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Usual disclaimers. I don't own anyone. I'm not making any money out of this.
Feedback greatly appreciated. Please read and review. E-mail Lajk24@hotmail.com. Visit my web-site at www.members/tripod.co.uk/Lajk24.S1.HTML
"It's not you, it's me." Even as he said them, Jack knew the words sounded awful. The worst thing was, though, that this time they were true. "Oh come on, Jack. Don't give me that!" Sam was angry, and Jack knew that she had every right to be. She was the one being dumped after all. "Sam, I'm sorry, but it's true. I guess I'm just not ready for this." "Fine, Colonel. Why don't you give me a call when you decide you've grown up? Sometime this century might be nice." Jack winced at the words as she grabbed her jacket and stormed out of his house, slamming the front door loudly behind her. Jack wandered, almost on automatic pilot, through to the fridge, took out a beer and wandered back through to the living room, where he sank down onto the sofa and opened the can. It had been a long night. As he sat staring at his carpet Jack wondered exactly how he'd managed to screw up once again. He'd known for ages that Sam was attracted to him, and he'd noticed her too. Who wouldn't, he decided. Their years serving together in SG-1 had bought them close but Jack had always known that the anti-fraternising rules were there for a good reason. Case in point, he realised, saluting himself with the beer can. He and Sam, having finally decided to chance a clandestine relationship for the past three months, now had to face each across the briefing room table the next morning. The morning after the night he'd broken it off. In all honesty he still wasn't sure exactly why he had broken it off. He just knew that it wasn't working. He cared for Sam a lot. And hoped he always would. But there was just something wrong about the two of them together. Jack sighed. Or maybe it was just that he was Colonel Jack O'Neill, Serial Destroyer of Relationships. Even Sara, the love of his life, he'd driven away. For what? Some top-secret military mission that had allowed him to escape Earth just when Sara needed him the most and go playing on Abydos with Daniel? Admittedly if it hadn't been for that mission, he probably wouldn't still be here. At this moment in time, though, Jack couldn't help wondering what a good thing that really was. It wasn't often that he got as low as he'd been after Charlie's death, but it was still inside him, just waiting for moments like this to come out and remind him just how worthless he really was. Even on SG-1. He may be the leader but he knew they could all manage perfectly well without him. Daniel was the contact guy, Sam the technical wiz, and Teal'c the warrior, who had much more honour and courage than he did any day. Yeah, they could survive. Many even be better off without him screwing things up for them. Especially Sam. It wasn't her fault he didn't love her. And if she was going to be uncomfortable with him around then maybe it was time for Colonel O'Neill to carry out that retirement plan once and for all.
Jack didn't miss the cold stares Sam sent his way every so often during the mission briefing the following day. He couldn't blame her but at least she was being professional. Not that he would ever expect anything less from her. She was a fine officer. He continued flipping his pen back and forth, not even trying to concentrate on Daniel's report on the culture of the planet they were due to ship out to that afternoon. He'd just ask him about it later. "Ok people. You ship out at fourteen hundred hours. You're dismissed until then." It was hard pressed to say who got up from the table quickest, Jack or Sam. It was Sam who made it to the door first, barely glancing at Jack as she marched past him. "Colonel, please stay behind. I'd like a word." Jack blinked, frowning, Hammond's words stopping him in his tracks. Now what?
"Colonel, at ease. Something on your mind, Jack?" Jack swallowed. He should have known that George was too good a commander not to notice that something was amiss. For a moment Jack considered telling Hammond about Sam, realising that George would probably understand. But then he had a better idea, and told the General what was really on his mind. "Retirement, actually." Hammond quirked an eyebrow at his second in command. "Again, Jack?" Jack gave a slight grin of acknowlegement. Yes, the General had heard that one before. When he'd thought Daniel was dead - the first time - the first thought that had entered his mind was how he could possibly carry on in SG- 1 without the archaeologist. Absently he wondered whether he would have resigned if it had been Carter who they'd believed to be dead. "Jack?" With a start Jack realised that Hammond was still waiting for a response, studying him with a concerned eye. "Sorry, Sir. I just think I'm getting too old for this. My knees. And let's face it, the others don't really need me. Teal'c's a leader in his own right. Carter's just as good with the military stuff as on a mission as I am. Daniel. Well, Daniel's Daniel. Runs rings around the rest of us." "I'm sorry you feel that way, Jack. I'm not sure the rest of your team would feel the same way. Are you sure you want to do this?" "Yes, Sir." "Well, I don't know, Colonel. You're still the best qualified to lead SG-1, whatever you may think at present. Now, if you're having some personal problems, I'm happy to give you some time to work through them. SG-1 has had a tough time of it lately. Maybe you all need a bit of down-time." "Thank-you Sir, but there's no personal problems. Just a personal decision." "I see. Well, you seem to have made up your mind, I'm sorry to say. But I'd like you to just take some time to think about it. Call it a favour to me. Go on this mission this afternoon. It should be a straightforward recon, according to Doctor Jackson, and at the moment we could do with some new intelligence about the Goa'uld. If in a couple of days you still feel the same, then, reluctantly, I'll accept your resignation." "Yes Sir. Thank-you Sir." Hammond just nodded, and Jack knew he'd been dismissed.
