Three's a Crowd
It' Over
Author: Kamikazee Email: neo_kamikazee@hotmail.com Rating: PG-13, for some swearing and some hard to describe content Series/Sequel: First in the Three's a Crowd series. (4 part series) Warnings: Swearing, infidelity, angst Category: WWE Spoilers: Let's see, Lita is returned in this fic. I'm also using the real- life wedding of Paul Levesque (HHH) and Stephanie McMahon, but I'm using wrestling names. Archive: HLA, Personal Space, Fanfiction.net, Inspired by Song. If you want it, please e-mail me the URL. Summary: An affair comes to an end. First person POV Author's Notes: This is the first part of my response to the Twisted Muses: Inspired by Song challenge. Hopefully the other parts will follow soon. Notes 2: The song used is Human Nature by Madonna. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or storylines created by the WWE, nor is this a reflection on the real life people who play them. This is simply a piece of non-profit fiction. The song 'Human Nature' by Madonna is used without permission.
~
//Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself //
It's over.
I ran the two small words through my mind over and over again as I sat on the king sized bed. The room was just like every other hotel room I had seen in the month that I've been back on the road. The familiarity hung in my psyche, as if it knew that I was about to break it.
I just couldn't do it anymore. It was eating at me, wasting me away. I didn't want that, at least, not this time. It was time to end this.
Taking a deep breath, I simply waited for the opportunity I knew would come soon. Only a few more minutes and I could finish the cycle of secrets and heartache that I had gotten trapped in.
It's over.
//And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]//
It's over.
I practically screamed the phrase into my turbulent head. The time was coming soon. I could do this, I could be strong. I would look you in the eyes and say that simple sentence. It would only take a few seconds, yet I would have to use all my willpower.
You deserved it. That had become somewhat of my mantra. You deserved what I was about to do completely. You were the one cheating. You were engaged.
Well, I'm done being the 'other woman'. No longer will I be the one you come to when you need a quick fuck. Whenever you had called, I had come. Well, no more of that. I was liberated. You needed me a lot more than I needed you.
It's over.
//You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
You know, I might have stayed indefinitely, if it had just been the sex. But, now, you had to make it more. Not that you loved me; I'm not that naïve. You didn't love me, you just controlled me.
I suppose it must be part of your personality, the need to control. The way you tried to tell me how to dress, how to talk. It must have killed you that I completely ignored you. I remembers how you used to yell, scream and rave at me. The really depressing part, though, is that I would just sit there and take it.
Well, not anymore. It's taken me a while to accept it. You don't want to understand me; you don't want to understand the way that I work. You just want to repress me, shove me back into the mould you have made for me.
It's over.
//You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
I remember the times that you would try and keep me trapped in your narrow realm of perception. I couldn't be me, because me doesn't really fit into your life. That didn't stop you from trying to make me fit, though. You just had to keep pushing and pushing.
There were so many times I came this close to leaving. I would be on my way to the door; convinced that that was the time, that time it was for real. Then you would open your mouth. You would play with the words; change them into something they weren't. Then, I would stay.
Not this time. This time it's for real. I'm leaving, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. I'm tired of living this way. You can't control me anymore.
It's over.
//Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]//
It's over.
I don't want to have to worry about saying the wrong thing and sending you off into a rage. Your temper's too much, especially for the relationship we have. That's a laugh. I actually called this a relationship. Whatever twisted thing we have going on, it's definitely not a relationship.
I don't want to have to hide from my friends. I don't want it to get so far that you're the only person who knows everything. I will not let you hold all the cards.
I've decided on claiming temporary insanity in regards to this 'thing'. It happened because I was having some problems readjusting. I was lonely and homesick, and anything else that rationalizes clinging to you. I was crazy.
It's over.
//Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]//
It's over.
I've stayed to long as it is. This obviously isn't going anywhere. I don't know if I ever thought it was. Maybe some part of me deep down inside thought you would pick me over her. What a joke. She's your love, the woman you plan to marry. I'm just the woman on the side, to keep you occupied when she's not around.
It was easy enough to tell that you don't care about me, at all. If you cared about me, you might listen when I talk, or at least let me talk at all. When I started this I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to speak my mind, but I guess that's not allowed with you.
At the beginning, I used to say that it was my own fault. I just didn't understand what you wanted. Once I learned what you wanted, everything would be good, wonderful even. Didn't end up that way. It's not my fault, it's yours.
It's over.
//And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry] It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]//
It's over.
I won't feel sorry when I have to say that to your face. I'm not going to look down, I'm not going to mutter. I'm going to say it loud and clear, eye- to-eye. The only thing I've done wrong is say as long as I have. Well, that's about to end.
This time, it's actually going to happen. I've found something out, and that something makes all the difference. Human nature. It's that easy. You try to trap someone, and their obviously going to break free, be it sooner or later. Well, it's about to be sooner.
