Title: Letting the Voices Have Their Say
Author: OneOfMany
Disclaimer: I only wish I owned them.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Grissom and Catherine allow their inner voices to rule their actions.
A/N: This was written because I had too much free time on Thanksgiving Day. Constructive criticism is welcome – but no flames, please, I'm fragile!
Gil Grissom sat behind his desk near the end of shift, early on Thanksgiving morning. He had no plans for the day other than to clean his tarantula's terrarium.
He'd spent many a holiday alone, and the solitary man in him insisted he didn't mind. When that voice was particularly convincing, he could even believe he preferred it that way. For whatever reason, the solitary man was quiet today, and all Grissom could hear was the voice of 'the man who never was,' as he referred to it.
'The man who never was' represented all the things Gil Grissom didn't do, all the options he hadn't chosen, and all he couldn't have. Today, he mourned for that voice, that man, wondering what life might have been like had he traveled down a different path years ago.
His reverie was interrupted when he noticed Catherine Willows settling herself into the chair across from him. Startled, he realized he hadn't even heard her enter. Must be the years of dancing that allowed her to move as fluidly and gracefully as she did, he mused.
"Where have you been?" she asked.
"Here, all night, doing paperwork."
"No, silly. Your body may not have left that chair, but your mind was certainly wandering when I came in. I called your name and you didn't even hear me," she said gently, her voice as melodious as a warm summer's breeze.
"Oh." He was embarrassed that she had seen him like that.
Sensing his unease, Catherine changed the subject to the reason for her visit. "So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"
"I don't know. Probably spend a couple more hours here and then come in early tonight. It's usually a good day to get work done.
"Gil, why don't you come to my house for dinner? It's just going to be me and Lindsey."
"No, Catherine, I couldn't intrude on your family holiday."
"It's not an intrusion if I invite you."
"But it's Lindsey's first Thanksgiving without Eddie. It's probably not appropriate."
"Gil, please. I wouldn't ask if it weren't important to me and Lindsey. She'll be thrilled to have you there."
"Well, if you're sure…"
Bounding up from the chair with a dazzling smile on her face, Catherine confirmed, "I'm sure. Be at my place at three and bring your appetite."
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As Catherine basted the turkey again, she asked Lindsey to set the table for three.
"Three? Is Aunt Colleen coming?"
"No sweetie, Uncle Gil is."
"Really?" The girl couldn't hide her excitement. "It'll be just like having Daddy here!"
"Oh honey," Catherine's heart broke anew as she drew her daughter into an embrace. "I know you miss your father. I'm so sorry."
"At least while Uncle Gil is here I can pretend he's my daddy."
Sending the child off to get the plates, Catherine sent a silent prayer up to the heavens that she was doing the right thing. She'd secretly had the same thought – she could pretend she and Gil were a happily married couple and Lindsey was their daughter.
The voice within her that she usually silenced was allowed free reign for just a little while. It whispered to her soul of holidays as a real family, of a man whose love was never in doubt, of gentle touches and kind words, of a relationship described in sonnets and songs. A delightful shiver ran up Catherine's spine at the hope that the realization of that fantasy might be close at hand.
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Forty-five minutes later, Catherine was in the bathroom putting the finishing touches on her hair and make-up. She wanted to look perfect, wanted this dinner and this day to be perfect. When the doorbell rang, Lindsey called out that she would answer it.
Seeing Gil in the foyer took her breath away. He was holding two bouquets of flowers and presenting one to Lindsey when he heard her approaching and looked up. Catherine could sense that he appreciated the extra effort she had put into her appearance by the way he eyed her from head to toe and back up again. She could swear he slowed down each way when he reached her breasts – which she knew were showcased quite well in this particular dress – before settling at last on her face.
Taking another step into the house, Gil offered the remaining flowers to Catherine. "Happy Thanksgiving Catherine, Lindsey. Thank you for having me here today."
Taking them from him, she held them elegantly up to her nose so she could inhale their lovely scent. "We're glad you could join us. These are beautiful, thank you."
"They pale in comparison to the two ladies before me."
Lindsey giggled and ran into the kitchen with her bouquet. Catherine and Gil remained rooted in their places, held there by unseen forces. Their eyes met and locked, the air practically crackling with electricity.
Thoughts ran unfettered through Catherine's mind. Gil Grissom stood only a few inches from her, wearing a blue suit that made his eyes even brighter. But maybe it was something else making his eyes shine that way. Could she even dare hope it was an attraction half as strong as she felt for him? Or was it just the voice of a desperate single mother looking for companionship trying to convince her to make a play for him?
For his part, Grissom was becoming intoxicated by the sight and scent of the woman quickly taking him over. He felt his control, and possibly his heart, slipping away from him. The dress she wore was obviously meant to drive a man wild, and he was not immune. Grissom had always appreciated Catherine's curvy figure, but right now he was overwhelmed by it. Did she know what she was doing to him? Could he even dare hope she'd worn that dress to tempt him? Or was it just the voice of the man who never was desperately searching for realization?
