What a Monk Wants, a saiyuki fanfic

By: Ami

Umm… un-beta-ed cause I wanted to upload it on time… Spare my life for typos

-- What a Monk Wants --

A Sanzou's Birthday Fic by Ami the 13th

A 'hentai' birthday fic for Sanzou-sama. *glomp* ^w^ November 29th yay~!

DISCLAIMER : Who owns what, who borrows what, you know it already.

Here we go…

"Umm…" Hakkai put a hand under his chin, making a breath-taking thinking expression. Narrowing one emerald eye carefully, he lifted his head to the young blonde and smiled. "Ano, Sanzou… I don't really get it… actually… what makes you think that Goku is a bit strange lately?"

And the 20 years old monk covered his face with one hand helplessly. "I can't explain."

Hakkai couldn't help chuckling at the amusing scene in front of him. He just couldn't believe the fact that the Great don't-bother-I-can-do-it-myself Genjo Sanzou-sama had been forced to come to his and Gojyo's house, sit in front of him and tell him that his pet, of all the animals, Son Goku was getting weird lately.

"How about his eating portion?" Hakkai asked after a few seconds.

"…a bit higher than normal." Sanzou answered with a sweat drop. "…or you can call it PRETTY MUCH."

"Wow! That's so healthy!" Hakkai laughed and smartly stopped as the monk glared at him. "Ahem… and next… his attitude toward you?"

"…a bit quieter than usual." Sanzou replied.

"Doesn't it make you happy?" Hakkai couldn't help grinning. Phew. He hadn't known that he had been SO good in sarcasm.

And the blonde glared again at him.

"Umm… and…" Hakkai looked at the ceiling blankly, trying to find an inspiration. "The chaos he makes?"

"That's it." Sanzou blinked in realization and tapped the table in agreement. "…none in the whole week."

Hakkai gasped.

"—and—lately he has been out almost all the time without explaining anything to me." Sanzou added with a sigh.

"Out?!" Hakkai almost shrieked. God knew how much the saru afraid of being left alone with his San—I mean—with his friends. So practically Goku usually spent almost all of his time inside the temple though it's boring. And when he had become really bored, he would whine and sulk at Sanzou to take him out somewhere, or go to Hakkai and Gojyo's house.

That's it.

That's all.

And now… he had been out alone without telling Sanzou where he had wanted to go?

MIRACLE!

"………………………"

"…………………………"

"………you're not kidding me?"

"Do you think I'm humorist?"

"……………………………no."

"……………………………….that makes it clear."

"………………………"

"Ooh, what we're gonna do…" Hakkai groaned. "It might be a newfound virus."

"Or a bump on his blank head."

"Or a new kind of brain cancer?"

"Or the effect of radioactive."

"Mutation?"

"Evolution?"

"Alien's visit?"

"Bermuda triangle?"

"………I think we've gone too far."

"Whatever."

Hakkai shrugged and went back limp on the dining table. "Maybe you have been whacking him too hard on the scalp."

"His head is harder than the thickest steel." Sanzou refused to be blamed.

"I believe it." Hakkai sweat dropped. A normal youkai, or even God, would have gone insane with all the whacks Sanzou had given Goku in the past 4 years. "But even the thickest steel has its limit."

"But his head doesn't." Sanzou growled impatiently. "Now will you stop blaming me? It has nothing to do with those whacks. I whacked him with PAPER! Not hammer!"

"OK… I get it." Hakkai smartly stopped. "Maybe Gojyo can help us."

"What makes you think so?" Sanzou narrowed one eye in underestimation.

"Because both of us can't, so he's the only chance." Hakkai smiled as-a-matter-of-factly.

"…whatever."

***

"Stalk him."

"Stalk him?"

"Kyuu kyuu?" TRANSLATED: Stalk him?

"Yeah." Gojyo grinned widely to his brilliant idea. "He wouldn't tell you where he was going to, so stalking him is the only way."

Everybody nodded in agreement. Even Sanzou, for the very first time in his life, had agreed with the always horny half-demon.

"And so…" Hakkai smiled. "Who is going to be the stalker?"