"Ok, spread out. Daniel and Carter, you do what you have to do. Teal'c, take first watch. I'll. Find something to do." Jack deliberately ignored Daniel's concerned look. He wasn't about to go through this with him now, especially here and now. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Daniel shrugged to himself, seemed to look a little lost and then pulled himself together to stride after Carter towards the ruins they were to study. Jack found a suitable rock and hunkered down to keep an eye on the proceedings, and to think. His eyes drifted to Daniel again and he felt a pang of guilt. He knew he'd cut Daniel out of things lately. It hadn't been deliberate, but what with trying to find time with Sam, and keeping it a secret. The Friday night boys' night with Danny had become a thing of the past. Thinking about that now, Jack decided he missed them. Missed Daniel. He knew his friend would have understood about Sam but neither of them had wanted to put Daniel or Teal'c in a position where that knowledge could have been used against them. He supposed he didn't have to worry about that anymore. Maybe he should invite Danny over when they got back from this mission? He continued watching as Daniel finally got excited about the ruins, as only Daniel Jackson could. Hands flaying everywhere as he chatted to Carter and pointed out markings that meant God knew what. It was nice to see someone happy. And it was quite a rarity, Jack suddenly realised, to see Daniel so excited and happy. He really had been neglecting his friend, hadn't he? It occurred to him to wonder why he was so bothered, all of a sudden. Daniel was a grown man. He had his own life, he could look after himself. But Jack had always found himself wanting to protect the younger man. His mother hen complex, Daniel had called it, tolerating it good- naturedly most of the time. At least Daniel still appeared to be concerned about him. Hopefully he hadn't screwed up his friendship with the archaeologist as well.
Still gesturing wildly, Daniel was leading Carter over to another set of markings, eyes wide and shinning with pure excitement. Jack found himself grinning. When Daniel was happy, it showed through his whole body. His blue eyes flashing, those elegant hands drawing shapes in the air, that full mouth grinning widely, when it wasn't talking at a hundred words a minute. And the sunlight bathing his dark blonde hair in a golden glow just added to the affect. Sometimes, Jack considered, thoughtfully, Daniel looked just amazing. His broad back and shoulders rippled as he reach up to point something out, and Jack found his mouth going dry.
With a start he realised that Teal'c was calling to him. He just managed to fight down a blush as he knew he'd been caught staring. At Daniel, of all people. And the strange thing was that it wasn't the first time. There was something captivating about Danny sometimes. And it wasn't just his looks. Not that Jack considered other guys' looks. But Daniel's innate generousity and goodness was rare and something that Jack was still desperate not to destroy under the growing push of Daniel towards a military mind-set.
"O'Neill!" "Huh? Oh, Teal'c. What's up?" Teal'c was standing in front of him, head cocked to one side and eyebrow raised. Jack sighed. "Something is wrong, O'Neill." It wasn't a question. "I have called to you three times. Such distraction is dangerous on a mission," the Jaffa continued. "Yeah, Teal'c, I know. Good thing I've got you to keep an eye on things, right, buddy?" Teal'c frowned. "I will always keep two eyes on my team-members. But it is you who is leader of SG-1, not I. And it is your responsibility." Jack didn't say anything, and just considered how this was another reason why he should just quit the SGC. Teal'c settled down to sit beside Jack, titling his head towards Daniel and Carter. "It appears that this mission is successful. Major Carter and Daniel Jackson may have found information that will help our fight against the Goa'uld." Jack just nodded. 'Your fight, buddy. Not mine any longer', he thought to himself.
"Jack, Teal'c. You've got to see this!" Daniel's shout broke through Jack's thoughts. Jack gestured at Teal'c to lead the way and they went over to the two scientists to see what the excitement was all about.
Two hours later, SG-1 was home, on schedule, without injuries, and with at least three of them full of the excitement at a successful information- gathering mission. If you counted Teal'c slight upturn to the mouth as happiness, Jack considered.
"Welcome home, SG-1. I take it the mission was a success?" Hammond smiled indulgently at Daniel. "Yes, Sir. The wealth of information in the temples about the Ancients is incredible. It's no Heliopolis, but still. I really think that this could help us understand the Stargate better, and the references to the technology the Ancients used." "Thank-you, Doctor Jackson. We'll debrief in one hour."
By the time of the debriefing at eighteen hundred hours, Jack was ready to go home, eat some dinner and draft his resignation. Why delay the inevitable? Jack had never been one to slowly pull off the plaster. Ripping it off fast may hurt more, briefly, but then it was over and done with. He absently listened as Daniel explained how the markings in the ruined temples of PX3-462 told some stories of the Ancients' encounters with alien races on their travels through the Stargate. It also told of the first meeting of the four great races - the Asgard, the Nox, the Furlongs and the Ancients. When the System Lords were at the height of their power they had tried to conquer the home planets of the four races, as well of those belonging to less advanced peoples. Seeing a common enemy the great races had come together to fight the Goa'uld, and protect those with less technology than themselves, and had succeeded in dealing a heavy blow to their power for quite some time. Then they had continued to work together in the spirit of peace and friendship. Daniel was even theorising that the Ancients may have originated on Earth. That caught even Jack's attention and he turned to look at Daniel. "Wow. Really?" "Really, Jack. If we ever get a chance to meet them." Jack grinned, more at the longing in Daniel's eyes than at the prospect itself of meeting yet another so-called advanced race. "This is an incredible find, Doctor Jackson, and I'm sure I echo everyone's thoughts in this room when I say this may well be the turning point in our fight against the Goa'uld." "I hope so, Sir, and thank-you." "Good work, Doctor. I'm giving SG-1 48 hours down-time." "But, General, I need to start working on translating more of these inscriptions." "I understand that Doctor, but I also understand that SG-1 has been working very hard recently and you need some time to unwind. This discovery won't go away and you can get started on your study of it Monday morning. Go home, get some rest, and enjoy the knowledge that you may have uncovered something as big as the Stargate here today." "Yes, Sir." Daniel mumbled the words at the table, and Jack was amused by the blush rising on his friend's face. Jack watched indulgently as Daniel and Carter strode out of the room together, discussing the implications of their discovery. All in all, it had been a pleasant mission. It hadn't stopped Jack feeling un-needed, though, and the fact that he could go out on a high only increased his resolution to carry through on his decision. "Jack?" Jack turned to the General, knowing what he was asking. He winced, knowing that Hammond wasn't going to like what he had to say. "I see." The General sighed. "I'm sorry Sir, but my mind's made up." "You're sure there's nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. You will be sorely missed at the SGC, Colonel." "Thank-you, General. I appreciate that, but, no. My resignation letter will be on your desk first thing in the morning." "Monday morning will be soon enough, Jack. SG-1 is on down-time, remember." Jack just nodded and his leave of Hammond.
