I owe you all a big apology. I haven't been able to long on to the site for two weeks. But I've got a couple of chapters ready, and if my slave driving math teacher will lay off (She gave my class two days to do 16 pages of homework on the first day of school!)
And thank you so much for your feedback. It didn't really fly with everyone, and I'll back away from the crazy.
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I could smell it before I even opened my eyes. The only time I had smelled it before was bad- when my mom had passed out a couple of years ago and we couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. When my brother had been beat up so badly that he needed seven stiches. When my grandpa had been sick. When Manny had been raped.
I was in a small, sterile room. Everything was painted white, the furniture a bland gray. My head hurt, my arm hurt, and it smelled awful.
"Mommy?" I called meekly. No one was there. I was scared. I couldn't remember why I was there or how I had gotten there. I didn't want to be alone. "Mommy?" My arm was bandaged up, flecks of blood seeping through. There was an IV in my arm, the tube disappearing beneath the skin on my opposite arm.
Mikey came running in. "Will I do?" he asked. I nodded, and he sat down at the foot of my bed. His hair was tousled, and his clothes were crumpled.
"How long have I been. . . asleep?" I asked for lack of a better word.
"Three days. Mom's been here most of the time. I just sent her home to get some sleep."
"What happened?" I still couldn't quite piece it together in my mind.
He hesitated. "You had a nervous breakdown, Paige."
"What happened to Dean?"
"They arrested him. He's in juvie until tomorrow."
"What happens then?"
"You should ask Officer Collins. He'll explain it better than me."
"But I asked you!"
"He's going to be arraigned."
"What does that mean?"
"A judge is going to decide if he can go home. And how much it will cost him."
"You mean he could get out?"
"I don't know."
"But he. . . How could they-"
"I don't know Paige. And I don't want to upset you. Officer Collins brought you in, and he's going to come by whenever you're awake. Why don't you ask him then?"
I shrugged. "What day is it?"
"Monday. Spinner, Hazel and Ashley called, and I told them you were in the hospital. They want to come in to see you, but they don't know what happened."
"Did I. . . do anything stupid? I can't really remember what happened."
"It wasn't anything we can blame you for."
"Then what did I do?"
"You, uh, threatened Officer Collins with a knife."
I didn't know what to say. I settled for the easiest answer. "Oh."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next couple of days were tough. I had to talk to a bunch of doctors. They diagnosed me with, as Ms. Sovet had predicted, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. They had all seen the cuts all over my body and they were keeping me in the hospital for awhile. They also diagnosed me with depression, and prescribed me with mediation for the two of them. I was amazed at how they thought a pill could cure everything. And along with the medication, I had to see another shrink two times a week. Officer Collins had come to see me two days before I was getting out. No one had been able to tell me about how things went in court.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, pulling up a chair beside my bed.
"Okay," I told him honestly. He wasn't in a uniform today. In fact, in jeans and a crew neck sweater, he looked more like a university student than a cop.
"I owe you an apology."
I hadn't been expecting that. "For what?"
"I shouldn't have come to see you. If I hadn't, Dean would have been in jail before he had a chance to attack you."
I shrugged. "That's not really your fault. What happened with Dean?"
"Do you know what remand is?"
I shook my head.
"It's when a judge decides that someone can't be given bail, and has to stay in jail until their court date."
"You mean Dean got remand?"
"The law says that you can only be remanded in murder cases."
"So he's. . . out?"
"Yeah."
I wanted to loose my temper- scream, shout, throw things. . . at least cry. It seemed like the easy solution. But instead I just nodded. "So what happens now?"
"There's going to be a trial in two months. There'll probably be some court dates in between now and then. I'll let you know about them."
"Am I going to have to testify?"
He nodded. "The Crown Attorney- the lawyer prosecuting the case- will speak with you and work with you beforehand."
"And then?"
"If he's convicted, he goes to jail."
"And if he doesn't, he's free?"
"Let's not think about that right now."
I nodded, sick of hearing that. "Two months, huh?"
"April. . . nineteenth, I think."
The first thing I thought was 'that'll be during school'. "What do you mean that there'll be court dates before the actual trial."
"Dean's defence lawyer will probably file some motions- they'll want some evidence not to be included in the trial, that kind of thing."
"How long will it last?"
"It can go anywhere from a week to a month."
I nodded again. It was my new way of pretending that everything was okay.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You can't ignore him forever!" Mikey exclaimed that night.
"Why not?" Spinner had been calling me, asking when he could come see me. I told him that it was family only. Then, he had called me at home, and Mikey told him he could come see me the next morning. I knew why he wanted to talk. And I couldn't handle it right then.
