Chapter Three.
Amber Black sat in the alcove by her window that overlooked the lake, the sun was blazing and it glittered off the slightly murky blue-green waters; the giant squid happily glided across the surface, Amber smiled to herself. It was good to be back; Hogwarts was the only real home she had ever really been happy in; with perhaps the exception of her and Sirius' stay at the Potter's home. They had treated them like their own children and for once she had truly known what it was like to have paternal love. Tears welled up in her eyes and fell freely; so much had changed since her carefree days at Hogwarts. Lily and James were dead, Remus was.well she didn't know; their break-up had been so messy. She had hurt him more than she could ever know and she felt her sorrow at losing her best friend like a knife-edge. She was angry with herself, why had she done that to him? A moment of madness? Worst of all, Sirius, her twin brother was imprisoned in Azkaban for the murder of the last of their small group of friends, Peter Pettigrew. It was the loss of Sirius that she felt the most; he was the other side of her being. Without him she wasn't complete; they were so close that they had a shared awareness; on particularly bad days she could feel his depths of depression and sorrow; it broke her heart. She was convinced that he was innocent. Sirius had not been perfect but he wasn't a murderer; not even under the circumstances.
Hogwarts brought back so many painful memories and so many wonderful memories all at once and HE was here! Severus Snape, the man she loved even still. She closed her eyes and remembered how he was a school; even then he was sallow and bitter and prone to skulking in the dungeons of the school. She had been allowed a brief glimpse of the real Severus; that sensitive and caring side. He was a man capable of such intense and overwhelming emotion that it scared her. Even he had changed; one does not casually walk away from the inner circle of death eaters and not carry a few scars; both mental and physical. He was a shadow of his former self but deep down Amber saw the boy she had loved. Grief and pain had changed them both, perhaps for the best, perhaps for the worst, time would tell.
She had hurt him badly (she seemed to hurt everyone she loved), she realised this bitterly and was determined to at least salvage a friendship from her time here at Hogwarts; if she could just make him smile that would be enough for her. If she could just tell him how sorry she was; how much she had wanted him then and how much more she still wanted him! It was the Marauder's who had prevented her from acting on her feelings at school; she loved them all so much and was so unwilling to incur their wrath. They hated Severus; the reason for such loathing she couldn't remember but it was almost inhuman, although it wasn't all one-sided Severus had hated them back. They were her only family and she would not have risked losing them for the world; James with his unshakable confidence and boyish arrogance, Sirius with his passion for life, Remus with his melancholy moods and loving nature, Lily with her sunny disposition and love for all people; even Peter with his hero worship of Sirius and James.
Amber smiled and pictured them sitting on the grass under that tree on the far side of the grounds, the one they always went to. James was playing with his stolen snitch, Peter was watching with adoration, Sirius was reclining against the tree with his eyes closed and his long, black hair blowing in the breeze, Remus was reading (he was always reading) and she was lay next to him with her head comfortably in his lap; his free hand gently stroked her hair. She was laughing at James attempts to catch Lily's attention as she and her horde of giggling friends walked past. Lily tossed her auburn hair in contempt but Amber remembered the sidelong glances she threw James when she thought no one was looking! If she concentrated hard enough she could almost believe it was real! Then she opened her eyes and reality set in. Tears rolled down her pale cheeks like a river; her heart felt like it would break! More than anything she wanted Sirius there with her; to hold her and tell it would be okay; that they'd get through it together!
There was a tentative knock at the door; desperate hope surged in her, Sirius? Had they let him go? Had he escaped? This desperation happened every time someone knocked on her door and each time it was cruelly dashed but every time she hoped against hope that this time he would be stood there; grinning sheepishly as if nothing had happened. She flung the door open and there stood not Sirius, her brother but Severus, her forbidden love. Her heart sank and then flipped; the crushing disappointment was counter balanced with the joy of seeing him in her doorway. She could do nothing but stand and weep uncontrollably, the abilities speech and movement had disappeared. She stood and wept.
