(Zell walks in his dorm. He hears noises next door. He listens closely and silently. It seems to be the voice of Irvine)
Irvine: Oh Selphie...how do you not notice the love of a poor lonely shooter, seeking true love? Ooh that's a good one, gotta write that down. Oh...I already did.
(Zell laughs.)
Zell: This is great! I thought he was just flirting with the girl! I know this seems wrong, but I gotta tell Selphie!
(Selphie walks into Zell's dorm)
Selphie: Hey Zell, Squall is being such a jerk about letting me sleep in his dorm. Mind if I sleep into yours?
Zell: No, not at all, hehe.
Selphie: Oh, thank you! *Hugging Zell* I'm gonna buy you a million hot dogs!
Zell: Yeah right...oh yeah, where's Irvine? I know he's by himself because--*Irvine rushes in Zell's room*
Irvine: Selphie, don't get mad because Squall caught us in his room. Well actually, it was just me but then all of a sudden you came in and then Squall, well, you know. But I need somewhere to sleep!
Zell: Damn! Didn't they at least take the courtesy to provide you guys with a dorm? I wish everybody would just go back to their own place! Balamb is for the cool people, you know?
Irvine: Hey, we're not losers. But we just wanna sleep on the floor!
Selphie: I'm sorry but I am not gonna sleep on the floor...at least not with you! I don't trust you.
Irvine: What am I gonna do?
Zell: Ahdahda!!! I don't wanna hear that lovey dovey crap! Look, Selphie, you can sleep in this little bed with me I guess. I don't bite unlike some people. Irvine will sleep on the floor.
Selphie: Cool with me!
Irvine: Not cool!! Why can't she just sleep on the floor with me?!
(All three of them rant and argue about who sleeps where, meanwhile, Rinoa and Squall sits on the bed
together.)
Rinoa: Squall, why can't you just let at least one of them in here? At least Selphie? I mean now you're just being cruel.
Squall:...
Rinoa: Pleeeeease?
Squall: ...Fine. But she's sleeping on the floor.
Rinoa: *sigh* Ok fine. I just don't want her to sleep with that bozo Irvine. You never know what he's gonna do with her. He's a little too flirty.
(In the other room, they still can't come to the decision)
Zell: I don't think Selphie will want to sleep with you anyway!
Selphie: Hehe...
Irvine: Why not?!
Zell: Because I know you're little secret about--*Rinoa opens the door*
Rinoa: Selphie, come on, you can sleep in our dorm now. You have to sleep on the floor though!
Selphie: Oh, thank you!!
(Selphie follows Rinoa back into Squall's dorm)
Irvine: Can you finish your sentence?
Zell: Err, what sentence?
Irvine: You know what sentence!! Secret?
Zell: Oh...that sentence...umm...well, uh, you see, hehe, I kinda...
Irvine: Spill it!
Zell: Ok, ok, geez! I was kinda listening to your diary entry and I overheard you say...you know what about you know who.
Irvine: What?! How could you do that to me?!
Zell: Well, you know, I don't really like you that much, but then I felt guilty and let you sleep in my dorm. I got a little mad and I was about to tell Selphie your secret until Rinoa just came in and ruined it.
Irvine: Zell, I'm begging you, don't tell Selphie, no matter how much you hate me.
Zell: Oh yeah? And why should I keep this secret safe?
Irvine: Because if you don't, I'll shoot you in your ass.
Zell: And if you do, I'll beat your ass.
Irvine: I'll be watching you!
Zell: What? Are you talking back? Maybe I should just kick you out of my dorm!
Irvine: No!
Zell: Then shut the hell up. Goto sleep. *Zell cuts off the light*
(In Squall's dorm, they're sound asleep. The next morning, Quistis pounds on their dorms.)
Quistis: Wake up! Wake up!
