For a long time after Faramir departed, I remained upon the ramparts, looking down over the City below. My thoughts were a chaotic jumble, touching randomly upon our argument, and the Prince's kiss, and Elrohir's absence. I was confused as I had ever been in my life, and angry as well; angry at Faramir for his accusations, angry at Imrahil for putting me into this situation, angry at Elrohir for not being here when I needed him. Eventually, looking down at the jollility below, which had not decreased in volume for while there were fewer participants they were drunk by now and all the louder for it, I decided that it was time for me to depart.
I came carefully down the stairs to find that Mablung and Delyth had already left upon their honeymoon, in the wagon with the rest of their presents, and that I had not had a chance to tell them good-bye. This but soured my mood further, though I tried to put on a semblance of cheerfulness as I wished my Ranger friends farewell. I feared that the result was somewhat sickly-looking, but no one commented, and they might very well have thought me ill with too much drink. The few courtiers and servants I encountered upon my way to my room seemed to see nothing unusual; nonetheless, I was very glad to finally close my door behind me.
Felith had left a lamp burning upon the mantle, and I took a spill and lighted some of the others. There was no fire laid upon the hearth, since the evening was warm, though the windows and the door to the balcony were open, admitting the gentle night breezes.
Undressing slowly, I gazed upon my reflection in the mirror that hung in the bathroom. My face looked tired and troubled, but did not seem to adequately reflect the turmoil in my mind. Donning a nightgown, I brushed my hair for longer than usual, for the repetitive motion was soothing, then sought my bed, though I feared that sleep would elude me.
And my fears were correct. I snuffed the lamps, save the small one on the mantle, went to bed--and rested there with my eyes wide open, unable to sleep. Wondering if I should try to anchor and reach for Elrohir, or if it was wise for a novice such as myself to try to reach so far with no help at hand. Thinking back over every contentious word Faramir and I had exchanged, and contemplating the death of our friendship. Remembering Imrahil's kiss, and pondering every feeling it had engendered in me.
It seemed as if I had lain there thinking for half the night, though it was probably only an hour or so, when the knock came at my door. It was a soft knock, and at first I thought that I was imagining things. When it was repeated after a few moments, I got up silently, went to find and don my robe, then moved to the door and opened it. To my very great surprise, Prince Imrahil stood there, though it looked as if he had been about to turn away.
"My lord?" I questioned quietly, and he gave me a tired smile.
"Did I wake you, Hethlin? I apologize if I did." I shook my head.
"Nay, I couldn't sleep." He nodded.
"I could not either. I know that it is not proper, but I was wondering if I could come in and talk to you for a few minutes. I promise that I will behave myself." My answering smile was wry.
"I am not worried about that, my lord." Standing aside, I let him enter the room, and went to light the lamps once more. He came in, closing the door, and I heard a low chuckle.
"Should I be flattered or dismayed by that, I wonder?" I rubbed my eyes tiredly, having no energy to do other than respond literally.
"I meant that I trust you, my lord."
He seated himself, and sobered. "Then I am complimented indeed." Having completed my lamplighting duties, I seated myself in the other chair, and watched him look about the room with appreciation.
"It is a pleasant chamber, and it suits you, with all the forest creatures."
"You did not come so late this evening to discuss the furnishings in my room, my lord. What did you come for?"
"To make sure that you were all right, for one thing. And to try to explain myself, for another. Faramir seemed a bit....disturbed this evening. Did he speak to you after I left?"
"You could say that. He questioned me about what had happened to you on the way to Lorien, and I told him that he would have to talk to you about that. Then he asked me if the elves had done something to you to make you behave so strangely. I told him that they had not. He then accused me of seducing you, since, he said, you would never have done what you did lightly, and without some idea that your feelings were returned. The Steward and I are not friends at present, my liege." The Prince winced, and frowned.
"Oh Hethlin, I am sorry! I would never have intentionally sown discord between you and Faramir! I expect that I shall see him at some point before the day is out. Rest assured I will inform him that you have not tried to seduce me." Shrugging, I leaned back in my chair.
"It matters not. Your actions were not the only thing that drove the wedge between us. The anger and disappointment I felt in Edoras surfaced. I touched upon Eowyn and her desertion, and upon his father. It was not a.......pretty.... conversation by any measure you would choose to use, and while he was the first to draw blood, I finished the fight."