By the time Jack got home he was ready to forego the food and skip to the whisky-drinking part of his evening's activities. It had taken him over an hour to reach his house, stuck in the traffic that was leaving the city for the weekend. He settled once more on his sofa, a glass of whisky in his hand. He supposed it was a little irresponsible, to plan to spend the evening getting drunk, alone, but he no longer had any responsibilities and he could do what he wanted, he decided. He'd only made a slight indent in the bottle of alcohol when the knock came at his door. He had had some time to do some thinking, though, and whilst he was now rather confused, he had admitted that his thoughts were going in a particular direction. One he still needed to work out properly. Without interruptions, he thought, glaring at the door. Namely Daniel. He couldn't help comparing the archaeologist with Sam, and finding her, surprisingly, lacking in comparison. It wasn't like he made a habit of noticing how cute or attractive or hot his male team-members were. Except that Danny was all of that, and more. The knocking came again. With a groan he pulled himself up and went to answer it. "Daniel?" "Jack." "Daniel." "Jack. Can I come in or do I have to stand on your doorstop all night?" "Uh, right. Sorry. Come in." He stepped away from the door and let the younger man enter the house. "Thanks," Daniel called as he strode past Jack into the living room and took a seat in one of the armchairs. "Um, Daniel, I don't want to sound rude, but what are you doing here?" "Oh, I, um, just thought you might like some company." "Shouldn't you out celebrating?" Daniel just shrugged. Jack stared at him. Daniel was staring back at him, that cute little furrow in his brows showing that he was concerned about Jack. With an effort Jack pulled himself away from admiring Daniel and re-took his seat on the sofa. "Well, thanks for the concern but I'm fine." Daniel frown deepened and he bit his lower lip. "Jack, you're about as fine as I usually am when I use that phrase." Jack shrugged. "I'm not you, Danny." "No, you're not, and no-one's asking you to be." "What?" "Nothing." Daniel shook his head. "Okkkay", Jack drawled, knowing that if it was important Daniel would soon let him know. "You know," he continued, "I may have actually had plans this evening." "Really? You want me to go so that you can your liquid-based friend here can be alone", Daniel replied, pointing to the bottle of whisky. Jack knew he'd been rumbled, and suddenly realised that, in fact, he didn't want Daniel to leave. It had been too long since Daniel had been over. "Nah. You can stay, you're here now. Want a drink?" Daniel could stay, should stay, he decided, but he'd have to get with the programme. "Sure." Jack pulled Daniel a large measure of whisky, which the archaeologist accepted without comment. Jack switched the TV on and they sat in companionable silence for a short while, drinking and watching some inane sitcom. "Well, here's to you, Danny-boy. Did it again, didn't ya?" Jack watched Daniel fight down a blush and almost grinned. He was pleased for Daniel, really he was. "This is nice", Daniel commented softly after a few minutes. "I mean, it seems ages since we've done this." Jack stared down into his glass. "I know." "I, um, I've missed it." Jack glanced up at Daniel and the linguist looked away, reddening slightly. Jack smiled. "Me too", he admitted, and was rewarded with a small smile from his friend. "Want another?" asked Jack, as Daniel finished his drink and bent down to place the glass neatly by the side of his chair. "Um, no," Daniel replied, and Jack didn't miss the slight frown on his face as he noticed that Jack had already refilled his own glass. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, Jack hadn't decided yet, he was nowhere near drunk. Yet. He also didn't miss how Daniel seemed to sit up straighter and push his glasses up on his nose. This, Jack knew from years of experience, was a sure sign that Danny was about to go into Dr Jackson lecture-mode. And as much as Jack wanted to find out what it was that had bought his friend to his door that evening, he really wasn't up for a lecture or a 'discussion'. "Ah come on, Danny. Relax. Have another drink." "No, Jack. I. I need to talk to you." Jack groaned. "Aw, Dammit Daniel. Why does everything have to be talked to death?" "Because I won't let you do this!" the younger man replied forcibly. "At least, not without knowing why." "Do what?" "Jack, I know what's going on." Jack frowned. Daniel knew? About the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about him? Nah, he decided. He himself only really knew that a short while ago. Unless Daniel meant he knew about him and Sam. Jack drew a weary hand over his face, shielding himself from that piercing blue stare. "Jack? Talk to me, please?" "Daniel, I can't. You know that." "Why? I want to help." "Please Daniel, just don't. This is between me and Sam." Besides, he thought to himself, it won't be a problem for much longer. Then Daniel and the rest of them could quite happily go traipsing off through the gate without him. "S-Sam? She knows? You told her?" Daniel's nose crinkled up again in that cute confused way, and Jack held back a different type of groan. Did the younger man even know what he did to him? With an effort he concentrated on what Daniel was saying. "Of course I told her. You may think I'm completely selfish and unfeeling, but even I wouldn't stoop so low as to get someone else to do my dirty work for me? How did you find out anyway?" "Jack, of course I don't think you're selfish and unfeeling. And, I, um, I overheard you talking to Hammond about it." "Daniel, what are you talking about? There's no way in Hell that I would ever, could ever, tell Hammond that Sam and I were." Jack floundered for a second, circling his hand in the air as he tried to find the right word to describe what had happened between himself and Sam. ".involved," he finished, a little lamely. Thinking about it, even that seemed to give the whole affair a little too much importance. Nothing against Sam, but he knew now that they were better off as friends. That was if his second in command ever spoke to him again except to accept an order. Daniel went a little pale. "You and - and Sam? Sam and you? Together? Oh God. I'm such an idiot!" The younger man was breathing heavily now, and Jack got up and went to crouch down in front of him. "Danny, you ok? Calm down. You'll hyperventilate." After a minute Daniel being to regain colour and calmed down, then finally met Jack's concerned gaze, his eyes wide. Jack stared into them for a minute before mentally shaking himself and asking, "Daniel? You alright