Author's Note--I apologize for the long delay between updates, but I had to get a second job, and the new one I got was really wearing. Between my two jobs, my muse was totally disinclined to cooperate, even if I had had the time to work with her. Fortunately, I have acquired a second, much better, new job.
This chapter was the most difficult of any of them so far, and the only reason you are seeing it as soon as you are is because of extensive hand-holding by Altariel.
Eowyn could not ride with me the next day until she had seen to breakfast and lunch for her unusual guests. But once they were cared for, and the plans for dinner laid out to her staff, she showed up at the noon hour bearing saddlebags filled with picnic food, and her brother's admonition to go forth and have a good time. The Prince, feeling much recovered after a good night's sleep in an actual bed, gave me a similar command, saying he would not need me that day.
So, giggling like girls considerably younger than we were, we ran to the stables, where Eowyn's feisty Windfola awaited us, as well as a spirited chestnut mare she had selected as my mount, saying that I should give Fortune a rest. I suspected it was not Fortune's well-being that motivated her so much as a desire to give me a demonstration of the superiority of Rohirric horseflesh once and for all, and when I accused her of this, she freely admitted it with a laugh. Her good humor was dampened momentarily when we were served with surly compliance by the stablehand who had prepared our mounts, but she recovered swiftly enough when we were riding over the green fields under the sunlit sky. It was a pleasant early summer day, not too warm, and a light breeze was scudding small, fluffy clouds across the sky.
We let our mounts drift along slowly for quite a while, chatting amiably about this and that until they were well warmed up--then, we raced towards where the herds were grazing that day, whooping and urging our horses to the greatest speed possible. My borrowed mare gave a good accounting of herself, staying even with Windfola despite my greater weight. We raced over the rolling fields, horses and women alike relishing the feel of the wind in our hair, then charged up a long and gradual incline, only to draw rein at the crest.
A broad, shallow valley lay below us, and through it flowed a river of horseflesh. Glossy chestnut and bay hides glinted redly in the sun, the blacks gleamed bluely, the whites and greys and roans glistened like pearls. There were little swirls and eddies of horses that split off from the main group, only to rejoin it again. And as I looked further up the valley, I realized that this was only one of several groups spaced intermittently all the way up to the head of the valley. My mind boggled at the sheer number of horses that must be gathered here. Eowyn looked at the stupefied expression on my face, and grinned widely. Dropping her reins, she threw her arms wide as if to embrace them all.
"Behold!" she proclaimed, "The horses of the Riddermark!"
"Which ones do I pick from?" I asked, as we rode down into the valley.
"All of them," was Eowyn's reply. "Brother just said pick a horse. He did not say pick a yearling, or a mare or a stallion. He said you could have whichever one you liked." I was amazed at the King's generosity, and told her so.
"Eomer really likes you, Hethlin, for all that he was making eyes at Lady Arwen last night." She gave me a sidelong glance. "Were you able to find healing in Lorien like you said you might?" I looked at her and grinned.
"Trying to get me married off again, are you? Nay, unfortunately that did not work out as I had hoped it would. Lord Elrond is the person who might be able to do it, and he will not now for he is wroth with me."
"Why is Lord Elrond wroth with you? You have never been aught but polite that I've seen."
"He is wroth because Elrohir and I became lovers in Lorien. And he fears that Elrohir will follow his sister's path, cleave unto me and become mortal." A succession of expressions crossed Eowyn's face; disbelief, disappointment, then curiosity.
"Become mortal? How would he do that? Is he not an elf?"
"Nay, he is a Peredhil, a half-elf, as are his father and brother and sister. They must make a choice--to be as the elves, and go to Valinor, or to become mortal and die, as did Lord Elrond's brother Elros, the first king of Numenor. By cleaving unto Aragorn, the Lady Arwen has chosen to give up her immortality, grow old and die with him." She considered this for some moments, and I could almost follow the tenor of her thought--the Lady Arwen's stunning beauty, her thousands of years of experience, and this most incredible sacrifice she was making for Aragorn. If Eowyn still harbored any romantic notions about the King of Gondor, I suspected they were finally being laid to rest.
"You and Elrohir?" she asked at last. "I guess I was right about that trip to the Beacon Hills being romantic."
"It wasn't so much that it was romantic as that it enabled me to get to know him better. In that way, it did help matters along."
"Will you wed him then? Without his father's blessing?" I shook my head firmly.
"And condemn him to mortality? Nay, I will not. We are good friends, and will remain so."
"But......you are sleeping with him!" She seemed slightly scandalized, and I realized that for all she'd grown up among men, and was a mighty shieldmaiden, she also held to the beliefs of a gently reared maid of her class, who was expected to go a virgin to her wedding bed--or at the least, to wait till the betrothal ceremony had been accomplished.
"Aye, I am. I am the head of my house, by the King's decree," she looked envious for a moment, "and I am barren. That means that no man will ever want to wed me, but I have no intention of living my life alone--or without comfort and pleasure. If you think that makes me some sort of loose woman, I am sorry." Eowyn grimaced.
"No, I didn't mean that! I should know by now that the usual rules don't apply to you. It just took me aback, that is all--that you would sleep with someone you didn't love."
"Well, seeing as the man I love won't have a thing to do with me in that fashion, I really have no choice but to sleep with people I am friends with instead!" I grinned at her to soften the sting of it, and she looked back at me almost apologetically. "Besides, I don't love your brother, and you've been trying to get us together for some time now! Can you honestly tell me you would have been upset if I slept with Eomer?"
"I suppose not," she admitted. "But only because I was thinking that if you bedded him, you would come to appreciate his finer qualities and want to marry him."
"I would have to bed him to see his finer qualities?" I asked, with a bit of a smirk. She laughed.
"That does sound bad, does it not? Perhaps it is as you said in Mundberg--I am getting married, so I want all my friends to be happily married too."
"I do not need to be married to be happy, which is a good thing, given the circumstances." We were approaching the first herd of horses, which looked to be mares with foals, some of them quite new and tiny, at side. They gamboled and frisked in a manner most appealing, and by silent agreement, we both drew rein a little way away, and simply watched for a while.
"What is it like?" Eowyn asked eventually, blushing a little. "To sleep with someone, I mean. I do know a little about what goes on," she added hastily, "No one raised among horse-breeders, and with Eomer for a brother could not know! But I am curious about how it feels.....for the woman." I thought for a moment upon what would be best to say.
"With Elrohir, it is very pleasurable. But then, he has been doing this for a very long time, and he can see into my mind and know if I am enjoying what he is doing. I have never slept with a man, so I cannot tell you if it is different, or if it is, in what way it is different. From things I've heard among the Rangers, I think it can be uncomfortable if a man is only intent upon seeking his own pleasure." I gave her a reassuring smile. "You will not have to worry about that with Faramir, I am sure. He is the gentlest and most considerate of men."
"Have you and he ever....no wait, you said you had not slept with a man. Has he some...practice in such matters? Do you know?" I grinned.
"I have an idea, but that is a question you will have to ask him yourself." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"He won't talk about you either, you know."
"Oh really? What did you ask him?"
"How you came to be with the Rangers. He said that they'd rescued you from a band of orcs, and if I wanted to know anything else, I should ask you, for it was your tale to tell."
"That was considerate of him. Not that you don't know most of it already--I told you the orcs killed my family." She lifted her reins, and we began to make a slow circuit around the herd.
"None of these, I think," I told her, "for I have only been gifted the one horse, and when I get to Dol Amroth, I will not have time to return the foal."
"I do not think Eomer would begrudge you, Hethlin. He certainly will not mind if you take one of the newly bred mares. That is what I would do, were I you."
"Where are they?"
"Further up the valley. The yearlings are next."
"Well, let's have a look at them. I'd like to pick mine before the Prince picks for Lothiriel."
"Eomer has already brought up the best of the two-year-olds for the Prince to look at. He'll show them to him tomorrow. He felt that he had charged the Prince too much for a yearling, but he did not want to admit it." She frowned a little. "What is that about anyway? Why does the Princess need a horse? Her father has plenty, and all she ever cares about is clothes."
"I believe she would like to try her hand at training one."
"Morelike she would like to try her hand at training my brother," Eowyn growled. "I've seen the way she looks at him." I smiled, and smoothed the chestnut's mane.
"She is actually a very good rider-- but you've seen her, so you know that. And she is Faramir's youngest cousin, and he loves her dearly. She is also one of the great ladies of Gondor's nobility, and knows all the customs of the court and everybody of note in it. For all those reasons, I would befriend her, were I you. She could be a very useful person to know--far more so than myself."
"She is naught but a silly girl!"
"You would think so of anyone who looked at your brother, I imagine. And I'll own she may be a bit flighty, but I don't think she's a fool. None of the Prince's children are. She has a good heart. I rather imagine she will be ready to love you for Faramir's sake." Eowyn still looked unimpressed, so I decided to cease speaking of Lothiriel's virtues.
We approached the herd of yearlings, who scattered before us, bucking and rearing and showing off. I got off the chestnut, and handed the reins to Eowyn, who took them with a smile, and watched as I walked into the midst of them. They jumped away from me as I moved forward, but then I halted, simply waiting with my hands at my sides. Eventually, their curiosity won out over fear, and some of them came back over, stretching heads out cautiously. Velvet noses brushed my ears, face, arms and back. I looked about, assessing possible future mounts. One filly, a blue roan with a startling white star in the middle of her black face was particularly bold, and actually suffered me to give her a good scratching between the eyes and under the chin. She pinned her ears back, squealed, and lashed a hind hoof out at a colt who tried to get some attention for himself. Eowyn chuckled.
"She's a feisty one, and she seems to like you." I scratched the underside of her neck, and her chest, and her lips got all loose and wobbly with pleasure. Looking her over, I was not displeased--she was a big-boned, long-legged filly. She would be some time growing up, but when she was mature, it looked as if she might be swift and sure-footed.
"I like her too. She's definitely a possibility." I walked back to the mare, and the filly followed a short way, before one of her fellow yearlings made the mistake of taking a snap at her. A battle ensued, and I had to dodge flying hooves quickly. Swinging back up into the saddle, I made an exaggerated sound of relief, and Eowyn laughed once more.
"Would you like to eat some lunch before we look at the mares?" she asked. "There's a stream nearby, and we could sit in the shade. It should be very pleasant." I agreed that sounded like a good idea, so we rode to a little copse of trees hard by the stream, hobbled our horses, and laid out our lunch. The ride had given us a good appetite, and for a time there was no conversation between us, merely the sounds of chewing and drinking. Eventually, I indicated that I would like a drink, and she passed the skin of ale to me. I took a deep draught, wiped my mouth, and handed it back. Then I asked about the things I had noticed earlier.
"Eowyn, some of the servants yesterday, and that man in the stables this morning, seemed somewhat unfriendly towards you. Are people here angry that you're marrying Faramir? Would they prefer you took a Rohirric husband?" Eowyn looked down at her lap for a moment, and her cheeks flushed a dusky red.
"No, it is not that which upsets them."
"What is it then? If you do not mind my asking." She seemed reluctant to answer for a long moment, but she was not lacking in courage, and eventually she sighed, looked up, and met my eyes.
"When Theoden King rode forth from Edoras, he had to appoint someone to lead the people in his absence. No man would remain behind, so as I was the last available member of the house of Eorl, he charged me with the rulership." I stared at her for a moment, uncomprehending. Then it sank in.
"You were the....I guess it would be the Regent of Rohan?" Eowyn nodded. Before I could think about what I was saying, the words slipped out--"What were you doing on the Pelennor then?" Her eyes went flinty for a moment.
"Destroying the Witch-King, if you recall." I flushed slightly myself.
"That is not what I meant. How was it you came to be there?"
"Theoden King charged me with removing the people to the relative safety of Dunharrow, while the Eorlingas rode to Helm's Deep. He said that any survivors of the battle would return there. I did as he had bade me, and oversaw the evacuation. After the battle, Aragorn arrived at Dunharrow in advance of the army, with his Grey Company, Legolas and Gimli, and the lords Elladan and Elrohir. He spoke of riding the Paths of the Dead in the morning. I tried to dissuade him, but he would have none of it. I asked him to allow me to ride with him, but he refused. The next morning, I begged him not to go one more time, but was forced to watch him ride away to certain death beneath the mountains." Eowyn's face darkened at the memory.
"Theoden King arrived next, with the Riders from Helm's Deep. The site of the muster had been changed to Dunharrow rather than Edoras, as Gandalf had commanded, and the rest of the Riders were waiting for him when he arrived. He spent the night, and rode forth to Mundberg in the morning. Before he left, I begged him to allow me to accompany him, and he refused me as well. So I went to a man of our household, long loyal to Eomer and myself, a good captain of men who had been walking wounded at the Deep, and asked him to watch over the people for me. Then I clad myself as a soldier, and fell in with the company of the Riders, calling myself Dernhelm."
"Did no one notice?"
"Elfhelm the Marshall knew that it was I, I think, but he said naught to anyone. At Edoras, I took Meriadoc up before me, for the king had forbidden him to travel further as well. The rest you know."
I was silent for a long moment, while she watched me like a hawk, with those narrowed eyes. At length, I said, "So the people that are unhappy with you--it is because they feel you deserted them?" She nodded.
"Even so. And I did, in truth, I admit that. But I was desperate, Hethlin, you have no idea how desperate! Aragorn had gone forth to what I believed was certain doom, and my uncle and my brother were riding forth to Mundberg with the flower of Rohan's manhood on what seemed a doomed errand as well. And I, I was to stay at Dunharrow like a good girl, and die out of sight and out of mind!"
"If all were to perish in the end, Eowyn, did it truly matter where you died?" I asked gently.
"Of course it did! I wanted to be with my kin! Did you not once tell me that you wished you had been with your family when the orcs came, even if it had meant you would have been killed too?" I nodded.
"That is true enough."
"I wished to die with the Riders, on the field of battle, not trapped like a rat in a hole, fighting off orcs with a distaff! I am a warrior trained and wished to die as one!"
"But what of the people with whose care you had been entrusted? Did they not deserve warriors to defend them? King Theoden must have trusted you greatly to give you such a charge." Her lips curled up in a bitter smile.
"Trust me greatly? Indeed, he should have--I had only cared for him, trying to stave off Grima's influence, since before I was a woman! But there was no thought of my ability or worthiness when he granted me that post. Do you want to know how it happened, Hethlin, how it was that I was given my oh-so-honorable charge?" Her blue eyes glittered suddenly with unshed tears.
"The King was ready to leave Edoras for Helm's Deep, and he declared Eomer his heir, saying that if both of them were slain, the folk would have to choose a new ruler. Then he said that someone must rule the people he left behind, and asked if any of his men would stay behind. None of the men wished to forego the battle, or be considered recreant, and none of them spoke. So he asked the people who it was that they would have lead them, in whom they put their trust. And his doorwarden, Hama, who later fell at Helm's Deep, told him that the people trusted in the House of Eorl." She dragged her sleeve across her eyes angrily.
"Do you know what Theoden King said then, as I stood hard by, as I had ever stood by, ready to support and care for him? He said 'But Eomer I cannot spare, nor would he stay, and he is the last of that house.' It was Hama who had to remind him that I even existed, and that the people loved me! And it was only then, after he had asked every other one of his men and found them all unwilling to remain behind, that he was only too glad to lay the task upon me. It was no testament to my ability--I was merely convenient!" The pain in her voice told me that this wound was still very recent and unhealed.
"I can see where you might have felt you had the right to disregard a charge given you in such a back-handed way," I said in a tone I thought was sympathetic. Eowyn's eyes went flinty again.
"But?" she inquired, her tears vanishing, and her voice cool of a sudden. I looked at her in puzzlement.
"But what?"
"You do not approve, do you?" Sensing the possibility of peril of some sort, I chose my words carefully.
"I thought you were asking for my understanding, not my approval."
"Can I not have both? You are my friend, are you not?"
"Aye, that I am. But that does not mean I will agree with everything you ever do. Any more than I would expect you to agree with all of my decisions."
Eowyn nodded a grim acknowledgment, then asked, "So, what do you think? Speak truly."
Troubled, I reached for my borrowed mare's bridle, and ran it through my hands.
"What would you have me say, Eowyn? From what little I have seen, your people admire the deeds of the single warrior greatly--you have a tradition of it. But I was trained in Ithilien, and there, when we were patrolling, or setting an ambush, we needed to know that every man was in his ordered place. Many lives could have been lost, had someone decided to go forth and seek glory on their own."
"'Twas not about seeking glory, Hethlin!" Eowyn protested. "I simply wished to die with my brother and uncle!"
"You were ordered to care for the refugees in Dunharrow, though--what of them?"
