Jason glanced around the living room of the brownstone and took in
Liz & Lucky sharing a chair and Emily and Nicholas on the couch. They 6 of
them had stayed up most of the night exchanging favorite memories of
Christmas, mostly he had listened. There were a couple of times he had
wanted to contribute to the conversation, but Robin was already on edge as
far as he was concerned, and he wanted her to have this memory no matter
how it all turned out. Robin, the love of his life, continued to sleep
against his chest as they laid in front of the fireplace. He wished he
could stop time just for a little while, he should have told her when he
had showed up in Paris, he definitely should have told her at Luke's, but
somehow it just hadn't felt right. Who was he kidding he was afraid.
Afraid last night would be all they had when he told her about the dreams
and the memories.
"Hey", Robin said as she began to wake. "I wasn't sure if last night was a dream or not", she continued. "It was real", Jason simply said. "Are you having second thoughts", Robin asked as she saw something hidden in his eyes. "Never", Jason replied fiercely. "Than what is it", Robin asked as she sat up. "Let's go talk in the kitchen, I don't want to wake them", Jason said as he looked at his sister. "Okay", Robin replied as she wondered why she had a bad feeling about this conversation.
Jason watched as Robin rummaged in the refrigerator for breakfast and took her first set of pills for the day. "I remember sneaking down here with Frisco on Saturday mornings when I was a little girl. Bobbie always had better leftovers", Robin said as she poured herself a glass of juice and started a pot of coffee for Jason.
Jason watched for a minute, while Robin fiddled with her glass and the silverware. He didn't know how to start this conversation. He didn't want to start this conversation. They had started out on the bridge with the truth about who they were, and if they were going to make it this time they had to stick to that, no matter what. He just hoped that he didn't lose her again when he told he was no longer sure who he was.
Jason gently stilled her hands and waited for her to look at him. When she finally looked up, he said "We need to have that conversation we never finished last night". Robin willed herself not to cry. It couldn't be that bad; he had just said he wasn't having second thoughts. It was her idea to give this reality thing a try, now she had to live with it. "Hopefully this isn't that bad, Robin", Jason said as he watched her emotions play across her face.
"All that stuff we said last night at Luke's Jason", Robin started. "This isn't about that", Jason interrupted. "That's what I'm afraid of", Robin replied. "I promise you Robin, I am not walking out this time. We are worth fighting for, and I won't make those mistakes again", Jason said as he looked through her eyes to her soul and prayed that she believed him.
"You're remembering aren't you", Robin asked as her eyes filled with tears. "Yes", was Jason's simple reply. "I was hoping I was wrong", Robin said as she stood and faced the window. "It doesn't change anything", Jason said as he watched her hug herself. "How can it not. He was in love with Keesha not , not", was all Robin got out before the tears came. Jason moved around the table to wrap her in his arms and said, "You weren't listening last night at Kelly's. I noticed you then, but that Jason Quartermaine wouldn't have even thought about dating Robert Scorpio's daughter who happened to be four years younger". Jason turned Robin to face him and said, "I love you. Believe that with all your heart and soul and it is not going to change". "What happens when he comes back", Robin asked as she clung to her last shred of hope.
"It's not going to happen", Jason stated calmly. "How can you be so sure", Robin asked as she looked into his eyes. "Because I'm not him anymore. I'm Jason Morgan, I just remember things that happened more than five years ago now", Jason continued. "How long", Robin asked as she sat back down.
It was Jason's turn to stare at the table as he started to speak. "The dreams started after we came back from Montauk. I never really remembered them, but I would wake up with these fuzzy images in my head that I knew were his. You were the only one who made me think he had any redeemable qualities, he had to have if you liked him. I didn't tell anyone then because I didn't want to end up back in the hospital or with the Quatermaines", he said in answer to her unspoken question. "After I got shot and you left the dreams changed. They became unsettling. I would wake up angry and frustrated. I just wanted them to go away, and then Carly showed up on my doorstep. As long as she was there they went away, probably because I didn't have the energy to deal with anything else", he continued. "When you came back from Paris and Carly was in Ferncliff, they were easy to deal with again. Until Carly came home", Jason said as he stood and began to pace. "After she was back, I started to have all of these flashes of memory, mostly about all the times Alan and Monica hurt each other with their affairs. The longer that situation dragged on the more of the bad I remembered and the less I wanted Carly or Michael to have anything to do with them. It's one of the reasons I didn't fight for you then. As long as it was just Carly I had no memories, so I blamed you", Jason said as he stared out the window.