Imrahil sighed, his expression contemplative. "In truth, I am not entirely surprised. I have raised three sons and a daughter, and they love me well, but each of them in their own time and their own way came to a point where they wished to declare their independence of parental bonds--and then we quarreled. Faramir has been many things to you, including a father-substitute, whether you care to admit it or not, and watching you in Edoras I could see that you were growing up and that the time would soon come when the relationship between the two of you would have to change."
"To change is one thing, but to end entirely is quite another," I said gloomily. The Prince gave me a comforting smile.
"Faramir will remember that he is your friend, never fear that he won't."
"I think that it is going to take a while. He was very angry."
"And you were very angry. And you had cause. It may well take a while. But I do believe it will happen." Sighing, I leaned forward in my chair, elbows on knees.
"Well, at least some good has come of this." At Imrahil's questioning look, I explained, "I am so very vexed with him that I almost don't care that he's marrying Eowyn anymore. I wish her joy of him."
"You would have wished them joy even if you were not angry with him, Hethlin. I know you well enough to know that." The Prince's voice was gentle.
Rolling my eyes, I declared, "That is as may be, but I get very tired of being a good person sometimes, do you know that?" Imrahil grinned his pirate's grin.
"It is tiresome, isn't it?"
Suddenly recollecting something, I sat up and gave him an intent stare. "Speaking of bad people, my lord, weren't you going to explain about that kiss to me?" He straightened a bit in his chair as well, and rested his elbows upon the chair's arms. The fingers of his right hand began playing with the rings upon his left--the great carved sapphire that was the seal of Dol Amroth, and his wedding and betrothal bands.
"Ah. Yes. Well. The night is not getting any younger, after all." He seemed suddenly nervous, if that could be believed, and I watched him curiously, for I had never seen him in such a mood before. After a few moments of fidgeting, he took a deep breath, made a visible effort to calm himself, and spoke. "Hethlin, I am afraid that I was not entirely honest with you about my reasons for that kiss."
I frowned, puzzled. "What do you mean?" A rueful, almost ashamed expression came over his face.
"Simply that I wasn't as drunk as you might have thought--Lord Elrond warned me I would have little capacity for such for a while, so I have been cautious--and I wasn't overcome by the festivities. Kissing you was something I had thought about and wanted to do for a very long time, and when a happy chance threw you into my arms, I was quite overcome by the opportunity presented me, and used the excuse of the forfeit to accomplish my desire."
"You wanted to kiss me?" My brow furrowed as I pondered the significance of this statement.
"Oh yes. Very much. And having done so, I want to do so again. And the other things that follow as well." That took a moment to sink in, and when it did, I began to blush furiously.
"You wish to lie with me?" My words came out in an embarassing squeak, and I was suddenly very conscious of my state of undress, the way my robe gaped slightly, and the fact that we were alone in my room. Despite his statement, he made no move towards me but remained sitting upright in his chair, his brow arched.
"You misunderstand me. Or perhaps I am not expressing myself particularly well. The hour is late, and people become incoherent at such times. I do not desire some sort of illicit liason with you, Hethlin--I am asking you to become my wife."
I had taken an arrow high in the shoulder once--Haradrim, not orcish, thankfully--and his calm statement thudded home in much the same way.
"You would not have to wed me to sleep with me, my lord!" I blurted, and he frowned.
"Do you mean that I have your permission to take advantage of you in that way, or that because of my position, I could do so without fear of reprisal?"
"Nay! Neither! I mean....oh, I guess what I am trying to say is that wanting to do that is not a good reason to marry someone." The Prince's face cleared immediately, and he smiled, the singularly sweet smile that had so shaken me at the dance.
"Indeed it is not! And it is fitting that you should question my intentions! In answer, I will say to you that it is not merely desire that brings me to propose to you. I was attracted to you from the day we went on that picnic together, and I realized that I loved you on the trip to Lorien. The day that you had to carry me before you on your horse, after I was wounded.......that was arguably one of the worst and best days of my life, all at once. One of the worst because I spent the whole day thinking I was going to die between each breath and the next, and was in such agony that I was almost hoping I would. And one of the best, because your arms were around me, and you were speaking to me. You have the most beautiful speaking voice," he added, almost inconsequentially, and I turned red as a rose.