"The captain I left in charge would have done a far better job than I, had it come to an actual battle. Though I am trained as a warrior, I have had no experience as a commander. And the King had given me full rule--I had the right to appoint another in my stead, even as he had done."
"Even were that so, it was you that the people loved. They would have fought all the more fiercely had you been there, and the Enemy had attacked." The Lady of Rohan grimaced.
"You speak of things that might have come to pass, not of what actually happened."
"That is true enough," I acknowledged. I started to get up, to go to my horse and bridle it, then sat back down.
"Have you spoken of this to Faramir yet?" I asked Eowyn after a moment's long silence. She was watching me somewhat expressionlessly.
"I did, for I wished to be honest with him. I did not want him hearing it from someone else. And in truth, I told him before he ever declared his love for me. Perhaps I hoped to frighten him away." I raised an eyebrow at that admission.
"What did he say?"
"He said that he knew about it, and that it did not matter." I fear I must have gaped at her for a moment.
"He said WHAT?"
"He said that he knew about it, and that it did not matter," Eowyn reiterated tonelessly. The blood pounding in my ears, I continued to stare at her, and realized that I was having an epiphany like unto what she had had but moments before. Though I had heard from Faramir's own lips that it was Eowyn he loved and intended to marry, I knew now that some lingering crumbs of hope had still remained, unbeknownst even to myself. The knowledge of their existence came to me at the same time as I felt them die, for if he could forgive her this, he was hers totally, and without reservation.
"Well then, if Faramir knows and thinks you were not at fault, it is hardly my place to say otherwise," I heard myself saying in a calm voice, "for I have always held him to be a peerless advisor where matters of honor are concerned." Eowyn shrugged.
"I did not say that he believes me blameless. It is merely not that important to him. It would seem he seeks qualities in a wife other than those possessed by a good soldier." I gave her a hard stare at that, wondering if she were being intentionally insulting, but she seemed rather oblivious to my offense. "Do you still desire him?" she asked matter-of-factly after a moment's silence. I nodded somberly.
"Aye, that I do." Her gaze suddenly became penetrating.
"What will you do when you return to Minas Tirith? It will be a year or more before we are wed."
"Do? I shall do nothing! What is it you think I would do? Try to win him away from you?" I was suddenly irritated at the veiled insults, intended or not. "Nothing has changed, Eowyn--I am still barren and it is still you that he desires! And even if Lord Elrond did change the first, the second would keep me from him! I have no desire to play the lovesick girl--unlike some people I know! I am making a new life for myself, and he has no part in it, other than as a friend. I do not see why you cannot accept that." A flash of annoyance crossed Eowyn's face when I implied that she'd acted like a lovesick girl, but her voice was still reasonably level.
"You are a warrior through and through, Hethlin, and I know that well. How could I not believe that you would fight for him? And in truth, I wonder if you would judge me as harshly in the matter of Dunharrow as you seem to do, were I not Faramir's betrothed. I think there is some part of you that wishes to discredit me as a soldier, so that you might feel better about losing him."
"That may very well be true," I admitted, standing and moving once more to bridle my mare. "But if I judge you harshly for anything, it is because you cost me North Ithilien." Eowyn startled.
"What? How is it that I had anything to do with that?" The mare accepted the bit, and I pulled the bridle over her ears.
"I just now figured it out. When the King asked me to go to Dol Amroth, his exact words were 'Swear fealty to Prince Imrahil now, and study with him for two years, and at the end of that time, should you desire to return to Ithilien, I will grant your request.' Later on, he told me about wanting me to guard his queen, and about his having seen me doing something important at Dol Amroth. But that was not what he said at first." I began tightening the girth. Eowyn had risen as well, and was preparing her own mount, a somewhat strained expression on her face.
"Admittedly," I continued, "he did not promise me the captaincy if I did what he wished. But I have been thinking as we talked here about why it was that mine was the only appointment of Faramir's that he did not confirm, and I think it was because I am a woman. I am a woman, he did not know me personally, and the only other mortal woman he has known to be given such a responsible martial position is you. So because you walked away from your duty, I have been sentenced to two years in Dol Amroth, to prove to him that I will not do the same the first time I find a man I like, or something else I want to do better. THAT is the important thing I have to do there." Finishing my preparations, I swung into the saddle, and Eowyn followed suit a moment later.
"I think that that is a bit unlikely, Hethlin," she said. "You cannot blame me for everything that goes wrong in your life. If you could not win Faramir's heart, it is because you were not the sort of woman he could love. And if Aragorn did not choose to confirm your captaincy, it is certainly not my fault! He must have seen some lack in you somewhere."
"Even as I have seen in you this day?" I inquired, so weary and heart-sick of a sudden that I could not even be angered at her words. "I think it best if we leave off this sort of talk, lady. It does neither of us credit. Perhaps we should return to Edoras now." I urged the mare forward, and Eowyn fell in beside me.
"But what of your horse?" she inquired in surprise. I shook my head.
"I have no need of another horse, Eowyn--Fortune serves me well enough. In truth, I do not even know if the Prince would allow it, or how I would afford to feed it."
"The Prince would not mind, I know he would not, and Eomer will be insulted if you do not choose. He it was who declared that you should have one, if taking something from my hands distresses you. It will be seen as an affront to the House of Eorl to refuse his gift." I shrugged.
"I will explain that I was confronted with so many beautiful horses that there was no way I could choose but one. And that is the truth, for the most part." She looked as if she wanted to say something else, but after a moment, simply nodded, lifted her chin, and led the way back in silence to Edoras. We unsaddled, brushed and put our mounts away, still silently, and said no word of goodbye to each other as we parted company. I took such dinner as I had appetite to eat in my room that evening, for I did not wish to sit at table under keen Elven eyes, and thought hard upon what had passed between us that day, and about whether the friendship between us had ever been anything but an illusion.