now?" "Yeah, Jack. I'm fine. Just. you and Sam are together? God, everything makes much more sense now." "Well, we were together. Not any more. But, I thought you said you knew?" "Not about that, I didn't! I meant about you resigning." Jack took a minute to sit back until he was sitting on the floor in front of Daniel, legs out in front of him and his arms balanced on his knees. His head he rested in his hands. He could no longer meet his friend's gaze. "Oh, that. You heard Hammond and me talking about that?" "Yes, Jack. Why? Is it because of. because of Sam? You're retiring so you can be together?" "What? No. I just told you, Sam and I. it's finished. It hardly started. It was all wrong. I. I think I have feelings for someone else," he added quietly, knowing that this was definitely not the time to tell Daniel that it was him who his so-called best friend had very un-friend-like feelings about. Daniel just blinked at him, not saying anything. "You're not together?" he asked, after a couple of minutes. Jack shook his head. "No, Daniel. We're not. And before you ask, Sam does probably hate me at the moment but she'll be fine. I couldn't keep stringing her along. I really am not that uncaring." "I never said you were, Jack." "So, why? Why are you leaving? Is it something we've done?" Daniel's arms automatically went around himself, and Jack knew that what the younger man really meant was 'was it something I did?' Jack closed his eyes against the sight and opened them a few seconds later to find that Daniel hadn't moved. With a small sigh, Jack got up again and went to place his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Daniel, it's not you, any of you, it's me." "I - I can't let you do this, Jack!" Daniel stated again. But the harsh demanding tone that had been in the linguist's words earlier had been replaced by almost a pleading tone. Jack swallowed. He hadn't realised how much he'd hurt the younger man. "Jeez, Danny, what did I do to you?" he asked quietly. "How did I manage to let things get so bad between us?" Daniel just shrugged. "Daniel, you're my best friend. I - I care about you. More than I should", he told him, unconsciously echoing words that he'd told Carter. "But you three don't need me anymore." "Jack, no! How can you think that?" "Because it's true", Jack replied, smirking slightly. "I'm old and worn out and a terminal screw-up. Look, I couldn't even make it work with Carter, could I, when at least she knew all my faults." Daniel shook his head, then continued. "Jack, it's not SG-1 without you." "Sure it is. You do all the meet and greet stuff. Carter's got the technical side covered, and Teal'c can protect you much better than I can." "But you hold us all together, Jack, don't you see? You don't need to be me, or Sam or Teal'c. Just you." "Just me, huh? You're right, Daniel, I'm just me. Not much good to anyone anymore." "Oh, God, Jack, what I'm trying to say is you're not 'just' anything. You're you, and SG-1 needs you." Daniel sighed, and Jack put his arms around him, pulling the younger man into a hug. "I just don't know, Daniel. This whole thing with Sam and. and everything. I'm feeling a bit messed up right now. But all I see is that I'm getting in the way. Even our friendship's suffered, which is something I never should have allowed. Mind you, why someone like you would even want me as a friend, I don't know." Daniel mumbled something into Jack's chest, and Jack pulled back slightly and looked at Daniel. "What?" Daniel reddened and looked away. "Nothing," he muttered. "You never say anything you don't really mean, Daniel. What is it?" "I said, 'I do want you'," Daniel murmured, then chewed on his bottom lip as he stared down at the carpet in the small space between them. "Huh?" Startled, Jack reached down at tugged gently at Daniel's chin, forcing him to look up and meet Jack's eyes. Daniel's eyes were sad, a touch embarrassed and there was a flicker of something else there too. Jack's breath caught in his throat. "You. You mean you.?" Jack gestured, wondering, hoping, that he'd read Daniel's words correctly. Daniel nodded sadly. "Yes, Jack. I want you. As more than a best friend. I have for quite a while. And when I heard you talking about retirement I couldn't just let you leave. We need you Jack. I- I need you!" Jack just stared at his friend. "Jack," Daniel told him, after a few seconds, frowning, "you can let me go now. I guess I should be going. I guess you won't change your mind, especially now you know the truth, so." He shrugged and stepped back from Jack's loose grip on him, looking surprised when Jack pulled him back close again. "Oh, Danny, Danny", Jack whispered. "Jack?" Daniel's nose crinkled up in confusion once more and Jack watched his eyes widen in surprise as he placed a light kiss on said nose. "Huh? Wha?" Jack smirked. "That easy to stop the linguist talking, is it? You haven't seen anything yet," he finished, bringing his voice down to a seductive whisper and noticing how Daniel shivered slightly as the sound. He couldn't believe it. Daniel actually wanted him too, and suddenly everything just made sense again. Closing the last remaining space between them, Jack pressed his lips to Daniel's, tasting the other man for the first time. He felt Daniel tense and then relax into the kiss, which Jack quickly deepened, bringing a hand up to run through Daniel's hair. For his part, Daniel slid an arm up Jack's back and slowly began to stroke the nape of the older man's neck. After a minute Jack slid his tongue into Daniel's mouth and Daniel accepted it hungrily. Soon the need for oxygen broke the two apart. "Oh God, Danny, that was." Jack gasped, resting his forehead against the other man's and staring into his eyes. "Yeah. I never dreamt." "I know. You remember when I said earlier that it hadn't worked out with Carter?" Daniel nodded. "Because I discovered that I had feelings for someone else. Feelings that I'd only just realised I had, but must have had them for a while, when I started to think about it. You know I was talking about you, don't you?" Daniel nodded again, a smile appearing on his still-flushed face. "Good. It was weird, you know. I was suddenly comparing Carter to you, and noticing all these things about you. I just never expected you to feel the same way." "I do, Jack. I. I love you." "I think I love you, too, Daniel. This just feels so right." Daniel's smile grew. "Think you can make this one work, then?" "Oh, yeah. Gonna try. I reckon you're worth it Daniel." "You'd better believe it. And if there's anyone who knows all your faults better than Sam, it's me." "And you still want this?" "Yeahsureyoubetcha", Daniel replied, grinning, before catching Jack's mouth in another hungry kiss.
