[AN: Sorry it took so long, but I wasn't home for a week and had trouble fixing this chapter up, between work and fixing up my MOMO shrine. Sorry for making the last chapter so angsty. Thanks to Reika, Sakura, Arcia, Crimson Snow, Lizabeth, kioke678 and AngelicKirschwasser for reviews. Chapter 6 is already in the works.]
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Shion awoke adjacent to an empty bed, its covers thrown haphazardly into its center; however, judging by the faint light slipping in through the doorway, left slightly ajar, MOMO was up and about rather than sleeping in another room. Shion could always tell; when she moved to another location to sleep, the lights remained off. Otherwise, she left a small pathway of lights back to her room. She decided to stay in bed and wait until someone came to call on her, returning her head to the pillow, beckoning sleep once more. For a few moments she tried to let go of any random thoughts that still remained with little in the way of results, and resorted to counting slowly to one hundred, two hundred-
Something crashed to the floor on the opposite side of the room, startling Shion out of a state of semi-sleep and causing her to release a sharp, high-pitched scream. Her body remained painfully still as her eyes scanned the vague outlines of the room around her; the edges of a chair, piles of clothing on the floor, her UMN phone resting on the tabletop. She noted that her personal computer had also tumbled into the pile of clothing. Nothing more than that. She let her gaze wander to the wall, and down.
Her laugh was stoney, vague, as her eyes met the cause of the noise: one of MOMO's weapons, the dragon rod, knocked off of its perch by a sudden movement made by the ship. Nothing more or less. Its shape was silhouetted as a shadow against the wall, the edges glittering with the hall light.
As the miserable feeling in her gut persisted, Shion crawled to the edge of the bed and stepped down, feeling the icy cold of the floor against her feet. The air was thin, frigid, though she had become used to it by now, travelling in space for so long. With a moment's hesitation to consider the benefits bringing a blanket might reap, she stepped carefully towards the door, avoiding random items scattered beneath her, retrieving the small weapon before returning to the doorway. Her arms rested slightly to her front, reaching for the wall in case Shion couldn't tell where it was.
The door gave way to a light push, and Shion stepped into the vast, dimly-lit hall beyond.
"May I remind you, captain, that this is a serious matter and must be dealt with in an equally serious state of mind."
The only notable sounds came from the front of the ship, in which she guessed the crew still sat, arguing over matters of debt or tomorrow's flight plans. Surely enough, as she approached the control room, several male voices drifted out, which she recognized as Tony, Hammer and Matthews. Another voice pitched in, and with a start she realized that Gaignun was still here. As Shion entered, the aforementioned looked up, and Shion noticed Mary, Shelley and Jr. towards the back, discussing something hurriedly. Matthews looked ill.
"Good... er- morning, Miss Vector." Matthews grumbled, grateful for the temporary distraction. They all looked up to see Shion, hair disheveled and eyelids drooping with fatigue, leaning into the door frame with a look of contempt and gripping one of MOMO's weapons so hard that her knuckles had turned white. Had she woken up for nothing? The looks she'd gotten gave off mixed signals; though the empty expression on Gaignun's face caught her eye and something inside of her clenched up. Was something wrong after all?
"Do you know where MOMO is?"
No, she didn't. Of course not. Once she'd given in to sleep, Shion had no control over the girl, which MOMO tended to take advantage of. She certainly would have watched her, had she not needed the rest so badly. She inquired as to why they wanted to know, but was ignored as Gaignun rose and gave a nod to Matthews, who started up several cameras spread over the ship. All came up blank.
"Do you think it was U-TIC?" Mary, swinging her legs back and forth to kick the leg of her chair, spoke to no one in particular. "There were witnesses who reported strange men clad in purple uniform, but-" She stopped at the look Jr. was giving her. Gaignun chuckled grimly.
His fingers beat rhythmically on the surface he leaned onto. "No. It wasn't them. They wouldn't have the gall." Still, his eyes shifted nervously as the cameras continued to search throughout the Elsa. Shion and Mary noticed, and the worry set in. Shion's mind seemed not to be taking anything in.
"Shit." Matthews hit the keyboard hard, knocking himself off balance. Several of the screens disappeared, leaving more in their wake, all empty. Besides background scenery of the Elsa's rooms, not a living soul could be found. Matthews grumbled and cursed. Check KOS-MOS' room, she wanted to tell them. She'll be there, as usual.
Eventually (after a healthy amount of cursing on Matthews' part), the AGWS hangar came into view, and in the center of the camera stood KOS-MOS, wearing another unreadable expression. To her left, and in the direction she was currently facing, stood a cheerful MOMO, beaming proudly. Her arms were curled around the fluffy surface of a large, stuffed toy, one in the shape of bear which Shion had never seen before. The creature was grotesque, looking little like an actual bear she'd seen in photographs. It had soft, fragile caramel fur and large, black, beady eyes that bulged from its furry face.
"Thank you for coming with me, KOS-MOS. I'm afraid of the dark." Her grip tightened around the soft surface of the toy posessively. Gaignun watched with increasing interest as the girl on the screen smiled brightly and bounced on the soles of her feet. "I'm glad I could find it, it should have been gone by now." KOS-MOS watched on with an air of interest as the realian child proceeded to a corner of the hangar and settled herself in a sitting position on the floor, still hugging the toy to her chest. "I think I can sleep now, if you wanna go to bed."
For an instant KOS-MOS did nothing, her eyes remaining locked on the teddy bear as if trying to understand why it brought the girl such comfort. Her scans showed nothing; she did not understand. But she could feel a pinprick of warmth growing in the pit of her stomach, and though she could not explain it, she felt the corners of her lips drawing themselves up, her eyes narrowing softly. It wasn't anger or concentration. It wasn't the sick smile she often saw on the enemy when they thought they zeroed in on a quick kill. It was warmer than that.
MOMO, head bobbing happily, gave her companion a generous smile. "Mommy used to have one of these. She let me play with it all the time. And mommy used to have a big bed with red blankets, they were really soft, and I'd sit there with my teddy bear and she'd read to me. I liked that. She used to read me stories about heaven and angels and friends."
In a nature true to her programming, KOS-MOS looked away and focused on the door to her chambers, trying to block the sudden surge of emotion she'd felt. "Realians require sleep, just as humans do." The smile threatened to return, and she did little to stop it. "You may regret lack of sleep in the morning." Truthfully, she had the urge to continue listening as MOMO recounted a happy memory. She wanted a memory, even if it wasn't her own. Memories were a human thing. Shion would be pleased.
Shion watched, as she imagined the others were doing, in a state of disbelief. As she studied KOS-MOS, her mind replayed Kevin's very words on the subject of a glimmer of a heartbeat, and she incorporated the sudden use of 'regret' as an understood term into her excitement.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to talk for a bit. I don't want to trouble anyone else, KOS-MOS, and you might be able to give me some advice." KOS-MOS seated herself to the girl's left, to Shion's surprise and delight, and watched as MOMO began. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough for everyone. Not enough for mommy as her daughter, not enough help in battle, just not good enough. I can't even make anyone smile anymore... Except for you." Her fingers had begun to tremble, and to hide it she gripped the teddy-bear with increased vigor. "Is it just me? Or do they expect something more out of me?"
Joachim Mizrahi is rolling in his grave, thought a bemused Gaignun. Oh, he found it interesting, since he knew much more about what had happened than most. That didn't dismiss the fact that it bothered him in a way that was unnerving. He didn't see Joachim's daughter; he saw a realian girl expressing her deepest fear.
Before KOS-MOS could respond, MOMO raised a hand to her and continued. "I know for a fact that I'm not good enough for mommy, though... Um... KOS-MOS? Don't repeat this, please." The teddy bear fell into her lap as she raised her arms, wringing her hands. "Before papa died, we -- mama, papa and I -- all lived together. I loved it. I always felt needed. But something went wrong, and after papa died I was sent back to the lab. She didn't want to see me. When I went to see her for the last time, she looked at me like she didn't know me, and told me to get out of her office, because I was pouring salt in old wounds. She packed up and left for Fifth Jerusalem the next day."
"Pouring salt in old wounds?"
"It's an expression for... I don't know, for making her remember something that hurt her? One of the things she was trying to forget."
"You are neither a salt shaker, nor a gnosis. I do not understand."
After a moment's silence, the point KOS-MOS was trying to make sunk in, and MOMO stifled a quick giggle. "No, I guess you're right. At least, I hope I'm not a gnosis. Or even a salt shaker. But I hope I'd know if I was." She let herself laugh freely, confusing KOS-MOS further. This situation didn't require that kind of reaction, and though she might allow a bungle on the part of a human, she didn't understand in the case of a realian. Realians were synthetic, just as she. As Shion had put it, there was little room for error in the life of the synthetic.
The laughter quickly died.
"KOS-MOS?" The android inclined her head, letting a blue veil of hair fall to frame her face. MOMO looked up from the floor, expression hopeful, and met the android's eyes timidly. "I can make you smile... Do you think I can make everyone else smile like that?" She'd been contemplating this same thing for the past few nights, imagining Shion, Ziggy, chaos, and Jr. as they watched her with sad expressions; always so sad around her. "They're not happy with MOMO? Or are they troubled? I wanna help."
Any awe she'd held for KOS-MOS' sudden display came crashing through the floor as she turned to watch the realian girl tighten her grip on the stuffed animal, looking to the elder for guidance. No, she chided herself. You're being silly. KOS-MOS won't have an answer to that; it isn't logic. It's a silly question.
"You are of no trouble. Your companions have a large amount to deal with..." She recalled a saying used by chaos on one occasion, when he'd come to visit her in the maintenance lab. "Give it time."
With that, MOMO gave her a blank look and pulled herself to her feet. "Yeah... But that doesn't mean they should be so sad. Sometimes I feel like I cause it... Like the other night." Her pink hair fanned out in the air as she shook her head dismissively. "But goodnight, KOS-MOS. I have an idea. I'll tell you what happens tomorrow. And thank you for listening, it's really helped."
Matthews closed the screen without further fanfare, the guilt of intruding in a private conversation washing over him, as well as the rest of the people seated in the room.
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Jr. tossed and turned, trying desperately to get to sleep. However, with Mary and Shelley chatting excitedly just a few steps from his bed, and Gaignun speaking to Helmer in a voice none too soft, it wasn't the easiest task. It wasn't as if their conversations were of any interest to him, anyway, so he decided that a walk might help him sleep. He had only to make a first move for the doorway when Mary noticed and darted in front of him, blocking the doorway with outspread arms.
"Little master~ It's late. The thugs will be out, though god forbid should anyone mess with you." She gave a knowing glance to the gun holster he was in the process of re-attaching around his waist. "Besides, you need sleep!"
He waved a hand dismissively, annoyed that she'd tried flattery. Mary liked to think she knew how to control him, and often he'd humor her. But not tonight. "I'll be back in an hour or two. There's nothing I can do here, anyways, and I can't sleep." The thought of adding another little comment about how loud they'd been 'discussing' Helmer's new theories crossed his mind several times. If he said something like that, however, he'd surely never leave this room again, least of all on his own two feet. All he wanted to do was sort out his thoughts, and when she moved out of the way, he was grateful that she didn't question, didn't follow. He'd decided that he needed this time to himself, though there was one other person he wouldn't mind seeing. The thought of admitting that to anyone, even to her, was enough to distract his attention as he walked through the streets of one of the upper sectors.
Jr. found her bobbing along one of the streets happily, smiling politely to the occasional stranger and had her arms wrapped protectively around her middle. On one hand he was upset that she was out this late at night, but otherwise grateful. She spotted him quickly and jogged to where he was standing, grinning foolishly and almost tripping over her own feet in her hurry. People, many that knew him very well, turned to watch. Without a trace of hesitation, he grabbed her hand and dragged her off the street, away from the prying eyes of people who would more than likely report his excursion to Gaignun.
"Wanna walk somewhere?" Suddenly feeling a bit shy, he gestured around them to any one of numerous areas they could go, leaving it entirely up to her. There was the beach, which she seemed to be fond of. The AGWS factory. Any of the sectors. Areas all over the Durandal. A small park he knew of on the eastern side of the foundation. She pondered it for a moment before giving a response.
"The park. On the Durandal."
And so they started out, side by side, not hurrying in the least. They hardly encountered another person the entire way, it being so late. From time to time MOMO cast a glance at him, walking to her right, and noticing the intense, serious expression he wore was disheartening. Thinking back to her conversation with KOS-MOS, she decided that she didn't like it one bit and set out to find any way she could change it.
She decided she'd have to be as forward as to ask him outright, "Do I upset you, Jr.?"
He looked startled for a moment or two, and she caught a trace of what appeared to be remorse in his blue eyes. He stopped walking and stared at her for a moment before realizing what it was she was getting at, thinking back to the conversation he'd overheard. Was she that worried? Did she really think that was the case? So, taking a chance, he leaned towards her and brushed her lips with his own. He smiled genuinely at her and took a few steps back.
"Do you doubt it when I say you've got the wrong idea?" And it was as simple as that.
Her face clearly showed the dawning understanding, and her eyes betrayed her relief and pleasure at his response. She started to walk again, the skip returning to her step. At times she'd slow her pace and turn to him, prepared to speak, but thought better of it. At least, until they reached the entrance ramp to the park, where she stopped.
"If you get upset about anything, talk to me. I like it when you're happy." Her cheeks flushed visibly and she giggled sheepishly, embarassed by what she was saying. "I'm glad I haven't done anything to upset you. I was worried."
Content to walk on in silence, MOMO studied the familiar landscape spreading before her as the escalator climbed and ended in front of a doorway, which in turn opened up to reveal a modern-day euphoria. She loved the trees and the environmental bugs that hovered silently over the area, serving the purpose of keeping the enclosed space clean. Whenever she studied the stars from the window, she felt a sense of longing deep in her stomach, as if she'd been created to do nothing but stare into the night sky. In fact, from her usual spot on a bench positioned near the window, MOMO did just that for hours on end, staying up deep into the night. It brought her comfort when troubled by an unpleasant thought.
The entire park fell under a soft blanket of light shed by the environmental bugs and various lamps stationed overhead. It made the emerald of the leaves and grass much more poignant in MOMO's eyes, and accentuated the dark, sweet blue of the sky beyond the glass divider, in turn making the stars seem brighter.
It was there that MOMO found herself thinking of her mother again. It was a bittersweet moment, remembering how she and her mother had shared such moments together before papa's death. When papa had died, Juli Mizrahi had taken a sudden turn, and MOMO couldn't say whether it was for better or worse. She'd always told herself that it was the only way her mother could deal with the deaths of papa and Sakura. Her mom would come around and learn to love MOMO for Sakura; or, at least, for the person she was, Sakura or no.
Her body shivered involuntarily, and Jr. mistook it. He asked if she'd like to go back, or at least borrow his coat, and she shook her head. Not now. The surrounding air was comfortable, filled with the promise of an artificial dew by morning.
Why was she thinking of this now? She chastised herself for ruining this moment with thoughts that weren't all that important, anyways. It could wait until later. Besides, although the scenario may be similiar to some ends, the emotion between the two was much different than what had existed of a mother-daughter relationship between Juli and MOMO. Though MOMO couldn't properly describe it, it gave her a warm, glowing feeling. The kind of relationship she'd seen between her parents, though not so distant and a little more naive. Maybe more comparable to the relationship Shion had described to her between herself and Kevin, the "endless nights of thinking about him, sick to your stomach, dizzy feeling you get when you see them" kind of thing.
She chanced a lingering look at him, seated restlessly beside her, quite in contrast to the solitary calm she emenated. He was currently studying a cluster of stars in the distance, naming the corresponding stars in his mind, his blue eyes slightly clouded in thought, mouth pursed. One hand played idly with the edge of his trenchcoat, folding the sides in and out, while the other rested gently on the side of the bench. One of the fireflies hovered nearby, casting an opalescent glow over his face.
She shivered again, and this time he insisted she take his trench coat, lest she catch cold.
By the time they'd been there for a half hour, Jr. had grown quite restless, tapping his fingers on the bench, glancing frequently at MOMO and smiling to himself each time. Though most of the citizens had retreated to their chambers, Environmental bugs kept a constant vigil over the area, with the occasional person walking by in their hurry to get back to bed. Jr. chose this time, when everyone but themselves and the bugs had gone, to try a conversation. One he'd been thinking about for months, and had finally gathered the courage to initiate.
"There's something we need to talk about," he started, fidgeting with his hands and staring into the distance. She looked up and smiled, that sweet, innocent smile of hers, meeting his eyes with a look of curiosity. They needed to talk about something? Though she had suspicions and hopes as to what he wanted to talk about, she didn't let her mind get carried away or allow herself to get wound up, only to be disappointed. "About... 'us'." Okay, maybe she wasn't lined up for disappointment after all. She flushed with anticipation.
Both blushed a brilliant shade of crimson before he found a way to continue, after an awkward moment. For a while he considered just giving up the topic, but decided it was important to continue. Hell, of course it was important. He knew it was important to himself, that she was important to him, and could see the same reflected in her eyes. She was smiling in an awkward way, not sure if she wanted to give away how happy she was with an expression.
MOMO returned her searching gaze to the stars, twinkling beyond the window. "About 'us'? Jr..." In an instant she had done a complete turn and had started to laugh, a rich, child-like laugh, though the meaning behind it wasn't entirely innocent. At the same time, she seemed to be holding something back.
"Hey... I'm serious," He said, slightly offended. It had caught him off-guard. It wasn't her usual laugh; this was laced with fear and what he took as anger.
"I know, Jr. I know." The laughter died then and there, caught in her throat, and she now took on an air of enervation. What she'd been trying to hide was the pain of the memory she'd thought of just minutes earlier, which now showed itself plain as day across her delicate face. Was she clinging to something long since gone? She couldn't deny that much. But as much as she'd like to swear off that she'd ever hesitated because of the rejection of her mother, she couldn't give up the memory.
Juli Mizrahi still walked with a young MOMO in the back of the girl's present memory. As far as she could tell, mama still read to her the books her father had collected from auctions and excavations, gifts from other senators for his adorable, charming young daughter, the one they wanted to have the pleasure of meeting, the bright, promised people who never found out about Sakura's death. She might still be laying amongst the tangled, red sheets of Juli Mizrahi's bed, pointing out pictures of men and women with white wings and ivory-carved instruments.
What would she tell him? "I can't return any feelings you may have, because I'm stuck in my past?" She couldn't bring herself to ponder it. She would not say it. But that meant she'd have to deal with it. It wasn't fair -- not only for the two of them, but for the rest of her acquantances and her mother -- if she lived with the regret. The regret of letting her mother slip out, not unnoticed, when papa had died. She knew that it meant speaking to Juli in person, getting her own answers. And she wasn't ready for that quite yet; but she'd play through the motions until she was.
"Are you talking about being like the couples here on the foundation? Like the man and woman we saw from the train, holding hands? Or like Shion and Allen, fighting all the time?" He smiled at her, nervously, and shrugged, recalling the couple from the platform and how MOMO had reacted to watching them as they passed by. And of course, he didn't want their relationship to be like Shion and Allen's. He had his doubts about the two, though he and the other members of the crew wouldn't dare say a word.
"Maybe not like Shion and Allen. But I guess so."
She looked as if she would burst. Her body quivered with the giggle she was trying to contain. Her eyes lit up with it. She turned again to the sky, the stars twinkling beyond, too happy to think of the demons she'd have to face in order to move on. For a moment her mother's memory dimmed and she jumped up to embrace him.