I'm tired of being your dirty little secret. You're indiscretion, the one you only enjoy at night, when no one else is looking. I'm not going to be that person anymore. I'm not sorry.
It's over.
//You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
I'm tired of having to make sure every word I say is acceptable. I'm tired of having my wants pushed aside because you don't like them. I used to tell me my fantasies and you would shoot me down. No more. My fantasies are my own, and you have no right to punish or control them.
When I'm with you, there are all these rules I have to follow. Even when I'm not with you, your rules stick with me, following me everywhere I go. Why do I have to follow these rules? I didn't even decide on them, I had no say in the matter. Of course, I've never had any say in how things work.
Your rules are trapping me. I don't like to be trapped. It's like caging a once wild bird, and giving it a wonderful view of the world it's been taken away from. That's what being with you is like for me. Well, it's about time I fly away.
It's over.
//You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
This isn't the first time I've tried this. No, it's not by a long shot. I've tried this countless times. But, every time I start to talk, you find a way to stop me. Then you start doing what you do best, manipulating. You twist my words into something I never meant to be. Then, I stay.
Well, this time it won't work. You've tried so hard to hold me down. For a while, it looked like it was working, but I guess I reached my breaking point, and snapped. Isn't that what you wanted all along anyways? For me to break, that is. Maybe you didn't want it to happen this way, but you wanted it to happen.
No more lying down and taking it. No more rolling with the punches. It's time for me to take charge. I have to look to the future. I don't think I want you in my future.
It's over.
//Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]//
It's over.
I'm not going to lie for you anymore. I'm not going to lie to you anymore. I've officially given up lying. From now on, the only thing I'll speak is the truth. You know why? I'm tired of waiting for it to all fall down. For the elaborate web of lies you've constructed around me to collapse. I'm going to be truthful when it happens.
That's right. When the shit hits the fan, and everyone finds out about you and I, I'm going to tell them the god awful truth. Every single detail will be revealed. You know, it won't even bother me if they hate me, because they'll hate you just as much.
I'm not crazy. I'm jaded and I'm cynical, but I'm not crazy. Though, I must have been crazy to get involved in this thing in the first place. Something must have been wrong in my head because I should never have let you get this far.
It's over.
//Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]//
It's over.
There will be no convincing me otherwise. There will be no manipulating of my ethics, my opinions and my emotions. My point of view is just that, mine. It's not yours, and hopefully it never will be. Accept it and move on, because it's not going to change.
You see, now that I'm made up about this, I'm liberated. There are no more restrictions on what I can do. If I feel the need, I can yell about what a bastard you are from the rooftops. If I wanted to do that, there is nothing you can say or do that would convince me otherwise.
My thoughts are never going to be questioned again. There will be no more doubt in my mind about what I think, and why I think it. No more doubt implanted by you.
It's over.
//[I'm not apologizing]
[Would it sound better if I were a man?]
[You're the one with the problem]
[Why don't you just deal with it]//
It's over.
I know what you'll try and do when I say the words. You'll try to play the guilt trip on me, try to get me to admit the errors of my ways. Well, I'm not in the wrong, this time, you are. There's nothing for me to apologize for, at least not to you.
I know it'll be hard for you to accept. After all, I am just a meek little woman who needs your guidance. As if. I can't help but wonder, would this be easier to accept if I was a man? You always did have a twisted mind. So, you are the one with the problem. It was never me, it was always you.
So, when you try to pull me back in with cunning words and deceitful looks, I'll only have one more thing to say to you. That one thing, it's a question. Why don't you just deal with it?
It's over.
//[Would you like me better if I was?]
[We all feel the same way]
[I have no regrets]
[Just look in the mirror]//
It's over.
I can only imagine that I'm one of many to have filled this position. It's not a large assumption, you make it pretty obvious. Maybe one day I'll meet up with some of these other women. You know what, I'll be we all feel the same way about you.
I don't have any regrets. I don't regret leaving, at all. I don't even regret this past month as much as I've hated it. This month has taught me some important lessons. They'll be no second thoughts for me, no sleepless nights wondering. No regrets.
I'll bet you have regrets, though. I bet you have so many that you need to have someone like me to help you sleep at night. I can imagine. The only thing you need to do to see all your regrets is look in the mirror.
It's over.
//[I don't have to justify anything]
[I'm just like you]
[Why should I be?]
[Deal with it]//
"It's over."
The words spilled from her lips. Though hurried, they were perfectly controlled. Looking into blue eyes, she showed him everything.
