Disclaimer: Buena Vista owns the Power Rangers. No profit from or offense intended to Motel 6: I really do love them. They leave the light on for you, after all. Thanks to the Saturday morning Ranger Comm chatters, who graciously agreed to play when I asked "What is love?" at 6:30 AM.
"I wanna talk to you," he began, carefully freeing his left hand and pressing his palm against Cam's. They both knew those smiley faces were supposed to be each other's expressions. "I screwed up, y'know?"
He lifted his gaze to Cam's again, and damned if his heart wasn't racing fast enough to make his fingers cold and his palms sweaty. It was like the beginning of a race, before the gate dropped and there were still a million things that could go wrong: the clutch, the filter, the fuel... hell, even the brakes. Back at the beginning when you still had time to think about what you were doing.
"I'm sorry," he said awkwardly, searching Cam's face for some sign of understanding. "I didn't mean to... y'know, come off as such a jerk. I just--I was just surprised."
Cam was frowning. "What are you talking about?" Suspicious. Guarded. Probably waiting for the punchline. But... he had meant it, right? Cam didn't say things like that for the hell of it.
"This morning." Last night, but he wasn't going to say it. "I didn't--I don't blame you for what happened, all right? I mean... not at all."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Cam snapped. "But if this is about last night, I told you, it won't happen again. Can we just get over it already?"
"No," he said, pushing harder against Cam's hand before letting it go. "I can't. Look... I tried, and I can't." He swallowed, knowing he had to keep going until Cam got it and he couldn't let him interrupt. "'Cause I want it to happen again, and I know you don't, not if it doesn't mean more than just sex, but you kind of sprung it on me--this whole thing, y'know?
"You've had all this time to think about it," he continued, looking away for half a second before his gaze was drawn inevitably back. "I haven't. You know I don't even--usually... really think about things. Like, how I--I dunno, feel about people."
He shrugged uncomfortably, speaking faster when Cam opened his mouth to say something. "I mean, if they piss me off, they piss me off, right? And if they're hot, then yeah... I notice, but it's not like I analyze my feelings or any of that--stuff." He censored himself at the last second and saw Cam's lips twitch in response.
"It's just--" He struggled with the words, couldn't find them. "I mean... I don't know. I'm not saying that I don't, exactly, I just... I don't know." Frustrated, he tried again. "I just never really thought about it, y'know?"
Cam just looked at him. "That you don't what?" he asked finally. "You're not saying that you don't--what?"
Hunter swallowed. "Love you."
There was utter silence for a moment. Then, quietly, evenly, Cam echoed Hunter's own reproof from the night before. "Don't say that unless you mean it."
"I'm not saying anything," Hunter insisted. "But I can't ignore this, okay? You're the one with all the self-control. I'm just the guy with the bike and a big mouth."
Cam smiled a little, gaze flicking away for a moment. But all he said was, "Not so much self-control, really."
He touched Cam's face, just a gentle brush of fingers on skin, but it was enough to make Cam look at him again. "Yeah?" Hunter said carefully. That probably hadn't been an invitation, but short of physical resistance he was going to take it anyway. "Me neither."
Cam didn't protest, accepting the kiss as though he had expected it, somehow. His breath was cool, clean, like he had brushed his teeth since breakfast. He didn't bother to keep his mouth closed, and Hunter leaned into him with relief and eagerness and maybe a little more self-control than he had claimed. Because really, Cam was good at kissing.
"Hey," he said softly, when Cam hesitated. He caught his lower lip in a gentle kiss, nuzzled the corner of his mouth until Cam started to draw back, then continued reluctantly, "Did I mention I was... y'know, sorry, about being such a jerk this morning?"
Cam sighed, stopping where he was. "Briefly," he admitted, gazing at Hunter's mouth through half-closed eyes.
"Yeah, well--" He didn't dare kiss him again, not if Cam was going to pull away, but he couldn't think about anything else. "Just don't expect it to happen again, okay?"