And Gojyo went pale. Somehow he knew what was coming next...

"Well… Sanzou is obviously out of the list… because Goku might be suspicious of it…" Hakkai smiled wickedly to the shivering kappa. "And me… umm… you surely need someone to cook and clean the house, ne? I can't do the whole fun things if I volunteer doing the stalking thing…"

Here's the worst part of the whole scenario…

***

"'And so, Gojyo, we're all putting our hopes on you. Good luck.' Ch! What do they think I am?! A bloody maniac stalker?! I don't need to stalk ANYONE cause girls make their ways to me! I really hate this kind of job especially when it comes to the bakazaru!"

Our poor Gojyo was now standing in front of the main gate of Chou An Temple, muttering NC-17 rated curses for being trapped in this unpleasant situation. Massaging his stiff shoulder, his other hand lit up another cigarette. Gee. Though it's still Autumn, it felt as cold as North Pole here and not even the strongest kappa could stand this temperature.

//Damn the %^#@$^ bouzu and his $*&%^#$ pet! They owe me one for this!// # # # #

The soft footsteps from inside the temple startled the redheaded guy up. Gojyo soon hid somewhere among the bushes so the passing saru didn't realize that he was there.

"Here is another mission for Detective Sha Gojyo." Gojyo groaned tiredly. "Every mystery could be solved. At least that's what authors wrote in their Detective comics."

***

Gojyo carefully started stalking Goku from the temple to the town. Gojyo started feel tired, but Goku still stood tough on his feet. Gee. Goku was really a bundle of energy. Gojyo didn't wonder anymore why Goku always ate 10 times a normal person would do. He USED the very energy he had eaten.

"Ch, where the hell he is going to?" Gojyo grumbled under his breath.

In the other hand, Goku looked very happy and cheerful. Humming a cheerful-toned song, the monkey boy kept running without looking around. It seemed that he had known his destination very well. Then he stopped in front of one big building, looking around before entering it carefully.

//Huh?// Gojyo looked at the building. //This place is somehow familiar…//

"Hi, Gojyo-san. It has been a long time."

Gojyo jerked to the familiar voice. "W—what— Yuki?"

"Oh, you still remember me. I thought you had forgotten about me." The beautiful girl wrinkled her face. "Since the time you brought the beautiful emerald-eyed guy inside your flat, you seldom came to this place."

"T—this place---?" Gojyo gasped as he read the sign above his head: BUNNY'S HOUSE *heart symbol* For Your Pleasure *a picture of a beautiful nude lady*.

"THE SARU HAS BEEN COMING TO A PLACE LIKE THIS?!!!!!!!!"

***

"P—prostitute—place?!!!!"

Hakkai struck dumb.

Sanzou's jaw reached the floor.

Hakryuu fainted.

They looked at each other, then glared at the kappa before shrieking almost at the same time.

"NO *kyuuuu* WAY *kyuuuu*!!!"

"But that's the truth!" Gojyo yelled. "I saw it with my very own eyes!"

"But that's impossible!" Hakkai gasped. "No! That's the very least place someone like Goku would visit!"

"Have you seen him doing 'this' and 'that' with your VERY own fucking eyes, damn kappa?" A dark Sanzou grabbed the poor kappa by collar.

"Somehow I smell jealousy here…" Gojyo mumbled.

"I'm NOT fucking jealous! Now tell me before I blow your trash head!" Sanzou snarled.

"Ok! Take it easy, man! You're choking me!" Gojyo yelled.

FLASHBACK

//No way! Why the hell the saru came to such a place like this?! I've gotta follow him!// Gojyo quickly followed Goku inside.

"Oh, hi, Goku-chan. Wanna visit your chick again?" One lady greeted Goku.

"Hai, Maki-nee-chan. Where is she?" Goku asked with a cheerful grin.

"Hai, hai… she's lucky for having someone as cute as you as a regular visitor!" The beautiful lady hugged Goku happily. "I think she's inside her room now."

"Thank you!" Goku continued running inside after placing a peck on Maki's cheek.

