Another Truth or Dare Fic With the HP Cast. But This One is Actually Funny!
Chapter 1
It was during the Christmas holidays and only a handful of Gryffindors had decided to stay at Hogwarts. The Weasleys (A/N d'yu REALLY expect me to write down all of those damned red haired kids names??? They could start their own hockey team dang-nabbit!), Hermione, Neville, Dean, Seamus and Harry (of course!).
Currently, Fred and George were attempting to see how many Sickles could be shoved up their nostrils without suffocating, Neville was crocheting a pink sweater for Trevor the toad ("honestly Trevor! You'll catch your death in this weather!"), Dean and Seamus were betting on how many Sickles Fred and George could shove up their nostrils without suffocating, Ginny was reading a book entitled "The Boy Who Lived: A Guide on How to Get Harry Potter to Notice You" while Hermione was reading a book entitled "How to Get a Clueless Red Head With Freckles and a Long Nose to Notice You, Because Face it, He's a Clueless Git!" while sitting right across from Ron, who was drooling and looking blankly out the window. Harry was following Ron's suit.
Suddenly, a pigeon smacked into the window. This woke Harry from his stupor. He entertained himself by watching the pigeon slide slowly down the glass, with a dazed expression on its face.
"Hehe, look at the funny birdy Ron! RON!"
Harry nudged Ron hard in the ribs. Ron retorted by slapping Harry in the back of the head. Harry slapped him back. Thus starting a huge, sissy slap fest. Dean and Seamus stopped watching Fred and George, and were now betting on who would lose the fight, as well as who would start crying first (all bets on Ron).
Suddenly, Hermione got into the mix; she pulled Harry off of Ron (who had been giving Ron a wet-willy) and then dragged Ron back up onto his feet (who had been screeching like a school girl). She slapped them both across the face.
"Knock it off you two!"
Harry put his glasses back on (which had been thrown askew by a really sissy swipe delivered by Ron), while Ron stuck his tongue out a Hermione.
"Big meanie!" Ron pouted.
"If you were so bored that you felt the need to start a fight, you could have just said so! I think we're all pretty bored here!" scolded Hermione.
At this point, Fred piped up in a really high-pitched voice (due to the Sickles shoved up his nose) "Why don't we play Truth or Dare???"
George snorted, causing the Sickles to fly everywhere. Dean and Seamus dived onto the floor, scooping up the sickles.
"Mind you wash those first!" said Neville over the clicking of his crocheting needles.
Hermione snorted as well, but without spraying Sickles. "What a stupid game!"
"D'yu have any better ideas?" said George, while he was smacking Dean and Seamus to give him his money back.
"Well, I.," Hermione stammered, "fine! I'll play! But only because I have nothing better to do!"
"Excellent!" said Fred, with his normal voice now, since he had dislodged the Sickles from his nose, "Are the rest of you in as well? Come and sit down if you are!"
Dean and Seamus, now sore from being smacked around for taking George's money, nodded and sat down on the floor. Neville grabbed Trevor and his knittings and took a seat beside Seamus. Ginny and Hermione joined the circle, as Harry and Ron pulled up a piece of carpet as well. (A/N: Not literally doofies!)
"Alrighty! Let's get this party started!" said Fred, (A/N: Hey! That rhymed! Take that Mother Goose!) as he took his seat on the floor, joining the circle.
"How do we play?" asked Neville, struggling to fit his newly crotched jumper onto Trevor, who was putting up a tremendous fight against the violently pink wooly menace.
"Simple!" said George, "One person spins this bottle-"George held up an empty Butterbeer bottle with flourish, "-and whom-ever the bottle lands on must either pick Truth or Dare. And when their decision is made, they MUST go through with it."
"What happens if the person refuses to go through with it?" asked Neville timidly (as always).
"Well, lets just say they would find out what it's like to only have 2 of your 5 senses remaining." stated George.
Neville gulped, and continued to try and wretch the pink jumper onto Trevor.
"Shall we begin then?" said Fred, taking the bottle from George and placing it on the floor.
"Who goes first?" asked Dean.
"You." said Fred.
"Well, ok."
With that, Dean grasped the bottle and gave it a quick spin. Harry was following it with his eyes, spinning his head round and round along with the bottle until he got so dizzy that he toppled over, his head landing in Ron's lap.
"EWWW!" shouted Ron, as he shoved Harry off of himself, "I don't swing that way man!"
"Gahh?" was all that Harry could say, as he tried to focus his eyes again.
The bottle stopped on Seamus, who gave a startled jump knowing that he'd be the first to embarrass himself in front of everybody.
"Truth or Dare?" asked Dean.
"Ummm, truth!" said Seamus shakily, hoping his friend would go light on him.
"O...k," said Dean, directing his head towards the ceiling to come up with a Truth. "have you ever.kissed a girl!"
"Umm, what kinda' girl?" asked Seamus.