Usual disclaimers. I don't own anyone. I'm not making any money out of this.
Feedback greatly appreciated. Please read and review. E-mail Lajk24@hotmail.com. Visit my web-site at www.members/tripod.co.uk/Lajk24.S1.HTML
"It's not you, it's me." Even as he said them, Jack knew the words sounded awful. The worst thing was, though, that this time they were true. "Oh come on, Jack. Don't give me that!" Sam was angry, and Jack knew that she had every right to be. She was the one being dumped after all. "Sam, I'm sorry, but it's true. I guess I'm just not ready for this." "Fine, Colonel. Why don't you give me a call when you decide you've grown up? Sometime this century might be nice." Jack winced at the words as she grabbed her jacket and stormed out of his house, slamming the front door loudly behind her. Jack wandered, almost on automatic pilot, through to the fridge, took out a beer and wandered back through to the living room, where he sank down onto the sofa and opened the can. It had been a long night. As he sat staring at his carpet Jack wondered exactly how he'd managed to screw up once again. He'd known for ages that Sam was attracted to him, and he'd noticed her too. Who wouldn't, he decided. Their years serving together in SG-1 had bought them close but Jack had always known that the anti-fraternising rules were there for a good reason. Case in point, he realised, saluting himself with the beer can. He and Sam, having finally decided to chance a clandestine relationship for the past three months, now had to face each across the briefing room table the next morning. The morning after the night he'd broken it off. In all honesty he still wasn't sure exactly why he had broken it off. He just knew that it wasn't working. He cared for Sam a lot. And hoped he always would. But there was just something wrong about the two of them together. Jack sighed. Or maybe it was just that he was Colonel Jack O'Neill, Serial Destroyer of Relationships. Even Sara, the love of his life, he'd driven away. For what? Some top-secret military mission that had allowed him to escape Earth just when Sara needed him the most and go playing on Abydos with Daniel? Admittedly if it hadn't been for that mission, he probably wouldn't still be here. At this moment in time, though, Jack couldn't help wondering what a good thing that really was. It wasn't often that he got as low as he'd been after Charlie's death, but it was still inside him, just waiting for moments like this to come out and remind him just how worthless he really was. Even on SG-1. He may be the leader but he knew they could all manage perfectly well without him. Daniel was the contact guy, Sam the technical wiz, and Teal'c the warrior, who had much more honour and courage than he did any day. Yeah, they could survive. Many even be better off without him screwing things up for them. Especially Sam. It wasn't her fault he didn't love her. And if she was going to be uncomfortable with him around then maybe it was time for Colonel O'Neill to carry out that retirement plan once and for all.
Jack didn't miss the cold stares Sam sent his way every so often during the mission briefing the following day. He couldn't blame her but at least she was being professional. Not that he would ever expect anything less from her. She was a fine officer. He continued flipping his pen back and forth, not even trying to concentrate on Daniel's report on the culture of the planet they were due to ship out to that afternoon. He'd just ask him about it later. "Ok people. You ship out at fourteen hundred hours. You're dismissed until then." It was hard pressed to say who got up from the table quickest, Jack or Sam. It was Sam who made it to the door first, barely glancing at Jack as she marched past him. "Colonel, please stay behind. I'd like a word." Jack blinked, frowning, Hammond's words stopping him in his tracks. Now what?
"Colonel, at ease. Something on your mind, Jack?" Jack swallowed. He should have known that George was too good a commander not to notice that something was amiss. For a moment Jack considered telling Hammond about Sam, realising that George would probably understand. But then he had a better idea, and told the General what was really on his mind. "Retirement, actually." Hammond quirked an eyebrow at his second in command. "Again, Jack?" Jack gave a slight grin of acknowlegement. Yes, the General had heard that one before. When he'd thought Daniel was dead - the first time - the first thought that had entered his mind was how he could possibly carry on in SG- 1 without the archaeologist. Absently he wondered whether he would have resigned if it had been Carter who they'd believed to be dead. "Jack?" With a start Jack realised that Hammond was still waiting for a response, studying him with a concerned eye. "Sorry, Sir. I just think I'm getting too old for this. My knees. And let's face it, the others don't really need me. Teal'c's a leader in his own right. Carter's just as good with the military stuff as on a mission as I am. Daniel. Well, Daniel's Daniel. Runs rings around the rest of us." "I'm sorry you feel that way, Jack. I'm not sure the rest of your team would feel the same way. Are you sure you want to do this?" "Yes, Sir." "Well, I don't know, Colonel. You're still the best qualified to lead SG-1, whatever you may think at present. Now, if you're having some personal problems, I'm happy to give you some time to work through them. SG-1 has had a tough time of it lately. Maybe you all need a bit of down-time." "Thank-you Sir, but there's no personal problems. Just a personal decision." "I see. Well, you seem to have made up your mind, I'm sorry to say. But I'd like you to just take some time to think about it. Call it a favour to me. Go on this mission this afternoon. It should be a straightforward recon, according to Doctor Jackson, and at the moment we could do with some new intelligence about the Goa'uld. If in a couple of days you still feel the same, then, reluctantly, I'll accept your resignation." "Yes Sir. Thank-you Sir." Hammond just nodded, and Jack knew he'd been dismissed.