Then, Lita turned around and walked straight out the door, not looking back. She didn't even see the shocked and appalled look in the eyes of Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
It' Over
Author: Kamikazee Email: neo_kamikazee@hotmail.com Rating: PG-13, for some swearing and some hard to describe content Series/Sequel: First in the Three's a Crowd series. (4 part series) Warnings: Swearing, infidelity, angst Category: WWE Spoilers: Let's see, Lita is returned in this fic. I'm also using the real- life wedding of Paul Levesque (HHH) and Stephanie McMahon, but I'm using wrestling names. Archive: HLA, Personal Space, Fanfiction.net, Inspired by Song. If you want it, please e-mail me the URL. Summary: An affair comes to an end. First person POV Author's Notes: This is the first part of my response to the Twisted Muses: Inspired by Song challenge. Hopefully the other parts will follow soon. Notes 2: The song used is Human Nature by Madonna. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or storylines created by the WWE, nor is this a reflection on the real life people who play them. This is simply a piece of non-profit fiction. The song 'Human Nature' by Madonna is used without permission.
~
//Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself
Express yourself, don't repress yourself //
It's over.
I ran the two small words through my mind over and over again as I sat on the king sized bed. The room was just like every other hotel room I had seen in the month that I've been back on the road. The familiarity hung in my psyche, as if it knew that I was about to break it.
I just couldn't do it anymore. It was eating at me, wasting me away. I didn't want that, at least, not this time. It was time to end this.
Taking a deep breath, I simply waited for the opportunity I knew would come soon. Only a few more minutes and I could finish the cycle of secrets and heartache that I had gotten trapped in.
It's over.
//And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]//
It's over.
I practically screamed the phrase into my turbulent head. The time was coming soon. I could do this, I could be strong. I would look you in the eyes and say that simple sentence. It would only take a few seconds, yet I would have to use all my willpower.
You deserved it. That had become somewhat of my mantra. You deserved what I was about to do completely. You were the one cheating. You were engaged.
Well, I'm done being the 'other woman'. No longer will I be the one you come to when you need a quick fuck. Whenever you had called, I had come. Well, no more of that. I was liberated. You needed me a lot more than I needed you.
It's over.
//You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
You know, I might have stayed indefinitely, if it had just been the sex. But, now, you had to make it more. Not that you loved me; I'm not that naïve. You didn't love me, you just controlled me.
I suppose it must be part of your personality, the need to control. The way you tried to tell me how to dress, how to talk. It must have killed you that I completely ignored you. I remembers how you used to yell, scream and rave at me. The really depressing part, though, is that I would just sit there and take it.
Well, not anymore. It's taken me a while to accept it. You don't want to understand me; you don't want to understand the way that I work. You just want to repress me, shove me back into the mould you have made for me.
It's over.
//You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
I remember the times that you would try and keep me trapped in your narrow realm of perception. I couldn't be me, because me doesn't really fit into your life. That didn't stop you from trying to make me fit, though. You just had to keep pushing and pushing.
There were so many times I came this close to leaving. I would be on my way to the door; convinced that that was the time, that time it was for real. Then you would open your mouth. You would play with the words; change them into something they weren't. Then, I would stay.
Not this time. This time it's for real. I'm leaving, and nothing you say will convince me otherwise. I'm tired of living this way. You can't control me anymore.
It's over.
//Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]//
It's over.
I don't want to have to worry about saying the wrong thing and sending you off into a rage. Your temper's too much, especially for the relationship we have. That's a laugh. I actually called this a relationship. Whatever twisted thing we have going on, it's definitely not a relationship.
I don't want to have to hide from my friends. I don't want it to get so far that you're the only person who knows everything. I will not let you hold all the cards.
I've decided on claiming temporary insanity in regards to this 'thing'. It happened because I was having some problems readjusting. I was lonely and homesick, and anything else that rationalizes clinging to you. I was crazy.
It's over.
//Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]//
It's over.
I've stayed to long as it is. This obviously isn't going anywhere. I don't know if I ever thought it was. Maybe some part of me deep down inside thought you would pick me over her. What a joke. She's your love, the woman you plan to marry. I'm just the woman on the side, to keep you occupied when she's not around.
It was easy enough to tell that you don't care about me, at all. If you cared about me, you might listen when I talk, or at least let me talk at all. When I started this I didn't know that I wouldn't be able to speak my mind, but I guess that's not allowed with you.
At the beginning, I used to say that it was my own fault. I just didn't understand what you wanted. Once I learned what you wanted, everything would be good, wonderful even. Didn't end up that way. It's not my fault, it's yours.
It's over.
//And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry] It's human nature
[it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry
[I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me
[it's human nature]//
It's over.
I won't feel sorry when I have to say that to your face. I'm not going to look down, I'm not going to mutter. I'm going to say it loud and clear, eye- to-eye. The only thing I've done wrong is say as long as I have. Well, that's about to end.