"He cares about you, Paige. Why are you shutting him out?"
"I don't want him to know that I'm a nutcase!" My voice was harsh, and echoes throughout the small room. He waited for me to calm down before speaking again.
"If you don't let people in, they can't hurt you. But they also can't love you."
I had never head him sound so. . . deep. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Someone hurt you Paige. I get that. Been there, done that, got the emotional scarring. And, yes, there are jerks out there. But there are also good people out there. So you can barricade yourself up inside your world and never get hurt. Or, you can run the risk of getting hurt, and get something better in the process. Just think about it."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I thought about what Mikey had said. For a long, long time. And I decided that I would see Spinner, and at least try to hear him out. So the next morning, I washed my hair, changed into jeans and a sweater that my mom had brought for me, and even managed to find some lip gloss. I was sitting in bed, trying to work on some of the homework that had been sent from me when I heard a knock at the door.
"Come in," I said, expecting one of the nurses. I looked up and saw Spinner standing there with a bouquet of flowers.
"I- uh- didn't know what kind I was supposed so get," he explained lamely. I smiled, and he brought them over to me, then kissed me.
"Thanks," I said softly. I put the bouquet down on the beside table beside me, making a mental note to get water for them.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. He sat beside my bed, his leg shaking nervously.
"Better," I answered honestly.
"I wanted to talk to you about something."
I nodded, prepared for what was coming next.
"Look, I'm not thinking straight right now, and I'm sorry for that, but I have to say this." There was something agitated, anxious about him. He didn't seem like himself. "I know that we've been going out for a month and a half and that. . . you're amazing. And I sound like a complete idiot right now, but-"
"I get it," I said softly. "And I don't blame you. But I think that maybe you should leave."
"You know what I'm going to say?"
"Spin," I whispered. "I wouldn't want to be with me either."
He stared at me, his mouth open. "You think I'm breaking up with you?!"
"If you're not, what else can you be saying?"
"I'm in love with you!"
I just sat and gaped. "You- you're. . . what?!"
"I said, I love you."
I let it sink in. "Seriously?"
"Seriously."
I sniffed. "Come here." I opened my arms and held on to him for dear life. Finally, somewhere in the depths of heart, I managed to find the strength to whisper, "I love you too."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Okay, maybe this chapter was crazy. I just had to throw in a little Paige/Spinner.
And thank you so much for your feedback. It didn't really fly with everyone, and I'll back away from the crazy.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I could smell it before I even opened my eyes. The only time I had smelled it before was bad- when my mom had passed out a couple of years ago and we couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. When my brother had been beat up so badly that he needed seven stiches. When my grandpa had been sick. When Manny had been raped.
I was in a small, sterile room. Everything was painted white, the furniture a bland gray. My head hurt, my arm hurt, and it smelled awful.
"Mommy?" I called meekly. No one was there. I was scared. I couldn't remember why I was there or how I had gotten there. I didn't want to be alone. "Mommy?" My arm was bandaged up, flecks of blood seeping through. There was an IV in my arm, the tube disappearing beneath the skin on my opposite arm.
Mikey came running in. "Will I do?" he asked. I nodded, and he sat down at the foot of my bed. His hair was tousled, and his clothes were crumpled.
"How long have I been. . . asleep?" I asked for lack of a better word.
"Three days. Mom's been here most of the time. I just sent her home to get some sleep."
"What happened?" I still couldn't quite piece it together in my mind.
He hesitated. "You had a nervous breakdown, Paige."
"What happened to Dean?"
"They arrested him. He's in juvie until tomorrow."
"What happens then?"
"You should ask Officer Collins. He'll explain it better than me."
"But I asked you!"
"He's going to be arraigned."
"What does that mean?"
"A judge is going to decide if he can go home. And how much it will cost him."
"You mean he could get out?"
"I don't know."
"But he. . . How could they-"
"I don't know Paige. And I don't want to upset you. Officer Collins brought you in, and he's going to come by whenever you're awake. Why don't you ask him then?"
I shrugged. "What day is it?"
"Monday. Spinner, Hazel and Ashley called, and I told them you were in the hospital. They want to come in to see you, but they don't know what happened."
"Did I. . . do anything stupid? I can't really remember what happened."
"It wasn't anything we can blame you for."
"Then what did I do?"
"You, uh, threatened Officer Collins with a knife."
