A License to .Game
A/N: I really would have to call this a co-fanfiction production, or else I wouldn't have even thought about seriously writing this. So Sue HER- it's stupid, I warn you now all who remain somewhat sane after reading my books and notes and quotes (they know who they are).
Snape: . . .can I stab one of you in the arm with a stick when this is all over?
D.S: How about NO!! And it's stab one of you in the BACK with a KNIFE, you imbecilic slimy-haired overgrown dark pansy with a mustache and bad breath!!
Lythtis: * comes out from under the table * It can also be a kitchen knife for more options, you know.
Snape: Thank you so much! ^_^ Now, how did that picking game go? Eeny, teeny, tiny hoe -
D.S: * knocks Snape out with a shovel * Who's Idea was this again?
Snape: * talks in his sleep * Can't we all just get along?
D.S: NO!!
Lythtis: Let's just get on with the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the oddness of the story, D.S. owns nothing as well, except for the Mary-Kate and Ashley books. Just Kidding! (please don't hurt me)
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A License to . . .Game
By: Lythtis and DarkSiren666
The joys of Christmas have arrived at long last within the grounds of Hogwarts. The exchange of presents, the pecks and moments under the mistletoes, the short freedom of departing from school, a teachers, or in this case professors, long wished release of ignorant students . . . why is it still a week away?
Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been sitting in their usual chairs around the fire, with Hermione reading a novel from her aunt 'Mary-Kate and Ashley Mystery' (A/N: I can't stand those things), Ron reading a Calvin And Hobbes Comic Collection which Hermione had given him for Valentines Day last year, and Harry flipping through a Magazine named Game Vault.
"What in the world are you smiling about so sinisterly, Harry?" Hermione asked him in a skeptic voice. Each of Harry's smiles had a different meaning. A big smile meant trouble was coming, a small smile meant he knew something she didn't know, a smile with him going cross-eyed meant that he did something she would disapprove of; this one was a mixture of all three and she shielded herself for the worst to come.
But he smiled on, and Ron was still trying to figure out if Hobbes had a split personality. "Why can Calvin see him for who he truly is, but his mother sees him as a stuffed animal?" He hadn't seen the glimmer in Harry's eyes yet, which is a good sign for mischief and if the twins were around I'm sure they would have loved to help. The last glimmer proved to be a theory that if you burnt enough pumpkin juice mixed with black and floo powder in the toilet, would it explode or would it vanish? It ended up in professor Dumbledore's office of course, but the previous contents were sent to Snape's bed. The woe of the smell. "And why does that girl like Hobbes so much?"
Harry still smiled and glimmered on as he read his magazine, reading slowly but surely through every page. Hermione poked Ron and nodded her head towards Harry, which she meant as 'Go see what he's reading'.
But Ron being Ron, he instead asked, "Harry, can I see what you're reading?"
She slapped her forehead in disbelief, but Harry seemed to have noticed them now. He shook himself slightly and smiled even bigger than what was believed to be possible. "How about I tell you why I am reading this in the first place?"
Hermione quickly crossed herself, nodded her head and got up to hide behind the chair. "If it's something too weird or disgusting then let Ron see it first!"
Ron just looked at her for a moment, then went over to see what this was all about. "What's this all about?" he demanded.
"Come closer," Harry beckoned, "closer still. A little more closer, -Okay! Close enough!" Ron was practically in his face, and leaned back when Harry showed him the page. "Well, what do you think? And we still have a week, too."
". . . " Ron was either still reading or had no clue what it was. "Harry, have you been drinking 'juices' out of green bottles again? And be specific, the red or the white?"
Harry stared at him with wide eyes. "Ron, I haven't had either one! Dobby ordered the house elves to give me soda instead! Now I'm on Green Tea with Lemon (A/N: I love that stuff!)!"
"Then what in carnations am I supposed to be looking at here?!" Ron tossed the magazine at Hermione, who finally decided to come out from behind the couch.
She skimmed the article and just stared at him for a while. "Harry," she began slowly, "I know Ron over exaggerates sometimes, and he can be clumsy and insensitive and ignorant-"
"Great, do you know any good qualities about me?"
She ignored him and continued, "but what in the world do you want with a Playstation? And a second edition at that?"
"Don't you see it fits perfectly together?" Harry asked her in disbelief.
Hermione and Ron looked at each other with blank stares, obviously not understanding a single thing.
"Snape!" he shouted.
"Where?" Ron ducked.
Neville, who had no idea what was going on, just heard the call of Snape and went immediately into action. "Hit the deck!" The way he moved it was obvious he was a fan from Sylvester Stallone "On my command start groveling for mercy! Ready?"
"Neville, no!" Hermione held him down on his back before he could knock over any more chairs. "It was just Harry talking about the professor and a Playstation 2," she explained in a calm and soothing voice.
Then it clicked. Or else it might have been Dorothy clicking her shoes together to go home, but other than that, Ron and Hermione understood what Harry had been talking about when he said it fits together. Ron, of course, misunderstood a couple of details, but they'll be explained to him throughout the story.
"Oh," Neville blushed slightly, "okay. Sorry about that." He got up and started calling out Trevor's name, who was sitting on top of his head for the rest of the day.
Hermione shook the wrinkles out of her cloak and turned to look at Harry, a big #1 trouble smile spreading across her face. "Have you ordered it yet?"