//Gee! He's SO friendly with the girls! It means that he often comes here and--// Gojyo shivered to his own hentai thought. //I thought he WAS a little boy! Ooh~! What am I gonna do? The bouzu will kill me for this! Goddess, save meeee~!!!!! Goku is visiting chicks' place~!!!!!! Hakkai will blame me for this!!! He will surely think that I have taught the saru about this~!!! I'm SOOOOO DEAD~!!!! QQ//

"Hello, Gojyo-san. Wow. It's such a nice surprise." Maki smiled happily as she spotted the red-haired guy. "Do you want to have some fun?"

"N—no… thanks…" Gojyo's face turned paler and paler. "Umm… may I ask something?"

"Ask what?"

"The boy… the little boy who just entered…" Gojyo gulped. "Does he often come here?"

"Ooh… you mean the cute Goku-chan…" Maki laughed. "He comes here everyday."

"E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y?!!!!" Gojyo shrieked. //No! No! No! No! Nooooooooo~~~! He can't do this to me~!!!!! The duo would definitely kill me for this~!!!!!! //

"Goku-chan is so adorable. I really like him. Aww… too bad, he only likes visiting Rika… I wonder why… and—Gojyo-san? Gojyo-san? Gee… where is he?" The lady rolled her eyes and spotted no kappa around.

FLASHBACK – END

"And not only that. I have followed him to the room and you know what I heard?" Gojyo shivered at the memory.

FLASHBACK

"Oh, Goku-chan, you came again!"

"Of course! ^___^ I won't stop coming until I get what I want!"

"What an energetic boy you are! Come here, lay on the bed. Yes, just like that. I'll make you feel real good…"

"Ooh… *moan* gee… you're so good at this… *moan* *moan*"

"Of course, Goku-chan. I'm experienced."

"Please show me how to do it."

"Just touch this spot… and massage it carefully…"

"Ooh… *moan* *moan* This feels great… I wonder if I can do it well…"

"Don't worry. Be confident. Now try it on me."

"OK."

"Ooh… yes… just like that, Goku-chan… you're so talented… I'm sure you can do it better… *moan* with… that… *moan* person…"

"Really?"

"Yes. He will be really glad. That… *moan* what is his name again? *moan*"

"Sanzou. He is the person."

"Yes… *moan* That Sanzou guy is so lucky for having someone like you… *moan* You're so… kind… *moan* Please touch that… yes… just like that… it feels good…"

"Here. Do you think I'm getting better?"

"Yes. Definitely. ^_^ Now you're ready."

"Yay~! Thanks for teaching me! Now I'm ready to give it to Sanzou! See you later! Sanzou will be mad if I don't return now!"

"See you later."

FLASHBACK – END

"Give,"

"It,"

"To,"

"Sanzou?"

Sanzou and Hakkai automatically turned really red, while Hakryuu was having nosebleed.

"See?" Gojyo shrugged. "This is the end of my job. I have gathered the information, and the rest is up to you, bouzu."

"B—but—bbbut—what--what is the 'it'?!" Hakkai widened his eyes.

"How the fuck must I know? The windows were all closed, man! You don't expect me to get bashed away from a place like that for peeping, right?! That'll drop my pride as a man!" Gojyo almost shrieked.

Sanzou was now bowing his head down, turning really really red.

"Ah! I remember!" Hakkai suddenly spoke. "Tomorrow… is November 29th!"

Sanzou blinked in realization. "My… birthday?"

"Oh yes! That's it! That's why the saru has been preparing 'it'! He wants to give you 'something' for your birthday tomorrow!" Gojyo laughed.

"But—"

"OK, happy bouzu. Be grateful. Tomorrow you'll finally kiss your virginity bye bye! Don't worry, I heard that the saru had developed a great technique to make you feel good! You won't be left unsatisfied. Now please leave this house and let me have some quality time with Hakkai. The conversation has gotten me horny you know."

And with the speech, Sanzou was delivered out of the house.

***

Sanzou couldn't eat. Sanzou couldn't sleep. Sanzou couldn't do his paperwork. Sanzou couldn't chant. So practically, Sanzou couldn't do ANYTHING during the night. Sitting in front of his desk, gazing at his paperwork emptily, his mind would only repeat one statement over and over: