~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Disclaimer: how many times do I have to tell you??? I do not own CATS or Fiddler on the Roof. Mungy will never be mine....unless....... *writes down some things on a memo pad and does a little shifty-eye thing* yes... that could work ... plan C of how to own Mungojerrie and Drew Varley.... the first that doesn't involve a time machine!
Alonzo: You're a little TOO obsessed with Mungo
Mungo: Yeeow just realoized thees naw???
hey what're you guys doing in the disclaimer???
Alonzo: *shrugs* I dunno.... we just are.... *shifty eyes*
Munku: Can't handle all the SHIFTY EYES!!!!! *goes into a fetal position, sucking thumb*
Alonzo/Mungo: o......k.......
Deme: MACAVITY!!!
All: SHUTTUP DEME!!!!!!!
Jemi: where is Macavity anyway???
Electra: Don't you remember.... the polar bear circus.....
All: *bow their heads respectively, exept Munku who is still in a fetal position*
Will you guys get out of the disclaimer???
All: OK! *leave*
*sigh* Ok bottom line: I don't own anything.... exept my DVDs and cast recordings
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MT: There! Now that I've put my alter-ego thingiemadoodle in place the show can commence!
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOO-...... huh?
MT: In the disclaimer, I don't have a real name (well I do but it's not my pen name/alter ego name thingie) I'm just the narrator.... get it???
All: .... no...
MT: Well that doesn't matter. We're up to a classic song from the show, If I Were a Rich Tom!
Skimble: *sarcastically* oh boy
MT: *glares* just get on with the song... hehe that sort of rhymes!
Skevye: Dear Bast......... it's me, Margaret
MT: _ Skimble, I expected better of you! You're supposed to be responsible! You know very well that you are playing a poor, Jewish, dairyman.... not some idiotic prepubescent girl!
Skimble: ok ok ok!
Skevye: Dear Bast, you made many poor cats. I know of course that it's no shame to be poor.... but it's no great honor either! So tell me, what would have been so horrible, if I were to have a small fortune?
If I were a rich tom
Yaha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha dum
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum
If I were a wealthy tom!
I wouldn't have to work hard
Yaha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha dum
If I were a biddy biddy rich
Yiedle deedle didle didle tom
I'd build a big tall house with rooms by the dozen
Right in the middle of the town
A fine tin roof with real wooden floors below
There could be one long staircase just going up
And one even longer coming down
And one more going nowhere, just for show!
Electra: What a waste of good... um.... whatever you make staircases with!
MT: Electra.... he's just dreaming ok?
Deme: A blessing on your head Mazel Tov Mazel Tov, to see a daughter wed Mazel To-
MT: DEM!!! NOT YET!!!!
Deme: But you said he was dreaming!
MT: I didn't mean dreaming like, asleep dreaming! I meant like imagining!.... Like how you imagine that Macavity can turn himself into a can of raviolios....
Deme: HE CAN!!!!
MT: sure he can Deme... Skimble keep singing
Skevye: I'd fill my yard with chicks-
Tugger: COOL!!!! I didn't know people back then could be playcats!!!
Jenny: KITTENS EARS!!!!! *runs around trying to "shield" the kittens*
Etccy: OH MY EVERLASTING CAT!!!! DID TUGGER JUST SAY.... SOMETHING????!!!!???
Jemi: uh... yeah....
Etccy: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *passes out*
MT: Tugger, he means chicks as in baby chickens.
Tugger: oh.... I knew that.....
Skevye: ahem!
and turkeys and geese
And ducks for the town to see and hear
Squaking just as noisily as they can
And each loud *imitates ducks, chickens, turkeys and geese*
Kittens: *giggle exept Etccy, who's still unconscious*
Skevye: Will land like a trumpet on the ear
As if to say here lives a wealthy tom
*sighs*
If I were a rich tom
Yaha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha dum
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum
If I were a wealthy tom
I wouldn't have to work hard
Yaha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha dum
If I were a biddy biddy rich
Yiedle deedle didle didle man
I see my mate, my Jolde
Looking like a rich tom's mate
With a proper double chin
Jenny: Are you saying I'm fat?!?!?!?!
Skimble: What?!?! Of course not! I-
Jenny: HOW COULD YOU???? *sobs in a little corner*
Jelly: YEAH HOW COULD YOU???? *goes to comfort Jenny*
Bomba: MEANIE!!!! *goes to comfort Jenny*
Cass: *cuffs him on the ear* *goes to comfort Jenny*
Electra: stupid insensitive.... *goes to comfort Jenny*
Deme: Macavity! *she says this kind of like spitting it at him... can't explain... too tired * *goes to comfort Jenny*
Etccy: *wakes up* *goes to comfort Jenny, not knowing why, but it seemed the proper thing to do*
Vicci: *dirty look* *goes to comfort Jenny*
Jemi: *walks by him, shakes her head and goes to comfort Jenny*
Rumple: oaf! *goes to comfort Jenny*
Tant: *mentally insulting him, then remembers he's not phsychic so she just goes to comfort Jenny*
MT: How could you Skimble? *goes to comfort Jenny*
Skimble: .... what'd I do? I WAS JUST READING MY SCRIPT!!!!!
Toms: *open mouths, being that they ARE toms after all, no-one realizes what's wrong or what Skimble did*...... huh?
Skimble: MT!!!! Don't you, at least, believe me?????
MT: *glares at him and continues comforting Jenny*
Jenny: *still sobbing*
Seamus: Lord, what am I doing here AGAIN??? *sighs* We'll be back, after these, previously recorded, messages!