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They were all huddled on Harry's bed, both boys watching Hermione as she filled in the order slip for the box and a very long pardon for needing them to send it true 'air-mail' style, owl-mail style for those who need to be snippy about specifics.
"And we should have it in by Christmas," she said in a self-satisfied tone.
"Are they gonna wrap it?" Ron asked eagerly.
"Wrap it and put a little greeting card with it," she looked out the window at the retreating pig (A/N: The owl, not a flying pig, I'd be telling the truth too often with that)
After they corrected Ron with a couple of misunderstood details, he was asking them for a Gameboy Advance XP.
"Why? You can't play it on school grounds you know," she argued.
"But you listen to your J.T. Player all the time!" he countered.
This news was new to Harry. "Hermione," he looked her directly in the face, his cheeks slowly starting to turn red, "Ron doesn't mean-"
"I mean Justin Timberlands!" he said triumphantly. He glowed with pride as he watched Harry melt in laughing fits.
Hermione sighed with the sadness of it all. "His name is Justin TIMBERLAKE and the SHOE company is TIMBERLANDS! Mental note to myself; never take him shopping in the muggle world again."
"Hey!" Harry called out, "Don't be insultin' my Tim-Tims!"
"Goodness, Harry! When did you get those?" she asked in awe. She highly doubted that his uncle had gotten them for him.
"Remember when my tongue turned green last week?"
"Yeah. That was funny, even Madame couldn't figure out what happened to you."
He sighed a great sigh, as if telling something for the who-knows- what-time again. "These were my present from Bl- Snuffles. He's in New York now."
"I don't understand what that has to do with your tongue going green," she said.
"He put a curse on them, so I wouldn't open them before Christmas," he admitted.
Now it was Hermione's turn to melt in laughter. Ron was the one who looked at Harry with sympathy.
"Don't ever try to understand to sense of humor of the female mind, mate," he said, patting Harry's head.
"Thanks," he said, then heard his stomach rumble.
"Well, it must be lunch time," Hermione concluded, looking out at the sun, "I think your stomachs take turn growling or something," she said. Getting her scarf and bag, Hermione made her way down to go to the Girl's Dormitory, then the Great Hall.
"It's your stomach that rumbles, mate" Ron whispered to him, as if someone could overhear, "I get excited and start growling in my throat."
Ron's ears went the usual scarlet, which spread to his cheeks at Harry's laughing at him.
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Because of the great Time expansion between two days remaining till Christmas, it arrived sooner than was noticed and upon entering the Great Hall, which had its usual breath-taking decorations, something else that put an expression of awe on their faces was that Draco was still here. The perfect little blonde, sitting all alone at the Slytherin table, and most of Gryffindor not being able to find seats because friends were sitting next to each other from different houses.
"I feel sorry for him," Hermione admitted as they took a seat at the Ravenclaw table. That was the second-farthest table from Draco, who possibly was watching them with some jealousy. His cronies had abandoned him, but this story isn't about him, it's about Snape, so quit sympathizing and let's move on.
"I wonder if Snape got his package yet," Harry raised his head a little more so he could see over the crowd. And just as expected, the midget owl with the help of another bigger owl swooped down in front of Snape, who was more than surprised to receive a gift, let alone one so big and what he found out when he caught it, heavy.
"Oh, Merlin's Breefs!" he swore, as he tried to balance the package on his arms. "What in Blazes is the meaning of this?"
"Don't snap your back straining yourself, Severus," Dumbledore chuckled and helped him place it on the table.
"I predict great danger!" Trelawney warned, her bat eyes flashing dangerously behind her magnifying glasses.
"An entertainment box. . . dangerous?" Harry whispered in disbelief. "Which planet is she from?" He was too busy watching Snape curse and struggle to pay attention to the buttering of his napkin, which he did bite off of.
"I wonder why you don't ask yourself the very same question," Hermione said with a little less than a disgusted expression on her face, which started laughing as Harry noticed what he had done.
"Augh! * cough cough * Sick! * gag * Nasty! * spit * "
"I'm surprised you haven't said buttery," she giggled.
"Juice!" he gasped, "Gravy! * wheeze * Anything!"
"How's about some water?" a voice asked as a bubble filled with water popped in front of his face.
"GAH! Thank you! NOOOO!! I'm wet! AAAAAGH!!! IT'S YOU!" Because people were used to his frantic outbursts by now, no one really paid attention. Hermione slapped him anyway to get him to his senses.
"Get it together, man!" She said, then looked back into cool eyes. "Merry Christmas, Draco," she said, feeling Ron's tension next to her.
"Season's Greetings to you as well, Granger," he said. "Mind if I join?"
"Wait," Ron said holding up his hand , "did you just call her Granger?"
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Snape was sitting in his office, reading yet rereading the Greeting Card that had come with the strange box with so many holes.
Season's Greetings!
Merry Christmas with your very own PS2!
A Fun-filled Pack for the whole family to enjoy!
Share unbelievable adventures with your friends with our newest system! A free game is included, special Request 'Fatal Frame' originally for X-Box. Special Orderings asked for one fit for PS2!
A Compliment Gift AND a Generous Giver!
Merry Gaming
~Micki D
Whoever this 'Micki D' was should be saying his prayers, for when Snape finds out who he his, hi seasons won't be so merry anymore.
"One thing is for sure, though," he concluded, "He is a muggle."
He poked the box, doing his best to follow the user's manual, but to no avail. Where is the Plug for a Monitor? Or even better, what IS a Monitor? "Curse this insignificant creator of a system so complicated who's initials I cannot even figure out!"
PS2, PS2, what was that supposed to mean? Possessed Siren-witch the 2nd? Powerful Seducer, the Return? Such things are what he would expect from those lunatics on the outside of these walls. Wait, even better, now that he thought about it. Popular Snape! And this was a gift from Fan #2!
Of Course! Now he understands! But he still needs help trying to find a yellow plug to connect the cord. "Granger," He muttered under his breath, then headed directly for McGonagall's office.
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"So this is what your common room looks like," Draco said in awe as he looked at the high-bannered walls, the room seeming so cozy and welcoming. "Ours resembles a rats hole who needed a quick tidy-upper before winter came. It's so dark and gloomy," he admitted.
"We know," Harry muttered to Ron, and they smiled at each other at sharing a secret no one else besides Hermione knew about.
She still couldn't believe that they had invited him into their dormitory, but he seemed actually very nice to her. A gesture that would keep her scarred for life was when he held hands with her. She would have to think of a way to cut it off with out bleeding to death and having immense pain in the process. A period is one thing, you can't stop it, but this is something literal. "So," she said, trying to sound conversational, "why aren't you at home this Christmas?"
"Not wanted," he said without hesitation, dropping down onto one of the couches.
His answer was so direct, so blunt it left her speechless for a moment. "Pardon?"
"They didn't want me around this Christmas," he said, smiling as he looked into her eyes. "You're funny," he said, making himself comfortable.
Ron was distracted by Harry's chess figures making faces that he hadn't noticed a single thing going on by the fire.
"Thanks, I guess," she muttered, sitting down across from him, hoping none of the other Gryffindors would come in.
"If we would have become friends, we might have turned out differently," he ran his fingers through his hair, staring into the fire, his heart nearly stopping at the sound of the door slamming closed.
"Ms. Granger!" McGonagall called, leading Snape into her house.
She gulped audibly, and saw Draco hide under the couch so they couldn't see him. "Yes professor?"
"Professor Snape here needs to speak with you," she said, her face showing that she, too, had no idea why.
Hermione looked at Ron and Harry start to shift to stand next to her, but Snape had already seen ahead. "Just Ms. Granger, if you please," he said cooly. He didn't want to have to deal with the trio again, for one was bad enough.
It was all Hermione could do so as not to scream and then faint, or should she faint and then strangle someone? She was too confused. Harry put his hand on her shoulder to support her and Ron stood even closer. All she did was go another shade of pale before agreeing to go with him. "Alright then," she said, "let's go."
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She followed him into the dungeons, into his office, where she could visibly see that he couldn't make a single heads or tails of his newest possession. She sighed in relief, not worrying about taking Neville's advice and groveling for mercy.
Snape turned to look at her suspiciously, then cleared his throat. "Ms. Granger!"
"Yessir." She snapped into attention.
"Do you know what this is?" he started to walk around her, like a vulture eyeing it's dead prey.
"Yessir."
"Then do tell, please."
"It's a playstation, sir."
"A play-?"
"More exact a Playstation 2, sir."
Snape saw his dreams of being popular shatter before him, but he held his composure. "And what, praytell, does this Play-"
"Playstation."
"You forgot the 'sir', but whatever. What does it do?"
"It plays games, sir." Why was he asking her about this? Surely he knew enough about the muggle world to know how to operate it.
"But it has no hands, and wizard's chess I can play on my own, thank you very much."
Obviously, he did not. "Sir, you can play games on it."
"Really?" He seemed excited to hear about this. "I mean, very well. Please demonstrate, but don't break it."
She was amazed that it hadn't gotten any dents yet, thinking how long it's been in Snape's possession and he still didn't know how to operate it.
"Sir, do you have a monitor?" Hermione knew the directions by heart already, for she had helped her neighbors and her father build it up in their living rooms.
"Ask me one more time about that cursed 'Monitor' and I swear something is not going to leave this room whole!" he threatened the Playstation.
Of course, it just sat there, it's thoughts possibly following the lines of something like this: Who the hell gave me to a retard this stupid?
"Sir, if you please, a monitor is a box with a smooth surface, but it's mostly made of glass." Her thoughts related to those of the Playstation; how the hell did this idiot become professor? An answer immediately followed: Death Threats, what else?
Snape looked around his office, then he thought about it. "Would this cabinet do?" it was a box, with a glass screen, exactly what they were looking for and he beamed with pride at finding it.
Hermione nearly fainted with the irony of it all. "It'll do," she said in her most resolute tone.
When Snape turned to look at her, his joy instantly deflated at her expression. "What must I now do?" he asked, like a child afraid to get scolded.
"Hand me the black box," she said, reaching out her hand.
"What black box?" He had no idea what she was talking about.
"The Playstation if you please," she whispered, trying her best to keep her cool. She also noticed that they had somehow switched places. Here she was, the one with the power, intimidating the one with less.
"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" he asked in a cheerful voice, and tried picking it up, but to no avail. "I'm afraid it won't budge."
Hermione took a deep breath, counted to ten, then walked over and picked it up by herself.
She heard Snape gasp in disbelief, and he went pale. A girl that was stronger than him, she rolled her eyes at one thought: a new generation was being born. . .
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It was around dinner time when they had finally finished connecting the necessary equipment. "And now, press the 'on' button and open it so we can insert the disk for -what game was it?" Hermione asked, smiling at what they had done with 86% substituted and another 10% homemade.
"Here it is, Oh my, does look a little odd."
He handed it to her, and she went slightly pale. "Fatal Frame", she whispered. The game that had kept her cousin awake for two weeks straight and the next three days she had to go to the hospital.
"Very well," she said, placed into the disk-holder, pushed it back in, and they watched as the game unfolded to terror that would last for an hour, or until dinnertime.
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Harry, Ron, and Draco were all sitting on the couch in front of the fire, waiting for her to return.
Ron had been crying, thinking that he might never see Hermione again. "Do you think she's okay?"
"Of course," Draco said in a soothing voice. He had gotten acquainted with most of the Gryffindors, but when school started, they all knew they would go back to the way it was.
"She's Hermione" Harry said with pride, "she's the smartest one of us! She'll help herself when she's in danger!"
The portal opened, and Hermione walked in, looking slightly wild about the eyes.
"Hermione!" Ron ran to her, holding her there in front of the whole dormitory, kissing her forehead and holding her tighter. She just stood there.
"Hermione, we were worried sick!" Harry said, Draco following him.
"Yeah, where've you been?"
But Hermione was silent, only for a short mumble against Ron's chest.
"What'd you say?" Ron bent closer to hear.
"I have to get the camera," she said, "then save my brother."
"But you don't have a brother," Draco stated questioningly, "and what kind of camera is this that you're talking about?"
"I have to save my brother," she said, then walked towards the girl's Dormitory.
The three looked at each other, and agreed on going with her tomorrow.
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The next night they accompanied her to professor Snape's office.
"Good evening," he said. They could barely keep their eyes open in his office it was lit so brightly.
"What's going on?" Draco asked, hissing slightly at the blazing room.
"The more the merrier," was all professor Snape said, and he took his seat. Hermione moved next to him and picked up the controller.
"Hermione?" Ron asked in a worried tone.
As soon as she pushed the 'On' button, all the candles instantly blew out. They were surrounded in darkness.
Harry and Draco huddled closer on the desk behind Hermione, but Ron took the seat next to Hermione to try and figure out what was wrong with her.
Snape had created some more controllers so they all could have one. And Hermione had used some magic and technology to make it a group game up to six.
But the greatness about it all, was that it was a visual game, where they had helmets on over their heads in reality, but in their minds, they were inside the house, they were all the role of her, looking for their brother who went to the mansion.
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Peeves, of course, who has no idea what it is about, sees the extra head set via controller and gets locked into the game as well.
"Ooh, how unordinary fancy!" he cackles in delight. "And it absolutely reeks of death and fear!"
"Peeves!" Ron cries out in surprise, "watch out!"
"Huh?" Peeves turns and comes face to face with the Maiden of the Ropes.
"Take her picture!" Hermiones calling while she's struggling to get her camera out. "Duck, Peeves!"
"No way! I want to be in this memory picture with cutie here! So. . . where are you from?"
"She's gonna kill you!"
Draco knocks him to the side with a bann and Hermione takes her picture before she could finish taking his life points.
"That was close," Snape sighed in relief.
"Relief? You made me lose my girl!" he cried.
"She was going to kill you!" Harry yelled at him.
"I'm a Poltergeist! I never really did exist!"
"Well, you sure do exist now!"
"What's with the cameras anyway?" he asked, holding his out.
"It's an antique camera," Hermione explained, "it steals the soul or captures it of whomever it takes a picture of."
"So that means," he began to raise it to his face, "if I get you all in a group picture, your souls will be lost to me?" He smiled in delight. "An eye for an eye, say cheese!"
"Not if you say it first!"
They all took Peeves' picture at the same time, causing a summons of ghosts to appear and nearly all of the needed people of the mansion gathered around him, causing a sort of blockage that repelled the flash towards their cameras, also causing a malfunction somewhere in the system, shocking them into a coma in which they were stuck in the game.
"I can't find the way home!" Ron cried, looking about wildly.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked him.
"Where's Hogwarts? Where's the school? Where's home?"
They all started looking about wildly, Peeves still cackling away.
"See? This is what you get for messing with a Poltergeist!" he twisted and turned in the air, laughing as if there was no tomorrow.
And I am sorry to say that there will be no tomorrow for these fine young students and their over-greased haired professor. For because of this malfunction, their screams, their terror, their near-death experiences are all real. And Harry Potter wished that Voldemort were here, because by comparison, it seemed like a Hello Kitty vs. the Hulk and Godzilla teamed up.
It was long past a week before anyone thought to look for the missing people in Snape's office, where they were sent to St. Mungos' for Therapy.
Among their constant visitors was Neville, who last words they heard were "I told you to grovel and beg for mercy."
And in the distance did they hear Peeves' continuous cackle, for as long as their minds are vacant, you will probably find them in your next picture among the mysterious girl dressed in white, the fearful old man, and many others I will not name for I refuse to even go near that game at the moment.
~Good Day
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A/N: Don't review this. . . please I really don't want to know what you thought about it.
D.S: I wanna know!!
Snape:Yeah! Me Too! I was the victim after all!
D.S: Yeah! He was the victim after all!
Lythtis: Fine! Review for all I care! It won't be my fault if there are flamers!!
D.S. and Snape: YAY!!! REVIEW! REVIEW FANS, REVIEW!!