"But I can't sing. I sound like a frog."
"You sing when you speak," he corrected me gently, and I felt my heart make that peculiar thump in my chest once more. He was watching me expectantly, his sea-grey eyes glowing softly in a way that Faramir's never had, and suddenly panic overcome me. The Prince of Dol Amroth had just told me that he loved me!
"What shall I say?" I entreated him, as if he were not the very person who had put me in this state with his proposal.
"Say what you will, yeay or nay, without fear," he replied calmly. "I am not the sort who would take offense were you to refuse me."
"What about the King's charge?" He leaned back in his chair.
"I think the King would be glad enough to find another bodyguard for his Queen, were you to become my wife. I would certainly expect him to." He did not seem at all dismayed about the prospect of confronting Aragorn about the matter.
"I would not be training to be a Swan Knight then." Imrahil gave me a surprised look.
"I did not think that you truly wanted to, that you would have preferred to remain a Ranger. But I would not make you put down your sword, Hethlin--I know what it means to you. And to be blunt--I am well-provided for heirs."
"But I am not! And the Eagles expect one!" His smile was suddenly wicked once more.
"Then I think we could contrive something." My blush, which had just begun to subside, blossomed again, and I looked upon him in bafflement. The thought came to me that I was probably the only girl of good family in Gondor that wouldn't have already jumped at the chance he offered me. Here was the richest man in Gondor proposing to me! I would have wealth, position, power--and all of the nice horses I could ever want!
And it was not even as if he were some detestable, lecherous, fat, debauched nobleman who had to make up for his shortcomings with his purse! He was good and kind and gracious and gallant. He was understanding and compassionate. He was extremely handsome and charismatic. There would be no question about what kind of husband and father he would turn out to be--he had already proven he was of the finest caliber in both of those areas. His worthiness was not an issue at all.
But there were issues........"My lord, you do me more honor than I deserve," I heard myself saying, "but I will not wed with you at this time." Imrahil sighed gently, sagged wearily into his seat, and that happy glow in his eyes dimmed. I hated myself.
"May I ask why?"
I nodded. "You certainly may. At the dance a few days ago, I realized that I was indeed very attracted to you. And I am confused! I do not yet know if it was because I have a habit of becoming attracted to all of my commanders," the corners of his mouth twitched at this,"or because you remind me of your nephew, or if it is indeed a genuine feeling for you. I would not wish to wed you, and discover that I had done so to substitute you for Faramir, that you were not in fact at all alike, and be disappointed in my choice. I do not believe you would enjoy that either." The Prince accepted my explanation calmly enough, though his fingers began stroking the signet ring once more.
"No, I agree with you--that would be unpleasant. Is there anything else?" I nodded again.
"My grandfather thinks I should go North, and of course the Eagles do too. It would be difficult learning to be a Ranger in the North, but I am sure I could do it. The King wishes me to train with the Swan Knights, and that would be difficult to do as well, but I think that I could become one if I worked very, very hard. Marrying you would solve all my problems, and be the easy thing to do. Not that I'm saying that being a Princess probably doesn't bring its own sort of problems, but compared to the others..."
"...it is the easiest thing to do, so probably not the right one, by the very standards I have discussed with you before?" he finished.
"Aye!" I answered gratefully. "And then there's Elrohir to consider......"
"Indeed," he murmured, "there is Elrohir." He looked down at his hands for a long moment, then looked up at me and smiled with seeming serenity. Having become more than a little sensitive to his moods of late, I could guess what that smile cost him, and another pang of guilt smote me. "Very well then, we will leave things as they are for now. My offer still stands, should you choose to reconsider at some point. I am not so fickle in my affections that I will be making it to another, at least not in the forseeable future. And in the unlikely event that I did find another lady I held in as high regard as I hold you, I would inform you of it first." He got up, and I rose with him.
"Hethlin, I knew that my timing was not the best, but I had also heard that you were considering going North, and feared that if I did not speak, I would never have the chance to do so."
"I do not know what I am going to do, sir. Particularly now."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, it is going to be difficult for you to have me as your esquire, is it not?" He gave me a very direct look.
"That is my problem, not yours, Hethlin, and I will deal with it. You need not be concerned that my actions this night will affect your training in any way. I promise you that they will not. Make your decision as you will and do not worry about me."
