Disclaimer: Owww... I even not going to do this right now... Well ok, "My last breath" By Evanescence definitely isn't mine.
The Love of Sayonara
by Chiisana Anisa
Part 3
"One strong word"
Whoosh!
That was the sound of air coming out of her lungs after hearing that word.
That was the sound of his sanity running away after saying that word.
THAT was the sound of all things thrown into the face of wind from both of them.
Carefulness was not here to be worked with... not anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~
Hold on to me love
You know I can't stay long
All I wanted to say was
I love you and I'm not afraid
~~~~~~~~~~
*FLASHBACK*
Soft, spring breeze was playing around the house, over the roof, trough the well... down and up the shrine steps.
Yellow, orange and bloody red was presenting itself in the picture of the Sun coming down somewhere far in the West.
And a girl of almost eighteen years was standing in the middle of her house/shrine yard, her black hair flowing on that soft wind, reflecting the colours in it as well in her big brown eyes, stained with tears. Those forbidden, regretful, full of remorse tears. Oh, how she hated them! And nonetheless she let them drop... one by one... right after each other...
That was the picture her family found upon returning home. They were stricken by sadness that was bursting out in all of her features.. from the youngest to the oldest family member. This picture, presented at them in such unholy way, made their hearts break a little, knowing well that there was nothing to do for her. Except one thing... to help her . . .
By letting her go.
The woman with them nodded lightly sending a message she will 'handle' this and the old man with the young boy in his steps finished his path to the house. The woman approached the girl, putting one hand on her shoulder, making the girl to turn around and look at her.
"Kagome..."
~~~~~~~~~~
Can you hear me?
Can you feel me in your arms?
~~~~~~~~~~
That one word was enough for the girl to break down and fall in her mothers arms, crying like a young baby girl after hurting herself and feeling that awful pain for the first time. Her mother could do nothing more than just press her hard against her warm form and let her cry. Cry for the things she was yet to understand.
"Mom . . . help me please!" - she said, clutching her mothers shirt even more, with new wave of tears threatening to erupt.
"If only I could, Kagome, if only I could! But whatever decision you have to make... you have to make it on your own."
"But I can't ... I can't live two lives at once... I just can't!"
Dark unfolded them now, that beautiful colours no longer up there on the sky. The Moon appeared instead taking its right-full place at night stand. It was his time to watch over now.
"Oh, my dear . . . I know it hurts - but it's something that has to be done. One way or the other."
Kagome raised her head, making some distance between them to look at her mothers face, only to find it was too stricken with silent tears. "Oh mom!" She was touched by her mothers emotions, knowing that they were for her.
While contemplating those thoughts, one doors of the house opened and one old hand silently leaned big, big yellow bag on the doorstep. That hand knew it would be needed moments later. And it carried all that it needed to carry.
"What if I choose the wrong thing . . . and regret it later? What then? There will be no turning back."
"Yes, that is the truth, Kagome. But . . . life is full of choices. They won't always be the right ones. And life will sometimes force you to make the wrong one. And you will regret it... But you must remember - regret is nothing comparing to the happiness you can find by choosing right."
Kagome listened her mother carefully and with the end of her words, turned her head towards the Well. The word 'happiness' rang in her head over and over again.
"But I will regret it, won't I?"
"That is the question only you can answer. Not me, not Grandpa, not your friends . . . only you. What I think is that you must question yourself this - will there be anything to regret for?"
Hearing the question, Kagome sharply looked at her mother, her eyes wide in wonder. Yes that was the question... It was. Her mother was, as always, right. No wonder it that. Questioning her heart and soul she quickly found the answer. No. Was it that easy?
"Mom . . .?" - she whispered in a barely audible voice.
"What is it?"
"Will you regret it?"
Big smile appeared on her mother's face, making her wise and not a bit older that twenty. A word beautiful came to Kagome's mind, but she was waiting for an answer. Her mother put a strand of hair behind her daughter's ear, still smiling that 'all-knowing' smile.
"No. You see . . . this is my choice. And I believe it is the right one."
"Why?"
"Simple. Would it be today or years from now, I know I will need to make it. I'm choosing to make it now. And I know I'm choosing right. There will be your time to choose."
Not understanding quite completely, Kagome nodded and hugged her mother once more. "Thank you, mom."
"You're welcome."
She pulled away and looked at the house. Now, big smile adorned her face, seeing that her things were already awaiting for her. She just needed to pick them up and go. So she did. Stepping on the Well's entrance she turned around, suddenly remembering to ask one last question.
"What is your choice, mom?"
The woman smiled again, this time even broader than the last one before answering. "Just the same as yours will be."
Again hearing a riddle, Kagome shook her head and entered the Well. She was already passing time when her mother's words rang on that same soft wind as before.
"To let go . . ."