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Shion awoke adjacent to an empty bed, its covers thrown haphazardly into its center; however, judging by the faint light slipping in through the doorway, left slightly ajar, MOMO was up and about rather than sleeping in another room. Shion could always tell; when she moved to another location to sleep, the lights remained off. Otherwise, she left a small pathway of lights back to her room. She decided to stay in bed and wait until someone came to call on her, returning her head to the pillow, beckoning sleep once more. For a few moments she tried to let go of any random thoughts that still remained with little in the way of results, and resorted to counting slowly to one hundred, two hundred-
Something crashed to the floor on the opposite side of the room, startling Shion out of a state of semi-sleep and causing her to release a sharp, high-pitched scream. Her body remained painfully still as her eyes scanned the vague outlines of the room around her; the edges of a chair, piles of clothing on the floor, her UMN phone resting on the tabletop. She noted that her personal computer had also tumbled into the pile of clothing. Nothing more than that. She let her gaze wander to the wall, and down.
Her laugh was stoney, vague, as her eyes met the cause of the noise: one of MOMO's weapons, the dragon rod, knocked off of its perch by a sudden movement made by the ship. Nothing more or less. Its shape was silhouetted as a shadow against the wall, the edges glittering with the hall light.
As the miserable feeling in her gut persisted, Shion crawled to the edge of the bed and stepped down, feeling the icy cold of the floor against her feet. The air was thin, frigid, though she had become used to it by now, travelling in space for so long. With a moment's hesitation to consider the benefits bringing a blanket might reap, she stepped carefully towards the door, avoiding random items scattered beneath her, retrieving the small weapon before returning to the doorway. Her arms rested slightly to her front, reaching for the wall in case Shion couldn't tell where it was.
The door gave way to a light push, and Shion stepped into the vast, dimly-lit hall beyond.
"May I remind you, captain, that this is a serious matter and must be dealt with in an equally serious state of mind."
The only notable sounds came from the front of the ship, in which she guessed the crew still sat, arguing over matters of debt or tomorrow's flight plans. Surely enough, as she approached the control room, several male voices drifted out, which she recognized as Tony, Hammer and Matthews. Another voice pitched in, and with a start she realized that Gaignun was still here. As Shion entered, the aforementioned looked up, and Shion noticed Mary, Shelley and Jr. towards the back, discussing something hurriedly. Matthews looked ill.
"Good... er- morning, Miss Vector." Matthews grumbled, grateful for the temporary distraction. They all looked up to see Shion, hair disheveled and eyelids drooping with fatigue, leaning into the door frame with a look of contempt and gripping one of MOMO's weapons so hard that her knuckles had turned white. Had she woken up for nothing? The looks she'd gotten gave off mixed signals; though the empty expression on Gaignun's face caught her eye and something inside of her clenched up. Was something wrong after all?
"Do you know where MOMO is?"
No, she didn't. Of course not. Once she'd given in to sleep, Shion had no control over the girl, which MOMO tended to take advantage of. She certainly would have watched her, had she not needed the rest so badly. She inquired as to why they wanted to know, but was ignored as Gaignun rose and gave a nod to Matthews, who started up several cameras spread over the ship. All came up blank.
"Do you think it was U-TIC?" Mary, swinging her legs back and forth to kick the leg of her chair, spoke to no one in particular. "There were witnesses who reported strange men clad in purple uniform, but-" She stopped at the look Jr. was giving her. Gaignun chuckled grimly.
His fingers beat rhythmically on the surface he leaned onto. "No. It wasn't them. They wouldn't have the gall." Still, his eyes shifted nervously as the cameras continued to search throughout the Elsa. Shion and Mary noticed, and the worry set in. Shion's mind seemed not to be taking anything in.
"Shit." Matthews hit the keyboard hard, knocking himself off balance. Several of the screens disappeared, leaving more in their wake, all empty. Besides background scenery of the Elsa's rooms, not a living soul could be found. Matthews grumbled and cursed. Check KOS-MOS' room, she wanted to tell them. She'll be there, as usual.
Eventually (after a healthy amount of cursing on Matthews' part), the AGWS hangar came into view, and in the center of the camera stood KOS-MOS, wearing another unreadable expression. To her left, and in the direction she was currently facing, stood a cheerful MOMO, beaming proudly. Her arms were curled around the fluffy surface of a large, stuffed toy, one in the shape of bear which Shion had never seen before. The creature was grotesque, looking little like an actual bear she'd seen in photographs. It had soft, fragile caramel fur and large, black, beady eyes that bulged from its furry face.
"Thank you for coming with me, KOS-MOS. I'm afraid of the dark." Her grip tightened around the soft surface of the toy posessively. Gaignun watched with increasing interest as the girl on the screen smiled brightly and bounced on the soles of her feet. "I'm glad I could find it, it should have been gone by now." KOS-MOS watched on with an air of interest as the realian child proceeded to a corner of the hangar and settled herself in a sitting position on the floor, still hugging the toy to her chest. "I think I can sleep now, if you wanna go to bed."
