Paraguay didn't solve anything - Part 10/10
I appreciate all of the fantastic feedback I received on this story! Thanks to everyone.
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JAG Headquarters
Fall Church, Virginia
2105 Zulu
Mac was in her office staring out the window at the rain falling. Harm could see her from his vantage point as he strode through the deserted bullpen. It was Christmas Eve and there were murky pinpoints of streetlights through the water soaked windows. He stepped through the door of her office and stopped.
"Mac," he said.
She turned away from the window and looked over to where he was standing. Through the shadows cast by the desk lamp, Harm thought he could see moisture on her cheeks. Was she crying?
There was a small smile on her face that didn't quite extend to her luminous brown eyes. "Are you looking for me?" she said.
"I glad I caught you before you went home. I wanted to tell you. Everything went okay with Mattie. It's official. I'm her guardian," Harm said slowly, watching her. "There are still many questions about the state of her affairs but the court is satisfied that I have her best interests at heart."
"I wondered what happened. I'm so glad," said Mac.
There was something about this. There was a strain that threaded through her voice. She looked so defeated.
He weighed his words. "I want to thank you. And Bud. Even the admiral. But I know that it was you that did the most. When I started this I had no idea the amount of work it would be. You watched out for my six. Once again. "
Mac closed her eyes for a brief second and shook her head. "I just put in a couple of nights sorting through some dull tax forms and legal documents."
"I know what a mess her affairs were. It was a lot of work."
"You're welcome," she said and moved to sit down at her desk. "Anything else? I have an after action report to review."
He watched her as she shifted a few files on her desk. She had been crying. He could see traces across her face.
Compelled to speak, he started. "Mac?"
"Yes?" she said. She looked up at him, waiting.
He wanted to understand her mood. A thought hit him. Maybe this was all an act, this renewed sense of friendship between them. All the work she did for him and Mattie. Maybe it was hard for her to have him back at JAG. There was too much tension between them. Too much water under the bridge for either of them to go back.
There was a question he needed answered. Maybe she would answer now.
"Are you glad I'm back?" he asked slowly.
"What do you mean? Why do you ask?"
"I asked you this a while back. And you never answered. Are you glad I came back to JAG?"
"You shouldn't even ask that. Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" Harm got the impression she was brushing the topic away.
"Everything went to hell in Paraguay. Somehow, I was left with the impression..." Harm couldn't go on.
"That somehow I hated you?" she said softly.
"Yeah, I guess. We were both so angry there," he said.
"I think, counselor, it would be more accurate to say that I was angry there. In Paraguay. I was angry at you." She rose from her desk and walked back to the window. She turned her back toward him and leaned her forehead against the glass.
Harm was silent. She was right. He waited for her to continue.
"Why did you thank me just now?" Her voice was muffled.
"What do you mean?"
"Now. You just thanked me. Why?"
"You worked hard. And I wouldn't be Mattie's guardian if you hadn't," he said taking a step towards her.
She didn't say anything for a minute. "I didn't do much. I didn't resign my commission for you. I didn't travel 4000 miles. I didn't risk my life for you. All I did was expedite a little paperwork."
"The whole office thought Mattie Grace is just another fool's errand. You included. But you helped anyway. I appreciate that. It's good to have a friend."
She turned around to face him and he could see angry tears in her eyes. "I'm no friend to you, Harm. I was anything but a friend in Paraguay."
He looked grimly at her, waiting for her to continue.
"I didn't even thank you for saving my life. What kind of friend is that?"
"I don't know. I think we were just burned out. It doesn't matter anyway. I didn't do it for a thank you. You're alive. That's good enough," he said.
"You've really screwed your career, you know. Admiral Chegwidden says you could have gone all the way if it wasn't for stunts like Paraguay." She went on mercilessly. He watched as tears rolled down her face.
In two steps he crossed the office and was beside her. He thrust his arms around her and buried her face into his chest.
"You think I really care about that?" he said.
She looked up at him, her face inches from his. "What do you care about?"
"You," he said.
"Why?" she asked.
"I'm not sure why. I just do."
They were both silent, staring into each other's face. Searching.
Shamefaced, she looked down and into the buttons of his shirt. "I'm not in love with Clay. It took awhile, but both of us admitted that what had happened wasn't love. I'm not sure what it was, but it died a natural death. And, Harm..." She looked back up at him.
He got lost in the brown depth of her eyes. "Yeah?"
"I am so sorry about what happened between us in Paraguay. I'm still not sure what it was. Stockholm syndrome? Maybe. Burnout? That too maybe. But whatever, when you left JAG, it took me a while to admit that you were actually gone. And I realized what I had done. What I failed to do. I am truly sorry," she said, her voice cracking.
Harm tightened his arms around her. Without thinking, he bent downward until his lips touched hers. He closed his eyes and let his senses whirl around him as he kissed her. He could taste the salt of her tears on her lips and feel the wetness of her cheeks. Underneath his palms on her back, he felt her body respond to his. His heart started to race.
Finally, they broke apart. He rested his chin on the top of her head as it lay against his chest. "When you went missing in Paraguay," he said. "I nearly went crazy."