*END OF FLASHBACK*
~~~~~~~~~
Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
~~~~~~~~~
And now, here she was. Standing here, with those strong arms wrapped around her, holding her like she would disappear for no reason any second now. The iciness inside caused her to tremble, shaking slowly all over. Feeling that, those clawed hands only grasped their treasure stronger, really afraid of losing her.
Kagome's thoughts tripped over this memory, and she found herself asking why did she remember it right now. It was almost three weeks ago, when she had that conversation with her mother. As odd as it may seemed, something in her words clicked and that puzzle-then, begin to reveal itself.
She had to choose. That was what her mother meant. Oh, Kami! She only hoped she wouldn't choose wrong. Or if she was to do that .... Kami help her!
Inuyasha on his part felt like he was ready to bleed inside out. His heart nearly jumped out of its place, his mind screamed at him "Idiot!", and his soul felt oddly at place after saying what was said.
He was a storm and an area of eternal peace. He was Heaven and Hell in the same time. His two personalities fought inside, one screaming bluntly at him what mistake he did and the other screaming congratulations over and over again. But he tried to calm it, repeating that it wasn't over ... yet.
However, just feeling her tremble in his arms, made him regret he said anything at all. He really shouldn't have done it...
He was brought back from his thoughts when her silent question reached his ears.
"Why should I?"
Inuyasha pulled away in a safe distance, but still keeping firm and safe grip on her, to look at her familiar, sweet, pretty little face that haunted him for how long now... But what he saw wasn't her usual image of calmness and happiness.
No, this picture without mask presented her in a pure new light. Her face was dirty of tear marks, her eyes puffy and red although still holding that inner ethereal glow, her hair messy from his hands and the wind.
This picture presented her pain, her weakness and inability to fight it all. She was vulnerable, just as he always said to her she was. And he made her like that with one little word. He managed to break her... his precious Kagome.
That precise thought almost made him roar and cry in the same time. He couldn't decide what to do.
Kagome, startled by everything, mumbled out that question, deep inside waiting an answer longer that she counted. She wanted to know. She needed to know. She needed to hear it.
'Why?'
Who knows? She does. She always did. This time there isn't anyone to interrupt them, no Naraku, no Kikyo, no Sango or Miroku... No-one. She would wait... But she forgot that she didn't have the time to wait. The Well will close soon and she had no time...
No time.
This rang trough her head, yelling to tell her, to hurry up, to end it and go already. So what was stopping her? Why couldn't she just go? Oh, yes... the arms...
And the man she loves.
Inuyasha decided it was time to answer her. "Please . . . could you stay? Just stay?" Ok, not answer - answer, but...
"No. No... you know I can't. The Well will close and..."
"I know, Kagome, I know. "
"Then how can you ask me to stay?!" - she raised her voice at him now, struggling a little to get out of his grasp on her.
Startled at her harsh response, he only grasped stronger, not worrying that he might be causing her pain. She flinched and only then he noticed. He loosened up a bit, but didn't let go.
"I can! Shippou could, couldn't he?!"
Her eyes widened at this. So he did want to ask her too? Just not in front of the others. Still she needed to know why.
"I will ask again Inuyasha - why should I? My quest here is over, the Shikon no Tama is complete now, there is finally peace at Sengoku Jendai. It's done. I need to go before..."
"I KNOW THAT!! GODDAMN IT WENCH!!!" - Inuyasha yelled, sending shrills down her spine. While listening to her explanations, he could smell 'lying' and it made him angrier that, after all this time together she still couldn't trust him. At this things, that is.
"I KNOW YOU NEED TO GO! I ALSO KNOW THAT IF YOU GO... " - He dropped his voice at this point, daring himself to continue. "If you go . . . I will never see you again...". He finished.
At his outburst, tears gathered in her eyes. She knew he was right. They will never see each other again. Maybe they could, in her time, in the future, but who could guarantee? She hated it when he was right.
~~~~~~~~~
Sweet raptured light
It ends here, tonight
~~~~~~~~~
"You're right Inuyasha. You're right. But tell me - how can you ask me to stay, knowing that my family is on other side of this Well?" - she asked, mentally adding 'but the guy you love is right here.', and then cursing herself for adding it.
"I don't know. Maybe I had to try... " The grunt from before, disappeared completely, leaving him with a face of lost puppy. A face that soon changed. Into a hard cored face, those face that hid all the emotions inside.
Kagome listened and looked at him. His eyes were now downcast, his facial features slumped like shoulders would be, not a trace of his usual cockiness and pride in them. At one moment looking as a lost puppy, in the other he looked like sudden and terrifying truth hit him hard on.
She studied him a lot over the past three years. That much passed since she met him for the first time, when she found him pinned to the Goshinboku tree, sleeping a dream he was never meant to wake up. He was a boy then, he looked like that to her at least.
