Disclaimer: Me. Owner of nothing besides this storyline and a shity-ass
computer. Seriously.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Deceptions: A Cowboy Bebop Fanfic
By: Katie S.
Rated: PG-13/ R ( sexual situations, language)
Category: Romance/ Drama
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 10: Sin
It was all a dream to me. None of it seemed real. It was like everything was in slow motion, her cold blue eyes never leaving me. Maybe she wasn't so bad after. Maybe she wasn't just a conniving bitch out to steal everyone else's lovers. But then again, if she wasn't such a bitch, why did she try to kill me? I would never know anyways, it was too late for that. She was gone, and there was no turning back. The enivitable had already triumphed. But.... even so, don't you think everyone deserves a second chance?
I don't.....
~*~
It was him. I knew it was. That mystery. That immateriality.... It was him. And if not... Who else? No one had ever loved me enough to save my life. And it sure as hell wasn't Vicious, he was the one pointing the gun at my head, remember? Now I'm not saying that Spike had a love for me, but.... who else knew me enough to shoot her.... kill her. If he hadn't of killed her... I would've been the one dead. She was behind me the whole time, and it never crossed my mind. I thought she was still there crying like a baby from that stupid little cut I gave her. But she wasn't... she was slowly making her way towards me, knife in hand. I think I'd rather die from a gun shot to the head than an excrutiating death from a knife in my heart. I'm glad it was neither.... thanks to him.
But if he really was the one who saved me... why didn't he reveal himself? He was concealed the whole time... hiding in the shadows or something.... I don't know. Maybe he was killing her because he was getting his revenge. Maybe he wasn't really saving me... he was saving himself from the painful lie she suffocated him in...
But then again.... it's all about how you look at things, right?
After her death, everything between us was akward. He acted like a servant to me. Hanging on my every word and request. I swear he said I'm sorry about a million times a day. Sorry for cheating on me? Sorry for practically shooting me in the head? Oh, is that right? Well, let's just say I didn't exactly forgive him. I still took advantage of the attention though. Every girl wants attention... I'd lay in bed all day, watching T.V with my feet propped. He'd bring me chocolates and roses every morning, laying them on the pillow beside me. I'd wake up like a princess, with my bubble bath ready, and my breakfast waiting for me. Yep, everything was going wonderfully...
Or not...
I missed him, and there was no denying it. I missed Spike Spiegal with all my heart. Everytime Vicious gave me attention, my heart wrenched that much more. I didn't want Vicious. I didn't want chocolates, or roses, or even bubble baths. I wanted Spike. I wanted to feel his love, no matter how hard I had to work for it. No matter how much I had to give up. He was amazing. There was something about him that drew me to him. Every night I lay in bed thinking about him and his cocky smile and arrogant remarks. Those things were only masks that concealed the real Spike. The caring Spike. Why didn't I beg for him when I had the chance? At least then I'd have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried.... the satisfaction of feeling that I had a chance, even if he did reject me. Then I'd know that Vicious was all I had left. I wouldn't have to haunt myself with images of him just to pass the day in denial. But it was already done... there was no turning back... he was gone... forever, probably. And it was all my fault....
I wasn't enjoying the pampering he was giving me... at all. I was actually getting sick of feeling so utterly useless. But I continued to let him appease me. It was the least he could do for all his deceptions. I'm suprised I even stayed with him, actually. The old me would've told the bastard to go screw himself, beating the crap out of him at the same time. But that was the old me. The strong Faye. The determined Faye... Now... I was weak... useless... imperceptible, and there was nothing I could do about it. Well, there was something I could do about it, but it would be a waste of my time anyways...
I sat motionless, staring blankly at the steady rainfall, gracefully battering the window. I could feel him watching me. But I didn't care. I knew what he wanted, and I wasn't going to give it to him. I wasn't in the mood. In fact, I hadn't been in the mood since he left that day. Everything was just so plain and bare, like there was meaning of life. Yes, Spike was STILL haunting me. He was even interfering in my sex life. But that's okay, it's not like I need it that bad anyways...
I continued to gaze intently out the window, letting the soft rainfall serenade my weary body to sleep. My body slowly became more and more limp, my eyes softly sliding shut.... I was barely asleep....
" Faye..." I jumped back, my eyes prying open. Why was he bothering me then...