"Wadduya think?" asked Dean impatiently
"Well, I mean." Seamus began, "do you mean "kissed a girl" as in giving your grandmother a peck on the cheek, or frenched a piece of tail?"
Everyone in the room snorted, except Hermione and Ginny who both scowled and snarled like rabid dogs.
"Honestly!" Hermione huffed, "That is really derogatory! It's not polite to call a girl a "piece of tail" you know. We aren't just your playthings! We're people too! That's sexual harassment you know!
"Haha! You said sex!" Harry slurred, pointing at Hermione.
Hermione just gave him a patronizing look.
"Sorry." Seamus said. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything."
Hermione flared her nostrils like a Hungarian Horntail. For a moment it seemed like she was about to spit flame like one too. Instead she just said, "That's alright Seamus, just be careful of what you say from now on. Or else I'll have to bitch slap you I'm afraid."
"Haha! Hermione said bitch!" Harry pointed and yelled out at Hermione again.
Hermione gave him another patronizing look.
"O, uh, that's fair I guess." Seamus said stupidly.
"Hello? Are we done discussing witches rights now? Can we get on with the bloody game?!" Dean said angrily.
"Haha! Dean said. ummm. Dean said. ummm.. Bloody. That's a funny word that is." Harry spouted off randomly.
Ron punched him in the stomach. Harry squealed like a pig and then fainted.
"Wussy." Ron said.
"Ok Seamus, answer the question now." said Dean.
"Fine, well, if you did mean whether I frenched a piece of tail, then yes." Seamus said. Right after he finished, Hermione hauled off and slapped him across the face.
"Bitch I warned you!" she yelled, bringing her hand back up again.
Seamus cried. Hermione sat back down. Everyone backed away from her very slowly. Luckily, Harry was still unconscious, otherwise he probably would have said something stupid and have incurred a bitch slap from Hermione.
"Ok, Seamus," Hermione said calmly, after she had seated herself. "spin the bottle."
"Seamus had stopped crying, and a large, red patch that looked exactly like a small, opened hand had risen upon his face. He reached a shaking hand forward, all the while staring fearfully at Hermione, and spun the bottle.
A/N: So! Here is the first chappy of which I hope many will follow! But it is up to YOU to keep it going. Who will the bottle land on? What is Harry on and where can you get some? All these questions will be answered in chaps to come. More fun fun messed up ficcy goodness soon to come! Please review. or I'll think no one likes this fic and I won't continue. and I know you want it to continue as much as I do so REVIEW DANGNABBIT! Thanks! :D
~Jaimy~
Chapter 1
It was during the Christmas holidays and only a handful of Gryffindors had decided to stay at Hogwarts. The Weasleys (A/N d'yu REALLY expect me to write down all of those damned red haired kids names??? They could start their own hockey team dang-nabbit!), Hermione, Neville, Dean, Seamus and Harry (of course!).
Currently, Fred and George were attempting to see how many Sickles could be shoved up their nostrils without suffocating, Neville was crocheting a pink sweater for Trevor the toad ("honestly Trevor! You'll catch your death in this weather!"), Dean and Seamus were betting on how many Sickles Fred and George could shove up their nostrils without suffocating, Ginny was reading a book entitled "The Boy Who Lived: A Guide on How to Get Harry Potter to Notice You" while Hermione was reading a book entitled "How to Get a Clueless Red Head With Freckles and a Long Nose to Notice You, Because Face it, He's a Clueless Git!" while sitting right across from Ron, who was drooling and looking blankly out the window. Harry was following Ron's suit.
Suddenly, a pigeon smacked into the window. This woke Harry from his stupor. He entertained himself by watching the pigeon slide slowly down the glass, with a dazed expression on its face.
"Hehe, look at the funny birdy Ron! RON!"
Harry nudged Ron hard in the ribs. Ron retorted by slapping Harry in the back of the head. Harry slapped him back. Thus starting a huge, sissy slap fest. Dean and Seamus stopped watching Fred and George, and were now betting on who would lose the fight, as well as who would start crying first (all bets on Ron).
Suddenly, Hermione got into the mix; she pulled Harry off of Ron (who had been giving Ron a wet-willy) and then dragged Ron back up onto his feet (who had been screeching like a school girl). She slapped them both across the face.
"Knock it off you two!"
Harry put his glasses back on (which had been thrown askew by a really sissy swipe delivered by Ron), while Ron stuck his tongue out a Hermione.
"Big meanie!" Ron pouted.
"If you were so bored that you felt the need to start a fight, you could have just said so! I think we're all pretty bored here!" scolded Hermione.
At this point, Fred piped up in a really high-pitched voice (due to the Sickles shoved up his nose) "Why don't we play Truth or Dare???"
George snorted, causing the Sickles to fly everywhere. Dean and Seamus dived onto the floor, scooping up the sickles.
"Mind you wash those first!" said Neville over the clicking of his crocheting needles.
Hermione snorted as well, but without spraying Sickles. "What a stupid game!"