"Very well, my lord. I am sorry if I hurt you--I would not do that for the world."
"You have not injured me. I asked you a question, and you gave me an honest answer. I would not have had you do otherwise, and therefore, no harm is done." He seemed sincere enough about that, though I reminded myself he was a very good actor. With an audible popping of joints, he stretched and turned to go. "Valar, but it is late! You had best get some sleep. I certainly intend to. Take tomorrow off, and come to me the day after, for lunch. I wish to discuss the trip to Rohan with you." At my surprised look, he explained.
"I know you did not wish to return there and witness Faramir's betrothal to Eowyn, but have you not considered that it would be an opportunity to spend more time with your grandfather? And Elrohir, of course."
"So Faramir said, when we were still speaking to each other. He also said that it would be the one opportunity I would have to go North in relative safety."
"He was right about that. Additionally, Andrahar will be accompanying me to Rohan, instead of returning home with the new esquires, as had originally been planned. He seems to think I need looking after, for some reason." At my shamefaced grimace, the prince chuckled.
"Cheer up, Hethlin, he blames me as well, for leaving behind my chief protector! But in any event, your training would be better served if you accompanied me. Most of your possible decisions would. The only thing against the journey I can see is that Eomer will be accompanying us. And I think that perhaps Lothiriel could be persuaded to keep him busy."
I agreed that the Princess could probably be convinced to do so without much coaxing at all, and escorted him as he went to the door. There, he turned and looked down at me, his expression undecipherable. His left hand reached up, the fingers lightly tracing the scar on my cheek for a moment. I closed my eyes, combatting a desire to lean into the hand. Feeling him step back, I opened them and found him opening the door, looking at me in a way that was gentle yet strangely intent all at once.
"Good night to you, my lady." Was there a certain possessive emphasis to the last phrase? I rather fancied that there was.
"Good night, my lord." He sketched me a bow, consciously dramatic and flamboyant, and despite my confusion and unhappiness, it was so ridiculous looking that a laugh burst from me. Then he departed.
Closing the door, I moved back into the room, which seemed rather cold and lonely without him, and moved once more to snuff the lamps. Then I laid the robe across the foot of the bed, and slipped between the sheets. For some reason tears came to me then, though they hadn't earlier when the hurt of the argument with Faramir had been fresher. And in truth, I was not even certain they were about him any more. My nose was quite stuffy and my eyes sore before I finally fell asleep.
I came carefully down the stairs to find that Mablung and Delyth had already left upon their honeymoon, in the wagon with the rest of their presents, and that I had not had a chance to tell them good-bye. This but soured my mood further, though I tried to put on a semblance of cheerfulness as I wished my Ranger friends farewell. I feared that the result was somewhat sickly-looking, but no one commented, and they might very well have thought me ill with too much drink. The few courtiers and servants I encountered upon my way to my room seemed to see nothing unusual; nonetheless, I was very glad to finally close my door behind me.
Felith had left a lamp burning upon the mantle, and I took a spill and lighted some of the others. There was no fire laid upon the hearth, since the evening was warm, though the windows and the door to the balcony were open, admitting the gentle night breezes.
Undressing slowly, I gazed upon my reflection in the mirror that hung in the bathroom. My face looked tired and troubled, but did not seem to adequately reflect the turmoil in my mind. Donning a nightgown, I brushed my hair for longer than usual, for the repetitive motion was soothing, then sought my bed, though I feared that sleep would elude me.
And my fears were correct. I snuffed the lamps, save the small one on the mantle, went to bed--and rested there with my eyes wide open, unable to sleep. Wondering if I should try to anchor and reach for Elrohir, or if it was wise for a novice such as myself to try to reach so far with no help at hand. Thinking back over every contentious word Faramir and I had exchanged, and contemplating the death of our friendship. Remembering Imrahil's kiss, and pondering every feeling it had engendered in me.
It seemed as if I had lain there thinking for half the night, though it was probably only an hour or so, when the knock came at my door. It was a soft knock, and at first I thought that I was imagining things. When it was repeated after a few moments, I got up silently, went to find and don my robe, then moved to the door and opened it. To my very great surprise, Prince Imrahil stood there, though it looked as if he had been about to turn away.
"My lord?" I questioned quietly, and he gave me a tired smile.