Irvine: Selphie...Selphie...*he pops up to find Zell gone and a loud awakening from Quistis*
Irvine: What the...?! Where'd Zell go?!*Irvine comes out of the dorm to find Zell talking to Selphie*
Irvine: NOOOO!!!!! *As Irvine runs, he trips...then gets back up*
Irvine: ZELL WHY?!!!!!
Selphie: *She squints her eyes for a second* Irvine, why didn't you just tell me?!
Irvine: I'm sorry, I just thought it would kill you to ever think you'd be with a person like me. Well, I guess you don't want to speak to me anymore, huh?
Selphie: What in the world are you talking about?
Zell: Yeah, what does that have to do with you spilling that juice on her new shirt?
Irvine: Oops.
Zell: Hey, buddy, you did this to yourself. You shouldn't assume, hehe.
Selphie: You...have a crush on me?
Irvine: No! I mean...well yeah...I mean no...I mean yeah...I mean...I gotta go.
Selphie: Irvine, wait!
Zell: So, um, how about we go fight together? You and me?
Selphie: Hm! You can kiss my--*Quistis shouts*
Quistis: Where is Irvine going?! He can't go back in his dorm, we have a meeting!
Selphie: I'll go talk to 'em.
(Selphie quietly enters Zell's dorm)
Selphie: Irvine? You want to talk?
Irvine: No, I'm too embarassed enough.
Selphie: You can't be more embarassed than two chickens swimming.
Irvine: Huh?
Selphie: Oh, nevermind. The point is, I have a confession to make to you too.
Irvine: You're the one who put peanut butter in my gun?
Selphie: Err...well that's not the confession I was about to say hehe...but I just wanted you to know that I like you too and if you would've just told me, we coulda had something going.
Irvine: *He jumps up* WHAT?! You mean I've been writing and dreaming about you for months and you're just telling me that you like me too?!
Selphie: Well, just like you, I was kind of shy.
Irvine: But I knew we were destined to be!
Selphie: Hehe*blushes* Oh yea, I was the one who put that peanut butter in your gun *makes a cute little face*
Irvine: WHAT?!
Irvine: Oh Selphie...how do you not notice the love of a poor lonely shooter, seeking true love? Ooh that's a good one, gotta write that down. Oh...I already did.
(Zell laughs.)
Zell: This is great! I thought he was just flirting with the girl! I know this seems wrong, but I gotta tell Selphie!
(Selphie walks into Zell's dorm)
Selphie: Hey Zell, Squall is being such a jerk about letting me sleep in his dorm. Mind if I sleep into yours?
Zell: No, not at all, hehe.
Selphie: Oh, thank you! *Hugging Zell* I'm gonna buy you a million hot dogs!
Zell: Yeah right...oh yeah, where's Irvine? I know he's by himself because--*Irvine rushes in Zell's room*
Irvine: Selphie, don't get mad because Squall caught us in his room. Well actually, it was just me but then all of a sudden you came in and then Squall, well, you know. But I need somewhere to sleep!
Zell: Damn! Didn't they at least take the courtesy to provide you guys with a dorm? I wish everybody would just go back to their own place! Balamb is for the cool people, you know?
Irvine: Hey, we're not losers. But we just wanna sleep on the floor!
Selphie: I'm sorry but I am not gonna sleep on the floor...at least not with you! I don't trust you.
Irvine: What am I gonna do?
Zell: Ahdahda!!! I don't wanna hear that lovey dovey crap! Look, Selphie, you can sleep in this little bed with me I guess. I don't bite unlike some people. Irvine will sleep on the floor.
Selphie: Cool with me!
Irvine: Not cool!! Why can't she just sleep on the floor with me?!
(All three of them rant and argue about who sleeps where, meanwhile, Rinoa and Squall sits on the bed
together.)
Rinoa: Squall, why can't you just let at least one of them in here? At least Selphie? I mean now you're just being cruel.
Squall:...
Rinoa: Pleeeeease?
Squall: ...Fine. But she's sleeping on the floor.
