Disclaimer: Me. Owner of nothing besides this storyline and a shity-ass
computer. Seriously. And I don't own Mandy Moore's song " Could've Been",
okay? If I did... I'd be rich... which, sadly, I'm not...
*[ A/N: Okay, okay, I know I told you that I wouldn't change the point of views the rest of the story, but this chapter absolutely needed to be seen through Spike's POV. How else would I bring Julia into the story...]*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Deceptions: A Cowboy Bebop Fanfic
By: Katie S.
Rated: PG-13/ R ( sexual situations, language)
Category: Romance/ Drama
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 8: Could've Been
My heart was wrenching... but why? She was alive. My Julia.... my love... she was waiting for me. But I couldn't stop letting my mind wander to Faye... that look in her eyes, that despair that seeped out. I had left her alone with that maniac. He was going to hurt her, no doubt about it. But I just didn't care at that moment. I had Julia. She was my angel... my dream, and she was alive. I had to find her. I had to escape the nightmare I was living. But could I escape it? Would there ever be an end to it? It didn't matter. Either way Julia would be there for me. Our love was forever. No matter what....
But.....
What was that feeling I felt around Faye?
~*~
It was a cold, lonely night, the night sky shrouded by a dark, gloomy veil. The streets were deserted, and the frigid wind rustled the trees, leaving them barren. I felt sad... regretful... anguished. I was going to see her. But why did I feel this way? Faye was nothing but an object of lust, right? Why would I ever truly care for her... I had Julia anyways...
I slowly stepped towards the graveyard, my heart beating faster and faster anxiously. The cold wind pressed against my skin, sending chills down my spine. I was uneasy and edgy, my whole body trembling. Something about this felt so wrong... But it was Julia... nothing was wrong, right?
I moved closer and closer, my footsteps echoing through the silence. I could see her silhouette in the mist. She was really there, her blond hair flowing across her back gracefully. It was really her...
I slowed my pace down. What would I say? I loved her but... Vicious...
It was too late to turn back now. She turned towards me, her deep blue eyes penetrating the darkness. Her face held no emotion... no happiness... no empathy... but she was still beautiful, as usual.
I smiled at her, quickening my pace towards her, but I slowed down when I gazed upon her face. It wasn't the same. It wasn't that bright cheerful beauty, etched with a hint of secrecy. It was dark... agitated... angry....
" Julia..." My voice was breathless, and the frigid air swallowed my words bleakly.
She held a dying rose taughtly, its leaden petals rustling in the wind. Her dark gaze never left me as I moved closer and closer, my eyes drenched in disbelief. It wasn't Julia.... this wasn't my angel...
~
The flowers you gave me
Are just about to die
When I think about what could've been
It makes me want to cry
~
" Spike..." Her voice was dry, rigid.... cold. It wasn't her...
I moved towards her, hoping I could at least salvage that kiss I always dreamed of at night. But that look in her eyes... " Julia?"
" What?!" She shot me a dark glare.
My heart twinged at the tone in he voice. " W-what happened?"
" What are you talking about..." Her gaze darted towards the ground, and she held the rose tighter, her hands trembling.
" You're dead..." I slowly let my body fall upon hers, holding her in tight embrace. She felt so cold...
" Does it look like it?" Her words were becoming more and more hurtful, and I could barely stand it anymore. I moved closer, letting my lips rest against her forhead.
" Please... don't act like that..." I slipped my finger under her chin, forcing her to look me in the eyes. Her beautiful eyes were clouded and dark....
She remained silent, glaring back at me, her eyes narrowing sharply. She moved closer, our lips only inches away. " Kiss me hard Spike... this is the last time that I will let you..."
~
The sweet words you whispered
Didn't mean a thing
I guess our song is over
As we begin to sing
~
My head jolted back, my eyes widening at her." What?"
She let her gaze dart to the barren ground once again. " You heard me..."
I pushed away from her, my heart panicking. " I-I don't understand you..."
She glanced back up at me, her eyes narrowing with hate. " You never did..."
I froze. What was going on? That wasn't the Julia I loved... that wasn't the angel that had forsaken all my sorrows. She acted as if I was at fault... wait a minute. I was at fault.... Faye.
" Julia... I love you. What are you talkng about?" I tried to pull her into another embrace, but she pushed away, shooting me a cold glare.
" We never shared love... I don't know what you're talking about..." She let the rose fall to the cold ground, it's petals scattering across the graves surrounding us.
Was she absolutely blind? What about our kisses? What about our embraces? What about our vows? Had it all completely erased from her mind? She acted as if she didn't ever love me. But she did.... didn't she?