"Did I wake you, Hethlin? I apologize if I did." I shook my head.
"Nay, I couldn't sleep." He nodded.
"I could not either. I know that it is not proper, but I was wondering if I could come in and talk to you for a few minutes. I promise that I will behave myself." My answering smile was wry.
"I am not worried about that, my lord." Standing aside, I let him enter the room, and went to light the lamps once more. He came in, closing the door, and I heard a low chuckle.
"Should I be flattered or dismayed by that, I wonder?" I rubbed my eyes tiredly, having no energy to do other than respond literally.
"I meant that I trust you, my lord."
He seated himself, and sobered. "Then I am complimented indeed." Having completed my lamplighting duties, I seated myself in the other chair, and watched him look about the room with appreciation.
"It is a pleasant chamber, and it suits you, with all the forest creatures."
"You did not come so late this evening to discuss the furnishings in my room, my lord. What did you come for?"
"To make sure that you were all right, for one thing. And to try to explain myself, for another. Faramir seemed a bit....disturbed this evening. Did he speak to you after I left?"
"You could say that. He questioned me about what had happened to you on the way to Lorien, and I told him that he would have to talk to you about that. Then he asked me if the elves had done something to you to make you behave so strangely. I told him that they had not. He then accused me of seducing you, since, he said, you would never have done what you did lightly, and without some idea that your feelings were returned. The Steward and I are not friends at present, my liege." The Prince winced, and frowned.
"Oh Hethlin, I am sorry! I would never have intentionally sown discord between you and Faramir! I expect that I shall see him at some point before the day is out. Rest assured I will inform him that you have not tried to seduce me." Shrugging, I leaned back in my chair.
"It matters not. Your actions were not the only thing that drove the wedge between us. The anger and disappointment I felt in Edoras surfaced. I touched upon Eowyn and her desertion, and upon his father. It was not a.......pretty.... conversation by any measure you would choose to use, and while he was the first to draw blood, I finished the fight."
Imrahil sighed, his expression contemplative. "In truth, I am not entirely surprised. I have raised three sons and a daughter, and they love me well, but each of them in their own time and their own way came to a point where they wished to declare their independence of parental bonds--and then we quarreled. Faramir has been many things to you, including a father-substitute, whether you care to admit it or not, and watching you in Edoras I could see that you were growing up and that the time would soon come when the relationship between the two of you would have to change."
"To change is one thing, but to end entirely is quite another," I said gloomily. The Prince gave me a comforting smile.
"Faramir will remember that he is your friend, never fear that he won't."
"I think that it is going to take a while. He was very angry."
"And you were very angry. And you had cause. It may well take a while. But I do believe it will happen." Sighing, I leaned forward in my chair, elbows on knees.
"Well, at least some good has come of this." At Imrahil's questioning look, I explained, "I am so very vexed with him that I almost don't care that he's marrying Eowyn anymore. I wish her joy of him."
"You would have wished them joy even if you were not angry with him, Hethlin. I know you well enough to know that." The Prince's voice was gentle.
Rolling my eyes, I declared, "That is as may be, but I get very tired of being a good person sometimes, do you know that?" Imrahil grinned his pirate's grin.
"It is tiresome, isn't it?"
Suddenly recollecting something, I sat up and gave him an intent stare. "Speaking of bad people, my lord, weren't you going to explain about that kiss to me?" He straightened a bit in his chair as well, and rested his elbows upon the chair's arms. The fingers of his right hand began playing with the rings upon his left--the great carved sapphire that was the seal of Dol Amroth, and his wedding and betrothal bands.
"Ah. Yes. Well. The night is not getting any younger, after all." He seemed suddenly nervous, if that could be believed, and I watched him curiously, for I had never seen him in such a mood before. After a few moments of fidgeting, he took a deep breath, made a visible effort to calm himself, and spoke. "Hethlin, I am afraid that I was not entirely honest with you about my reasons for that kiss."
I frowned, puzzled. "What do you mean?" A rueful, almost ashamed expression came over his face.
"Simply that I wasn't as drunk as you might have thought--Lord Elrond warned me I would have little capacity for such for a while, so I have been cautious--and I wasn't overcome by the festivities. Kissing you was something I had thought about and wanted to do for a very long time, and when a happy chance threw you into my arms, I was quite overcome by the opportunity presented me, and used the excuse of the forfeit to accomplish my desire."