A/N: I really would have to call this a co-fanfiction production, or else I wouldn't have even thought about seriously writing this. So Sue HER- it's stupid, I warn you now all who remain somewhat sane after reading my books and notes and quotes (they know who they are).
Snape: . . .can I stab one of you in the arm with a stick when this is all over?
D.S: How about NO!! And it's stab one of you in the BACK with a KNIFE, you imbecilic slimy-haired overgrown dark pansy with a mustache and bad breath!!
Lythtis: * comes out from under the table * It can also be a kitchen knife for more options, you know.
Snape: Thank you so much! ^_^ Now, how did that picking game go? Eeny, teeny, tiny hoe -
D.S: * knocks Snape out with a shovel * Who's Idea was this again?
Snape: * talks in his sleep * Can't we all just get along?
D.S: NO!!
Lythtis: Let's just get on with the story.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the oddness of the story, D.S. owns nothing as well, except for the Mary-Kate and Ashley books. Just Kidding! (please don't hurt me)
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A License to . . .Game
By: Lythtis and DarkSiren666
The joys of Christmas have arrived at long last within the grounds of Hogwarts. The exchange of presents, the pecks and moments under the mistletoes, the short freedom of departing from school, a teachers, or in this case professors, long wished release of ignorant students . . . why is it still a week away?
Harry, Ron, and Hermione had been sitting in their usual chairs around the fire, with Hermione reading a novel from her aunt 'Mary-Kate and Ashley Mystery' (A/N: I can't stand those things), Ron reading a Calvin And Hobbes Comic Collection which Hermione had given him for Valentines Day last year, and Harry flipping through a Magazine named Game Vault.
"What in the world are you smiling about so sinisterly, Harry?" Hermione asked him in a skeptic voice. Each of Harry's smiles had a different meaning. A big smile meant trouble was coming, a small smile meant he knew something she didn't know, a smile with him going cross-eyed meant that he did something she would disapprove of; this one was a mixture of all three and she shielded herself for the worst to come.
But he smiled on, and Ron was still trying to figure out if Hobbes had a split personality. "Why can Calvin see him for who he truly is, but his mother sees him as a stuffed animal?" He hadn't seen the glimmer in Harry's eyes yet, which is a good sign for mischief and if the twins were around I'm sure they would have loved to help. The last glimmer proved to be a theory that if you burnt enough pumpkin juice mixed with black and floo powder in the toilet, would it explode or would it vanish? It ended up in professor Dumbledore's office of course, but the previous contents were sent to Snape's bed. The woe of the smell. "And why does that girl like Hobbes so much?"
Harry still smiled and glimmered on as he read his magazine, reading slowly but surely through every page. Hermione poked Ron and nodded her head towards Harry, which she meant as 'Go see what he's reading'.
But Ron being Ron, he instead asked, "Harry, can I see what you're reading?"
She slapped her forehead in disbelief, but Harry seemed to have noticed them now. He shook himself slightly and smiled even bigger than what was believed to be possible. "How about I tell you why I am reading this in the first place?"
Hermione quickly crossed herself, nodded her head and got up to hide behind the chair. "If it's something too weird or disgusting then let Ron see it first!"
Ron just looked at her for a moment, then went over to see what this was all about. "What's this all about?" he demanded.
"Come closer," Harry beckoned, "closer still. A little more closer, -Okay! Close enough!" Ron was practically in his face, and leaned back when Harry showed him the page. "Well, what do you think? And we still have a week, too."
". . . " Ron was either still reading or had no clue what it was. "Harry, have you been drinking 'juices' out of green bottles again? And be specific, the red or the white?"
Harry stared at him with wide eyes. "Ron, I haven't had either one! Dobby ordered the house elves to give me soda instead! Now I'm on Green Tea with Lemon (A/N: I love that stuff!)!"
"Then what in carnations am I supposed to be looking at here?!" Ron tossed the magazine at Hermione, who finally decided to come out from behind the couch.
She skimmed the article and just stared at him for a while. "Harry," she began slowly, "I know Ron over exaggerates sometimes, and he can be clumsy and insensitive and ignorant-"
"Great, do you know any good qualities about me?"
She ignored him and continued, "but what in the world do you want with a Playstation? And a second edition at that?"
"Don't you see it fits perfectly together?" Harry asked her in disbelief.
Hermione and Ron looked at each other with blank stares, obviously not understanding a single thing.
"Snape!" he shouted.
"Where?" Ron ducked.
Neville, who had no idea what was going on, just heard the call of Snape and went immediately into action. "Hit the deck!" The way he moved it was obvious he was a fan from Sylvester Stallone "On my command start groveling for mercy! Ready?"
"Neville, no!" Hermione held him down on his back before he could knock over any more chairs. "It was just Harry talking about the professor and a Playstation 2," she explained in a calm and soothing voice.
Then it clicked. Or else it might have been Dorothy clicking her shoes together to go home, but other than that, Ron and Hermione understood what Harry had been talking about when he said it fits together. Ron, of course, misunderstood a couple of details, but they'll be explained to him throughout the story.
"Oh," Neville blushed slightly, "okay. Sorry about that." He got up and started calling out Trevor's name, who was sitting on top of his head for the rest of the day.
Hermione shook the wrinkles out of her cloak and turned to look at Harry, a big #1 trouble smile spreading across her face. "Have you ordered it yet?"
