Whoo!! Finally, I got the missing chapter. Here it is.

Jandalf awoke in her cell.

"The floor is cold, the floor is hard," she muttered. "If I'd my way, you would be charred."

The entire room instantly turned black.

"Oops." Oh, well. At least it reflects my mood, she thought.

And her staff was gone, too. She sat up and looked out the huge bay window to the forest below.

Huge bay window? She chortled. Mikumon was maybe too caught up with interior décor.

With a yell, she lashed out at the window with her foot. The entire thing shattered.

She giggled at the simplicity of it all and leaped out.

Mistake.

She gazed down past her feet at the ground, 152763 stories under her feet. She sighed sardonically. "Minions of Xendor. This has got to be my day."

In midair, she remembered her spare staff in her pocket. She pulled it out quickly, and, with a wave of the staff…

*kavamm*

Chelsegorn and Lindo and Katrinolas still stood in a circle of not-so-friendly friends, glaring heatedly at each other, when something orange plummeted out of the sky and landed on Lindo's tent.

"Ow," said Jandalf. "Minions of Xendor, I am bad at locating, aren't I?"

"Why do you keep saying that?" Chelsegorn asked.

"What, minions of Xendor? It's a habit, I guess. Hey, guys, next time you're imprisoned at Mikumon's tower, remember to ask for a cell that has a bay window."

"A what?" Lindo said. "That's ridiculous."

Jandalf shrugged, now sitting up.

Lindo looked down at her formerly gloriously large tent. "You landed on my tent."

"I noticed." Jandalf got off and kavammed it back up to its former purple glory.

"MWAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I AM THE ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY!!!!!!!" screamed Lindo, now positive she could rule Bottom-Earth from such a magnificent and glorious tent.

"Minions of Xendor, don't you ever shut up?" muttered Jandalf. "Okay, look. We've got to get out of this cave sometime or another, so let's go NOW."

The other four muttered and pouted but Lindo put away her tent, Chelsegorn her rosebushes and they all started out of the cave.

Katrinolas and Chelsegorn insisted on not going back the way the two had come in because it was far too boring, so they all went the opposite way…deep into the heart of Somewhere Unimportant…

Lindo counted the stalactites as they passed them. "152762, 152763…"

Suddenly the small tunnel expanded into a hugely vast and very large place with lots and lots of funky-looking pillars.

"Ooooooooo," everyone said.

"This," said Jandalf, "is the domain of Somewhere Unimportant."

"What's its' name?" asked Katrinolas.

"Somewhere Unimportant. By Xendor's minions, please don't ask." Jandalf banged her staff down on the floor. "Oh, come on…" She whacked it more forcefully. "Minions of Xendor, FUNCTION!!!" She nearly splintered it on the third blow.

The top of the staff began to glow and lit up the immediate area.

"There," she said, satisfied. "These spares never work the first time. Well, come on. There's nothing to be afraid of in Somewhere Unimportant."

They followed her silently.

Lindo began quietly counting pillars. "152762, 152763…"

Chelsegorn took on a mischievous glint in her eye, and suddenly belted out, "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERRRRRVES…"

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!" everyone else yelled.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, said the echo.

"Well, it worked," said Chelsegorn proudly.

"Ssssshhhh," warned Jandalf in a whisper. "We're not alone." She pointed to a strange bluish light some distance ahead.

Chelsegorn and Lindo drew their swords. Katrinolas readied her bow. Taffy piddled on a pillar.

Jandalf gripped her staff and pointed it at whoever…or whatever…was out there. "Hello?" she shouted.

The bluish wand waved and someone shouted back, "Hello, we're lost, can you help?"

Everyone looked at each other and shrugged, and started for the stranger(s).

"Master, can we trust them?" whispered Anakin.

"Quiet, my Padawan," Obi-Wan warned. "It will have to do."