Cam's soft breath of amusement warmed his skin. "Being a jerk," he inquired, closing in and not taking his eyes off of Hunter's face, "or apologizing for it? Because..." He was so close that Hunter could swear his own lips were tingling. "One of them is a given, and the other--"
Cam turned his head and leaned forward, and Hunter closed his eyes in frustration. God damn it. Cam was gonna kill him. "I thought you apologizing was a sign of the apocalypse," Cam whispered in his ear.
"If you don't shut up and kiss me," Hunter gritted, holding himself as still as he could, "I'll show you your apocalypse."
He felt fingers close around his arm and he couldn't stand it anymore. One hand found Cam's waist and the other landed on his shoulder, pushing him back against the doorjamb as their mouths met in a clumsy tangle of warmth and stolen breath. "Don't mess around with me," he whispered, his heart pounding in his ears. "You're the one with the self-control, remember."
"Yeah..." Cam's head fell back against the wall, swallowing hard as Hunter kissed his jaw, his neck, tongue and lips exploring the contours of his throat. His voice was uneven as he muttered, "So you keep telling me."
Hunter smiled inwardly, finding the pulse point beneath his jaw and sucking gently. He heard Cam's breath catch, his head tipping further back even as his fingers clenched painfully on Hunter's arm. "Don't you dare give me a hickey," Cam whispered, the words of protest barely audible.
He licked the spot once more, then slid his hand behind Cam's head and put his mouth to better use. This time, Cam's arms snaked around him and Hunter pressed closer, trapping him against the wall and getting a mouthful of tongue for his effort. Fuck... Cam was good at that!
He felt hands against his back, his own fingers clutching Cam's clothes and then deliberately relaxing. The more ruffled Cam looked, the more Blake would smirk when he finally got off the phone... and where was he, anyway? It wasn't like it mattered, with the way the door locked automatically. No one could walk in on them by accident... they could stand there making out as long as they wanted.
And oh, he wanted. He could do this all afternoon. If kissing Cam wasn't distracting enough, those hands moving rhythmically across the small of his back, only just barely staying at a decent level--not that he would mind if they didn't, but the wondering only wound him tighter. The fabric of Cam's shirt was so thin that he could feel body heat radiating into his fingers as he rubbed them over it without even thinking, lost in the sensation of kissing, touching, feeling someone who had always been so far out of reach.
Cam didn't seem to be in any hurry to push him away, either. The closest he came was breathing, "Don't lie to me," into Hunter's mouth, which seemed uncalled for but didn't interfere with kissing too much.
"M'not," Hunter mumbled, when it occurred to him that some response might be called for. Something other than more kissing, which he was happy to offer as a bonus.
Cam turned his head, eyes closed as Hunter kissed his forehead, his temple, the line where his glasses would have been if he was wearing them. "Don't tell me you love me," he insisted, breathless but annoyingly determined, and Hunter pressed one hand against the wall behind his head in an effort to focus.
This wasn't one of those times when Cam was protesting because he thought he should. He was serious, and as much as Hunter didn't want to think about it, it looked like he would have to soon. "What if I do?" he asked at last--a reasonable question, he thought, especially when he had Cam pressed up against a wall, face flushed and lips swollen from kissing.
Cam opened his eyes and lifted his head, and it was obvious from his expression that he disagreed.
"Okay, look," Hunter said hastily, not daring to move in case he didn't find himself in this position again. He did his level best to stare at Cam's eyes, not his mouth, and to ignore the fingers that had hooked casually over the waistband of his pants. "I like you... I want you. But what do I know about this 'love' thing, right? I mean--"
A knock on the door interrupted him, and he almost swore. He would have even ignored it, but it had to be Blake, and what was so important anyway? His gaze lingered on Cam's face for a second, drawn away only when Blake's voice called, "Hey, bro, it's me."
Opening the door just a little, he demanded, "Could you give us a minute?"
"I gave you ten," Blake countered. "We're gonna meet Grandma at the chapel, so get your butt in gear and come by Shane and Dustin's room when you're ready."
"Right, whatever," Hunter said impatiently. "We'll be right there."