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
Could've been my lover
Everyday of my life
~
" Stop it!" I pushed her forcefully, forcing away the tears. It wasn't her...
She stepped towards me, slipping her hands in the pockets of her trench coat. " Stop what Spike? We never started anything in the first place..."
I narrowed my eyes at her. " What is wrong with you? This isn't the real you..."
" Spike, there's nothing wrong with me. It's you. It's all your fault. I loved Vicious with all my heart, but then you come along..."
" So you're saying you do love me..."
She shot me a dark, piercing glare. " I NEVER said that..."
I had had enough of her shit, Julia or not. It wasn't her anyways... it never could be... " So what are you implying Julia?!" My voice was raising dangerously, my fists trembling with anger.
" You've always had hard time with that, you know? You just can't seem to understand the difference between lust and love."
I narrowed my eyes at her. " Maybe... but then again, maybe it's YOU with that problem...."
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
I'll never know what could've been
On a cold lonely night
~
" Spike... I'll admit it. I fucked you willingly. I wanted to... But I NEVER told you I loved you..."
I froze. She was right. She was absolutely right, and it pained me to think so. Why hadn't I noticed it? She loved Vicious... not me...
" So, you're telling me that you feel nothing for me?! Nothing at all?!" My whole body was trembling with rage. It wasn't right.... I had to be dreaming...
" Did you listen to anything I said, damn it?! I LOVE VICIOUS!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!!!" She pulled her gun out, shakily aiming it at my head. She wasn't gonna scare me with her threats... I wasn't going to let her... not then...
" You know. It's funny. You were with me first, yet you still only shared lust with me..." I watched her from the corner of my eye. She was trembling...
She remained silent, pressing the gun farther into my head. I didn't care. She could kill me if she really wanted. It was over... I had no one to love....
But no.... I did have some one to love....
Still, it was over... she was gone as well....
~
The memories of our lovin'
Still linger in the air
Like the faded scent of your roses
Stay with me everywhere
~
" Are you going to shoot me or not?" My voice was dripping with sarcasm, and I kept my gaze on her, my eyes narrowing sharply.
She pressed the gun even farther, practically piercing through the skin. " Yes... I am... I want to end this nightmare."
I chuckled lightly. " I came here to do the same thing..."
Her eyes widened, and she slowly lowered the gun." What?"
" I told you Julia, I love you... no matter what, even if you want to kill me."
" I love Vicious... I don't care about you..."
" Why? Why do you love Vicious? He's engaged, Julia! Doesn't that tell you anything? Anything at all?!" I turned towards her, clenching my fists tightly.
" He doesn't love that tramp! He loves me!" She raised the gun to my head once again, the cool metal sending chills down my spine. I wasn't gonna let her threats frighten me...
I gritted my teeth, the rage seething deep inside me. " Don't you EVER talk about Faye that way!!"
She narrowed her eyes at me, grasping the gun tighter. " It seems you're acquianted with her..."
" What if I am?"
" You fucked her, didn't you?" Her voice lowered to a whisper, as if she was trying to hide it from the world. They wouldn't hear anyways.... not there.... not then...
" What if I did? Does it really matter? You don't love me... remember?"
~
Everytime I get my hopes up
They always seem to fall
Still what could've been
Is better than what could never be at all
~
" You did... you slept with her..."
I moved closer to her, pulling the gun out of her grasp. " You act as if it's a bad thing... You did the same thing to me... you cheated on me with Vicious, and I forgave you. Now, I wish I wouldn't have..."
" I never asked for forgiveness Spike..." She shot me a cold glare, grasping the gun taughtly and raising it towards me.
I chuckled. " Do you really think killing me will make it all go away?"
" Stop mocking me Spike. I want this all to end..."
" You want what to end? You never loved me, there's nothing to end..." I moved towards her, my face only inches away from her.
" STOP twisting my words around like that!" She shoved me away, holding her aim tighter.
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
Could've been my lover
Everyday of my life
~
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted it all to end. I wanted her to shoot me.... dying seemed like the only thing reasonable at the moment. Why did it have to happen like that? We were in love. Eveything was right, and we loved each other, no matter what she said. She denied it. She didn't know how to handle it. So she relied on the only thing she could trust... her hate...
I gazed at her longingly, my eyes filling with sorrow. I missed her. I wanted to taste her kiss one last time. I just couldn't let her go, and I don't think I ever would. She was my Julia, and nothing could take her away from me... I thought...