"Ok, spread out. Daniel and Carter, you do what you have to do. Teal'c, take first watch. I'll. Find something to do." Jack deliberately ignored Daniel's concerned look. He wasn't about to go through this with him now, especially here and now. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Daniel shrugged to himself, seemed to look a little lost and then pulled himself together to stride after Carter towards the ruins they were to study. Jack found a suitable rock and hunkered down to keep an eye on the proceedings, and to think. His eyes drifted to Daniel again and he felt a pang of guilt. He knew he'd cut Daniel out of things lately. It hadn't been deliberate, but what with trying to find time with Sam, and keeping it a secret. The Friday night boys' night with Danny had become a thing of the past. Thinking about that now, Jack decided he missed them. Missed Daniel. He knew his friend would have understood about Sam but neither of them had wanted to put Daniel or Teal'c in a position where that knowledge could have been used against them. He supposed he didn't have to worry about that anymore. Maybe he should invite Danny over when they got back from this mission? He continued watching as Daniel finally got excited about the ruins, as only Daniel Jackson could. Hands flaying everywhere as he chatted to Carter and pointed out markings that meant God knew what. It was nice to see someone happy. And it was quite a rarity, Jack suddenly realised, to see Daniel so excited and happy. He really had been neglecting his friend, hadn't he? It occurred to him to wonder why he was so bothered, all of a sudden. Daniel was a grown man. He had his own life, he could look after himself. But Jack had always found himself wanting to protect the younger man. His mother hen complex, Daniel had called it, tolerating it good- naturedly most of the time. At least Daniel still appeared to be concerned about him. Hopefully he hadn't screwed up his friendship with the archaeologist as well.
Still gesturing wildly, Daniel was leading Carter over to another set of markings, eyes wide and shinning with pure excitement. Jack found himself grinning. When Daniel was happy, it showed through his whole body. His blue eyes flashing, those elegant hands drawing shapes in the air, that full mouth grinning widely, when it wasn't talking at a hundred words a minute. And the sunlight bathing his dark blonde hair in a golden glow just added to the affect. Sometimes, Jack considered, thoughtfully, Daniel looked just amazing. His broad back and shoulders rippled as he reach up to point something out, and Jack found his mouth going dry.
With a start he realised that Teal'c was calling to him. He just managed to fight down a blush as he knew he'd been caught staring. At Daniel, of all people. And the strange thing was that it wasn't the first time. There was something captivating about Danny sometimes. And it wasn't just his looks. Not that Jack considered other guys' looks. But Daniel's innate generousity and goodness was rare and something that Jack was still desperate not to destroy under the growing push of Daniel towards a military mind-set.
"O'Neill!" "Huh? Oh, Teal'c. What's up?" Teal'c was standing in front of him, head cocked to one side and eyebrow raised. Jack sighed. "Something is wrong, O'Neill." It wasn't a question. "I have called to you three times. Such distraction is dangerous on a mission," the Jaffa continued. "Yeah, Teal'c, I know. Good thing I've got you to keep an eye on things, right, buddy?" Teal'c frowned. "I will always keep two eyes on my team-members. But it is you who is leader of SG-1, not I. And it is your responsibility." Jack didn't say anything, and just considered how this was another reason why he should just quit the SGC. Teal'c settled down to sit beside Jack, titling his head towards Daniel and Carter. "It appears that this mission is successful. Major Carter and Daniel Jackson may have found information that will help our fight against the Goa'uld." Jack just nodded. 'Your fight, buddy. Not mine any longer', he thought to himself.
"Jack, Teal'c. You've got to see this!" Daniel's shout broke through Jack's thoughts. Jack gestured at Teal'c to lead the way and they went over to the two scientists to see what the excitement was all about.
Two hours later, SG-1 was home, on schedule, without injuries, and with at least three of them full of the excitement at a successful information- gathering mission. If you counted Teal'c slight upturn to the mouth as happiness, Jack considered.
"Welcome home, SG-1. I take it the mission was a success?" Hammond smiled indulgently at Daniel. "Yes, Sir. The wealth of information in the temples about the Ancients is incredible. It's no Heliopolis, but still. I really think that this could help us understand the Stargate better, and the references to the technology the Ancients used." "Thank-you, Doctor Jackson. We'll debrief in one hour."
By the time of the debriefing at eighteen hundred hours, Jack was ready to go home, eat some dinner and draft his resignation. Why delay the inevitable? Jack had never been one to slowly pull off the plaster. Ripping it off fast may hurt more, briefly, but then it was over and done with. He absently listened as Daniel explained how the markings in the ruined temples of PX3-462 told some stories of the Ancients' encounters with alien races on their travels through the Stargate. It also told of the first meeting of the four great races - the Asgard, the Nox, the Furlongs and the Ancients. When the System Lords were at the height of their power they had tried to conquer the home planets of the four races, as well of those belonging to less advanced peoples. Seeing a common enemy the great races had come together to fight the Goa'uld, and protect those with less technology than themselves, and had succeeded in dealing a heavy blow to their power for quite some time. Then they had continued to work together in the spirit of peace and friendship. Daniel was even theorising that the Ancients may have originated on Earth. That caught even Jack's attention and he turned to look at Daniel. "Wow. Really?" "Really, Jack. If we ever get a chance to meet them." Jack grinned, more at the longing in Daniel's eyes than at the prospect itself of meeting yet another so-called advanced race. "This is an incredible find, Doctor Jackson, and I'm sure I echo everyone's thoughts in this room when I say this may well be the turning point in our fight against the Goa'uld." "I hope so, Sir, and thank-you." "Good work, Doctor. I'm giving SG-1 48 hours down-time." "But, General, I need to start working on translating more of these inscriptions." "I understand that Doctor, but I also understand that SG-1 has been working very hard recently and you need some time to unwind. This discovery won't go away and you can get started on your study of it Monday morning. Go home, get some rest, and enjoy the knowledge that you may have uncovered something as big as the Stargate here today." "Yes, Sir." Daniel mumbled the words at the table, and Jack was amused by the blush rising on his friend's face. Jack watched indulgently as Daniel and Carter strode out of the room together, discussing the implications of their discovery. All in all, it had been a pleasant mission. It hadn't stopped Jack feeling un-needed, though, and the fact that he could go out on a high only increased his resolution to carry through on his decision. "Jack?" Jack turned to the General, knowing what he was asking. He winced, knowing that Hammond wasn't going to like what he had to say. "I see." The General sighed. "I'm sorry Sir, but my mind's made up." "You're sure there's nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. You will be sorely missed at the SGC, Colonel." "Thank-you, General. I appreciate that, but, no. My resignation letter will be on your desk first thing in the morning." "Monday morning will be soon enough, Jack. SG-1 is on down-time, remember." Jack just nodded and his leave of Hammond.