Amber Black sat in the alcove by her window that overlooked the lake, the sun was blazing and it glittered off the slightly murky blue-green waters; the giant squid happily glided across the surface, Amber smiled to herself. It was good to be back; Hogwarts was the only real home she had ever really been happy in; with perhaps the exception of her and Sirius' stay at the Potter's home. They had treated them like their own children and for once she had truly known what it was like to have paternal love. Tears welled up in her eyes and fell freely; so much had changed since her carefree days at Hogwarts. Lily and James were dead, Remus was.well she didn't know; their break-up had been so messy. She had hurt him more than she could ever know and she felt her sorrow at losing her best friend like a knife-edge. She was angry with herself, why had she done that to him? A moment of madness? Worst of all, Sirius, her twin brother was imprisoned in Azkaban for the murder of the last of their small group of friends, Peter Pettigrew. It was the loss of Sirius that she felt the most; he was the other side of her being. Without him she wasn't complete; they were so close that they had a shared awareness; on particularly bad days she could feel his depths of depression and sorrow; it broke her heart. She was convinced that he was innocent. Sirius had not been perfect but he wasn't a murderer; not even under the circumstances.
Hogwarts brought back so many painful memories and so many wonderful memories all at once and HE was here! Severus Snape, the man she loved even still. She closed her eyes and remembered how he was a school; even then he was sallow and bitter and prone to skulking in the dungeons of the school. She had been allowed a brief glimpse of the real Severus; that sensitive and caring side. He was a man capable of such intense and overwhelming emotion that it scared her. Even he had changed; one does not casually walk away from the inner circle of death eaters and not carry a few scars; both mental and physical. He was a shadow of his former self but deep down Amber saw the boy she had loved. Grief and pain had changed them both, perhaps for the best, perhaps for the worst, time would tell.
She had hurt him badly (she seemed to hurt everyone she loved), she realised this bitterly and was determined to at least salvage a friendship from her time here at Hogwarts; if she could just make him smile that would be enough for her. If she could just tell him how sorry she was; how much she had wanted him then and how much more she still wanted him! It was the Marauder's who had prevented her from acting on her feelings at school; she loved them all so much and was so unwilling to incur their wrath. They hated Severus; the reason for such loathing she couldn't remember but it was almost inhuman, although it wasn't all one-sided Severus had hated them back. They were her only family and she would not have risked losing them for the world; James with his unshakable confidence and boyish arrogance, Sirius with his passion for life, Remus with his melancholy moods and loving nature, Lily with her sunny disposition and love for all people; even Peter with his hero worship of Sirius and James.
Amber smiled and pictured them sitting on the grass under that tree on the far side of the grounds, the one they always went to. James was playing with his stolen snitch, Peter was watching with adoration, Sirius was reclining against the tree with his eyes closed and his long, black hair blowing in the breeze, Remus was reading (he was always reading) and she was lay next to him with her head comfortably in his lap; his free hand gently stroked her hair. She was laughing at James attempts to catch Lily's attention as she and her horde of giggling friends walked past. Lily tossed her auburn hair in contempt but Amber remembered the sidelong glances she threw James when she thought no one was looking! If she concentrated hard enough she could almost believe it was real! Then she opened her eyes and reality set in. Tears rolled down her pale cheeks like a river; her heart felt like it would break! More than anything she wanted Sirius there with her; to hold her and tell it would be okay; that they'd get through it together!
There was a tentative knock at the door; desperate hope surged in her, Sirius? Had they let him go? Had he escaped? This desperation happened every time someone knocked on her door and each time it was cruelly dashed but every time she hoped against hope that this time he would be stood there; grinning sheepishly as if nothing had happened. She flung the door open and there stood not Sirius, her brother but Severus, her forbidden love. Her heart sank and then flipped; the crushing disappointment was counter balanced with the joy of seeing him in her doorway. She could do nothing but stand and weep uncontrollably, the abilities speech and movement had disappeared. She stood and wept.