"D'yu have any better ideas?" said George, while he was smacking Dean and Seamus to give him his money back.
"Well, I.," Hermione stammered, "fine! I'll play! But only because I have nothing better to do!"
"Excellent!" said Fred, with his normal voice now, since he had dislodged the Sickles from his nose, "Are the rest of you in as well? Come and sit down if you are!"
Dean and Seamus, now sore from being smacked around for taking George's money, nodded and sat down on the floor. Neville grabbed Trevor and his knittings and took a seat beside Seamus. Ginny and Hermione joined the circle, as Harry and Ron pulled up a piece of carpet as well. (A/N: Not literally doofies!)
"Alrighty! Let's get this party started!" said Fred, (A/N: Hey! That rhymed! Take that Mother Goose!) as he took his seat on the floor, joining the circle.
"How do we play?" asked Neville, struggling to fit his newly crotched jumper onto Trevor, who was putting up a tremendous fight against the violently pink wooly menace.
"Simple!" said George, "One person spins this bottle-"George held up an empty Butterbeer bottle with flourish, "-and whom-ever the bottle lands on must either pick Truth or Dare. And when their decision is made, they MUST go through with it."
"What happens if the person refuses to go through with it?" asked Neville timidly (as always).
"Well, lets just say they would find out what it's like to only have 2 of your 5 senses remaining." stated George.
Neville gulped, and continued to try and wretch the pink jumper onto Trevor.
"Shall we begin then?" said Fred, taking the bottle from George and placing it on the floor.
"Who goes first?" asked Dean.
"You." said Fred.
"Well, ok."
With that, Dean grasped the bottle and gave it a quick spin. Harry was following it with his eyes, spinning his head round and round along with the bottle until he got so dizzy that he toppled over, his head landing in Ron's lap.
"EWWW!" shouted Ron, as he shoved Harry off of himself, "I don't swing that way man!"
"Gahh?" was all that Harry could say, as he tried to focus his eyes again.
The bottle stopped on Seamus, who gave a startled jump knowing that he'd be the first to embarrass himself in front of everybody.
"Truth or Dare?" asked Dean.
"Ummm, truth!" said Seamus shakily, hoping his friend would go light on him.
"O...k," said Dean, directing his head towards the ceiling to come up with a Truth. "have you ever.kissed a girl!"
"Umm, what kinda' girl?" asked Seamus.
"Wadduya think?" asked Dean impatiently
"Well, I mean." Seamus began, "do you mean "kissed a girl" as in giving your grandmother a peck on the cheek, or frenched a piece of tail?"
Everyone in the room snorted, except Hermione and Ginny who both scowled and snarled like rabid dogs.
"Honestly!" Hermione huffed, "That is really derogatory! It's not polite to call a girl a "piece of tail" you know. We aren't just your playthings! We're people too! That's sexual harassment you know!
"Haha! You said sex!" Harry slurred, pointing at Hermione.
Hermione just gave him a patronizing look.
"Sorry." Seamus said. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything."
Hermione flared her nostrils like a Hungarian Horntail. For a moment it seemed like she was about to spit flame like one too. Instead she just said, "That's alright Seamus, just be careful of what you say from now on. Or else I'll have to bitch slap you I'm afraid."
"Haha! Hermione said bitch!" Harry pointed and yelled out at Hermione again.
Hermione gave him another patronizing look.
"O, uh, that's fair I guess." Seamus said stupidly.
"Hello? Are we done discussing witches rights now? Can we get on with the bloody game?!" Dean said angrily.
"Haha! Dean said. ummm. Dean said. ummm.. Bloody. That's a funny word that is." Harry spouted off randomly.
Ron punched him in the stomach. Harry squealed like a pig and then fainted.
"Wussy." Ron said.
"Ok Seamus, answer the question now." said Dean.
"Fine, well, if you did mean whether I frenched a piece of tail, then yes." Seamus said. Right after he finished, Hermione hauled off and slapped him across the face.
"Bitch I warned you!" she yelled, bringing her hand back up again.
Seamus cried. Hermione sat back down. Everyone backed away from her very slowly. Luckily, Harry was still unconscious, otherwise he probably would have said something stupid and have incurred a bitch slap from Hermione.
"Ok, Seamus," Hermione said calmly, after she had seated herself. "spin the bottle."
"Seamus had stopped crying, and a large, red patch that looked exactly like a small, opened hand had risen upon his face. He reached a shaking hand forward, all the while staring fearfully at Hermione, and spun the bottle.
A/N: So! Here is the first chappy of which I hope many will follow! But it is up to YOU to keep it going. Who will the bottle land on? What is Harry on and where can you get some? All these questions will be answered in chaps to come. More fun fun messed up ficcy goodness soon to come! Please review. or I'll think no one likes this fic and I won't continue. and I know you want it to continue as much as I do so REVIEW DANGNABBIT! Thanks! :D
~Jaimy~