"You wanted to kiss me?" My brow furrowed as I pondered the significance of this statement.
"Oh yes. Very much. And having done so, I want to do so again. And the other things that follow as well." That took a moment to sink in, and when it did, I began to blush furiously.
"You wish to lie with me?" My words came out in an embarassing squeak, and I was suddenly very conscious of my state of undress, the way my robe gaped slightly, and the fact that we were alone in my room. Despite his statement, he made no move towards me but remained sitting upright in his chair, his brow arched.
"You misunderstand me. Or perhaps I am not expressing myself particularly well. The hour is late, and people become incoherent at such times. I do not desire some sort of illicit liason with you, Hethlin--I am asking you to become my wife."
I had taken an arrow high in the shoulder once--Haradrim, not orcish, thankfully--and his calm statement thudded home in much the same way.
"You would not have to wed me to sleep with me, my lord!" I blurted, and he frowned.
"Do you mean that I have your permission to take advantage of you in that way, or that because of my position, I could do so without fear of reprisal?"
"Nay! Neither! I mean....oh, I guess what I am trying to say is that wanting to do that is not a good reason to marry someone." The Prince's face cleared immediately, and he smiled, the singularly sweet smile that had so shaken me at the dance.
"Indeed it is not! And it is fitting that you should question my intentions! In answer, I will say to you that it is not merely desire that brings me to propose to you. I was attracted to you from the day we went on that picnic together, and I realized that I loved you on the trip to Lorien. The day that you had to carry me before you on your horse, after I was wounded.......that was arguably one of the worst and best days of my life, all at once. One of the worst because I spent the whole day thinking I was going to die between each breath and the next, and was in such agony that I was almost hoping I would. And one of the best, because your arms were around me, and you were speaking to me. You have the most beautiful speaking voice," he added, almost inconsequentially, and I turned red as a rose.
"But I can't sing. I sound like a frog."
"You sing when you speak," he corrected me gently, and I felt my heart make that peculiar thump in my chest once more. He was watching me expectantly, his sea-grey eyes glowing softly in a way that Faramir's never had, and suddenly panic overcome me. The Prince of Dol Amroth had just told me that he loved me!
"What shall I say?" I entreated him, as if he were not the very person who had put me in this state with his proposal.
"Say what you will, yeay or nay, without fear," he replied calmly. "I am not the sort who would take offense were you to refuse me."
"What about the King's charge?" He leaned back in his chair.
"I think the King would be glad enough to find another bodyguard for his Queen, were you to become my wife. I would certainly expect him to." He did not seem at all dismayed about the prospect of confronting Aragorn about the matter.
"I would not be training to be a Swan Knight then." Imrahil gave me a surprised look.
"I did not think that you truly wanted to, that you would have preferred to remain a Ranger. But I would not make you put down your sword, Hethlin--I know what it means to you. And to be blunt--I am well-provided for heirs."
"But I am not! And the Eagles expect one!" His smile was suddenly wicked once more.
"Then I think we could contrive something." My blush, which had just begun to subside, blossomed again, and I looked upon him in bafflement. The thought came to me that I was probably the only girl of good family in Gondor that wouldn't have already jumped at the chance he offered me. Here was the richest man in Gondor proposing to me! I would have wealth, position, power--and all of the nice horses I could ever want!
And it was not even as if he were some detestable, lecherous, fat, debauched nobleman who had to make up for his shortcomings with his purse! He was good and kind and gracious and gallant. He was understanding and compassionate. He was extremely handsome and charismatic. There would be no question about what kind of husband and father he would turn out to be--he had already proven he was of the finest caliber in both of those areas. His worthiness was not an issue at all.
But there were issues........"My lord, you do me more honor than I deserve," I heard myself saying, "but I will not wed with you at this time." Imrahil sighed gently, sagged wearily into his seat, and that happy glow in his eyes dimmed. I hated myself.
"May I ask why?"
I nodded. "You certainly may. At the dance a few days ago, I realized that I was indeed very attracted to you. And I am confused! I do not yet know if it was because I have a habit of becoming attracted to all of my commanders," the corners of his mouth twitched at this,"or because you remind me of your nephew, or if it is indeed a genuine feeling for you. I would not wish to wed you, and discover that I had done so to substitute you for Faramir, that you were not in fact at all alike, and be disappointed in my choice. I do not believe you would enjoy that either." The Prince accepted my explanation calmly enough, though his fingers began stroking the signet ring once more.