"Sure," Blake agreed. If he meant to say anything else, the closing door cut him off.
Cam had already straightened up, smoothing out his shirt and starting to look a little more composed. "Blake," Hunter said, and Cam just nodded. "No," Hunter continued, before he could say anything. "You don't get it. I love Blake. He's my bro, and I love him. But he's pretty much it, y'know?"
Cam paused, not quite looking at him.
"I don't love you like a brother," Hunter told him. "So what do I have to compare this to? Not a lot. I don't even know what I'm feeling, half the time. Just that... being with you, like this--or any way, really--is good. I don't want to lose that."
Cam looked at him then, finally, an intent look that wasn't wary or curious or mad. What it was, though, was uninterpretable. "I don't want to either," he said quietly.
"Okay," Hunter said, when he didn't add anything else. "Well... we're good then, right? I'll--I'll think about the love thing, and you can, y'know. Think about the sex."
That made Cam smile. "Right," he said dryly. "I'll just think about the sex. That's fair."
"I can't stop thinking about it," Hunter informed him. "I don't know what you're complaining about."
Cam's smile faded, but he didn't look away. "Are you... you're not just saying this to--" He stopped, and Hunter wasn't surprised. He'd seen that coming from the start.
"Get you in bed?" Hunter finished. "You really think I'd struggle through this shit just for sex? Forget it." The last part might have been a little too vehement, but it made Cam's lips quirk again.
"Sorry," Cam said wryly. "Forgot who I was talking to for a minute."
"No kidding," Hunter grumbled. "And they say guys are easy."
The picture of innocence, Cam inquired, "Who told you that?"
"You know damn well who told me that," Hunter informed him. "Would you get dressed already? Blake's gonna be back to make fun of us any minute."
Cam didn't move. "Did you tell Blake?" he asked, his eyes dark and unreadable.
"Didn't have to," Hunter said, uncomfortable with the feeling that he had done something wrong already. "We're bros, Cam. He just knew."
Cam nodded wordlessly. It was hard to tell whether he cared or not, and he headed back into the room for his shoes and coat before Hunter could decide. He followed him with his eyes, fairly certain that if he were smart he would just let it go.
"I'm not trying to make this a big deal or anything," Hunter told him. "But Blake agonized about him and Tori to me for years. You gotta expect me to return the favor, right?"
"Are you comparing me to Tori?" Cam asked over his shoulder.
Hunter blinked. "What? No... what?" he repeated, frowning.
Cam turned, sitting down to put his shoes on, and Hunter caught sight of the smile he wasn't making any effort to hide. "Jeez, Cam, don't say things like that," he grumbled. "Not today, all right? I'm overanalyzing stuff enough as it is!"
"Good," Cam said, surprising him again. "Because you know what? I've had to think about it a lot longer than you, and it's driving me crazy."
Hunter gave him a suspicious look. "I thought it was 'fine'."
Cam didn't even lift his head, but Hunter could see him roll his eyes. "I didn't say I couldn't handle it. I'm just saying, if it's your turn to suffer a little, well, I'm okay with that."
"Thanks," Hunter said dryly, deciding not to wonder what that meant. "Now I feel wanted."
Cam paused, and this time he did catch Hunter's eye. He didn't say anything, though, just looked back down and finished tying his shoes. It was a very obvious about-to-say-something moment, and he had just as obviously changed his mind. More secrets were not what Hunter needed right now.
"What?" he demanded, not about to put up with it. "What was that?"
"Nothing," Cam said, getting to his feet. He turned away, retrieving his tie from the bar by the window and sliding it under his collar.
"No, it's not 'nothing,'" Hunter retorted. In the back of his mind, he was aware that he was being more obnoxious than was strictly necessary. But he was out of his depth here, and the best he could do was work with what Cam gave him. "Tell me what you were going to say!"
Cam hesitated again, hands on the ends of his tie as he looked back at Hunter. Then he was coming over, walking right up and pressing his mouth to Hunter's before he even realized what was happening. One hand started on his chest and the other behind his neck--there were a lot of erogenous zones between the neck and the waist, and damned if Cam didn't hit every one of them in twenty seconds or less.