This chapter was the most difficult of any of them so far, and the only reason you are seeing it as soon as you are is because of extensive hand-holding by Altariel.
Eowyn could not ride with me the next day until she had seen to breakfast and lunch for her unusual guests. But once they were cared for, and the plans for dinner laid out to her staff, she showed up at the noon hour bearing saddlebags filled with picnic food, and her brother's admonition to go forth and have a good time. The Prince, feeling much recovered after a good night's sleep in an actual bed, gave me a similar command, saying he would not need me that day.
So, giggling like girls considerably younger than we were, we ran to the stables, where Eowyn's feisty Windfola awaited us, as well as a spirited chestnut mare she had selected as my mount, saying that I should give Fortune a rest. I suspected it was not Fortune's well-being that motivated her so much as a desire to give me a demonstration of the superiority of Rohirric horseflesh once and for all, and when I accused her of this, she freely admitted it with a laugh. Her good humor was dampened momentarily when we were served with surly compliance by the stablehand who had prepared our mounts, but she recovered swiftly enough when we were riding over the green fields under the sunlit sky. It was a pleasant early summer day, not too warm, and a light breeze was scudding small, fluffy clouds across the sky.
We let our mounts drift along slowly for quite a while, chatting amiably about this and that until they were well warmed up--then, we raced towards where the herds were grazing that day, whooping and urging our horses to the greatest speed possible. My borrowed mare gave a good accounting of herself, staying even with Windfola despite my greater weight. We raced over the rolling fields, horses and women alike relishing the feel of the wind in our hair, then charged up a long and gradual incline, only to draw rein at the crest.
A broad, shallow valley lay below us, and through it flowed a river of horseflesh. Glossy chestnut and bay hides glinted redly in the sun, the blacks gleamed bluely, the whites and greys and roans glistened like pearls. There were little swirls and eddies of horses that split off from the main group, only to rejoin it again. And as I looked further up the valley, I realized that this was only one of several groups spaced intermittently all the way up to the head of the valley. My mind boggled at the sheer number of horses that must be gathered here. Eowyn looked at the stupefied expression on my face, and grinned widely. Dropping her reins, she threw her arms wide as if to embrace them all.
"Behold!" she proclaimed, "The horses of the Riddermark!"
"Which ones do I pick from?" I asked, as we rode down into the valley.
"All of them," was Eowyn's reply. "Brother just said pick a horse. He did not say pick a yearling, or a mare or a stallion. He said you could have whichever one you liked." I was amazed at the King's generosity, and told her so.
"Eomer really likes you, Hethlin, for all that he was making eyes at Lady Arwen last night." She gave me a sidelong glance. "Were you able to find healing in Lorien like you said you might?" I looked at her and grinned.
"Trying to get me married off again, are you? Nay, unfortunately that did not work out as I had hoped it would. Lord Elrond is the person who might be able to do it, and he will not now for he is wroth with me."
"Why is Lord Elrond wroth with you? You have never been aught but polite that I've seen."
"He is wroth because Elrohir and I became lovers in Lorien. And he fears that Elrohir will follow his sister's path, cleave unto me and become mortal." A succession of expressions crossed Eowyn's face; disbelief, disappointment, then curiosity.
"Become mortal? How would he do that? Is he not an elf?"
"Nay, he is a Peredhil, a half-elf, as are his father and brother and sister. They must make a choice--to be as the elves, and go to Valinor, or to become mortal and die, as did Lord Elrond's brother Elros, the first king of Numenor. By cleaving unto Aragorn, the Lady Arwen has chosen to give up her immortality, grow old and die with him." She considered this for some moments, and I could almost follow the tenor of her thought--the Lady Arwen's stunning beauty, her thousands of years of experience, and this most incredible sacrifice she was making for Aragorn. If Eowyn still harbored any romantic notions about the King of Gondor, I suspected they were finally being laid to rest.
"You and Elrohir?" she asked at last. "I guess I was right about that trip to the Beacon Hills being romantic."
"It wasn't so much that it was romantic as that it enabled me to get to know him better. In that way, it did help matters along."
"Will you wed him then? Without his father's blessing?" I shook my head firmly.
"And condemn him to mortality? Nay, I will not. We are good friends, and will remain so."
"But......you are sleeping with him!" She seemed slightly scandalized, and I realized that for all she'd grown up among men, and was a mighty shieldmaiden, she also held to the beliefs of a gently reared maid of her class, who was expected to go a virgin to her wedding bed--or at the least, to wait till the betrothal ceremony had been accomplished.
"Aye, I am. I am the head of my house, by the King's decree," she looked envious for a moment, "and I am barren. That means that no man will ever want to wed me, but I have no intention of living my life alone--or without comfort and pleasure. If you think that makes me some sort of loose woman, I am sorry." Eowyn grimaced.
"No, I didn't mean that! I should know by now that the usual rules don't apply to you. It just took me aback, that is all--that you would sleep with someone you didn't love."
"Well, seeing as the man I love won't have a thing to do with me in that fashion, I really have no choice but to sleep with people I am friends with instead!" I grinned at her to soften the sting of it, and she looked back at me almost apologetically. "Besides, I don't love your brother, and you've been trying to get us together for some time now! Can you honestly tell me you would have been upset if I slept with Eomer?"
"I suppose not," she admitted. "But only because I was thinking that if you bedded him, you would come to appreciate his finer qualities and want to marry him."
"I would have to bed him to see his finer qualities?" I asked, with a bit of a smirk. She laughed.
"That does sound bad, does it not? Perhaps it is as you said in Mundberg--I am getting married, so I want all my friends to be happily married too."