I turned to him, giving him a cold look. " What?" My voice was a bit harsh... but I don't think it fazed him.
" Do you love me?"
I froze. My mind raced, the same question repeating itself over and over. I didn't love him.... I didn't love him at all... Before, if he asked me that question, I would smile sweetly, telling him I loved him over and over. But that was before... I couldn't say anything then... I wasn't going to lie, even though lying and cheating was practically my lifestyle. But not since he left...
I gulped nervously, turning towards him and forcing the best smile I could. I wasn't going to lie...
He shot me a cold look. " You don't... you really don't love me... It's all your fault..." he pushed me away slightly, practically sending my body onto the floor.
I sat up quickly, looking him straight in the eyes. " What are you talking about? How can you say something like that? YOU were the one who caused all of this!" I beat my fists frivolously in to the soft comforter below me, my emerald eyes fuming with fury.
He sat up as well, meeting me face to face. " Me?! I'm the one who caused Julia's death?"
I gasped sharply. He was still stuck on that stupid bitch, even after her death. " I WASN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT HER!! Is that all you care about?! That stupid shrew who ruined both of our lives!!"
He shot me a hateful look, clenching his fists tightly. " Don't call her that!!"
" WHY?! That's what she is anyways!"
" You don't even know her! Stop saying things like that!!" He furiously threw the comforter off his body, clenching his fists even tighter.
I gasped again, my eyes widening slightly. " DON'T KNOW HER?! Fuck! I know her enough! Don't you remember?! SHE'S the one my so called fiance cheated on me with! Is it starting to ring a bell?! Maybe just a little!!" I abruptly threw my body off of the bed, searching the floor for my coat. I was leaving. I was tired of his shit. I just wanted to get away from the wench... I guess dying wasn't enough...
He quickly followed, grasping my arm tightly. " WHERE are you going!!"
I shot him an icy glare, rigidly pulling my arm out of his tight grasp. " It doesn't matter..."
He paused, forcing a pleading look on his ominous face. I hope he knew it wasn't working one bit... " Is this your thank you for all I've done for you the past week?"
My jaw dropped. I KNEW he was going to use that shit against me... " Vicious... don't you understand! Love is not chocolates or roses.... or even bubble baths! You don't love me! So STOP pretending you do! Your guilt trips do not work on me!" I turned away from him sharply, quickly grabbing my trench coat off the floor. I was leaving...
He reached for me again, but I pushed him away, continuing to push my way out the door. I wasn't going to take that shit anymore. I was tired of it.... tired of pretending I was in love... tired of lying to myself... tired of that stupid whore Julia... I was leaving...
He grasped me by the neck, forcefully pulling me towards him. " Listen bitch! What did I tell you!! You ARE going to love me and respect me!" He paused, chuckling slightly. The old Vicious was back... " I guess I'm just not good enough for perfect Faye Valentine, huh?"
I narrowed my eyes at him, clenching my fists tightly. I wasn't going to let him push me around anymore...
He chuckled again, that familiar sinister look creeping up on his rigid face. " Tell me, love... who is good enough for you..."
I turned away form him, clenching my fists to the point of pain. " Not you..." I wasn't going to look at him anymore. His icy blue eyes were so hateful and dark, boring into me deeply. Why hadn't I seen this Vicious before?
" Oh... but Spike is..."
I gasped lightly, turning towards him, my eyes widening in shock. He chuckled, tightening his grasp around my neck. " Yes, you heard me... Spike Spiegal... What do you think this is some kind of fantasy? He will never love you... He's too stuck on my Julia... even if she is dead..."
I abruptly pulled the gun out of my trench coat, forcing it to his head. " Let go of me... NOW..." He loosened his grasp on me, his icy blue orbs never leaving me. I was leaving... and HE wasn't going to stop me...
" Give it up Faye... you wouldn't shoot me..."
I chuckled. " You really think so?" I forced the gun farther into his head, clicking off the safety button. " You were going to shoot me... tell me... what changed your mind Vicious?"
He turned towards me, narrowing his eyes slightly. I could feel my body trembling under his dark gaze... " SHE changed my mind... I really WAS going to kill you... but when she died, there was nothing else to live for..."
I could feel my breath increasing with fury. He was really, really pissing me off... " Oh, so that's what I am? The second helpings after that stupid bitch?! You're really low Vicious... We WERE going to get married... but why marry someone who only thinks of you as the other girl..." I slid the ring off my finger, tossing it at him. You could call it my good-bye to him....