She moved her head and tilted it upward again to look at him. "I have to ask this. I have to hear the answer. Why did you come for me in Paraguay?"
He understood why she was asking. He knew what she wanted to hear. "I love you. Now. Then. Always."
"Are you sure?" she said, searching his blue eyes.
"Oh, God yes," he said and he bent down to kiss her again.
She stopped him. "If that is the case, then I have two things I need to tell you first."
Harm wondered what she had to say. He looked solemnly at her. "And they are?"
"First, I still haven't thanked you for Paraguay. Thank you for saving my life," she said, equally solemn.
"And?"
"Me too. I love you too," she said.
Harm felt a surge of emotion go through him. Any shred of his usual composure ended. Without realizing how they got there, he felt her lips on his. After a long, long wait, he was finally where he wanted to be. With her. It was worth it.
****
It should have been written up as one of the worse Christmases ever. There was no Christmas feast. Harm's kitchen was bare and the only place open on Christmas day was the Chinese take-out down the corner.
There were no presents. Harm's TAD to Diamond Lake had ended any opportunity to buy something special for either Mac or Mattie.
There was no snow. That particular Christmas day in Washington was warm and precipitation fell in the form of rain, not snow.
Harm's loft apartment didn't even have a Christmas tree. It had been too late to buy one.
But instead Mac knew she would treasure the memories of this particular Christmas forever. Harm had spent most of the day with his arm around her waist or his fingers intertwined with hers. Needing her.
They spent the day with Mattie. Harm grinned a wide 'flyboy' smile when she calmly informed him she wanted to be a marine. "Do marines fly too?" Mattie asked.
It was funny. She had worked closely with Harm for almost eight years and yet today, she couldn't take her eyes off of him. Watching him. Loving him. He was dressed in dark pants and an equally form fitting dark long sleeved top. When he caught her looking at him, his blue eyes would darken slightly. There was a promise in those blue eyes of something more to come that Mac found mesmerizing.
But she wasn't in a rush to get rid of Mattie to be alone with Harm. He too was enjoying the day. An opportunity to be a family. Makeshift, maybe. But a family never the less. She could wait.
There were still issues unresolved between them. They had eight years of history to overcome. Words said in Paraguay were not so easily swept away with a quick 'I love you.' But she also knew that every day she had like this one, spent just loving him would weigh in their favor. And loving him would give her a chance. A chance, to come together with a man, in a way as old as time, in a fashion and with a passion she had never experienced before.
Merry Christmas, Sarah Mackenzie, she thought to herself.
I appreciate all of the fantastic feedback I received on this story! Thanks to everyone.
***************************************
JAG Headquarters
Fall Church, Virginia
2105 Zulu
Mac was in her office staring out the window at the rain falling. Harm could see her from his vantage point as he strode through the deserted bullpen. It was Christmas Eve and there were murky pinpoints of streetlights through the water soaked windows. He stepped through the door of her office and stopped.
"Mac," he said.
She turned away from the window and looked over to where he was standing. Through the shadows cast by the desk lamp, Harm thought he could see moisture on her cheeks. Was she crying?
There was a small smile on her face that didn't quite extend to her luminous brown eyes. "Are you looking for me?" she said.
"I glad I caught you before you went home. I wanted to tell you. Everything went okay with Mattie. It's official. I'm her guardian," Harm said slowly, watching her. "There are still many questions about the state of her affairs but the court is satisfied that I have her best interests at heart."
"I wondered what happened. I'm so glad," said Mac.
There was something about this. There was a strain that threaded through her voice. She looked so defeated.
He weighed his words. "I want to thank you. And Bud. Even the admiral. But I know that it was you that did the most. When I started this I had no idea the amount of work it would be. You watched out for my six. Once again. "
Mac closed her eyes for a brief second and shook her head. "I just put in a couple of nights sorting through some dull tax forms and legal documents."
"I know what a mess her affairs were. It was a lot of work."
"You're welcome," she said and moved to sit down at her desk. "Anything else? I have an after action report to review."
He watched her as she shifted a few files on her desk. She had been crying. He could see traces across her face.
Compelled to speak, he started. "Mac?"
"Yes?" she said. She looked up at him, waiting.
He wanted to understand her mood. A thought hit him. Maybe this was all an act, this renewed sense of friendship between them. All the work she did for him and Mattie. Maybe it was hard for her to have him back at JAG. There was too much tension between them. Too much water under the bridge for either of them to go back.
There was a question he needed answered. Maybe she would answer now.
"Are you glad I'm back?" he asked slowly.
"What do you mean? Why do you ask?"
"I asked you this a while back. And you never answered. Are you glad I came back to JAG?"
"You shouldn't even ask that. Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" Harm got the impression she was brushing the topic away.
"Everything went to hell in Paraguay. Somehow, I was left with the impression..." Harm couldn't go on.
"That somehow I hated you?" she said softly.
"Yeah, I guess. We were both so angry there," he said.
"I think, counselor, it would be more accurate to say that I was angry there. In Paraguay. I was angry at you." She rose from her desk and walked back to the window. She turned her back toward him and leaned her forehead against the glass.