For an instant KOS-MOS did nothing, her eyes remaining locked on the teddy bear as if trying to understand why it brought the girl such comfort. Her scans showed nothing; she did not understand. But she could feel a pinprick of warmth growing in the pit of her stomach, and though she could not explain it, she felt the corners of her lips drawing themselves up, her eyes narrowing softly. It wasn't anger or concentration. It wasn't the sick smile she often saw on the enemy when they thought they zeroed in on a quick kill. It was warmer than that.
MOMO, head bobbing happily, gave her companion a generous smile. "Mommy used to have one of these. She let me play with it all the time. And mommy used to have a big bed with red blankets, they were really soft, and I'd sit there with my teddy bear and she'd read to me. I liked that. She used to read me stories about heaven and angels and friends."
In a nature true to her programming, KOS-MOS looked away and focused on the door to her chambers, trying to block the sudden surge of emotion she'd felt. "Realians require sleep, just as humans do." The smile threatened to return, and she did little to stop it. "You may regret lack of sleep in the morning." Truthfully, she had the urge to continue listening as MOMO recounted a happy memory. She wanted a memory, even if it wasn't her own. Memories were a human thing. Shion would be pleased.
Shion watched, as she imagined the others were doing, in a state of disbelief. As she studied KOS-MOS, her mind replayed Kevin's very words on the subject of a glimmer of a heartbeat, and she incorporated the sudden use of 'regret' as an understood term into her excitement.
"If you don't mind, I'd like to talk for a bit. I don't want to trouble anyone else, KOS-MOS, and you might be able to give me some advice." KOS-MOS seated herself to the girl's left, to Shion's surprise and delight, and watched as MOMO began. "Sometimes I feel like I'm not enough for everyone. Not enough for mommy as her daughter, not enough help in battle, just not good enough. I can't even make anyone smile anymore... Except for you." Her fingers had begun to tremble, and to hide it she gripped the teddy-bear with increased vigor. "Is it just me? Or do they expect something more out of me?"
Joachim Mizrahi is rolling in his grave, thought a bemused Gaignun. Oh, he found it interesting, since he knew much more about what had happened than most. That didn't dismiss the fact that it bothered him in a way that was unnerving. He didn't see Joachim's daughter; he saw a realian girl expressing her deepest fear.
Before KOS-MOS could respond, MOMO raised a hand to her and continued. "I know for a fact that I'm not good enough for mommy, though... Um... KOS-MOS? Don't repeat this, please." The teddy bear fell into her lap as she raised her arms, wringing her hands. "Before papa died, we -- mama, papa and I -- all lived together. I loved it. I always felt needed. But something went wrong, and after papa died I was sent back to the lab. She didn't want to see me. When I went to see her for the last time, she looked at me like she didn't know me, and told me to get out of her office, because I was pouring salt in old wounds. She packed up and left for Fifth Jerusalem the next day."
"Pouring salt in old wounds?"
"It's an expression for... I don't know, for making her remember something that hurt her? One of the things she was trying to forget."
"You are neither a salt shaker, nor a gnosis. I do not understand."
After a moment's silence, the point KOS-MOS was trying to make sunk in, and MOMO stifled a quick giggle. "No, I guess you're right. At least, I hope I'm not a gnosis. Or even a salt shaker. But I hope I'd know if I was." She let herself laugh freely, confusing KOS-MOS further. This situation didn't require that kind of reaction, and though she might allow a bungle on the part of a human, she didn't understand in the case of a realian. Realians were synthetic, just as she. As Shion had put it, there was little room for error in the life of the synthetic.
The laughter quickly died.
"KOS-MOS?" The android inclined her head, letting a blue veil of hair fall to frame her face. MOMO looked up from the floor, expression hopeful, and met the android's eyes timidly. "I can make you smile... Do you think I can make everyone else smile like that?" She'd been contemplating this same thing for the past few nights, imagining Shion, Ziggy, chaos, and Jr. as they watched her with sad expressions; always so sad around her. "They're not happy with MOMO? Or are they troubled? I wanna help."
Any awe she'd held for KOS-MOS' sudden display came crashing through the floor as she turned to watch the realian girl tighten her grip on the stuffed animal, looking to the elder for guidance. No, she chided herself. You're being silly. KOS-MOS won't have an answer to that; it isn't logic. It's a silly question.
"You are of no trouble. Your companions have a large amount to deal with..." She recalled a saying used by chaos on one occasion, when he'd come to visit her in the maintenance lab. "Give it time."
With that, MOMO gave her a blank look and pulled herself to her feet. "Yeah... But that doesn't mean they should be so sad. Sometimes I feel like I cause it... Like the other night." Her pink hair fanned out in the air as she shook her head dismissively. "But goodnight, KOS-MOS. I have an idea. I'll tell you what happens tomorrow. And thank you for listening, it's really helped."