This time, it's actually going to happen. I've found something out, and that something makes all the difference. Human nature. It's that easy. You try to trap someone, and their obviously going to break free, be it sooner or later. Well, it's about to be sooner.
I'm tired of being your dirty little secret. You're indiscretion, the one you only enjoy at night, when no one else is looking. I'm not going to be that person anymore. I'm not sorry.
It's over.
//You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
I'm tired of having to make sure every word I say is acceptable. I'm tired of having my wants pushed aside because you don't like them. I used to tell me my fantasies and you would shoot me down. No more. My fantasies are my own, and you have no right to punish or control them.
When I'm with you, there are all these rules I have to follow. Even when I'm not with you, your rules stick with me, following me everywhere I go. Why do I have to follow these rules? I didn't even decide on them, I had no say in the matter. Of course, I've never had any say in how things work.
Your rules are trapping me. I don't like to be trapped. It's like caging a once wild bird, and giving it a wonderful view of the world it's been taken away from. That's what being with you is like for me. Well, it's about time I fly away.
It's over.
//You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]//
It's over.
This isn't the first time I've tried this. No, it's not by a long shot. I've tried this countless times. But, every time I start to talk, you find a way to stop me. Then you start doing what you do best, manipulating. You twist my words into something I never meant to be. Then, I stay.
Well, this time it won't work. You've tried so hard to hold me down. For a while, it looked like it was working, but I guess I reached my breaking point, and snapped. Isn't that what you wanted all along anyways? For me to break, that is. Maybe you didn't want it to happen this way, but you wanted it to happen.
No more lying down and taking it. No more rolling with the punches. It's time for me to take charge. I have to look to the future. I don't think I want you in my future.
It's over.
//Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]//
It's over.
I'm not going to lie for you anymore. I'm not going to lie to you anymore. I've officially given up lying. From now on, the only thing I'll speak is the truth. You know why? I'm tired of waiting for it to all fall down. For the elaborate web of lies you've constructed around me to collapse. I'm going to be truthful when it happens.
That's right. When the shit hits the fan, and everyone finds out about you and I, I'm going to tell them the god awful truth. Every single detail will be revealed. You know, it won't even bother me if they hate me, because they'll hate you just as much.
I'm not crazy. I'm jaded and I'm cynical, but I'm not crazy. Though, I must have been crazy to get involved in this thing in the first place. Something must have been wrong in my head because I should never have let you get this far.
It's over.
//Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]//
It's over.
There will be no convincing me otherwise. There will be no manipulating of my ethics, my opinions and my emotions. My point of view is just that, mine. It's not yours, and hopefully it never will be. Accept it and move on, because it's not going to change.
You see, now that I'm made up about this, I'm liberated. There are no more restrictions on what I can do. If I feel the need, I can yell about what a bastard you are from the rooftops. If I wanted to do that, there is nothing you can say or do that would convince me otherwise.
My thoughts are never going to be questioned again. There will be no more doubt in my mind about what I think, and why I think it. No more doubt implanted by you.
It's over.
//[I'm not apologizing]
[Would it sound better if I were a man?]
[You're the one with the problem]
[Why don't you just deal with it]//
It's over.
I know what you'll try and do when I say the words. You'll try to play the guilt trip on me, try to get me to admit the errors of my ways. Well, I'm not in the wrong, this time, you are. There's nothing for me to apologize for, at least not to you.
I know it'll be hard for you to accept. After all, I am just a meek little woman who needs your guidance. As if. I can't help but wonder, would this be easier to accept if I was a man? You always did have a twisted mind. So, you are the one with the problem. It was never me, it was always you.
So, when you try to pull me back in with cunning words and deceitful looks, I'll only have one more thing to say to you. That one thing, it's a question. Why don't you just deal with it?
It's over.
//[Would you like me better if I was?]
[We all feel the same way]
[I have no regrets]
[Just look in the mirror]//
It's over.
I can only imagine that I'm one of many to have filled this position. It's not a large assumption, you make it pretty obvious. Maybe one day I'll meet up with some of these other women. You know what, I'll be we all feel the same way about you.
I don't have any regrets. I don't regret leaving, at all. I don't even regret this past month as much as I've hated it. This month has taught me some important lessons. They'll be no second thoughts for me, no sleepless nights wondering. No regrets.
I'll bet you have regrets, though. I bet you have so many that you need to have someone like me to help you sleep at night. I can imagine. The only thing you need to do to see all your regrets is look in the mirror.
It's over.
//[I don't have to justify anything]
[I'm just like you]
[Why should I be?]
[Deal with it]//
"It's over."
The words spilled from her lips. Though hurried, they were perfectly controlled. Looking into blue eyes, she showed him everything.
Then, Lita turned around and walked straight out the door, not looking back. She didn't even see the shocked and appalled look in the eyes of Hunter Hearst Helmsley.