Harm was silent. She was right. He waited for her to continue.
"Why did you thank me just now?" Her voice was muffled.
"What do you mean?"
"Now. You just thanked me. Why?"
"You worked hard. And I wouldn't be Mattie's guardian if you hadn't," he said taking a step towards her.
She didn't say anything for a minute. "I didn't do much. I didn't resign my commission for you. I didn't travel 4000 miles. I didn't risk my life for you. All I did was expedite a little paperwork."
"The whole office thought Mattie Grace is just another fool's errand. You included. But you helped anyway. I appreciate that. It's good to have a friend."
She turned around to face him and he could see angry tears in her eyes. "I'm no friend to you, Harm. I was anything but a friend in Paraguay."
He looked grimly at her, waiting for her to continue.
"I didn't even thank you for saving my life. What kind of friend is that?"
"I don't know. I think we were just burned out. It doesn't matter anyway. I didn't do it for a thank you. You're alive. That's good enough," he said.
"You've really screwed your career, you know. Admiral Chegwidden says you could have gone all the way if it wasn't for stunts like Paraguay." She went on mercilessly. He watched as tears rolled down her face.
In two steps he crossed the office and was beside her. He thrust his arms around her and buried her face into his chest.
"You think I really care about that?" he said.
She looked up at him, her face inches from his. "What do you care about?"
"You," he said.
"Why?" she asked.
"I'm not sure why. I just do."
They were both silent, staring into each other's face. Searching.
Shamefaced, she looked down and into the buttons of his shirt. "I'm not in love with Clay. It took awhile, but both of us admitted that what had happened wasn't love. I'm not sure what it was, but it died a natural death. And, Harm..." She looked back up at him.
He got lost in the brown depth of her eyes. "Yeah?"
"I am so sorry about what happened between us in Paraguay. I'm still not sure what it was. Stockholm syndrome? Maybe. Burnout? That too maybe. But whatever, when you left JAG, it took me a while to admit that you were actually gone. And I realized what I had done. What I failed to do. I am truly sorry," she said, her voice cracking.
Harm tightened his arms around her. Without thinking, he bent downward until his lips touched hers. He closed his eyes and let his senses whirl around him as he kissed her. He could taste the salt of her tears on her lips and feel the wetness of her cheeks. Underneath his palms on her back, he felt her body respond to his. His heart started to race.
Finally, they broke apart. He rested his chin on the top of her head as it lay against his chest. "When you went missing in Paraguay," he said. "I nearly went crazy."
She moved her head and tilted it upward again to look at him. "I have to ask this. I have to hear the answer. Why did you come for me in Paraguay?"
He understood why she was asking. He knew what she wanted to hear. "I love you. Now. Then. Always."
"Are you sure?" she said, searching his blue eyes.
"Oh, God yes," he said and he bent down to kiss her again.
She stopped him. "If that is the case, then I have two things I need to tell you first."
Harm wondered what she had to say. He looked solemnly at her. "And they are?"
"First, I still haven't thanked you for Paraguay. Thank you for saving my life," she said, equally solemn.
"And?"
"Me too. I love you too," she said.
Harm felt a surge of emotion go through him. Any shred of his usual composure ended. Without realizing how they got there, he felt her lips on his. After a long, long wait, he was finally where he wanted to be. With her. It was worth it.
****
It should have been written up as one of the worse Christmases ever. There was no Christmas feast. Harm's kitchen was bare and the only place open on Christmas day was the Chinese take-out down the corner.
There were no presents. Harm's TAD to Diamond Lake had ended any opportunity to buy something special for either Mac or Mattie.
There was no snow. That particular Christmas day in Washington was warm and precipitation fell in the form of rain, not snow.
Harm's loft apartment didn't even have a Christmas tree. It had been too late to buy one.
But instead Mac knew she would treasure the memories of this particular Christmas forever. Harm had spent most of the day with his arm around her waist or his fingers intertwined with hers. Needing her.
They spent the day with Mattie. Harm grinned a wide 'flyboy' smile when she calmly informed him she wanted to be a marine. "Do marines fly too?" Mattie asked.
It was funny. She had worked closely with Harm for almost eight years and yet today, she couldn't take her eyes off of him. Watching him. Loving him. He was dressed in dark pants and an equally form fitting dark long sleeved top. When he caught her looking at him, his blue eyes would darken slightly. There was a promise in those blue eyes of something more to come that Mac found mesmerizing.
But she wasn't in a rush to get rid of Mattie to be alone with Harm. He too was enjoying the day. An opportunity to be a family. Makeshift, maybe. But a family never the less. She could wait.
There were still issues unresolved between them. They had eight years of history to overcome. Words said in Paraguay were not so easily swept away with a quick 'I love you.' But she also knew that every day she had like this one, spent just loving him would weigh in their favor. And loving him would give her a chance. A chance, to come together with a man, in a way as old as time, in a fashion and with a passion she had never experienced before.
Merry Christmas, Sarah Mackenzie, she thought to herself.