~fade out~
~fade in to...~
DV: Do-
MT: OMG!!!!!! DREW VARLEY!?!?!?!?!?!?!
DV: *sighs* NO! I am a disembodied voice!
Gus: I am Harry Potter!!!!!!!
Jelly: Come on Gus, it's time for your medication!
Gus: La la la la la la la la la *follows Jelly away*
DV: Do you suffer from fates so cruel as.... poisoned raviolios?
Random friend of mine: Yes!!!
DV: Have you been whacked repeatedly with a CATS DVD because you dared to say that your boyfriend was hotter than Drew Varley?
Another random friend of mine: Yes!!!
DV: Do you like orange soda?
ANOTHER random friend of mine: Ye-.... wait NO!!!!!
DV: Then buy Chicken brand Chicken Nuggets! So good, they're as good as.... something.... really good.....
~fade out~
~fade in to...~
*everything's back to normal and Skimble is continuing with his song*
Skevye: Supervising meals to her heart's delight
I see her putting on airs and strutting like a peacock
Oy! What a happy mood she's in
Screaming at the servants day and night!
The most important toms in town will come to fawn on me!
Skevye: They will ask me to advise them
Like a Solomon the Wise
If you please Reb Skevye
Pardon me Reb Skevye
Posing problems that would cross a rabbi's eyes!
Boi boi boi
boi boi boi
boi boi boi
And it won't make one bit of difference
If I answer right or wrong
When you're rich, they think ya really know
If I were rich I'd have the time that I lack
To sit in the Sinagogue and pray
And maybe, have a seat by the Eastern wall
And I'd discuss the holy books
With the learned toms
Seven hours every day
That would be the sweetest thing of all
If I were a rich tom
Yaha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha deeha dum
All day long I'd biddy biddy bum
If I were a wealthy tom
Bast who made the lion and the lamp
Electra: lamb
Skimble: What was that?
Electra: I was correcting you. The line is "Bast who made the lion and the lamb"
Skimble: I don't think I like your tone missy...
Electra: I was just saying...
Skimble: backtalking now are we?
Electra: NO!!! I was just-
MT: Skimble just get on with your song.
Skimble: fine
Skevye: You decreed I should be what I am
Would it spoil some vast eternal plan
If I were a wealthy tom?
Etccy: People put like, way too much emphasis on money these days!
MT:.... Etccy... this was set in the early 1900's...
Etccy: Well there was like, too much emphasis on money then too.
Tant: She's right you know.
Vicci: Yeah! There's like way too much emphasis (A/N I don't have my thesaurus ok?) on material things!
*general murmurs of agreement exept for two...*
Teazer: *nervously tries to conceal her pearls*
Mungo: *whistles and tries to look innocent and completely melts MT*
MT: Actually... um... material things are good!
Bomba: What!?!?
Cass: O.......k........
Deme: That's the dummest thing I've ever heard!!! Why do people even steal stuff!?!?! They're like...SO stupid!!!!
Other Cats: *try to get Deme to shuttup without saying anything... it doesn't work*
Deme: What!?!?!
Other Cats: *simultaneously smack forheads and point to Mungo and Teazer*
Mungo/Teazer (A/N not me, the cats): *look hurt*
MT: *eyes well up with tears at seeing her beloved Mungo upset* HOW COULD YOU YOU YOU YOU.... MEANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *huggles Mungo.... accidentally choking him in the process*
Mungo: *gasp!* Can't *choke!* broithe! *gasp!*
Deme: What'd I do?
Bomba: *smacks her*
Deme: Ouch!!!!
Mungo: *choke* GOIS!!!!*cough*Oi*sputter* could *gasp* use *gag* some *wheeze* 'elp *cough* 'ere!!!!!! *gasp*
Teazer: *whacks MT with a frying pan that just magically appeared out of nowhere and will magically disappear when she's done*
MT: *comes back to senses... well as much as I hav anyway* Ok I'm good....yeah..... Why don't we just take a break huh?
*and there was much rejoicing*
CATS: Yayy!!!!
Etccy: Hey Pounce! I'll race ya to the candy machine!!!!!!!
Pouncie: OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*they bounce off leaving everyone looking worried and scared out of their minds at what you get when you cross Etccy and Pounce with *da da dum* sugar...*
Jenny: oh dear
Jelly: *faints*
Skimble: *gulps*
Asparagus Jnr: Dear Bast....
MT: There's a candy machine!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! : D
Cori: Uhm....... no?
MT: THAT MEANS YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *bounces off after Etccy and Pounce*
Jenny: *faints*
Jelly: *still unconscious*
Skimble: *tries to run away but realizes there's no way out*
Asparagus Jnr:..........................
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank yoy for your lovely reviews!
Vicki and Teazer: Thanks you sooooo much for updating Bye Bye Birdie!!!!! *sighs dreamily at the thought of Mungo singing Put on a Happy Face* I loved the "How many times have we told you not to glue pets to the ceiling!" Was that in BBB?????? It's been a while since I've seen it... anyhoos I'm getting off-track here so basically thanks for updating and prompting me to do so too. Wow! I sounded semi-intelligent there!!!!!!!!!!!! *watches all the flying pigs and grins* Just as long as there aren't any *cow comes flying down from the sky* COWS!!!!!!!!!!! RETREEEEEEAT!!!!!!!!! HOW COME IT'S NEVER ANYTHING GOOD THAT FALLS OUT OF THE SKY????? IT'S ALWAYS COWS!!!! WHY NEVER DREW VARLEY???? *runs away from the cow bawling*