By the time Jack got home he was ready to forego the food and skip to the whisky-drinking part of his evening's activities. It had taken him over an hour to reach his house, stuck in the traffic that was leaving the city for the weekend. He settled once more on his sofa, a glass of whisky in his hand. He supposed it was a little irresponsible, to plan to spend the evening getting drunk, alone, but he no longer had any responsibilities and he could do what he wanted, he decided. He'd only made a slight indent in the bottle of alcohol when the knock came at his door. He had had some time to do some thinking, though, and whilst he was now rather confused, he had admitted that his thoughts were going in a particular direction. One he still needed to work out properly. Without interruptions, he thought, glaring at the door. Namely Daniel. He couldn't help comparing the archaeologist with Sam, and finding her, surprisingly, lacking in comparison. It wasn't like he made a habit of noticing how cute or attractive or hot his male team-members were. Except that Danny was all of that, and more. The knocking came again. With a groan he pulled himself up and went to answer it. "Daniel?" "Jack." "Daniel." "Jack. Can I come in or do I have to stand on your doorstop all night?" "Uh, right. Sorry. Come in." He stepped away from the door and let the younger man enter the house. "Thanks," Daniel called as he strode past Jack into the living room and took a seat in one of the armchairs. "Um, Daniel, I don't want to sound rude, but what are you doing here?" "Oh, I, um, just thought you might like some company." "Shouldn't you out celebrating?" Daniel just shrugged. Jack stared at him. Daniel was staring back at him, that cute little furrow in his brows showing that he was concerned about Jack. With an effort Jack pulled himself away from admiring Daniel and re-took his seat on the sofa. "Well, thanks for the concern but I'm fine." Daniel frown deepened and he bit his lower lip. "Jack, you're about as fine as I usually am when I use that phrase." Jack shrugged. "I'm not you, Danny." "No, you're not, and no-one's asking you to be." "What?" "Nothing." Daniel shook his head. "Okkkay", Jack drawled, knowing that if it was important Daniel would soon let him know. "You know," he continued, "I may have actually had plans this evening." "Really? You want me to go so that you can your liquid-based friend here can be alone", Daniel replied, pointing to the bottle of whisky. Jack knew he'd been rumbled, and suddenly realised that, in fact, he didn't want Daniel to leave. It had been too long since Daniel had been over. "Nah. You can stay, you're here now. Want a drink?" Daniel could stay, should stay, he decided, but he'd have to get with the programme. "Sure." Jack pulled Daniel a large measure of whisky, which the archaeologist accepted without comment. Jack switched the TV on and they sat in companionable silence for a short while, drinking and watching some inane sitcom. "Well, here's to you, Danny-boy. Did it again, didn't ya?" Jack watched Daniel fight down a blush and almost grinned. He was pleased for Daniel, really he was. "This is nice", Daniel commented softly after a few minutes. "I mean, it seems ages since we've done this." Jack stared down into his glass. "I know." "I, um, I've missed it." Jack glanced up at Daniel and the linguist looked away, reddening slightly. Jack smiled. "Me too", he admitted, and was rewarded with a small smile from his friend. "Want another?" asked Jack, as Daniel finished his drink and bent down to place the glass neatly by the side of his chair. "Um, no," Daniel replied, and Jack didn't miss the slight frown on his face as he noticed that Jack had already refilled his own glass. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, Jack hadn't decided yet, he was nowhere near drunk. Yet. He also didn't miss how Daniel seemed to sit up straighter and push his glasses up on his nose. This, Jack knew from years of experience, was a sure sign that Danny was about to go into Dr Jackson lecture-mode. And as much as Jack wanted to find out what it was that had bought his friend to his door that evening, he really wasn't up for a lecture or a 'discussion'. "Ah come on, Danny. Relax. Have another drink." "No, Jack. I. I need to talk to you." Jack groaned. "Aw, Dammit Daniel. Why does everything have to be talked to death?" "Because I won't let you do this!" the younger man replied forcibly. "At least, not without knowing why." "Do what?" "Jack, I know what's going on." Jack frowned. Daniel knew? About the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about him? Nah, he decided. He himself only really knew that a short while ago. Unless Daniel meant he knew about him and Sam. Jack drew a weary hand over his face, shielding himself from that piercing blue stare. "Jack? Talk to me, please?" "Daniel, I can't. You know that." "Why? I want to help." "Please Daniel, just don't. This is between me and Sam." Besides, he thought to himself, it won't be a problem for much longer. Then Daniel and the rest of them could quite happily go traipsing off through the gate without him. "S-Sam? She knows? You told her?" Daniel's nose crinkled up again in that cute confused way, and Jack held back a different type of groan. Did the younger man even know what he did to him? With an effort he concentrated on what Daniel was saying. "Of course I told her. You may think I'm completely selfish and unfeeling, but even I wouldn't stoop so low as to get someone else to do my dirty work for me? How did you find out anyway?" "Jack, of course I don't think you're selfish and unfeeling. And, I, um, I overheard you talking to Hammond about it." "Daniel, what are you talking about? There's no way in Hell that I would ever, could ever, tell Hammond that Sam and I were." Jack floundered for a second, circling his hand in the air as he tried to find the right word to describe what had happened between himself and Sam. ".involved," he finished, a little lamely. Thinking about it, even that seemed to give the whole affair a little too much importance. Nothing against Sam, but he knew now that they were better off as friends. That was if his second in command ever spoke to him again except to accept an order. Daniel went a little pale. "You and - and Sam? Sam and you? Together? Oh God. I'm such an idiot!" The younger man was breathing heavily now, and Jack got up and went to crouch down in front of him. "Danny, you ok? Calm down. You'll hyperventilate." After a minute Daniel being to regain colour and calmed down, then finally met Jack's concerned gaze, his eyes wide. Jack stared into them for a minute before mentally shaking himself and asking, "Daniel? You