I leaned in slowly, pushing the gun away, resting my forehead against hers. I wanted to feel her love one last time, to cherish, and to hold when I died. Her whole body tensed up, but she didn't move. She shut her eyes tightly, letting her lips grow numb. I leaned in slowly, hoping to savor that warm feeling she gave me. But there was nothing. Nothing but the cold frigid wind pressing against our bodies. No love, no passion. But I continued, pressing my lips against hers, hoping to find that feeling I longed for. Her lips were cold, and her taste was different... it wasn't sweet and innocent like before, it was possessed... dark... and hateful. It wasn't like before...
I pulled away slowly, gazing into her eyes. They had a hint of something I had never seen before...
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
You can't know what could've been
On a cold, lonely night
~
" Spike..." She pulled me towards her once again. " Why can't we just sleep with each other? Do we have to love each other?"
I narrowed my eyes at her, my whole heart shattering into tiny pieces. That was all she wanted... She wanted my sex... not my love. Why hadn't I seen it? I had gotten my lust confused with love...
" Yes... we do..." I pushed her away. I had had enough...
" Why?" Her voice almost seemed challenging, as if she was testing me.
" You slut..."
Her eyes widened, the smug grin disappearing from her face. " What'd you say?!"
" You heard me... You're a slut, go run off to your Vicious... if he's not fucking his fiance..." I was absolutely appauled by the words coming out of my mouth. This was my Julia I was talking to... and I was calling her a slut?
She pulled the gun out again, clicking the safety button off. " Don't you ever speak to me that way..."
I narrowed my eyes at her. " What are you gonna do about it? I don't care... shoot me. But then you won't be able to fuck me anymore..." I smirked wickedly at her. I was tired of playing her mind games...
" Fuck you..." She sharply aimed the gun at me, pulling the trigger tightly. The bullet pierced fiercely through frigid air, gnawing through my right shoulder. My limp body collapsed to the ground, blooding pouring onto the ground.
I glanced up at her with pleading eyes. She really shot me. But she didn't kill me, she wanted me to suffer... just like Vicious...
" I told you I'd shoot you..." She smirked at me, as if she had defeated me.
But she hadn't won yet. This was wasn't over....
~
How can you know what could've been
On a cold lonely night
~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Julia fans.... no flames pwease T_T
Lol, sorry 'bout that. Did you like this chappie? I think it was okay. Julia was way OOC, I know, but she was supposed to be, so don't flame me telling me she was because I already know that she was. LOL XD
Please review ^^ And thank you so much for your excellent reviews. I really appreciate it ^^
*[ A/N: Okay, okay, I know I told you that I wouldn't change the point of views the rest of the story, but this chapter absolutely needed to be seen through Spike's POV. How else would I bring Julia into the story...]*
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Deceptions: A Cowboy Bebop Fanfic
By: Katie S.
Rated: PG-13/ R ( sexual situations, language)
Category: Romance/ Drama
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 8: Could've Been
My heart was wrenching... but why? She was alive. My Julia.... my love... she was waiting for me. But I couldn't stop letting my mind wander to Faye... that look in her eyes, that despair that seeped out. I had left her alone with that maniac. He was going to hurt her, no doubt about it. But I just didn't care at that moment. I had Julia. She was my angel... my dream, and she was alive. I had to find her. I had to escape the nightmare I was living. But could I escape it? Would there ever be an end to it? It didn't matter. Either way Julia would be there for me. Our love was forever. No matter what....
But.....
What was that feeling I felt around Faye?
~*~
It was a cold, lonely night, the night sky shrouded by a dark, gloomy veil. The streets were deserted, and the frigid wind rustled the trees, leaving them barren. I felt sad... regretful... anguished. I was going to see her. But why did I feel this way? Faye was nothing but an object of lust, right? Why would I ever truly care for her... I had Julia anyways...
I slowly stepped towards the graveyard, my heart beating faster and faster anxiously. The cold wind pressed against my skin, sending chills down my spine. I was uneasy and edgy, my whole body trembling. Something about this felt so wrong... But it was Julia... nothing was wrong, right?
I moved closer and closer, my footsteps echoing through the silence. I could see her silhouette in the mist. She was really there, her blond hair flowing across her back gracefully. It was really her...
I slowed my pace down. What would I say? I loved her but... Vicious...
It was too late to turn back now. She turned towards me, her deep blue eyes penetrating the darkness. Her face held no emotion... no happiness... no empathy... but she was still beautiful, as usual.
I smiled at her, quickening my pace towards her, but I slowed down when I gazed upon her face. It wasn't the same. It wasn't that bright cheerful beauty, etched with a hint of secrecy. It was dark... agitated... angry....
" Julia..." My voice was breathless, and the frigid air swallowed my words bleakly.