Now - he was more a picture of a defeated man, but a man who refused to give up. His hair still silvery-white as ever, his big orb's of gold avoiding her brown. She looked down at his hands, and saw hands of a man that killed to many times, of a man who hold her on his back to many times also... hands that were now stopping her.
Her face softened, seeing he did his part of growing up good, although he tried so hard to hide it. Now it all came to her. "Inuyasha, it was never meant to be... This is not my time, we both know it. As hard as it may seem, this is the truth."
Raising his head, he looked at her, wearing that defeated expression. She shrouded on the thought it fitted him so well.
What more could he do to make her stay? Wasn't it enough that he asked her to stay? Wasn't that what she wanted?
'Yes. No. And NO.' his mind answered. Then what?
'Tell her'. was the only suggestion he would be given.
"You could make it your time . . . by staying." - he decided to argue if needed. He wouldn't let her go just like that. No way!
"Inuyasha! I've already told you and the others - there is nothing for me to stay for!"
"But there is!" - he argued, following his plan. With a minor glitch. He didn't pay attention to want was he saying. "You have me. I want you to stay!" Now realizing that his mouth run away ahead of him, he shut them, catching her shocked expression upon his confession.
"Inuyasha!" - Kagome clasped her hand tighter around his own, processing the words.
His mind told him he would regret this with all the other words said, so he may as well say it all. He let go of her hands, clasping with his right one her cheek, gently massaging it with his thumb, wiping the tears away.
"THAT is the truth. I want you to stay. I need you to stay..."
She shook her head, closing her eyes. She didn't need to hear this. No, it will only make her change her mind. No, it was too late for that! She couldn't possibly... " No, Inuyasha..."
"Let me finish!!" - the yell caused her to open her eyes and look at him. "Um... I need you to know, Kagome. So let me finish." He stopped to wait for her approval, but he didn't get it.
"No, I already know what are you going to say. I won't change my mind, Inuyasha. You can't make me..."
"I need you to stay because..."
She tore apart from his hand, shaking her head violently, in a vacant attempt to stop him from saying it and to stop herself from hearing it.
"NO! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!"
Her scream made his ears to press them self against his scull, but that didn't stop him.
"... I love you, Kagome."
At the moment those words were out of his mouth, out in the open, Kagome stopped her motions, as the words flew around her head before sinking deep down in her consciousness.
"No..."
Faint whisper, in one breath was heard, coming from her red, slightly swollen lips from the tears and constant biting. One breath and one word... while her thoughts made never-ending circle of doubt.
'Now there is no turning back. My mind will change it's will... My heart will choose...'
Realizing that, her head snapped back up to look at him, awaiting her eyes for a meeting. There was no scowl on his face, lost was that defeated look, now a soft, surprising smile tugged at the very corner of his lips.
"Now you know, Kagome. I believe I didn't do wrong by saying it..."
"Wrong..?"
With her weird question he looked at her a little puzzled. That wasn't the question he expected. "Yes, wrong. It was my choice to tell you so..."
He said something more, but she didn't hear it. Everything blacked out when she heard the word 'choice'. The puzzle, the riddle her mother left her was solved. The words spoken 500 years ago, swirled in her head.
"There will be your time to choose..."
At this point, Kagome knew she had to make her final choice considering this past and her future. Her mind told her so, although her heart already made that choice. It chose without thinking, but not now... NO. It chose three years ago.
The problem was that until now - she thought it was the wrong choice...
How fate decided to prove it otherwise will remain a secret to her. Her heart called out, putting her reasonable mind on point black, ignoring any warnings.
The choice has been made.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Say goodbye
Don't be afraid
Calling me, calling me
As you fade to black
~~~~~~~~~~~~
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AN: OK that was the end of PART 3. As you can all see - there will be part 4. I know I said that there will be three parts, but I also warned to look out for more.
I apologise for any miswritten words or bad grammar.
LOOK OUT for NEW CHAPPIE next weekend.
The last lyrics where somewhat altered. It was supposed to say "Say Good-night". But I think this suits better for this story.
Anyhow, I hope I didn't drag it to much. I wanted to show a display of human emotions when something needs to be decided. Sometimes we make that choice, that decision in a blink of the eye, but sometimes we need all the time in the world.
Maybe it seems that there is to much to be read, to much of thinking but if you look at it... In present (the story) only few minutes passed. We all know that we think faster and more that we can say or write in one minute. So, all that thoughts are actually thought in seconds, and the acts are done in those few minutes that passed.
I will remind you - the well is closing down soon, so they don't have all the time in the world, although it may seem so while reading it.
If I failed, and you didn't like it, if you didn't feel just a bit of her desperation to make the right choice, of his thinking over what is right or wrong... Sorry then. THEN I DID FAIL AS A WRITER.
Just tell me what you think.
Lots of love
Chiisana Anisa