop that?"

"Pyro, how old are you?"

"Lost count three years ago, when I turned fifteen."

"..."

"What?!"

"Nothing, Pyro, NOTHING!" Magneto angrily wrote on the form. Pyro was trying to hold back a giggle. "Pyro, when you joined, what long-term goals did you have?"

"Destruction, mayhem... burning buildings, destroying property, kicking old ladies, that sort of thing."

"I see. And now that you've been here three months, have your goals changed?"

"Not really. Feeling a little unfulfilled, though."

"Explain."

"Well, I've been cooped up in here with the tin man, the cowardly lion, the freakin' scarecrow and Dorothy LeBeau, I haven't had many opportunities here... opportunities YOU promised!"

"You take issue with company policies, not good." Magneto wrote some more. "How do you feel about your co-workers?"

"Aw, they're a good bunch."

"...You just insulted them."

"Just kidding around is all!"

"So do you like your co-workers or not?!"

"Only when I'm asleep."

"You know something, Pyro? I'm just going to ask you questions. You will answer with yes or no. Got it?"

"I think I can follow."

"Are you male?"

"No."

"DAMMIT PYRO!"

"Come on now, have a sense of humor!" Pyro ducked as the stapler flew overhead. "How many of those do you have lying around?"

"Fifty-six, now shut up and cooperate! I want to talk about your uniform."

"Well what's wrong with it?"

"It's too loud."

"I'll try to keep it down," Pyro whispered. He ducked another stapler.

"One our last mission in Florida, we were stopped by the X-Men. You remember this, do you not?"

"All too well..." Pyro took a picture of Kurt Wagner from his pocket and burned it.

"They arrived less than half an hour after we did. Do you know how they knew we were there?"

"Uh..."

"BECAUSE SOMEONE SPOTTED THE GUY WITH THE BRIGHT ORANGE JUMPSUIT WALKING AROUND ON THE NEWS REPORT!"

"Hey, they noticed the big metal guy and the jerk with the flaming cards, too!"

"That's not the point! I want you to change your uniform to something darker... purple, maybe?"

"Aw, PURPLE?! C'mon, mate, you want me to dress like a fruit? Who do you think I am, Pietro?"

"WHAT?!"

"'Cuz... Pietro..." Pyro's eyes darted around. "...Was a strawberry in that school play about the food groups... you showed us the video, remember?"

"Ah yes. I'd like to see that hack Michael Caine pull off a performance like that while wearing an oversized strawberry. Pyro, do you have an arch enemy?"

"Yeah, that little twit, Nightcrawler! I was about to barbecue him last time, then he does that little trick of his, the smoke and mirrors thing-"

"...There's a name for it, Pyro."

"Yeah, telekinesis, I know, I know... he does that little trick and he's behind me and wrecks my tank! That was the end of the battle, I had to sit it out while the bloody Cajun and his pet tiger got to have all the fun!"

"So that's your excuse for slacking off? We need to talk about that, Pyro. In every battle we've had with the X-Men, you're mysteriously incapacitated or otherwise unable to fight after the first minute. Why is this?"

"The moment they get my tank or my tubes, I'm fucked! Nothing I can do about it!"

"THAT'S NO EXCUSE! Whenever Gambit runs out of cards, he finds something else!"

"Wha?! He can charge other things, I can't make other things dance!"

"Then carry a lighter with you."

"Ah, but I do!" Pyro took a lighter from his pocket. "Wanna see how it works?"

"No. Now we-"

"HERE! YOU JUST STRIKE THE LITTLE WHEEL THINGY AND BOOM!" Under Pyro's power, the flame became a fireball and then a puppy, jumping around on Magneto's desk. "I THINK HE LIKES YOU!"

"PYRO!" Magneto held Pyro's flame tank and pinned him to the wall. A stapler hit him in the head. The puppy disappeared, but the fire remained. "YOU HAVE JUST SET THIS BOX OF FILES ON FIRE! I HAVE SPENT THE LAST SIX HOURS WRITING THESE OUT, AND NOW YOU COME IN AND BURN THEM LIKE THEY'RE NOTHING?!"

"Er... I... uh... let a clown be your umbrella?"

"PYRO, YOU ARE FI-" Magneto stopped himself. Pyro might enjoy that a little too much. "On probation."

"Probation? What kind?"

"You are to use fire only during official missions."

"Aw, now that's not fair! How can I practice my skills if I can't even use them?"

"You're skilled enough. Refusal to comply will result in the termination of your membership within this organization."

"What if I don't want to be a member?"

"Then I will have Sabretooth kindly dismember you."

"Alright, good one!"

"That wasn't a joke." Magneto released Pyro. "Now get back to work."

"I'll do my best chief!" Pyro saluted and walked out the door.

"Oh, one more thing," Magneto called.

"Yeah?" A stapler hit Pyro in the face and he dropped to the floor. The door closed and shut him out. Magneto looked at the burnt paper all over his desk and sighed. Outside, Mastermind and Gambit walked down the hall.

"I know what you're trying to say, Gambit, but I just don't think women like a man wearing a pink shirt."

"Come on, a body like this, any color looks good on me."

"I don't know..." Mastermind waved his hands. "No, I was right. You look terrible in pink."

"Aw, really? I was hoping..." Gambit nearly tripped over Pyro's body. "Ach! Sleepin' on the job?"

"What do we have here?" Mastermind asked. "I'm no doctor, but I believe these bruises could only have been caused by a magnetically-controlled stapler."

"You heard what the boss was screaming at him?" Gambit asked. "He burned all his files... that was his review, so that means I was the only one left. Gambit gets all the luck!"

"Incorrect," Magneto said, walking out of his office. "Fortunately, I grabbed the wrong box earlier. The files Pyro burned were just random doodles he himself had placed in my office as a gag that he no doubt forgot about. You're still on my schedule, Gambit, I want you here in one hour. Go take Pyro to his room or something." Magneto stepped back into his office. He stepped back out. "And get rid of that pink shirt."

The End

There you go, Pyro's paid his dues. Now that just leaves Gambit. Gambit fans, be warned... you will not like me when this is over.