alright now?" "Yeah, Jack. I'm fine. Just. you and Sam are together? God, everything makes much more sense now." "Well, we were together. Not any more. But, I thought you said you knew?" "Not about that, I didn't! I meant about you resigning." Jack took a minute to sit back until he was sitting on the floor in front of Daniel, legs out in front of him and his arms balanced on his knees. His head he rested in his hands. He could no longer meet his friend's gaze. "Oh, that. You heard Hammond and me talking about that?" "Yes, Jack. Why? Is it because of. because of Sam? You're retiring so you can be together?" "What? No. I just told you, Sam and I. it's finished. It hardly started. It was all wrong. I. I think I have feelings for someone else," he added quietly, knowing that this was definitely not the time to tell Daniel that it was him who his so-called best friend had very un-friend-like feelings about. Daniel just blinked at him, not saying anything. "You're not together?" he asked, after a couple of minutes. Jack shook his head. "No, Daniel. We're not. And before you ask, Sam does probably hate me at the moment but she'll be fine. I couldn't keep stringing her along. I really am not that uncaring." "I never said you were, Jack." "So, why? Why are you leaving? Is it something we've done?" Daniel's arms automatically went around himself, and Jack knew that what the younger man really meant was 'was it something I did?' Jack closed his eyes against the sight and opened them a few seconds later to find that Daniel hadn't moved. With a small sigh, Jack got up again and went to place his hands on Daniel's shoulders. "Daniel, it's not you, any of you, it's me." "I - I can't let you do this, Jack!" Daniel stated again. But the harsh demanding tone that had been in the linguist's words earlier had been replaced by almost a pleading tone. Jack swallowed. He hadn't realised how much he'd hurt the younger man. "Jeez, Danny, what did I do to you?" he asked quietly. "How did I manage to let things get so bad between us?" Daniel just shrugged. "Daniel, you're my best friend. I - I care about you. More than I should", he told him, unconsciously echoing words that he'd told Carter. "But you three don't need me anymore." "Jack, no! How can you think that?" "Because it's true", Jack replied, smirking slightly. "I'm old and worn out and a terminal screw-up. Look, I couldn't even make it work with Carter, could I, when at least she knew all my faults." Daniel shook his head, then continued. "Jack, it's not SG-1 without you." "Sure it is. You do all the meet and greet stuff. Carter's got the technical side covered, and Teal'c can protect you much better than I can." "But you hold us all together, Jack, don't you see? You don't need to be me, or Sam or Teal'c. Just you." "Just me, huh? You're right, Daniel, I'm just me. Not much good to anyone anymore." "Oh, God, Jack, what I'm trying to say is you're not 'just' anything. You're you, and SG-1 needs you." Daniel sighed, and Jack put his arms around him, pulling the younger man into a hug. "I just don't know, Daniel. This whole thing with Sam and. and everything. I'm feeling a bit messed up right now. But all I see is that I'm getting in the way. Even our friendship's suffered, which is something I never should have allowed. Mind you, why someone like you would even want me as a friend, I don't know." Daniel mumbled something into Jack's chest, and Jack pulled back slightly and looked at Daniel. "What?" Daniel reddened and looked away. "Nothing," he muttered. "You never say anything you don't really mean, Daniel. What is it?" "I said, 'I do want you'," Daniel murmured, then chewed on his bottom lip as he stared down at the carpet in the small space between them. "Huh?" Startled, Jack reached down at tugged gently at Daniel's chin, forcing him to look up and meet Jack's eyes. Daniel's eyes were sad, a touch embarrassed and there was a flicker of something else there too. Jack's breath caught in his throat. "You. You mean you.?" Jack gestured, wondering, hoping, that he'd read Daniel's words correctly. Daniel nodded sadly. "Yes, Jack. I want you. As more than a best friend. I have for quite a while. And when I heard you talking about retirement I couldn't just let you leave. We need you Jack. I- I need you!" Jack just stared at his friend. "Jack," Daniel told him, after a few seconds, frowning, "you can let me go now. I guess I should be going. I guess you won't change your mind, especially now you know the truth, so." He shrugged and stepped back from Jack's loose grip on him, looking surprised when Jack pulled him back close again. "Oh, Danny, Danny", Jack whispered. "Jack?" Daniel's nose crinkled up in confusion once more and Jack watched his eyes widen in surprise as he placed a light kiss on said nose. "Huh? Wha?" Jack smirked. "That easy to stop the linguist talking, is it? You haven't seen anything yet," he finished, bringing his voice down to a seductive whisper and noticing how Daniel shivered slightly as the sound. He couldn't believe it. Daniel actually wanted him too, and suddenly everything just made sense again. Closing the last remaining space between them, Jack pressed his lips to Daniel's, tasting the other man for the first time. He felt Daniel tense and then relax into the kiss, which Jack quickly deepened, bringing a hand up to run through Daniel's hair. For his part, Daniel slid an arm up Jack's back and slowly began to stroke the nape of the older man's neck. After a minute Jack slid his tongue into Daniel's mouth and Daniel accepted it hungrily. Soon the need for oxygen broke the two apart. "Oh God, Danny, that was." Jack gasped, resting his forehead against the other man's and staring into his eyes. "Yeah. I never dreamt." "I know. You remember when I said earlier that it hadn't worked out with Carter?" Daniel nodded. "Because I discovered that I had feelings for someone else. Feelings that I'd only just realised I had, but must have had them for a while, when I started to think about it. You know I was talking about you, don't you?" Daniel nodded again, a smile appearing on his still-flushed face. "Good. It was weird, you know. I was suddenly comparing Carter to you, and noticing all these things about you. I just never expected you to feel the same way." "I do, Jack. I. I love you." "I think I love you, too, Daniel. This just feels so right." Daniel's smile grew. "Think you can make this one work, then?" "Oh, yeah. Gonna try. I reckon you're worth it Daniel." "You'd better believe it. And if there's anyone who knows all your faults better than Sam, it's me." "And you still want this?" "Yeahsureyoubetcha", Daniel replied, grinning, before catching Jack's mouth in another hungry kiss.