She held a dying rose taughtly, its leaden petals rustling in the wind. Her dark gaze never left me as I moved closer and closer, my eyes drenched in disbelief. It wasn't Julia.... this wasn't my angel...
~
The flowers you gave me
Are just about to die
When I think about what could've been
It makes me want to cry
~
" Spike..." Her voice was dry, rigid.... cold. It wasn't her...
I moved towards her, hoping I could at least salvage that kiss I always dreamed of at night. But that look in her eyes... " Julia?"
" What?!" She shot me a dark glare.
My heart twinged at the tone in he voice. " W-what happened?"
" What are you talking about..." Her gaze darted towards the ground, and she held the rose tighter, her hands trembling.
" You're dead..." I slowly let my body fall upon hers, holding her in tight embrace. She felt so cold...
" Does it look like it?" Her words were becoming more and more hurtful, and I could barely stand it anymore. I moved closer, letting my lips rest against her forhead.
" Please... don't act like that..." I slipped my finger under her chin, forcing her to look me in the eyes. Her beautiful eyes were clouded and dark....
She remained silent, glaring back at me, her eyes narrowing sharply. She moved closer, our lips only inches away. " Kiss me hard Spike... this is the last time that I will let you..."
~
The sweet words you whispered
Didn't mean a thing
I guess our song is over
As we begin to sing
~
My head jolted back, my eyes widening at her." What?"
She let her gaze dart to the barren ground once again. " You heard me..."
I pushed away from her, my heart panicking. " I-I don't understand you..."
She glanced back up at me, her eyes narrowing with hate. " You never did..."
I froze. What was going on? That wasn't the Julia I loved... that wasn't the angel that had forsaken all my sorrows. She acted as if I was at fault... wait a minute. I was at fault.... Faye.
" Julia... I love you. What are you talkng about?" I tried to pull her into another embrace, but she pushed away, shooting me a cold glare.
" We never shared love... I don't know what you're talking about..." She let the rose fall to the cold ground, it's petals scattering across the graves surrounding us.
Was she absolutely blind? What about our kisses? What about our embraces? What about our vows? Had it all completely erased from her mind? She acted as if she didn't ever love me. But she did.... didn't she?
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
Could've been my lover
Everyday of my life
~
" Stop it!" I pushed her forcefully, forcing away the tears. It wasn't her...
She stepped towards me, slipping her hands in the pockets of her trench coat. " Stop what Spike? We never started anything in the first place..."
I narrowed my eyes at her. " What is wrong with you? This isn't the real you..."
" Spike, there's nothing wrong with me. It's you. It's all your fault. I loved Vicious with all my heart, but then you come along..."
" So you're saying you do love me..."
She shot me a dark, piercing glare. " I NEVER said that..."
I had had enough of her shit, Julia or not. It wasn't her anyways... it never could be... " So what are you implying Julia?!" My voice was raising dangerously, my fists trembling with anger.
" You've always had hard time with that, you know? You just can't seem to understand the difference between lust and love."
I narrowed my eyes at her. " Maybe... but then again, maybe it's YOU with that problem...."
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
I'll never know what could've been
On a cold lonely night
~
" Spike... I'll admit it. I fucked you willingly. I wanted to... But I NEVER told you I loved you..."
I froze. She was right. She was absolutely right, and it pained me to think so. Why hadn't I noticed it? She loved Vicious... not me...
" So, you're telling me that you feel nothing for me?! Nothing at all?!" My whole body was trembling with rage. It wasn't right.... I had to be dreaming...
" Did you listen to anything I said, damn it?! I LOVE VICIOUS!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!!!" She pulled her gun out, shakily aiming it at my head. She wasn't gonna scare me with her threats... I wasn't going to let her... not then...
" You know. It's funny. You were with me first, yet you still only shared lust with me..." I watched her from the corner of my eye. She was trembling...
She remained silent, pressing the gun farther into my head. I didn't care. She could kill me if she really wanted. It was over... I had no one to love....
But no.... I did have some one to love....
Still, it was over... she was gone as well....
~
The memories of our lovin'
Still linger in the air
Like the faded scent of your roses
Stay with me everywhere
~
" Are you going to shoot me or not?" My voice was dripping with sarcasm, and I kept my gaze on her, my eyes narrowing sharply.
She pressed the gun even farther, practically piercing through the skin. " Yes... I am... I want to end this nightmare."
I chuckled lightly. " I came here to do the same thing..."
Her eyes widened, and she slowly lowered the gun." What?"
" I told you Julia, I love you... no matter what, even if you want to kill me."
" I love Vicious... I don't care about you..."
