ACT ONE

Scene One: Elizabeth's house

Elizabeth: (shrilly) Melanie! Melanie! Get up now! I need you to make our breakfast, scrub the floors, and take our out-of-date-last-month clothing to the Salvation Army! Where are you? GET UP!

Melanie: Make Jessica or Katie do it!

Elizabeth: (screeching) WHAT? You ungrateful wench! After your father died, leaving us to deal with the burden of taking care of you...

Melanie: (muttering) Can't see why he married you in the first place, you numbskull.

Elizabeth: Excuse me? What was that?

Melanie: I said, I wish you were buried someplace; you're dumb and dull. (slaps forehead) Dang it! Why can't I make up a lie that won't get me in trouble?

Elizabeth: How dare you? That's it, young lady! No meals for a week! (thinks for a moment) Wait, that will just make you skinnier. All right, ten pounds of lard per day for you, young lady! We'll make you fat! (Melanie beats floor, screams, and throws a huge tantrum) And let that be a lesson to you! (slams Melanie's door)

Melanie: (stops screaming, stands up) Little does she know...I'm bulimic! (sighs) Well, I'd better get to work on that breakfast. (turns to pet rat) What do you think, Joe, ants in the omelette or your droppings in the coffee? (Joe squeaks) Both? What a great idea! (gets up, leaves)