"Why didn't you say anything before now", Robin asked as she dried her tears. "I don't know. Life was complicated enough. Than Sonny slept with Carly and I got shot and it just got more complicated", Jason said on sigh. "I found Liz in Jake's one night trying to forget her life with Lucky and we started talking, about what was missing in our lives. She showed me a new way of looking at things. She painted the wind for me", Jason said with a small laugh. "I realized that I could see what she was talking about and that scared me. So I left. But it didn't matter how far I ran, the memories followed me. I still only had the bad ones, but I could feel the good lurking in the background. So I went to find the best thing in my life that I let get away and I hoped she could help me", Jason said as his eyes pleaded with Robin for understanding.
"Why didn't you tell me when you got to Paris", Robin quietly asked. "Because", Jason said as he sat back down and reached for her hands, "the first second I saw you, you had this incredible look of love and hope in your eyes and it went away so fast. It became this deep sadness and I knew I had to fix it. It didn't matter what was wrong with me you deserved to be happy and I wanted, I needed to be the one to make you smile again". "You did", Robin said as she squeezed his hands. "The longer I stayed, the more memories I got back. I didn't tell you, because you were still so skittish and I was afraid you would run again", Jason said. "It seems to be a pattern in our relationship", Robin commented wryly. "Not anymore.", Jason said, "We're going to face our problems this time, remember".
"When I got back here, and had managed to watch them straighten out the mess between themselves and Emily; I went to see Tony", Jason said as he shook his head. "That explains why he didn't make any comments tonight", Robin said with a laugh, "I would have loved to have been there for that meeting". "You would have loved it. At least this Robin would have. The one who told me not to come back to Paris, I'm not so sure about", Jason commented. "On that your probably right", Robin said as she got up and poured him more coffee.
"So what did Tony have to say", Robin asked as she took her seat again. "That I had probably been assimilating the two personalities for a long time, and he recommend I talk to a therapist. Kevin was a little surprised to find me on his doorstep one day", Jason said with a grin. "So what did you two figure out", Robin asked? "That I was miserable without you. And that Jason Morgan and Jason Quartermaine were not all that different", Jason replied. "That is one explanation I have to hear", Robin said in disbelief.
"All the good things you saw, the love, the loyalty , the honesty was their in both of them. It was just that Jason Quartermaine did the right things for the wrong reasons, while Jason Morgan did the wrong things for the right reasons. The old Jason lived his life so that he wouldn't make waves in the family and the new Jason made waves so he could live his life away form the family", Jason finished. Robin took a deep breath and asked, "So which one are you"? "Both , neither", Jason replied, "The man who loves you more than anything in the world".
"So where does this leave the boy without a past and the girl with no future", Jason asked seriously, afraid that he had chased her away. "Stuck with a lot of baggage from the past and an uncertain future, that they are going to face together", Robin said as she looked at him with eyes full of love and hope. "You do know what I'm going to say next, right", Robin asked as he leaned across the table to kiss her. "Can I start with Emily and work my way up to the rest of the family in say twenty years", Jason asked as they kissed again.
"Hey", Robin said as she began to wake. "I wasn't sure if last night was a dream or not", she continued. "It was real", Jason simply said. "Are you having second thoughts", Robin asked as she saw something hidden in his eyes. "Never", Jason replied fiercely. "Than what is it", Robin asked as she sat up. "Let's go talk in the kitchen, I don't want to wake them", Jason said as he looked at his sister. "Okay", Robin replied as she wondered why she had a bad feeling about this conversation.
Jason watched as Robin rummaged in the refrigerator for breakfast and took her first set of pills for the day. "I remember sneaking down here with Frisco on Saturday mornings when I was a little girl. Bobbie always had better leftovers", Robin said as she poured herself a glass of juice and started a pot of coffee for Jason.
Jason watched for a minute, while Robin fiddled with her glass and the silverware. He didn't know how to start this conversation. He didn't want to start this conversation. They had started out on the bridge with the truth about who they were, and if they were going to make it this time they had to stick to that, no matter what. He just hoped that he didn't lose her again when he told he was no longer sure who he was.
Jason gently stilled her hands and waited for her to look at him. When she finally looked up, he said "We need to have that conversation we never finished last night". Robin willed herself not to cry. It couldn't be that bad; he had just said he wasn't having second thoughts. It was her idea to give this reality thing a try, now she had to live with it. "Hopefully this isn't that bad, Robin", Jason said as he watched her emotions play across her face.
"All that stuff we said last night at Luke's Jason", Robin started. "This isn't about that", Jason interrupted. "That's what I'm afraid of", Robin replied. "I promise you Robin, I am not walking out this time. We are worth fighting for, and I won't make those mistakes again", Jason said as he looked through her eyes to her soul and prayed that she believed him.