He paused, staring down at the glistening ring nestling on the frigid floor. " You act as if I'm the only one at fault here... What about your deceptions? What, do you think your lies can just be forgotten?" He glanced at me, sending chills down my spine.
I began to tremble, my voice quivering more and more with each word. " I-I... I don't know what you're talking about..."
" Don't even try to lie to me. I caught you red-handed... and I forgave you... so why can't you forgive me?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. He was really testing me, and I was beginning to think I really was going to pull the trigger. Maybe if I killed him.... this whole nightmare would end... maybe I could forget it all once and for all...
I trembled more, my whole body quivering. " I-I didn't do anything with Spike... okay?"
He chuckled. " Oh, so you do admit to it? That's what I thought...."
I gritted my teeth tightly, the anger rising deep inside of me. I didn't do anything with Spike... what the hell is he talking about anyways?
I pressed the gun farther into his head warningly, swallowing nervously. " You really think I wouldn't shoot you?"
" Why change the subject Faye? Tell me... what's he like... and you know what I mean..." He chuckled again. He really, really thought I wasn't going to shoot him... Well, he'd better think again...
I narrowed my eyes at him, pulling the trigger tighter and tighter. " I wouldn't know... why don't you ask Julia?"
He paused, gritting his teeth tightly. I definitely hit his sore spot... " Come on Faye," He paused, pondering the subject. " Was he all you ever dreamed of?"
I had had enough of his shit... once and for all. I furiously shoved him to the ground, firing aimlessly. I wasn't really sure exactly what I was firing at, but at the moment, I didn't really care. I just had to get it all out... all the pain... all the regret... all the denial... I wanted it all to disappear. And if that meant killing my so called fiance... then so be it...
I opened my eyes, partly shocked at my actions, and partly hoping I hit the main target. I gazed upon him. He wasn't dead... at all. But I had hit him. Blood was pouring out everywhere, but he never kept his eyes off of me. He gazed at me, half shocked and half furious. I had really shot him...
He pulled his bloodied body into a kneeling position, letting his head rest against the palm of his hand. I could hear his breath quickening, and my whole body trembled. He was getting really, really angry... I could feel it... I shuffled my body cautiously, tightening the grip on my gun. I quickly counted the bullets left in my gun....
Only one left...
One chance... one terminal... one glimpse of hope... It was all I had left in this hateful world. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to end the nightmare... but memories of our love kept flooding my mind in guilt. I could see us holding hands, whispering sweet nothings in each others ear. I could see him proposing to me, sealing my lips with a kiss of loyalty. It was all so fresh like it all had happened yesterday... But yesterday was gone, and it was never coming back. Those things were merely memories. Nothing more. Nothing less. He was my love once before... but not anymore... never again...
He growled viciously, clenching his fists tightly. He was slowly making his way towards me, but I couldn't move... couldn't speak... couldn't breathe... I tried to think. I tried to react, but my body remained plastered in the same position, staring blanky as he made his way closer and closer, blood staining his surroundings. I managed to raise my gun towards him, but my hands feel loose around the trigger. I shuffled my fingers in attempt to magically make them work again, but inevitably, it was failing miserably. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping out of some miracle that everything would turn out okay. That Vicious would be gone, replaced by a remarkably handsome Spike covenanting his love to me.
I slowly opened my eyes, and my whole heart dropped. This wasn't a nightmare. It was REAL, and there was no stopping it. I gazed upon him, the dark look in his eyes penetrating through me like acid rain. I had to do something. I couldn't let myself be controlled. My life was my life, and no one else had the power to change that. However, anyone can have the power to veer your courage to dismay... and I had let him take that part away from me. He had decieved me... he had lied to me. That was not love... why hadn't I seen that? I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes. But I did not hold them back. I let them flow freely down my pale cheeks. They seemed to wash all my dismay away. They were tears of denial... freedom... determination. It was time... time to let it all go...