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They were all huddled on Harry's bed, both boys watching Hermione as she filled in the order slip for the box and a very long pardon for needing them to send it true 'air-mail' style, owl-mail style for those who need to be snippy about specifics.
"And we should have it in by Christmas," she said in a self-satisfied tone.
"Are they gonna wrap it?" Ron asked eagerly.
"Wrap it and put a little greeting card with it," she looked out the window at the retreating pig (A/N: The owl, not a flying pig, I'd be telling the truth too often with that)
After they corrected Ron with a couple of misunderstood details, he was asking them for a Gameboy Advance XP.
"Why? You can't play it on school grounds you know," she argued.
"But you listen to your J.T. Player all the time!" he countered.
This news was new to Harry. "Hermione," he looked her directly in the face, his cheeks slowly starting to turn red, "Ron doesn't mean-"
"I mean Justin Timberlands!" he said triumphantly. He glowed with pride as he watched Harry melt in laughing fits.
Hermione sighed with the sadness of it all. "His name is Justin TIMBERLAKE and the SHOE company is TIMBERLANDS! Mental note to myself; never take him shopping in the muggle world again."
"Hey!" Harry called out, "Don't be insultin' my Tim-Tims!"
"Goodness, Harry! When did you get those?" she asked in awe. She highly doubted that his uncle had gotten them for him.
"Remember when my tongue turned green last week?"
"Yeah. That was funny, even Madame couldn't figure out what happened to you."
He sighed a great sigh, as if telling something for the who-knows- what-time again. "These were my present from Bl- Snuffles. He's in New York now."
"I don't understand what that has to do with your tongue going green," she said.
"He put a curse on them, so I wouldn't open them before Christmas," he admitted.
Now it was Hermione's turn to melt in laughter. Ron was the one who looked at Harry with sympathy.
"Don't ever try to understand to sense of humor of the female mind, mate," he said, patting Harry's head.
"Thanks," he said, then heard his stomach rumble.
"Well, it must be lunch time," Hermione concluded, looking out at the sun, "I think your stomachs take turn growling or something," she said. Getting her scarf and bag, Hermione made her way down to go to the Girl's Dormitory, then the Great Hall.
"It's your stomach that rumbles, mate" Ron whispered to him, as if someone could overhear, "I get excited and start growling in my throat."
Ron's ears went the usual scarlet, which spread to his cheeks at Harry's laughing at him.
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Because of the great Time expansion between two days remaining till Christmas, it arrived sooner than was noticed and upon entering the Great Hall, which had its usual breath-taking decorations, something else that put an expression of awe on their faces was that Draco was still here. The perfect little blonde, sitting all alone at the Slytherin table, and most of Gryffindor not being able to find seats because friends were sitting next to each other from different houses.
"I feel sorry for him," Hermione admitted as they took a seat at the Ravenclaw table. That was the second-farthest table from Draco, who possibly was watching them with some jealousy. His cronies had abandoned him, but this story isn't about him, it's about Snape, so quit sympathizing and let's move on.
"I wonder if Snape got his package yet," Harry raised his head a little more so he could see over the crowd. And just as expected, the midget owl with the help of another bigger owl swooped down in front of Snape, who was more than surprised to receive a gift, let alone one so big and what he found out when he caught it, heavy.
"Oh, Merlin's Breefs!" he swore, as he tried to balance the package on his arms. "What in Blazes is the meaning of this?"
"Don't snap your back straining yourself, Severus," Dumbledore chuckled and helped him place it on the table.
"I predict great danger!" Trelawney warned, her bat eyes flashing dangerously behind her magnifying glasses.
"An entertainment box. . . dangerous?" Harry whispered in disbelief. "Which planet is she from?" He was too busy watching Snape curse and struggle to pay attention to the buttering of his napkin, which he did bite off of.
"I wonder why you don't ask yourself the very same question," Hermione said with a little less than a disgusted expression on her face, which started laughing as Harry noticed what he had done.
"Augh! * cough cough * Sick! * gag * Nasty! * spit * "
"I'm surprised you haven't said buttery," she giggled.
"Juice!" he gasped, "Gravy! * wheeze * Anything!"
"How's about some water?" a voice asked as a bubble filled with water popped in front of his face.
"GAH! Thank you! NOOOO!! I'm wet! AAAAAGH!!! IT'S YOU!" Because people were used to his frantic outbursts by now, no one really paid attention. Hermione slapped him anyway to get him to his senses.
"Get it together, man!" She said, then looked back into cool eyes. "Merry Christmas, Draco," she said, feeling Ron's tension next to her.
"Season's Greetings to you as well, Granger," he said. "Mind if I join?"
"Wait," Ron said holding up his hand , "did you just call her Granger?"
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Snape was sitting in his office, reading yet rereading the Greeting Card that had come with the strange box with so many holes.
Season's Greetings!
Merry Christmas with your very own PS2!
A Fun-filled Pack for the whole family to enjoy!
Share unbelievable adventures with your friends with our newest system! A free game is included, special Request 'Fatal Frame' originally for X-Box. Special Orderings asked for one fit for PS2!
A Compliment Gift AND a Generous Giver!
Merry Gaming
~Micki D
Whoever this 'Micki D' was should be saying his prayers, for when Snape finds out who he his, hi seasons won't be so merry anymore.
"One thing is for sure, though," he concluded, "He is a muggle."