The odd group approached and saw two men, one with a weird blue glowstick. The one with the glowstick, the one who had hailed them, bowed formally. "I believe my apprentice and I have taken a wrong turn; do you know the way back to Coruscant?"

Jandalf lifted an eyebrow. "Where?" Dang it, haven't I heard that name before?

"Coruscant," Obi-Wan repeated. "Where are we now?"

"Somewhere Unimportant," Jandalf replied.

Anakin rolled his eyes. "Well, that helps. Do you have a map or not?"

"Patience, Anakin," Obi-Wan interrupted.

"We haven't got a map," said Lindo. "Heck, I don't even know where in Bottom-Earth we are, anyway."

"I told you," Jandalf said, exasperated, "Somewhere Unimportant."

Anakin stared at Lindo. "Sithspawn, you're short."

Obi-Wan sharply elbowed his Padawan learner. "That fact does not warrant profanity, Anakin. Where are your manners?"

"Uh, I mean, not that that's a bad thing," Anakin directed at Lindo.

Lindo just snarled at him.

Obi-Wan sighed. "Well, since we're nowhere important…"

"Somewhere Unimportant," Jandalf cut in.

"Does it matter?"

"Minions of Xendor, of course it does," she replied, quite irritated. "You can't get the bloody name wrong, man."

Anakin's eyes flashed. "Hey, I…hey! Stop peeing on my boot," he yelled at Taffy, and gave him a light kick.

"NOBODY KICKS MY STUPID DOG," Lindo shrieked. "NOW YOU DIE!!!!!!!!"

Anakin activated his lightsaber just in time as Lindo viciously swung her sword at him. The metal was severed in half. Lindo stared in shock at her now-quite-blunt battlesword. "Now look what you've done," she yelled.

Obi-Wan grabbed Anakin's dangling braid.

"Owowowow, let go, Master, please," he howled.

"I think we need to pay another visit to the Council, Anakin," the Jedi master growled. He turned to the others. "Excuse us." Still holding Anakin by the braid, Obi-Wan led the wincing Padawan to their nearby bright yellow speeder, where Obi-Wan began to upbraid (giggle) Anakin for his recent behavior.

Lindo picked up the other half of her sword and pushed the two together, since the cut was still hot. The two halves soldered together to form a very odd-looking, crooked sword. "Idiot. Now I gotta go and get me a new scabbard."

Jandalf was musing to herself and as the speeder lifted off, she called, "Wait! Did you say Coruscant?"

"Yes," yelled Obi-Wan over the side. "Do you know where it is from here?"

"I think that's the place that I kavammed Yoda to. Do you guys know him?"

"Yes, we do…what do you mean, kavamm?" he shouted.

Jandalf, in response, raised her staff and held it horizontally. "Um, guys, what rhymes with Coruscant?"

"Font," said Chelsegorn.

"Haunt," said Katrinolas.

"Want," said Lindo.

"KIBBLES!!!" said Taffy. Lindo promptly gave him another kick.

Jandalf furrowed her brow. "Okay…let's see…The Kibbles that Haunt, We Want the Right Font, Send These Two back to Coruscant."

The speeder and its occupants disappeared with a bright flash.

"Minions of Xendor, it worked!" she crowed.

"How come you can locate anyone but yourself?" asked Lindo.

Jandalf rolled her eyes. "It's a working progress, okay?"

Lindo shrugged. "Whatever. Hey, is that a McDonald's over there?"

Everyone looked over. Sure enough, a friendly yellow M shone bright and clear through the darkness.

Chelsegorn shuddered. "I'm not eating there."

Everyone exchanged glances.

Jandalf shook her head. "McDonald's food cuts down on my powers."

Lindo shrugged again and headed for the sign, Taffy in tow.

"Do you have a death wish?" Chelsegorn yelled.

Katrinolas simply wrinkled her nose and took out some lembas bread. "Personally, I think this is more appetizing."

"Got any more of that?" asked Jandalf.

"Me, too," said Chelsegorn.