"I do not need to be married to be happy, which is a good thing, given the circumstances." We were approaching the first herd of horses, which looked to be mares with foals, some of them quite new and tiny, at side. They gamboled and frisked in a manner most appealing, and by silent agreement, we both drew rein a little way away, and simply watched for a while.
"What is it like?" Eowyn asked eventually, blushing a little. "To sleep with someone, I mean. I do know a little about what goes on," she added hastily, "No one raised among horse-breeders, and with Eomer for a brother could not know! But I am curious about how it feels.....for the woman." I thought for a moment upon what would be best to say.
"With Elrohir, it is very pleasurable. But then, he has been doing this for a very long time, and he can see into my mind and know if I am enjoying what he is doing. I have never slept with a man, so I cannot tell you if it is different, or if it is, in what way it is different. From things I've heard among the Rangers, I think it can be uncomfortable if a man is only intent upon seeking his own pleasure." I gave her a reassuring smile. "You will not have to worry about that with Faramir, I am sure. He is the gentlest and most considerate of men."
"Have you and he ever....no wait, you said you had not slept with a man. Has he some...practice in such matters? Do you know?" I grinned.
"I have an idea, but that is a question you will have to ask him yourself." She narrowed her eyes at me.
"He won't talk about you either, you know."
"Oh really? What did you ask him?"
"How you came to be with the Rangers. He said that they'd rescued you from a band of orcs, and if I wanted to know anything else, I should ask you, for it was your tale to tell."
"That was considerate of him. Not that you don't know most of it already--I told you the orcs killed my family." She lifted her reins, and we began to make a slow circuit around the herd.
"None of these, I think," I told her, "for I have only been gifted the one horse, and when I get to Dol Amroth, I will not have time to return the foal."
"I do not think Eomer would begrudge you, Hethlin. He certainly will not mind if you take one of the newly bred mares. That is what I would do, were I you."
"Where are they?"
"Further up the valley. The yearlings are next."
"Well, let's have a look at them. I'd like to pick mine before the Prince picks for Lothiriel."
"Eomer has already brought up the best of the two-year-olds for the Prince to look at. He'll show them to him tomorrow. He felt that he had charged the Prince too much for a yearling, but he did not want to admit it." She frowned a little. "What is that about anyway? Why does the Princess need a horse? Her father has plenty, and all she ever cares about is clothes."
"I believe she would like to try her hand at training one."
"Morelike she would like to try her hand at training my brother," Eowyn growled. "I've seen the way she looks at him." I smiled, and smoothed the chestnut's mane.
"She is actually a very good rider-- but you've seen her, so you know that. And she is Faramir's youngest cousin, and he loves her dearly. She is also one of the great ladies of Gondor's nobility, and knows all the customs of the court and everybody of note in it. For all those reasons, I would befriend her, were I you. She could be a very useful person to know--far more so than myself."
"She is naught but a silly girl!"
"You would think so of anyone who looked at your brother, I imagine. And I'll own she may be a bit flighty, but I don't think she's a fool. None of the Prince's children are. She has a good heart. I rather imagine she will be ready to love you for Faramir's sake." Eowyn still looked unimpressed, so I decided to cease speaking of Lothiriel's virtues.
We approached the herd of yearlings, who scattered before us, bucking and rearing and showing off. I got off the chestnut, and handed the reins to Eowyn, who took them with a smile, and watched as I walked into the midst of them. They jumped away from me as I moved forward, but then I halted, simply waiting with my hands at my sides. Eventually, their curiosity won out over fear, and some of them came back over, stretching heads out cautiously. Velvet noses brushed my ears, face, arms and back. I looked about, assessing possible future mounts. One filly, a blue roan with a startling white star in the middle of her black face was particularly bold, and actually suffered me to give her a good scratching between the eyes and under the chin. She pinned her ears back, squealed, and lashed a hind hoof out at a colt who tried to get some attention for himself. Eowyn chuckled.
"She's a feisty one, and she seems to like you." I scratched the underside of her neck, and her chest, and her lips got all loose and wobbly with pleasure. Looking her over, I was not displeased--she was a big-boned, long-legged filly. She would be some time growing up, but when she was mature, it looked as if she might be swift and sure-footed.
"I like her too. She's definitely a possibility." I walked back to the mare, and the filly followed a short way, before one of her fellow yearlings made the mistake of taking a snap at her. A battle ensued, and I had to dodge flying hooves quickly. Swinging back up into the saddle, I made an exaggerated sound of relief, and Eowyn laughed once more.
"Would you like to eat some lunch before we look at the mares?" she asked. "There's a stream nearby, and we could sit in the shade. It should be very pleasant." I agreed that sounded like a good idea, so we rode to a little copse of trees hard by the stream, hobbled our horses, and laid out our lunch. The ride had given us a good appetite, and for a time there was no conversation between us, merely the sounds of chewing and drinking. Eventually, I indicated that I would like a drink, and she passed the skin of ale to me. I took a deep draught, wiped my mouth, and handed it back. Then I asked about the things I had noticed earlier.
"Eowyn, some of the servants yesterday, and that man in the stables this morning, seemed somewhat unfriendly towards you. Are people here angry that you're marrying Faramir? Would they prefer you took a Rohirric husband?" Eowyn looked down at her lap for a moment, and her cheeks flushed a dusky red.
"No, it is not that which upsets them."
"What is it then? If you do not mind my asking." She seemed reluctant to answer for a long moment, but she was not lacking in courage, and eventually she sighed, looked up, and met my eyes.
"When Theoden King rode forth from Edoras, he had to appoint someone to lead the people in his absence. No man would remain behind, so as I was the last available member of the house of Eorl, he charged me with the rulership." I stared at her for a moment, uncomprehending. Then it sank in.