Lindsey's voice from the other room broke the spell. "Mom, I can't reach the vase, can you help me?"
"Sure sweetie, I'm coming." Pulling herself out of Grissom's orbit, she turned and headed for her daughter.
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With dinner finished and Catherine in the bathroom drawing Lindsey a bath, Grissom toured the living room, admiring the pictures that decorated the space. Many of the shots from early in Lindsey's childhood featured Catherine, Lindsey, and Eddie. Grissom acknowledged the pang of jealousy that struck his heart upon seeing the man with his arms around the beautiful woman and girl.
"Would you like some coffee?"
Turning, Grissom saw Catherine standing in the entrance to the living room. Her hair was slightly mussed, her lipstick had worn off during dinner, and part of her dress was wet from the bath, but to Grissom, she never looked lovelier. He felt his heart now swelling with love for this strong, brave, independent woman. He wanted nothing more than to literally sweep her off her feet and kiss away all the pain she had ever experienced. Make love to her until they were both healed. Wake up next to her every day and raise her daughter as if she were his own. The way it should have been; the way it would have been had they chosen differently all those years ago.
"Earth to Gil. Can you hear me?"
Realizing she had asked him about coffee before he allowed the voice of the man who never was to whisper seductively in his ear, he blushed deeply. "Sorry. Yeah, coffee would be great."
"I'll be right back, then. Make yourself at home."
Catherine retreated to the kitchen to pour the coffee she had started dripping before going to help Lindsey. She thought back to watching Gil walk around her living room, when he hadn't known she was there. She had allowed herself to pretend he lived in this house, with her, and he was waiting for her to finish getting ready for a night out on the town. The voice of her fantasies wove the tale of a couple passionately in love, whose hearts and souls were joined in eternal bliss. A couple who spent all their time and energy trying to make each other happy and raise their daughter in the warmth of that love. She could see it so clearly. And she believed, after spending a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with him, that she could have it. Probably could have had it all along if they hadn't made some wrong decisions along the way, she mused.
Bringing the coffee into the living room, Catherine noticed that Gil had taken off his shoes and made himself comfortable on one of the couches. Handing him a mug, she sat next to him, close but not quite touching.
"Dinner was great, Catherine. I never realized you were so talented in the kitchen."
"That's not the only place I'm talented." She raised her eyebrows in what she hoped was an inviting gesture.
"I remember," he said quietly, turning the conversation suddenly serious.
"Pretty hard to forget, isn't it?"
He turned slightly so that he was facing her. "I've never even tried to forget. I've only regretted that it had to end."
"Why was that again?" she asked wistfully.
"Because Eddie came back, sober, and asked for another chance."
"Begged was more like it." She sighed before continuing, "But I made a vow to him, and I believed in that vow. If he was willing to try again, I felt I owed it to him, no matter where my heart may have been by then."
"You've always had such a kind heart, and such strong morals. Those were two things I always admired about you." With this, he began playing with a lock of her hair.
"It was a mistake, Gil."
"What was?"
"Going back to Eddie. Nothing good ever came of it, and I had to sit back and watch you have relationships with other women. It was torture."
"They were nothing, Catherine. Just a way to pass the time."
"What about Sara?" She asked this quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.
"I don't feel anything different for Sara than I feel for Nick or Warrick."
"Are you sure? Because for a while there I thought maybe you two…"
"I believe Sara is attracted to me, and I have to admit that I find her attention flattering. But really, Catherine, she's a girl where you are a woman. She could never hold a candle to you." He took a deep breath. "You stole my heart back then, and I haven't been in possession of it since."
"Oh, Gil." A tear rolled down her cheek as her heart beat wildly in her chest with the love she felt for this man.
"Don't cry, my love." He kissed the track of her tear with small pecks, landing finally at her lips. With their first real kiss in too many years, he let her know in no uncertain terms how much she meant to him. He poured his soul into the act, giving himself to her once again.
Catherine accepted him willingly and offered her heart and soul in return. She felt whole once more, and knew she would never be alone again.
Again, they were interrupted by Lindsey's voice carrying through the halls, this time requesting that her mother tuck her into bed.
Calling back, Catherine stood, only to be stopped by Gil gently grasping her wrist. Questioning him with her eyes, he said, "You said before that noting good came of your marriage to Eddie. I beg to differ with you – Lindsey was a product of that union."
A sly smile spread on her face. 'It's now or never,' her inner voice advised. "Actually, Gil, Lindsey was a product of our union, not mine and Eddie's."
He dropped her wrist in shock. For the first time in his life, Gil Grissom was speechless.
Afraid she had said too much too soon, Catherine began to panic. "Gil? I'm sorry I didn't tell you. But I knew Eddie would never understand, and I was afraid he would take it out on her. Can you ever forgive me?"
After a few long moments, Gil looked up at her and replied, "There's nothing to forgive Catherine. You gave me a beautiful daughter, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I am humbled."
Offering her his hand again she asked, "Then why don't you help me tuck our daughter in?"
Satisfied with the events of this glorious day, the voice of the man Gil never was was silenced. "I'd love to."
The End.