Matthews closed the screen without further fanfare, the guilt of intruding in a private conversation washing over him, as well as the rest of the people seated in the room.
]---------------------------------------------[
Jr. tossed and turned, trying desperately to get to sleep. However, with Mary and Shelley chatting excitedly just a few steps from his bed, and Gaignun speaking to Helmer in a voice none too soft, it wasn't the easiest task. It wasn't as if their conversations were of any interest to him, anyway, so he decided that a walk might help him sleep. He had only to make a first move for the doorway when Mary noticed and darted in front of him, blocking the doorway with outspread arms.
"Little master~ It's late. The thugs will be out, though god forbid should anyone mess with you." She gave a knowing glance to the gun holster he was in the process of re-attaching around his waist. "Besides, you need sleep!"
He waved a hand dismissively, annoyed that she'd tried flattery. Mary liked to think she knew how to control him, and often he'd humor her. But not tonight. "I'll be back in an hour or two. There's nothing I can do here, anyways, and I can't sleep." The thought of adding another little comment about how loud they'd been 'discussing' Helmer's new theories crossed his mind several times. If he said something like that, however, he'd surely never leave this room again, least of all on his own two feet. All he wanted to do was sort out his thoughts, and when she moved out of the way, he was grateful that she didn't question, didn't follow. He'd decided that he needed this time to himself, though there was one other person he wouldn't mind seeing. The thought of admitting that to anyone, even to her, was enough to distract his attention as he walked through the streets of one of the upper sectors.
Jr. found her bobbing along one of the streets happily, smiling politely to the occasional stranger and had her arms wrapped protectively around her middle. On one hand he was upset that she was out this late at night, but otherwise grateful. She spotted him quickly and jogged to where he was standing, grinning foolishly and almost tripping over her own feet in her hurry. People, many that knew him very well, turned to watch. Without a trace of hesitation, he grabbed her hand and dragged her off the street, away from the prying eyes of people who would more than likely report his excursion to Gaignun.
"Wanna walk somewhere?" Suddenly feeling a bit shy, he gestured around them to any one of numerous areas they could go, leaving it entirely up to her. There was the beach, which she seemed to be fond of. The AGWS factory. Any of the sectors. Areas all over the Durandal. A small park he knew of on the eastern side of the foundation. She pondered it for a moment before giving a response.
"The park. On the Durandal."
And so they started out, side by side, not hurrying in the least. They hardly encountered another person the entire way, it being so late. From time to time MOMO cast a glance at him, walking to her right, and noticing the intense, serious expression he wore was disheartening. Thinking back to her conversation with KOS-MOS, she decided that she didn't like it one bit and set out to find any way she could change it.
She decided she'd have to be as forward as to ask him outright, "Do I upset you, Jr.?"
He looked startled for a moment or two, and she caught a trace of what appeared to be remorse in his blue eyes. He stopped walking and stared at her for a moment before realizing what it was she was getting at, thinking back to the conversation he'd overheard. Was she that worried? Did she really think that was the case? So, taking a chance, he leaned towards her and brushed her lips with his own. He smiled genuinely at her and took a few steps back.
"Do you doubt it when I say you've got the wrong idea?" And it was as simple as that.
Her face clearly showed the dawning understanding, and her eyes betrayed her relief and pleasure at his response. She started to walk again, the skip returning to her step. At times she'd slow her pace and turn to him, prepared to speak, but thought better of it. At least, until they reached the entrance ramp to the park, where she stopped.
"If you get upset about anything, talk to me. I like it when you're happy." Her cheeks flushed visibly and she giggled sheepishly, embarassed by what she was saying. "I'm glad I haven't done anything to upset you. I was worried."
Content to walk on in silence, MOMO studied the familiar landscape spreading before her as the escalator climbed and ended in front of a doorway, which in turn opened up to reveal a modern-day euphoria. She loved the trees and the environmental bugs that hovered silently over the area, serving the purpose of keeping the enclosed space clean. Whenever she studied the stars from the window, she felt a sense of longing deep in her stomach, as if she'd been created to do nothing but stare into the night sky. In fact, from her usual spot on a bench positioned near the window, MOMO did just that for hours on end, staying up deep into the night. It brought her comfort when troubled by an unpleasant thought.
The entire park fell under a soft blanket of light shed by the environmental bugs and various lamps stationed overhead. It made the emerald of the leaves and grass much more poignant in MOMO's eyes, and accentuated the dark, sweet blue of the sky beyond the glass divider, in turn making the stars seem brighter.
It was there that MOMO found herself thinking of her mother again. It was a bittersweet moment, remembering how she and her mother had shared such moments together before papa's death. When papa had died, Juli Mizrahi had taken a sudden turn, and MOMO couldn't say whether it was for better or worse. She'd always told herself that it was the only way her mother could deal with the deaths of papa and Sakura. Her mom would come around and learn to love MOMO for Sakura; or, at least, for the person she was, Sakura or no.