I shut my eyes tightly, concealing them from him. I pulled the trigger tighter and tighter, the bullet piercing the air rigidly. My mind raced as my surroundings froze, focusing only on the sound of the bullet and the cries of the love I once knew. His body fell limp, falling towards the frigid floor with a silent thud. I trembled fiercly, letting the gun drop to the floor guiltily. My eyes remained shut, but I knew he was dead... It was over.... I had really done it... I fell to my knees, silently begging for forgiveness. Why had I killed him? There had to be some other way... right? I let the tears fall, cleansing my whole mind of my sins. My heart knew why I killed him... but my mind thought otherwards. He had to die...
At least he could finally join his precious Julia.... hopefully in hell...
I slowly dragged my body into a standing position, replacing my sorrow with anger and frustration. I was tired of life... I was tired of it all... Death seemed like the only real solution for everything... There was no such thing as hapiness to me... just sorrow hiding itself in its everyday mask. Hapiness was a deception...
There was no such thing...
Life is a stupid test. And in the end, no matter how much you muse, you always fail. No one had ever passed the test of life, and I don't think anyone ever will. It isn't meant to pass. For if it is, it will only cause termoil and destruction. But just because you know you'll always end up failing, that doesn't mean you can't learn from your mistakes. And maybe next time, you just might pass.... maybe...
I sighed heavily, shutting my eyes tighter. I wasn't going to look at him. I wasn't going to admit to my sins. I turned away sharply, quickly stumbling out of the apartment and down the hallway, pushing my way through the heavy glass doors. I let my body fall limp in the steady rainfall, letting everything wash away...
Everyting....
I fell to my knees, engulfing my sinful body into the pool of pity below me. But it was not rain to me... It was tears of sorrow... tears of disappointment...
I had really done it... and I WASN'T sorry....
Good-bye Vicious...
See you in hell...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
SO, SO sorry about how long it took me to get this damn chapter out. I've had 4 major reports in the past week, and I haven't stopped once ( except for tonight)! Stupid teachers.... stupid school...
Anyways, how did you like it? It's not the end, either. I will have many more twists and turns up ahead...
he, he, he...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Deceptions: A Cowboy Bebop Fanfic
By: Katie S.
Rated: PG-13/ R ( sexual situations, language)
Category: Romance/ Drama
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 10: Sin
It was all a dream to me. None of it seemed real. It was like everything was in slow motion, her cold blue eyes never leaving me. Maybe she wasn't so bad after. Maybe she wasn't just a conniving bitch out to steal everyone else's lovers. But then again, if she wasn't such a bitch, why did she try to kill me? I would never know anyways, it was too late for that. She was gone, and there was no turning back. The enivitable had already triumphed. But.... even so, don't you think everyone deserves a second chance?
I don't.....
~*~
It was him. I knew it was. That mystery. That immateriality.... It was him. And if not... Who else? No one had ever loved me enough to save my life. And it sure as hell wasn't Vicious, he was the one pointing the gun at my head, remember? Now I'm not saying that Spike had a love for me, but.... who else knew me enough to shoot her.... kill her. If he hadn't of killed her... I would've been the one dead. She was behind me the whole time, and it never crossed my mind. I thought she was still there crying like a baby from that stupid little cut I gave her. But she wasn't... she was slowly making her way towards me, knife in hand. I think I'd rather die from a gun shot to the head than an excrutiating death from a knife in my heart. I'm glad it was neither.... thanks to him.
But if he really was the one who saved me... why didn't he reveal himself? He was concealed the whole time... hiding in the shadows or something.... I don't know. Maybe he was killing her because he was getting his revenge. Maybe he wasn't really saving me... he was saving himself from the painful lie she suffocated him in...
But then again.... it's all about how you look at things, right?
After her death, everything between us was akward. He acted like a servant to me. Hanging on my every word and request. I swear he said I'm sorry about a million times a day. Sorry for cheating on me? Sorry for practically shooting me in the head? Oh, is that right? Well, let's just say I didn't exactly forgive him. I still took advantage of the attention though. Every girl wants attention... I'd lay in bed all day, watching T.V with my feet propped. He'd bring me chocolates and roses every morning, laying them on the pillow beside me. I'd wake up like a princess, with my bubble bath ready, and my breakfast waiting for me. Yep, everything was going wonderfully...
Or not...