He poked the box, doing his best to follow the user's manual, but to no avail. Where is the Plug for a Monitor? Or even better, what IS a Monitor? "Curse this insignificant creator of a system so complicated who's initials I cannot even figure out!"
PS2, PS2, what was that supposed to mean? Possessed Siren-witch the 2nd? Powerful Seducer, the Return? Such things are what he would expect from those lunatics on the outside of these walls. Wait, even better, now that he thought about it. Popular Snape! And this was a gift from Fan #2!
Of Course! Now he understands! But he still needs help trying to find a yellow plug to connect the cord. "Granger," He muttered under his breath, then headed directly for McGonagall's office.
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"So this is what your common room looks like," Draco said in awe as he looked at the high-bannered walls, the room seeming so cozy and welcoming. "Ours resembles a rats hole who needed a quick tidy-upper before winter came. It's so dark and gloomy," he admitted.
"We know," Harry muttered to Ron, and they smiled at each other at sharing a secret no one else besides Hermione knew about.
She still couldn't believe that they had invited him into their dormitory, but he seemed actually very nice to her. A gesture that would keep her scarred for life was when he held hands with her. She would have to think of a way to cut it off with out bleeding to death and having immense pain in the process. A period is one thing, you can't stop it, but this is something literal. "So," she said, trying to sound conversational, "why aren't you at home this Christmas?"
"Not wanted," he said without hesitation, dropping down onto one of the couches.
His answer was so direct, so blunt it left her speechless for a moment. "Pardon?"
"They didn't want me around this Christmas," he said, smiling as he looked into her eyes. "You're funny," he said, making himself comfortable.
Ron was distracted by Harry's chess figures making faces that he hadn't noticed a single thing going on by the fire.
"Thanks, I guess," she muttered, sitting down across from him, hoping none of the other Gryffindors would come in.
"If we would have become friends, we might have turned out differently," he ran his fingers through his hair, staring into the fire, his heart nearly stopping at the sound of the door slamming closed.
"Ms. Granger!" McGonagall called, leading Snape into her house.
She gulped audibly, and saw Draco hide under the couch so they couldn't see him. "Yes professor?"
"Professor Snape here needs to speak with you," she said, her face showing that she, too, had no idea why.
Hermione looked at Ron and Harry start to shift to stand next to her, but Snape had already seen ahead. "Just Ms. Granger, if you please," he said cooly. He didn't want to have to deal with the trio again, for one was bad enough.
It was all Hermione could do so as not to scream and then faint, or should she faint and then strangle someone? She was too confused. Harry put his hand on her shoulder to support her and Ron stood even closer. All she did was go another shade of pale before agreeing to go with him. "Alright then," she said, "let's go."
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She followed him into the dungeons, into his office, where she could visibly see that he couldn't make a single heads or tails of his newest possession. She sighed in relief, not worrying about taking Neville's advice and groveling for mercy.
Snape turned to look at her suspiciously, then cleared his throat. "Ms. Granger!"
"Yessir." She snapped into attention.
"Do you know what this is?" he started to walk around her, like a vulture eyeing it's dead prey.
"Yessir."
"Then do tell, please."
"It's a playstation, sir."
"A play-?"
"More exact a Playstation 2, sir."
Snape saw his dreams of being popular shatter before him, but he held his composure. "And what, praytell, does this Play-"
"Playstation."
"You forgot the 'sir', but whatever. What does it do?"
"It plays games, sir." Why was he asking her about this? Surely he knew enough about the muggle world to know how to operate it.
"But it has no hands, and wizard's chess I can play on my own, thank you very much."
Obviously, he did not. "Sir, you can play games on it."
"Really?" He seemed excited to hear about this. "I mean, very well. Please demonstrate, but don't break it."
She was amazed that it hadn't gotten any dents yet, thinking how long it's been in Snape's possession and he still didn't know how to operate it.
"Sir, do you have a monitor?" Hermione knew the directions by heart already, for she had helped her neighbors and her father build it up in their living rooms.
"Ask me one more time about that cursed 'Monitor' and I swear something is not going to leave this room whole!" he threatened the Playstation.
Of course, it just sat there, it's thoughts possibly following the lines of something like this: Who the hell gave me to a retard this stupid?
"Sir, if you please, a monitor is a box with a smooth surface, but it's mostly made of glass." Her thoughts related to those of the Playstation; how the hell did this idiot become professor? An answer immediately followed: Death Threats, what else?
Snape looked around his office, then he thought about it. "Would this cabinet do?" it was a box, with a glass screen, exactly what they were looking for and he beamed with pride at finding it.
Hermione nearly fainted with the irony of it all. "It'll do," she said in her most resolute tone.
When Snape turned to look at her, his joy instantly deflated at her expression. "What must I now do?" he asked, like a child afraid to get scolded.
"Hand me the black box," she said, reaching out her hand.
"What black box?" He had no idea what she was talking about.
"The Playstation if you please," she whispered, trying her best to keep her cool. She also noticed that they had somehow switched places. Here she was, the one with the power, intimidating the one with less.
"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" he asked in a cheerful voice, and tried picking it up, but to no avail. "I'm afraid it won't budge."
Hermione took a deep breath, counted to ten, then walked over and picked it up by herself.
She heard Snape gasp in disbelief, and he went pale. A girl that was stronger than him, she rolled her eyes at one thought: a new generation was being born. . .