Her body shivered involuntarily, and Jr. mistook it. He asked if she'd like to go back, or at least borrow his coat, and she shook her head. Not now. The surrounding air was comfortable, filled with the promise of an artificial dew by morning.
Why was she thinking of this now? She chastised herself for ruining this moment with thoughts that weren't all that important, anyways. It could wait until later. Besides, although the scenario may be similiar to some ends, the emotion between the two was much different than what had existed of a mother-daughter relationship between Juli and MOMO. Though MOMO couldn't properly describe it, it gave her a warm, glowing feeling. The kind of relationship she'd seen between her parents, though not so distant and a little more naive. Maybe more comparable to the relationship Shion had described to her between herself and Kevin, the "endless nights of thinking about him, sick to your stomach, dizzy feeling you get when you see them" kind of thing.
She chanced a lingering look at him, seated restlessly beside her, quite in contrast to the solitary calm she emenated. He was currently studying a cluster of stars in the distance, naming the corresponding stars in his mind, his blue eyes slightly clouded in thought, mouth pursed. One hand played idly with the edge of his trenchcoat, folding the sides in and out, while the other rested gently on the side of the bench. One of the fireflies hovered nearby, casting an opalescent glow over his face.
She shivered again, and this time he insisted she take his trench coat, lest she catch cold.
By the time they'd been there for a half hour, Jr. had grown quite restless, tapping his fingers on the bench, glancing frequently at MOMO and smiling to himself each time. Though most of the citizens had retreated to their chambers, Environmental bugs kept a constant vigil over the area, with the occasional person walking by in their hurry to get back to bed. Jr. chose this time, when everyone but themselves and the bugs had gone, to try a conversation. One he'd been thinking about for months, and had finally gathered the courage to initiate.
"There's something we need to talk about," he started, fidgeting with his hands and staring into the distance. She looked up and smiled, that sweet, innocent smile of hers, meeting his eyes with a look of curiosity. They needed to talk about something? Though she had suspicions and hopes as to what he wanted to talk about, she didn't let her mind get carried away or allow herself to get wound up, only to be disappointed. "About... 'us'." Okay, maybe she wasn't lined up for disappointment after all. She flushed with anticipation.
Both blushed a brilliant shade of crimson before he found a way to continue, after an awkward moment. For a while he considered just giving up the topic, but decided it was important to continue. Hell, of course it was important. He knew it was important to himself, that she was important to him, and could see the same reflected in her eyes. She was smiling in an awkward way, not sure if she wanted to give away how happy she was with an expression.
MOMO returned her searching gaze to the stars, twinkling beyond the window. "About 'us'? Jr..." In an instant she had done a complete turn and had started to laugh, a rich, child-like laugh, though the meaning behind it wasn't entirely innocent. At the same time, she seemed to be holding something back.
"Hey... I'm serious," He said, slightly offended. It had caught him off-guard. It wasn't her usual laugh; this was laced with fear and what he took as anger.
"I know, Jr. I know." The laughter died then and there, caught in her throat, and she now took on an air of enervation. What she'd been trying to hide was the pain of the memory she'd thought of just minutes earlier, which now showed itself plain as day across her delicate face. Was she clinging to something long since gone? She couldn't deny that much. But as much as she'd like to swear off that she'd ever hesitated because of the rejection of her mother, she couldn't give up the memory.
Juli Mizrahi still walked with a young MOMO in the back of the girl's present memory. As far as she could tell, mama still read to her the books her father had collected from auctions and excavations, gifts from other senators for his adorable, charming young daughter, the one they wanted to have the pleasure of meeting, the bright, promised people who never found out about Sakura's death. She might still be laying amongst the tangled, red sheets of Juli Mizrahi's bed, pointing out pictures of men and women with white wings and ivory-carved instruments.
What would she tell him? "I can't return any feelings you may have, because I'm stuck in my past?" She couldn't bring herself to ponder it. She would not say it. But that meant she'd have to deal with it. It wasn't fair -- not only for the two of them, but for the rest of her acquantances and her mother -- if she lived with the regret. The regret of letting her mother slip out, not unnoticed, when papa had died. She knew that it meant speaking to Juli in person, getting her own answers. And she wasn't ready for that quite yet; but she'd play through the motions until she was.
"Are you talking about being like the couples here on the foundation? Like the man and woman we saw from the train, holding hands? Or like Shion and Allen, fighting all the time?" He smiled at her, nervously, and shrugged, recalling the couple from the platform and how MOMO had reacted to watching them as they passed by. And of course, he didn't want their relationship to be like Shion and Allen's. He had his doubts about the two, though he and the other members of the crew wouldn't dare say a word.
"Maybe not like Shion and Allen. But I guess so."
She looked as if she would burst. Her body quivered with the giggle she was trying to contain. Her eyes lit up with it. She turned again to the sky, the stars twinkling beyond, too happy to think of the demons she'd have to face in order to move on. For a moment her mother's memory dimmed and she jumped up to embrace him.
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