Hunter didn't waste time with surprise. He kissed Cam hungrily, surrendering himself to the full body assault--almost full body... and God, didn't he wish! He pushed closer, hands on Cam's arms, sliding around to his back, groaning as Cam leaned into him and ground their hips together. How the fuck was Cam so good at that!
It was the kissing, he thought frantically, raking his fingers across Cam's back. It was just because they had been making out before that he could be so turned on so fast. God, he wanted... His body was hot and his brain was numb, overwhelmed by the realization that Cam could do pretty much anything to him right now and he wouldn't protest. Where the hell had Cam gotten that kind of power?
When had Hunter given it to him?
"Do you know what it's like?" Cam whispered, breath hot against his ear. His voice was surprisingly even, given that Hunter was kissing every bit of exposed skin he could find. "To think of this--to wonder what it would be like--every time we touch?"
Cam's breath caught as Hunter's hands slid down, pressing them closer together, but he persisted, "Every time we dance? Every single time you kneel in front of me at a show! Do you have any idea?"
"Yeah," Hunter muttered, knowing he shouldn't admit it. But performing with Cam had been getting more and more interesting lately. "A little... yeah. I do."
He heard Cam swallow, felt his exhalation as their mouths found each other again. Closing his eyes, he gave himself up to the feeling of those hands on his body, Cam's tongue in his mouth, and the ache that was growing with every kiss, every touch, every gasp he couldn't suppress. He was in so much trouble here, and he didn't even care.
He heard the phone ring, felt Cam push him away, and he groaned in frustration. This wasn't going anywhere. It couldn't, no matter how good it felt. Blake was getting married, and wouldn't that be hell to explain. Sure bro, I really wanted to be at your wedding, but I was too busy screwing my best friend.
He didn't care. He did, and that was the problem. He didn't want to care. And if that didn't sum up the way he felt about just about everything right now, he didn't know what did.
He wasn't used to thinking about things like this, wondering whether it was right or wrong, what he "should" do. He kept it safe, he wasn't committed to anyone, and he knew how to take "no" for an answer. Sex had never been about love, not for him. But apparently it was for Cam, and he couldn't shrug that off.
Cam loved him. The strangeness, the novelty of the idea hadn't worn off yet, although the sheer terror it provoked was beginning to abate a little. Cam knew everything there was to know about him, after all. He had never expected Hunter to return his feelings, so there wasn't any pressure there.
No, Cam didn't expect anything of him. Cam would probably keep being his friend no matter what. It wasn't Cam that was making this hard--near impossible, even--to figure out. It was Hunter.
Opening his eyes, he stared at Cam's back as the other assured his brother that yes, they really were on their way. No, they weren't planning to hold up the entire wedding, and yes, he understood that Blake wasn't going to leave the hotel without them. He was perfectly composed, typically sarcastic and just exasperated enough to make it sound like Blake was the one being unreasonable.
I want you. Hunter formed the words silently, knowing Cam wouldn't see, knowing Cam already knew. Cam wanted him too. That wasn't the point.
Sure he wanted him. But did he love him? He didn't know. He didn't know what love was supposed to feel like. For some reason, that hadn't come up in ninja training.
If love was not being able to imagine your life without another person, then sure, he loved him. And maybe there weren't many people he could say that about right now. But he knew better than most that life didn't care what you could or couldn't imagine, and he was pretty sure he'd go on if something happened to Cam.
If love was wanting to marry someone... well, he'd never thought about it. There was no reason to. The idea of marrying Cam was just ridiculous.
If love was being with someone who made you happy, then forget it. Cam drove him nuts. How many times had Hunter threatened to drop him on the side of the road somewhere and let him hitch back to Blue Bay? How many times had Cam said it would be better than being trapped in a truck with someone who didn't know an allegory from an algorithm? There was nothing pretty about the way they argued.