"You were the....I guess it would be the Regent of Rohan?" Eowyn nodded. Before I could think about what I was saying, the words slipped out--"What were you doing on the Pelennor then?" Her eyes went flinty for a moment.
"Destroying the Witch-King, if you recall." I flushed slightly myself.
"That is not what I meant. How was it you came to be there?"
"Theoden King charged me with removing the people to the relative safety of Dunharrow, while the Eorlingas rode to Helm's Deep. He said that any survivors of the battle would return there. I did as he had bade me, and oversaw the evacuation. After the battle, Aragorn arrived at Dunharrow in advance of the army, with his Grey Company, Legolas and Gimli, and the lords Elladan and Elrohir. He spoke of riding the Paths of the Dead in the morning. I tried to dissuade him, but he would have none of it. I asked him to allow me to ride with him, but he refused. The next morning, I begged him not to go one more time, but was forced to watch him ride away to certain death beneath the mountains." Eowyn's face darkened at the memory.
"Theoden King arrived next, with the Riders from Helm's Deep. The site of the muster had been changed to Dunharrow rather than Edoras, as Gandalf had commanded, and the rest of the Riders were waiting for him when he arrived. He spent the night, and rode forth to Mundberg in the morning. Before he left, I begged him to allow me to accompany him, and he refused me as well. So I went to a man of our household, long loyal to Eomer and myself, a good captain of men who had been walking wounded at the Deep, and asked him to watch over the people for me. Then I clad myself as a soldier, and fell in with the company of the Riders, calling myself Dernhelm."
"Did no one notice?"
"Elfhelm the Marshall knew that it was I, I think, but he said naught to anyone. At Edoras, I took Meriadoc up before me, for the king had forbidden him to travel further as well. The rest you know."
I was silent for a long moment, while she watched me like a hawk, with those narrowed eyes. At length, I said, "So the people that are unhappy with you--it is because they feel you deserted them?" She nodded.
"Even so. And I did, in truth, I admit that. But I was desperate, Hethlin, you have no idea how desperate! Aragorn had gone forth to what I believed was certain doom, and my uncle and my brother were riding forth to Mundberg with the flower of Rohan's manhood on what seemed a doomed errand as well. And I, I was to stay at Dunharrow like a good girl, and die out of sight and out of mind!"
"If all were to perish in the end, Eowyn, did it truly matter where you died?" I asked gently.
"Of course it did! I wanted to be with my kin! Did you not once tell me that you wished you had been with your family when the orcs came, even if it had meant you would have been killed too?" I nodded.
"That is true enough."
"I wished to die with the Riders, on the field of battle, not trapped like a rat in a hole, fighting off orcs with a distaff! I am a warrior trained and wished to die as one!"
"But what of the people with whose care you had been entrusted? Did they not deserve warriors to defend them? King Theoden must have trusted you greatly to give you such a charge." Her lips curled up in a bitter smile.
"Trust me greatly? Indeed, he should have--I had only cared for him, trying to stave off Grima's influence, since before I was a woman! But there was no thought of my ability or worthiness when he granted me that post. Do you want to know how it happened, Hethlin, how it was that I was given my oh-so-honorable charge?" Her blue eyes glittered suddenly with unshed tears.
"The King was ready to leave Edoras for Helm's Deep, and he declared Eomer his heir, saying that if both of them were slain, the folk would have to choose a new ruler. Then he said that someone must rule the people he left behind, and asked if any of his men would stay behind. None of the men wished to forego the battle, or be considered recreant, and none of them spoke. So he asked the people who it was that they would have lead them, in whom they put their trust. And his doorwarden, Hama, who later fell at Helm's Deep, told him that the people trusted in the House of Eorl." She dragged her sleeve across her eyes angrily.
"Do you know what Theoden King said then, as I stood hard by, as I had ever stood by, ready to support and care for him? He said 'But Eomer I cannot spare, nor would he stay, and he is the last of that house.' It was Hama who had to remind him that I even existed, and that the people loved me! And it was only then, after he had asked every other one of his men and found them all unwilling to remain behind, that he was only too glad to lay the task upon me. It was no testament to my ability--I was merely convenient!" The pain in her voice told me that this wound was still very recent and unhealed.
"I can see where you might have felt you had the right to disregard a charge given you in such a back-handed way," I said in a tone I thought was sympathetic. Eowyn's eyes went flinty again.
"But?" she inquired, her tears vanishing, and her voice cool of a sudden. I looked at her in puzzlement.
"But what?"
"You do not approve, do you?" Sensing the possibility of peril of some sort, I chose my words carefully.
"I thought you were asking for my understanding, not my approval."
"Can I not have both? You are my friend, are you not?"
"Aye, that I am. But that does not mean I will agree with everything you ever do. Any more than I would expect you to agree with all of my decisions."
Eowyn nodded a grim acknowledgment, then asked, "So, what do you think? Speak truly."
Troubled, I reached for my borrowed mare's bridle, and ran it through my hands.
"What would you have me say, Eowyn? From what little I have seen, your people admire the deeds of the single warrior greatly--you have a tradition of it. But I was trained in Ithilien, and there, when we were patrolling, or setting an ambush, we needed to know that every man was in his ordered place. Many lives could have been lost, had someone decided to go forth and seek glory on their own."
"'Twas not about seeking glory, Hethlin!" Eowyn protested. "I simply wished to die with my brother and uncle!"
"You were ordered to care for the refugees in Dunharrow, though--what of them?"
"The captain I left in charge would have done a far better job than I, had it come to an actual battle. Though I am trained as a warrior, I have had no experience as a commander. And the King had given me full rule--I had the right to appoint another in my stead, even as he had done."