"No, I agree with you--that would be unpleasant. Is there anything else?" I nodded again.
"My grandfather thinks I should go North, and of course the Eagles do too. It would be difficult learning to be a Ranger in the North, but I am sure I could do it. The King wishes me to train with the Swan Knights, and that would be difficult to do as well, but I think that I could become one if I worked very, very hard. Marrying you would solve all my problems, and be the easy thing to do. Not that I'm saying that being a Princess probably doesn't bring its own sort of problems, but compared to the others..."
"...it is the easiest thing to do, so probably not the right one, by the very standards I have discussed with you before?" he finished.
"Aye!" I answered gratefully. "And then there's Elrohir to consider......"
"Indeed," he murmured, "there is Elrohir." He looked down at his hands for a long moment, then looked up at me and smiled with seeming serenity. Having become more than a little sensitive to his moods of late, I could guess what that smile cost him, and another pang of guilt smote me. "Very well then, we will leave things as they are for now. My offer still stands, should you choose to reconsider at some point. I am not so fickle in my affections that I will be making it to another, at least not in the forseeable future. And in the unlikely event that I did find another lady I held in as high regard as I hold you, I would inform you of it first." He got up, and I rose with him.
"Hethlin, I knew that my timing was not the best, but I had also heard that you were considering going North, and feared that if I did not speak, I would never have the chance to do so."
"I do not know what I am going to do, sir. Particularly now."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well, it is going to be difficult for you to have me as your esquire, is it not?" He gave me a very direct look.
"That is my problem, not yours, Hethlin, and I will deal with it. You need not be concerned that my actions this night will affect your training in any way. I promise you that they will not. Make your decision as you will and do not worry about me."
"Very well, my lord. I am sorry if I hurt you--I would not do that for the world."
"You have not injured me. I asked you a question, and you gave me an honest answer. I would not have had you do otherwise, and therefore, no harm is done." He seemed sincere enough about that, though I reminded myself he was a very good actor. With an audible popping of joints, he stretched and turned to go. "Valar, but it is late! You had best get some sleep. I certainly intend to. Take tomorrow off, and come to me the day after, for lunch. I wish to discuss the trip to Rohan with you." At my surprised look, he explained.
"I know you did not wish to return there and witness Faramir's betrothal to Eowyn, but have you not considered that it would be an opportunity to spend more time with your grandfather? And Elrohir, of course."
"So Faramir said, when we were still speaking to each other. He also said that it would be the one opportunity I would have to go North in relative safety."
"He was right about that. Additionally, Andrahar will be accompanying me to Rohan, instead of returning home with the new esquires, as had originally been planned. He seems to think I need looking after, for some reason." At my shamefaced grimace, the prince chuckled.
"Cheer up, Hethlin, he blames me as well, for leaving behind my chief protector! But in any event, your training would be better served if you accompanied me. Most of your possible decisions would. The only thing against the journey I can see is that Eomer will be accompanying us. And I think that perhaps Lothiriel could be persuaded to keep him busy."
I agreed that the Princess could probably be convinced to do so without much coaxing at all, and escorted him as he went to the door. There, he turned and looked down at me, his expression undecipherable. His left hand reached up, the fingers lightly tracing the scar on my cheek for a moment. I closed my eyes, combatting a desire to lean into the hand. Feeling him step back, I opened them and found him opening the door, looking at me in a way that was gentle yet strangely intent all at once.
"Good night to you, my lady." Was there a certain possessive emphasis to the last phrase? I rather fancied that there was.
"Good night, my lord." He sketched me a bow, consciously dramatic and flamboyant, and despite my confusion and unhappiness, it was so ridiculous looking that a laugh burst from me. Then he departed.
Closing the door, I moved back into the room, which seemed rather cold and lonely without him, and moved once more to snuff the lamps. Then I laid the robe across the foot of the bed, and slipped between the sheets. For some reason tears came to me then, though they hadn't earlier when the hurt of the argument with Faramir had been fresher. And in truth, I was not even certain they were about him any more. My nose was quite stuffy and my eyes sore before I finally fell asleep.