I missed him, and there was no denying it. I missed Spike Spiegal with all my heart. Everytime Vicious gave me attention, my heart wrenched that much more. I didn't want Vicious. I didn't want chocolates, or roses, or even bubble baths. I wanted Spike. I wanted to feel his love, no matter how hard I had to work for it. No matter how much I had to give up. He was amazing. There was something about him that drew me to him. Every night I lay in bed thinking about him and his cocky smile and arrogant remarks. Those things were only masks that concealed the real Spike. The caring Spike. Why didn't I beg for him when I had the chance? At least then I'd have the satisfaction of knowing that I tried.... the satisfaction of feeling that I had a chance, even if he did reject me. Then I'd know that Vicious was all I had left. I wouldn't have to haunt myself with images of him just to pass the day in denial. But it was already done... there was no turning back... he was gone... forever, probably. And it was all my fault....
I wasn't enjoying the pampering he was giving me... at all. I was actually getting sick of feeling so utterly useless. But I continued to let him appease me. It was the least he could do for all his deceptions. I'm suprised I even stayed with him, actually. The old me would've told the bastard to go screw himself, beating the crap out of him at the same time. But that was the old me. The strong Faye. The determined Faye... Now... I was weak... useless... imperceptible, and there was nothing I could do about it. Well, there was something I could do about it, but it would be a waste of my time anyways...
I sat motionless, staring blankly at the steady rainfall, gracefully battering the window. I could feel him watching me. But I didn't care. I knew what he wanted, and I wasn't going to give it to him. I wasn't in the mood. In fact, I hadn't been in the mood since he left that day. Everything was just so plain and bare, like there was meaning of life. Yes, Spike was STILL haunting me. He was even interfering in my sex life. But that's okay, it's not like I need it that bad anyways...
I continued to gaze intently out the window, letting the soft rainfall serenade my weary body to sleep. My body slowly became more and more limp, my eyes softly sliding shut.... I was barely asleep....
" Faye..." I jumped back, my eyes prying open. Why was he bothering me then...
I turned to him, giving him a cold look. " What?" My voice was a bit harsh... but I don't think it fazed him.
" Do you love me?"
I froze. My mind raced, the same question repeating itself over and over. I didn't love him.... I didn't love him at all... Before, if he asked me that question, I would smile sweetly, telling him I loved him over and over. But that was before... I couldn't say anything then... I wasn't going to lie, even though lying and cheating was practically my lifestyle. But not since he left...
I gulped nervously, turning towards him and forcing the best smile I could. I wasn't going to lie...
He shot me a cold look. " You don't... you really don't love me... It's all your fault..." he pushed me away slightly, practically sending my body onto the floor.
I sat up quickly, looking him straight in the eyes. " What are you talking about? How can you say something like that? YOU were the one who caused all of this!" I beat my fists frivolously in to the soft comforter below me, my emerald eyes fuming with fury.
He sat up as well, meeting me face to face. " Me?! I'm the one who caused Julia's death?"
I gasped sharply. He was still stuck on that stupid bitch, even after her death. " I WASN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT HER!! Is that all you care about?! That stupid shrew who ruined both of our lives!!"
He shot me a hateful look, clenching his fists tightly. " Don't call her that!!"
" WHY?! That's what she is anyways!"
" You don't even know her! Stop saying things like that!!" He furiously threw the comforter off his body, clenching his fists even tighter.
I gasped again, my eyes widening slightly. " DON'T KNOW HER?! Fuck! I know her enough! Don't you remember?! SHE'S the one my so called fiance cheated on me with! Is it starting to ring a bell?! Maybe just a little!!" I abruptly threw my body off of the bed, searching the floor for my coat. I was leaving. I was tired of his shit. I just wanted to get away from the wench... I guess dying wasn't enough...
He quickly followed, grasping my arm tightly. " WHERE are you going!!"
I shot him an icy glare, rigidly pulling my arm out of his tight grasp. " It doesn't matter..."
He paused, forcing a pleading look on his ominous face. I hope he knew it wasn't working one bit... " Is this your thank you for all I've done for you the past week?"
My jaw dropped. I KNEW he was going to use that shit against me... " Vicious... don't you understand! Love is not chocolates or roses.... or even bubble baths! You don't love me! So STOP pretending you do! Your guilt trips do not work on me!" I turned away from him sharply, quickly grabbing my trench coat off the floor. I was leaving...
He reached for me again, but I pushed him away, continuing to push my way out the door. I wasn't going to take that shit anymore. I was tired of it.... tired of pretending I was in love... tired of lying to myself... tired of that stupid whore Julia... I was leaving...