"Even were that so, it was you that the people loved. They would have fought all the more fiercely had you been there, and the Enemy had attacked." The Lady of Rohan grimaced.
"You speak of things that might have come to pass, not of what actually happened."
"That is true enough," I acknowledged. I started to get up, to go to my horse and bridle it, then sat back down.
"Have you spoken of this to Faramir yet?" I asked Eowyn after a moment's long silence. She was watching me somewhat expressionlessly.
"I did, for I wished to be honest with him. I did not want him hearing it from someone else. And in truth, I told him before he ever declared his love for me. Perhaps I hoped to frighten him away." I raised an eyebrow at that admission.
"What did he say?"
"He said that he knew about it, and that it did not matter." I fear I must have gaped at her for a moment.
"He said WHAT?"
"He said that he knew about it, and that it did not matter," Eowyn reiterated tonelessly. The blood pounding in my ears, I continued to stare at her, and realized that I was having an epiphany like unto what she had had but moments before. Though I had heard from Faramir's own lips that it was Eowyn he loved and intended to marry, I knew now that some lingering crumbs of hope had still remained, unbeknownst even to myself. The knowledge of their existence came to me at the same time as I felt them die, for if he could forgive her this, he was hers totally, and without reservation.
"Well then, if Faramir knows and thinks you were not at fault, it is hardly my place to say otherwise," I heard myself saying in a calm voice, "for I have always held him to be a peerless advisor where matters of honor are concerned." Eowyn shrugged.
"I did not say that he believes me blameless. It is merely not that important to him. It would seem he seeks qualities in a wife other than those possessed by a good soldier." I gave her a hard stare at that, wondering if she were being intentionally insulting, but she seemed rather oblivious to my offense. "Do you still desire him?" she asked matter-of-factly after a moment's silence. I nodded somberly.
"Aye, that I do." Her gaze suddenly became penetrating.
"What will you do when you return to Minas Tirith? It will be a year or more before we are wed."
"Do? I shall do nothing! What is it you think I would do? Try to win him away from you?" I was suddenly irritated at the veiled insults, intended or not. "Nothing has changed, Eowyn--I am still barren and it is still you that he desires! And even if Lord Elrond did change the first, the second would keep me from him! I have no desire to play the lovesick girl--unlike some people I know! I am making a new life for myself, and he has no part in it, other than as a friend. I do not see why you cannot accept that." A flash of annoyance crossed Eowyn's face when I implied that she'd acted like a lovesick girl, but her voice was still reasonably level.
"You are a warrior through and through, Hethlin, and I know that well. How could I not believe that you would fight for him? And in truth, I wonder if you would judge me as harshly in the matter of Dunharrow as you seem to do, were I not Faramir's betrothed. I think there is some part of you that wishes to discredit me as a soldier, so that you might feel better about losing him."
"That may very well be true," I admitted, standing and moving once more to bridle my mare. "But if I judge you harshly for anything, it is because you cost me North Ithilien." Eowyn startled.
"What? How is it that I had anything to do with that?" The mare accepted the bit, and I pulled the bridle over her ears.
"I just now figured it out. When the King asked me to go to Dol Amroth, his exact words were 'Swear fealty to Prince Imrahil now, and study with him for two years, and at the end of that time, should you desire to return to Ithilien, I will grant your request.' Later on, he told me about wanting me to guard his queen, and about his having seen me doing something important at Dol Amroth. But that was not what he said at first." I began tightening the girth. Eowyn had risen as well, and was preparing her own mount, a somewhat strained expression on her face.
"Admittedly," I continued, "he did not promise me the captaincy if I did what he wished. But I have been thinking as we talked here about why it was that mine was the only appointment of Faramir's that he did not confirm, and I think it was because I am a woman. I am a woman, he did not know me personally, and the only other mortal woman he has known to be given such a responsible martial position is you. So because you walked away from your duty, I have been sentenced to two years in Dol Amroth, to prove to him that I will not do the same the first time I find a man I like, or something else I want to do better. THAT is the important thing I have to do there." Finishing my preparations, I swung into the saddle, and Eowyn followed suit a moment later.
"I think that that is a bit unlikely, Hethlin," she said. "You cannot blame me for everything that goes wrong in your life. If you could not win Faramir's heart, it is because you were not the sort of woman he could love. And if Aragorn did not choose to confirm your captaincy, it is certainly not my fault! He must have seen some lack in you somewhere."
"Even as I have seen in you this day?" I inquired, so weary and heart-sick of a sudden that I could not even be angered at her words. "I think it best if we leave off this sort of talk, lady. It does neither of us credit. Perhaps we should return to Edoras now." I urged the mare forward, and Eowyn fell in beside me.
"But what of your horse?" she inquired in surprise. I shook my head.
"I have no need of another horse, Eowyn--Fortune serves me well enough. In truth, I do not even know if the Prince would allow it, or how I would afford to feed it."
"The Prince would not mind, I know he would not, and Eomer will be insulted if you do not choose. He it was who declared that you should have one, if taking something from my hands distresses you. It will be seen as an affront to the House of Eorl to refuse his gift." I shrugged.
"I will explain that I was confronted with so many beautiful horses that there was no way I could choose but one. And that is the truth, for the most part." She looked as if she wanted to say something else, but after a moment, simply nodded, lifted her chin, and led the way back in silence to Edoras. We unsaddled, brushed and put our mounts away, still silently, and said no word of goodbye to each other as we parted company. I took such dinner as I had appetite to eat in my room that evening, for I did not wish to sit at table under keen Elven eyes, and thought hard upon what had passed between us that day, and about whether the friendship between us had ever been anything but an illusion.