" Why? Why do you love Vicious? He's engaged, Julia! Doesn't that tell you anything? Anything at all?!" I turned towards her, clenching my fists tightly.
" He doesn't love that tramp! He loves me!" She raised the gun to my head once again, the cool metal sending chills down my spine. I wasn't gonna let her threats frighten me...
I gritted my teeth, the rage seething deep inside me. " Don't you EVER talk about Faye that way!!"
She narrowed her eyes at me, grasping the gun tighter. " It seems you're acquianted with her..."
" What if I am?"
" You fucked her, didn't you?" Her voice lowered to a whisper, as if she was trying to hide it from the world. They wouldn't hear anyways.... not there.... not then...
" What if I did? Does it really matter? You don't love me... remember?"
~
Everytime I get my hopes up
They always seem to fall
Still what could've been
Is better than what could never be at all
~
" You did... you slept with her..."
I moved closer to her, pulling the gun out of her grasp. " You act as if it's a bad thing... You did the same thing to me... you cheated on me with Vicious, and I forgave you. Now, I wish I wouldn't have..."
" I never asked for forgiveness Spike..." She shot me a cold glare, grasping the gun taughtly and raising it towards me.
I chuckled. " Do you really think killing me will make it all go away?"
" Stop mocking me Spike. I want this all to end..."
" You want what to end? You never loved me, there's nothing to end..." I moved towards her, my face only inches away from her.
" STOP twisting my words around like that!" She shoved me away, holding her aim tighter.
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
Could've been my lover
Everyday of my life
~
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted it all to end. I wanted her to shoot me.... dying seemed like the only thing reasonable at the moment. Why did it have to happen like that? We were in love. Eveything was right, and we loved each other, no matter what she said. She denied it. She didn't know how to handle it. So she relied on the only thing she could trust... her hate...
I gazed at her longingly, my eyes filling with sorrow. I missed her. I wanted to taste her kiss one last time. I just couldn't let her go, and I don't think I ever would. She was my Julia, and nothing could take her away from me... I thought...
I leaned in slowly, pushing the gun away, resting my forehead against hers. I wanted to feel her love one last time, to cherish, and to hold when I died. Her whole body tensed up, but she didn't move. She shut her eyes tightly, letting her lips grow numb. I leaned in slowly, hoping to savor that warm feeling she gave me. But there was nothing. Nothing but the cold frigid wind pressing against our bodies. No love, no passion. But I continued, pressing my lips against hers, hoping to find that feeling I longed for. Her lips were cold, and her taste was different... it wasn't sweet and innocent like before, it was possessed... dark... and hateful. It wasn't like before...
I pulled away slowly, gazing into her eyes. They had a hint of something I had never seen before...
~
Could've been so beautiful
Could've been so right
You can't know what could've been
On a cold, lonely night
~
" Spike..." She pulled me towards her once again. " Why can't we just sleep with each other? Do we have to love each other?"
I narrowed my eyes at her, my whole heart shattering into tiny pieces. That was all she wanted... She wanted my sex... not my love. Why hadn't I seen it? I had gotten my lust confused with love...
" Yes... we do..." I pushed her away. I had had enough...
" Why?" Her voice almost seemed challenging, as if she was testing me.
" You slut..."
Her eyes widened, the smug grin disappearing from her face. " What'd you say?!"
" You heard me... You're a slut, go run off to your Vicious... if he's not fucking his fiance..." I was absolutely appauled by the words coming out of my mouth. This was my Julia I was talking to... and I was calling her a slut?
She pulled the gun out again, clicking the safety button off. " Don't you ever speak to me that way..."
I narrowed my eyes at her. " What are you gonna do about it? I don't care... shoot me. But then you won't be able to fuck me anymore..." I smirked wickedly at her. I was tired of playing her mind games...
" Fuck you..." She sharply aimed the gun at me, pulling the trigger tightly. The bullet pierced fiercely through frigid air, gnawing through my right shoulder. My limp body collapsed to the ground, blooding pouring onto the ground.
I glanced up at her with pleading eyes. She really shot me. But she didn't kill me, she wanted me to suffer... just like Vicious...
" I told you I'd shoot you..." She smirked at me, as if she had defeated me.
But she hadn't won yet. This was wasn't over....
~
How can you know what could've been
On a cold lonely night
~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Julia fans.... no flames pwease T_T
Lol, sorry 'bout that. Did you like this chappie? I think it was okay. Julia was way OOC, I know, but she was supposed to be, so don't flame me telling me she was because I already know that she was. LOL XD
Please review ^^ And thank you so much for your excellent reviews. I really appreciate it ^^