Rinoa: *sigh* Ok fine. I just don't want her to sleep with that bozo Irvine. You never know what he's gonna do with her. He's a little too flirty.
(In the other room, they still can't come to the decision)
Zell: I don't think Selphie will want to sleep with you anyway!
Selphie: Hehe...
Irvine: Why not?!
Zell: Because I know you're little secret about--*Rinoa opens the door*
Rinoa: Selphie, come on, you can sleep in our dorm now. You have to sleep on the floor though!
Selphie: Oh, thank you!!
(Selphie follows Rinoa back into Squall's dorm)
Irvine: Can you finish your sentence?
Zell: Err, what sentence?
Irvine: You know what sentence!! Secret?
Zell: Oh...that sentence...umm...well, uh, you see, hehe, I kinda...
Irvine: Spill it!
Zell: Ok, ok, geez! I was kinda listening to your diary entry and I overheard you say...you know what about you know who.
Irvine: What?! How could you do that to me?!
Zell: Well, you know, I don't really like you that much, but then I felt guilty and let you sleep in my dorm. I got a little mad and I was about to tell Selphie your secret until Rinoa just came in and ruined it.
Irvine: Zell, I'm begging you, don't tell Selphie, no matter how much you hate me.
Zell: Oh yeah? And why should I keep this secret safe?
Irvine: Because if you don't, I'll shoot you in your ass.
Zell: And if you do, I'll beat your ass.
Irvine: I'll be watching you!
Zell: What? Are you talking back? Maybe I should just kick you out of my dorm!
Irvine: No!
Zell: Then shut the hell up. Goto sleep. *Zell cuts off the light*
(In Squall's dorm, they're sound asleep. The next morning, Quistis pounds on their dorms.)
Quistis: Wake up! Wake up!
Irvine: Selphie...Selphie...*he pops up to find Zell gone and a loud awakening from Quistis*
Irvine: What the...?! Where'd Zell go?!*Irvine comes out of the dorm to find Zell talking to Selphie*
Irvine: NOOOO!!!!! *As Irvine runs, he trips...then gets back up*
Irvine: ZELL WHY?!!!!!
Selphie: *She squints her eyes for a second* Irvine, why didn't you just tell me?!
Irvine: I'm sorry, I just thought it would kill you to ever think you'd be with a person like me. Well, I guess you don't want to speak to me anymore, huh?
Selphie: What in the world are you talking about?
Zell: Yeah, what does that have to do with you spilling that juice on her new shirt?
Irvine: Oops.
Zell: Hey, buddy, you did this to yourself. You shouldn't assume, hehe.
Selphie: You...have a crush on me?
Irvine: No! I mean...well yeah...I mean no...I mean yeah...I mean...I gotta go.
Selphie: Irvine, wait!
Zell: So, um, how about we go fight together? You and me?
Selphie: Hm! You can kiss my--*Quistis shouts*
Quistis: Where is Irvine going?! He can't go back in his dorm, we have a meeting!
Selphie: I'll go talk to 'em.
(Selphie quietly enters Zell's dorm)
Selphie: Irvine? You want to talk?
Irvine: No, I'm too embarassed enough.
Selphie: You can't be more embarassed than two chickens swimming.
Irvine: Huh?
Selphie: Oh, nevermind. The point is, I have a confession to make to you too.
Irvine: You're the one who put peanut butter in my gun?
Selphie: Err...well that's not the confession I was about to say hehe...but I just wanted you to know that I like you too and if you would've just told me, we coulda had something going.
Irvine: *He jumps up* WHAT?! You mean I've been writing and dreaming about you for months and you're just telling me that you like me too?!
Selphie: Well, just like you, I was kind of shy.
Irvine: But I knew we were destined to be!
Selphie: Hehe*blushes* Oh yea, I was the one who put that peanut butter in your gun *makes a cute little face*
Irvine: WHAT?!