I didn't know what to say. I settled for the easiest answer. "Oh."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next couple of days were tough. I had to talk to a bunch of doctors. They diagnosed me with, as Ms. Sovet had predicted, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. They had all seen the cuts all over my body and they were keeping me in the hospital for awhile. They also diagnosed me with depression, and prescribed me with mediation for the two of them. I was amazed at how they thought a pill could cure everything. And along with the medication, I had to see another shrink two times a week. Officer Collins had come to see me two days before I was getting out. No one had been able to tell me about how things went in court.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, pulling up a chair beside my bed.
"Okay," I told him honestly. He wasn't in a uniform today. In fact, in jeans and a crew neck sweater, he looked more like a university student than a cop.
"I owe you an apology."
I hadn't been expecting that. "For what?"
"I shouldn't have come to see you. If I hadn't, Dean would have been in jail before he had a chance to attack you."
I shrugged. "That's not really your fault. What happened with Dean?"
"Do you know what remand is?"
I shook my head.
"It's when a judge decides that someone can't be given bail, and has to stay in jail until their court date."
"You mean Dean got remand?"
"The law says that you can only be remanded in murder cases."
"So he's. . . out?"
"Yeah."
I wanted to loose my temper- scream, shout, throw things. . . at least cry. It seemed like the easy solution. But instead I just nodded. "So what happens now?"
"There's going to be a trial in two months. There'll probably be some court dates in between now and then. I'll let you know about them."
"Am I going to have to testify?"
He nodded. "The Crown Attorney- the lawyer prosecuting the case- will speak with you and work with you beforehand."
"And then?"
"If he's convicted, he goes to jail."
"And if he doesn't, he's free?"
"Let's not think about that right now."
I nodded, sick of hearing that. "Two months, huh?"
"April. . . nineteenth, I think."
The first thing I thought was 'that'll be during school'. "What do you mean that there'll be court dates before the actual trial."
"Dean's defence lawyer will probably file some motions- they'll want some evidence not to be included in the trial, that kind of thing."
"How long will it last?"
"It can go anywhere from a week to a month."
I nodded again. It was my new way of pretending that everything was okay.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You can't ignore him forever!" Mikey exclaimed that night.
"Why not?" Spinner had been calling me, asking when he could come see me. I told him that it was family only. Then, he had called me at home, and Mikey told him he could come see me the next morning. I knew why he wanted to talk. And I couldn't handle it right then.
"He cares about you, Paige. Why are you shutting him out?"
"I don't want him to know that I'm a nutcase!" My voice was harsh, and echoes throughout the small room. He waited for me to calm down before speaking again.
"If you don't let people in, they can't hurt you. But they also can't love you."
I had never head him sound so. . . deep. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Someone hurt you Paige. I get that. Been there, done that, got the emotional scarring. And, yes, there are jerks out there. But there are also good people out there. So you can barricade yourself up inside your world and never get hurt. Or, you can run the risk of getting hurt, and get something better in the process. Just think about it."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I thought about what Mikey had said. For a long, long time. And I decided that I would see Spinner, and at least try to hear him out. So the next morning, I washed my hair, changed into jeans and a sweater that my mom had brought for me, and even managed to find some lip gloss. I was sitting in bed, trying to work on some of the homework that had been sent from me when I heard a knock at the door.
"Come in," I said, expecting one of the nurses. I looked up and saw Spinner standing there with a bouquet of flowers.
"I- uh- didn't know what kind I was supposed so get," he explained lamely. I smiled, and he brought them over to me, then kissed me.
"Thanks," I said softly. I put the bouquet down on the beside table beside me, making a mental note to get water for them.
"How are you feeling?" he asked. He sat beside my bed, his leg shaking nervously.
"Better," I answered honestly.
"I wanted to talk to you about something."
I nodded, prepared for what was coming next.
"Look, I'm not thinking straight right now, and I'm sorry for that, but I have to say this." There was something agitated, anxious about him. He didn't seem like himself. "I know that we've been going out for a month and a half and that. . . you're amazing. And I sound like a complete idiot right now, but-"
"I get it," I said softly. "And I don't blame you. But I think that maybe you should leave."
"You know what I'm going to say?"
"Spin," I whispered. "I wouldn't want to be with me either."
He stared at me, his mouth open. "You think I'm breaking up with you?!"
"If you're not, what else can you be saying?"
"I'm in love with you!"
I just sat and gaped. "You- you're. . . what?!"
"I said, I love you."
I let it sink in. "Seriously?"
"Seriously."
I sniffed. "Come here." I opened my arms and held on to him for dear life. Finally, somewhere in the depths of heart, I managed to find the strength to whisper, "I love you too."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Okay, maybe this chapter was crazy. I just had to throw in a little Paige/Spinner.