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It was around dinner time when they had finally finished connecting the necessary equipment. "And now, press the 'on' button and open it so we can insert the disk for -what game was it?" Hermione asked, smiling at what they had done with 86% substituted and another 10% homemade.
"Here it is, Oh my, does look a little odd."
He handed it to her, and she went slightly pale. "Fatal Frame", she whispered. The game that had kept her cousin awake for two weeks straight and the next three days she had to go to the hospital.
"Very well," she said, placed into the disk-holder, pushed it back in, and they watched as the game unfolded to terror that would last for an hour, or until dinnertime.
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Harry, Ron, and Draco were all sitting on the couch in front of the fire, waiting for her to return.
Ron had been crying, thinking that he might never see Hermione again. "Do you think she's okay?"
"Of course," Draco said in a soothing voice. He had gotten acquainted with most of the Gryffindors, but when school started, they all knew they would go back to the way it was.
"She's Hermione" Harry said with pride, "she's the smartest one of us! She'll help herself when she's in danger!"
The portal opened, and Hermione walked in, looking slightly wild about the eyes.
"Hermione!" Ron ran to her, holding her there in front of the whole dormitory, kissing her forehead and holding her tighter. She just stood there.
"Hermione, we were worried sick!" Harry said, Draco following him.
"Yeah, where've you been?"
But Hermione was silent, only for a short mumble against Ron's chest.
"What'd you say?" Ron bent closer to hear.
"I have to get the camera," she said, "then save my brother."
"But you don't have a brother," Draco stated questioningly, "and what kind of camera is this that you're talking about?"
"I have to save my brother," she said, then walked towards the girl's Dormitory.
The three looked at each other, and agreed on going with her tomorrow.
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The next night they accompanied her to professor Snape's office.
"Good evening," he said. They could barely keep their eyes open in his office it was lit so brightly.
"What's going on?" Draco asked, hissing slightly at the blazing room.
"The more the merrier," was all professor Snape said, and he took his seat. Hermione moved next to him and picked up the controller.
"Hermione?" Ron asked in a worried tone.
As soon as she pushed the 'On' button, all the candles instantly blew out. They were surrounded in darkness.
Harry and Draco huddled closer on the desk behind Hermione, but Ron took the seat next to Hermione to try and figure out what was wrong with her.
Snape had created some more controllers so they all could have one. And Hermione had used some magic and technology to make it a group game up to six.
But the greatness about it all, was that it was a visual game, where they had helmets on over their heads in reality, but in their minds, they were inside the house, they were all the role of her, looking for their brother who went to the mansion.
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Peeves, of course, who has no idea what it is about, sees the extra head set via controller and gets locked into the game as well.
"Ooh, how unordinary fancy!" he cackles in delight. "And it absolutely reeks of death and fear!"
"Peeves!" Ron cries out in surprise, "watch out!"
"Huh?" Peeves turns and comes face to face with the Maiden of the Ropes.
"Take her picture!" Hermiones calling while she's struggling to get her camera out. "Duck, Peeves!"
"No way! I want to be in this memory picture with cutie here! So. . . where are you from?"
"She's gonna kill you!"
Draco knocks him to the side with a bann and Hermione takes her picture before she could finish taking his life points.
"That was close," Snape sighed in relief.
"Relief? You made me lose my girl!" he cried.
"She was going to kill you!" Harry yelled at him.
"I'm a Poltergeist! I never really did exist!"
"Well, you sure do exist now!"
"What's with the cameras anyway?" he asked, holding his out.
"It's an antique camera," Hermione explained, "it steals the soul or captures it of whomever it takes a picture of."
"So that means," he began to raise it to his face, "if I get you all in a group picture, your souls will be lost to me?" He smiled in delight. "An eye for an eye, say cheese!"
"Not if you say it first!"
They all took Peeves' picture at the same time, causing a summons of ghosts to appear and nearly all of the needed people of the mansion gathered around him, causing a sort of blockage that repelled the flash towards their cameras, also causing a malfunction somewhere in the system, shocking them into a coma in which they were stuck in the game.
"I can't find the way home!" Ron cried, looking about wildly.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked him.
"Where's Hogwarts? Where's the school? Where's home?"
They all started looking about wildly, Peeves still cackling away.
"See? This is what you get for messing with a Poltergeist!" he twisted and turned in the air, laughing as if there was no tomorrow.
And I am sorry to say that there will be no tomorrow for these fine young students and their over-greased haired professor. For because of this malfunction, their screams, their terror, their near-death experiences are all real. And Harry Potter wished that Voldemort were here, because by comparison, it seemed like a Hello Kitty vs. the Hulk and Godzilla teamed up.
It was long past a week before anyone thought to look for the missing people in Snape's office, where they were sent to St. Mungos' for Therapy.
Among their constant visitors was Neville, who last words they heard were "I told you to grovel and beg for mercy."
And in the distance did they hear Peeves' continuous cackle, for as long as their minds are vacant, you will probably find them in your next picture among the mysterious girl dressed in white, the fearful old man, and many others I will not name for I refuse to even go near that game at the moment.
~Good Day
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A/N: Don't review this. . . please I really don't want to know what you thought about it.
D.S: I wanna know!!
Snape:Yeah! Me Too! I was the victim after all!
D.S: Yeah! He was the victim after all!
Lythtis: Fine! Review for all I care! It won't be my fault if there are flamers!!
D.S. and Snape: YAY!!! REVIEW! REVIEW FANS, REVIEW!!