But Cam knew that as well as he did. He knew how they fought, how different they were, how hard a time they had in each other's worlds. He knew his thesis bored Hunter out of his mind, and he knew Hunter would rather watch the game with someone who actually paid attention once in a while. And yet he could still say...
"How do you know?" Hunter asked abruptly.
Cam turned around, almost cross-eyed as he frowned down at the tie he was trying to arrange. "Know what?" he countered, giving it a sharp tug.
Hunter rolled his eyes, strode over and batted Cam's hands away. "That you love me," he said impatiently. He untangled the tie and smoothed it out, starting from scratch. "How do you know you love me?"
Cam held perfectly still, watching his hands. "I don't," he muttered at last. "I just said it to freak you out. How do you know how to do someone else's tie, anyway?"
"Funny," Hunter informed him. As he finished he reminded Cam, "I have a younger brother, you know."
"Yeah, you and Blake really strike me as the black tie type," Cam retorted. He pulled away as soon as Hunter was done, avoiding his gaze. He shrugged his tux over his shoulders, grabbed his wallet, and handed the phone to Hunter without another word.
Hunter took it automatically, watching Cam check his reflection on the way to the door. If he didn't follow, would Cam just walk out? He waited, but sure enough, Cam paused with his hand on the doorknob.
"I don't know how I know," he told the door. "I just do. I don't know why, and I don't know when. I just do," he repeated with a sigh.
"Hey..." He had so little clue how to answer that he was almost afraid to open his mouth. But he owed Cam some kind of response, and the only thing he was sure of was that saying nothing wouldn't cut it.
He hated this. He hated being this tentative, this scared. "You know I... well, I care a lot," he said awkwardly. "About you. You know that, right?"
Cam didn't move, and Hunter frowned down at the floor. "I just--maybe I'd say it to someone else without being sure, y'know? But not to you. I can't. Not without being sure."
Somewhat to his surprise, Cam nodded slowly. He didn't say anything, though, even when Hunter joined him silently by the door. Hunter hesitated, about to put a hand on his shoulder when Cam glanced sideways at him. "Thanks," he said quietly.
"Yeah." Hunter didn't know what else to say. "Cam I can't--" The words tumbled out before he could stop them and he halted, too late. Cam was watching him, waiting.
What the hell. He deserved to know at least as much as Blake did, right? "I can't lose you over this," Hunter muttered, eyes flicking from Cam to the door and back again. "I need you... at least as a friend, y'know? Maybe I never made a pass at you before because I didn't want to ruin that--our friendship."
Cam didn't blink. "Maybe," he repeated, not taking his eyes off of Hunter.
"No, really," Hunter said with a sigh. "Not maybe. That's why I didn't do it. Cause it's not like I never... thought about it, right? I mean..." He gestured vaguely. "Who wouldn't?"
Cam raised an eyebrow. "I don't know whether to be offended by that remark or not," he said dryly. He actually sounded amused, which Hunter took as a good sign.
This time they both jumped when someone banged on the other side of the door. Cam let go of the doorknob reflexively, and Hunter reached out to open it instead. Blake was in the hallway--alone--and he definitely didn't look amused.
"I'm trying to get married, here," he reminded them. "Sometime today, guys?"
"We're ready," Hunter said quickly. He followed Cam out into the hallway, then stopped suddenly. "Don't forget your guitar."
Cam gave him an unreadable look, and he just stared back. No, they hadn't talked about it. Yes, they were still going to do it. They had practiced before all this happened. If they could do it then, they could do it now.
Without another word, Cam turned and ducked back into the room. "What song are you doing?" Blake asked, diverted for the moment.
"It's a surprise," Hunter told him. He would never live it down if Blake found out ahead of time. He occupied himself by checking his pockets until Cam reappeared, guitar case in hand. "Let's go."
They didn't get a moment alone for the rest of the afternoon. Blake piled everyone into his car, claiming he didn't trust either Dustin or Hunter to get there on time at this point. Hunter was just grateful that Shane and Dustin let him have the front seat without argument, because he didn't think he could take riding next to Cam for any length of time right now. Blake's car wasn't that big.
Hell, no car was that big.
tbc