Fortunately, Katrinolas liked to come prepared and, while her quiver held limitless arrows, the zippered pocket on the quiver held limitless lembas. So the three pigged out as well as one can pig out on lembas bread.

Lindo went up to the counter. "Hey, you," she yelled up at the cashier, who looked remarkably like an overgrown spider.

"Yesssssss?" said the cashier, whose nametag read, Shelob.

"I want Combo #3, preferably edible, and my dog will have kibbles."

"Kibblessssssss?" asked Shelob.

"Dog food pellets."

"Ahh, we have no kibblesssssssss. Doggie like bacon?"

Taffy perked up. "I like bacon, bacon's good, yes, very good, I like it a lot, especially when it comes with more bacon, yes, it's very very yummy, I like it."

Shelob scuttled to the back.

A loud scream could be heard.

Shelob came back out with lots of bacon and Combo #3.

"What was that?" inquired Lindo.

"Burgerman not keep up. Burgerman never keep up again. Shelob isssss manager."

"Good for you," said Lindo, and grabbed the food.

"Pay now."

"Uh…in what?"

"You gots any fliesssss?" Shelob hissed.

"Not at the moment. But I gots a dog. You want him?"

"Hmmmm…Too much fur, not enough taste. Gots any gold?"

Lindo flipped Shelob a gold coin, not feeling in the mood to barter with a large, hungry-looking spider. "Keep the change." She wandered back to the others with her combo, Taffy slobbering over the bacon.

"ARE YOU MAD???!!!???!!" Jandalf yelled as Lindo approached, sucking away at her straw. Jandalf grabbed her shoulders and gave her a shake. "DON'T YOU KNOW WHO THAT WAS???!!?? DID THE PERIL OF YOUR SITUATION NEVER OCCUR TO YOU???!!!!??! MINIONS OF XENDOR!!!" Then she calmed down (a bit). "You're the Remote Bearer, Lindo. You've got to be more careful."

Lindo shrugged, emptying her drink.

"This way," Jandalf muttered, turning around and heading off, her cloak sweeping the ground.

They followed her, somewhat afraid to say anything, except for Lindo, who was just being obstinate, and annoying, and short.

"Why in Bottom-Earth must I be the responsible one?" the wizard grumbled under her breath, walking briskly.

Far ahead, the hugely vast and very big cavern ended at a wall with a small doorway. Jandalf resolutely headed for this in silence.

Behind her back, Chelsegorn, Katrinolas, and Lindo were having fun imitating her gait.

A few giggles gave them away and Jandalf abruptly halted. They banged into her back and she turned around, still not having a wonderful day. She yelled something at them in Huttese (they were positive the last phrase was "minions of Xendor") and turned back around.

As the doorway loomed up, they found it was not quite as small as they had thought, and easily passed through, the lintel high above their heads (especially Lindo's).

On the other side was a very narrow bridge. Chelsegorn gasped as she saw her beloved crazy doomed forest carpeting the sides of the cliffs. "Ha, I told you it shifted."

Katrinolas sighed, then something caught her eye. Someone was running toward them. "Hey, who's that?"

Jandalf wheeled around to look, then her eyes widened. "Quick, over the bridge. It's the Susrog!!"

They ran over the bridge as quickly as they could without falling off. Once everyone had made it, Jandalf turned to the rapidly approaching form…too late. The Susrog smashed into her, yelling something about t-shirts. The two hurtled off the edge of the cliff.

"She is having a bad day," Katrinolas mused as they watched the rapidly disappearing pair.

So, there you go.

BTW, my other pseudonym on this site is Jandalf the Orange…surprise, surprise. So visit the other me and check out the new spoof I'll be posting under that name, in which I shall be inserting Star Wars characters into Lord of the Rings, making a rather chaotic story, all in all. But read the rest of LotC first; Lindo, Chelsegorn and I will be making appearances in the above mentioned new spoof.