"You're remembering aren't you", Robin asked as her eyes filled with tears. "Yes", was Jason's simple reply. "I was hoping I was wrong", Robin said as she stood and faced the window. "It doesn't change anything", Jason said as he watched her hug herself. "How can it not. He was in love with Keesha not , not", was all Robin got out before the tears came. Jason moved around the table to wrap her in his arms and said, "You weren't listening last night at Kelly's. I noticed you then, but that Jason Quartermaine wouldn't have even thought about dating Robert Scorpio's daughter who happened to be four years younger". Jason turned Robin to face him and said, "I love you. Believe that with all your heart and soul and it is not going to change". "What happens when he comes back", Robin asked as she clung to her last shred of hope.
"It's not going to happen", Jason stated calmly. "How can you be so sure", Robin asked as she looked into his eyes. "Because I'm not him anymore. I'm Jason Morgan, I just remember things that happened more than five years ago now", Jason continued. "How long", Robin asked as she sat back down.
It was Jason's turn to stare at the table as he started to speak. "The dreams started after we came back from Montauk. I never really remembered them, but I would wake up with these fuzzy images in my head that I knew were his. You were the only one who made me think he had any redeemable qualities, he had to have if you liked him. I didn't tell anyone then because I didn't want to end up back in the hospital or with the Quatermaines", he said in answer to her unspoken question. "After I got shot and you left the dreams changed. They became unsettling. I would wake up angry and frustrated. I just wanted them to go away, and then Carly showed up on my doorstep. As long as she was there they went away, probably because I didn't have the energy to deal with anything else", he continued. "When you came back from Paris and Carly was in Ferncliff, they were easy to deal with again. Until Carly came home", Jason said as he stood and began to pace. "After she was back, I started to have all of these flashes of memory, mostly about all the times Alan and Monica hurt each other with their affairs. The longer that situation dragged on the more of the bad I remembered and the less I wanted Carly or Michael to have anything to do with them. It's one of the reasons I didn't fight for you then. As long as it was just Carly I had no memories, so I blamed you", Jason said as he stared out the window.
"Why didn't you say anything before now", Robin asked as she dried her tears. "I don't know. Life was complicated enough. Than Sonny slept with Carly and I got shot and it just got more complicated", Jason said on sigh. "I found Liz in Jake's one night trying to forget her life with Lucky and we started talking, about what was missing in our lives. She showed me a new way of looking at things. She painted the wind for me", Jason said with a small laugh. "I realized that I could see what she was talking about and that scared me. So I left. But it didn't matter how far I ran, the memories followed me. I still only had the bad ones, but I could feel the good lurking in the background. So I went to find the best thing in my life that I let get away and I hoped she could help me", Jason said as his eyes pleaded with Robin for understanding.
"Why didn't you tell me when you got to Paris", Robin quietly asked. "Because", Jason said as he sat back down and reached for her hands, "the first second I saw you, you had this incredible look of love and hope in your eyes and it went away so fast. It became this deep sadness and I knew I had to fix it. It didn't matter what was wrong with me you deserved to be happy and I wanted, I needed to be the one to make you smile again". "You did", Robin said as she squeezed his hands. "The longer I stayed, the more memories I got back. I didn't tell you, because you were still so skittish and I was afraid you would run again", Jason said. "It seems to be a pattern in our relationship", Robin commented wryly. "Not anymore.", Jason said, "We're going to face our problems this time, remember".
"When I got back here, and had managed to watch them straighten out the mess between themselves and Emily; I went to see Tony", Jason said as he shook his head. "That explains why he didn't make any comments tonight", Robin said with a laugh, "I would have loved to have been there for that meeting". "You would have loved it. At least this Robin would have. The one who told me not to come back to Paris, I'm not so sure about", Jason commented. "On that your probably right", Robin said as she got up and poured him more coffee.
"So what did Tony have to say", Robin asked as she took her seat again. "That I had probably been assimilating the two personalities for a long time, and he recommend I talk to a therapist. Kevin was a little surprised to find me on his doorstep one day", Jason said with a grin. "So what did you two figure out", Robin asked? "That I was miserable without you. And that Jason Morgan and Jason Quartermaine were not all that different", Jason replied. "That is one explanation I have to hear", Robin said in disbelief.
"All the good things you saw, the love, the loyalty , the honesty was their in both of them. It was just that Jason Quartermaine did the right things for the wrong reasons, while Jason Morgan did the wrong things for the right reasons. The old Jason lived his life so that he wouldn't make waves in the family and the new Jason made waves so he could live his life away form the family", Jason finished. Robin took a deep breath and asked, "So which one are you"? "Both , neither", Jason replied, "The man who loves you more than anything in the world".
"So where does this leave the boy without a past and the girl with no future", Jason asked seriously, afraid that he had chased her away. "Stuck with a lot of baggage from the past and an uncertain future, that they are going to face together", Robin said as she looked at him with eyes full of love and hope. "You do know what I'm going to say next, right", Robin asked as he leaned across the table to kiss her. "Can I start with Emily and work my way up to the rest of the family in say twenty years", Jason asked as they kissed again.