He grasped me by the neck, forcefully pulling me towards him. " Listen bitch! What did I tell you!! You ARE going to love me and respect me!" He paused, chuckling slightly. The old Vicious was back... " I guess I'm just not good enough for perfect Faye Valentine, huh?"
I narrowed my eyes at him, clenching my fists tightly. I wasn't going to let him push me around anymore...
He chuckled again, that familiar sinister look creeping up on his rigid face. " Tell me, love... who is good enough for you..."
I turned away form him, clenching my fists to the point of pain. " Not you..." I wasn't going to look at him anymore. His icy blue eyes were so hateful and dark, boring into me deeply. Why hadn't I seen this Vicious before?
" Oh... but Spike is..."
I gasped lightly, turning towards him, my eyes widening in shock. He chuckled, tightening his grasp around my neck. " Yes, you heard me... Spike Spiegal... What do you think this is some kind of fantasy? He will never love you... He's too stuck on my Julia... even if she is dead..."
I abruptly pulled the gun out of my trench coat, forcing it to his head. " Let go of me... NOW..." He loosened his grasp on me, his icy blue orbs never leaving me. I was leaving... and HE wasn't going to stop me...
" Give it up Faye... you wouldn't shoot me..."
I chuckled. " You really think so?" I forced the gun farther into his head, clicking off the safety button. " You were going to shoot me... tell me... what changed your mind Vicious?"
He turned towards me, narrowing his eyes slightly. I could feel my body trembling under his dark gaze... " SHE changed my mind... I really WAS going to kill you... but when she died, there was nothing else to live for..."
I could feel my breath increasing with fury. He was really, really pissing me off... " Oh, so that's what I am? The second helpings after that stupid bitch?! You're really low Vicious... We WERE going to get married... but why marry someone who only thinks of you as the other girl..." I slid the ring off my finger, tossing it at him. You could call it my good-bye to him....
He paused, staring down at the glistening ring nestling on the frigid floor. " You act as if I'm the only one at fault here... What about your deceptions? What, do you think your lies can just be forgotten?" He glanced at me, sending chills down my spine.
I began to tremble, my voice quivering more and more with each word. " I-I... I don't know what you're talking about..."
" Don't even try to lie to me. I caught you red-handed... and I forgave you... so why can't you forgive me?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. He was really testing me, and I was beginning to think I really was going to pull the trigger. Maybe if I killed him.... this whole nightmare would end... maybe I could forget it all once and for all...
I trembled more, my whole body quivering. " I-I didn't do anything with Spike... okay?"
He chuckled. " Oh, so you do admit to it? That's what I thought...."
I gritted my teeth tightly, the anger rising deep inside of me. I didn't do anything with Spike... what the hell is he talking about anyways?
I pressed the gun farther into his head warningly, swallowing nervously. " You really think I wouldn't shoot you?"
" Why change the subject Faye? Tell me... what's he like... and you know what I mean..." He chuckled again. He really, really thought I wasn't going to shoot him... Well, he'd better think again...
I narrowed my eyes at him, pulling the trigger tighter and tighter. " I wouldn't know... why don't you ask Julia?"
He paused, gritting his teeth tightly. I definitely hit his sore spot... " Come on Faye," He paused, pondering the subject. " Was he all you ever dreamed of?"
I had had enough of his shit... once and for all. I furiously shoved him to the ground, firing aimlessly. I wasn't really sure exactly what I was firing at, but at the moment, I didn't really care. I just had to get it all out... all the pain... all the regret... all the denial... I wanted it all to disappear. And if that meant killing my so called fiance... then so be it...
I opened my eyes, partly shocked at my actions, and partly hoping I hit the main target. I gazed upon him. He wasn't dead... at all. But I had hit him. Blood was pouring out everywhere, but he never kept his eyes off of me. He gazed at me, half shocked and half furious. I had really shot him...
He pulled his bloodied body into a kneeling position, letting his head rest against the palm of his hand. I could hear his breath quickening, and my whole body trembled. He was getting really, really angry... I could feel it... I shuffled my body cautiously, tightening the grip on my gun. I quickly counted the bullets left in my gun....
Only one left...
One chance... one terminal... one glimpse of hope... It was all I had left in this hateful world. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to end the nightmare... but memories of our love kept flooding my mind in guilt. I could see us holding hands, whispering sweet nothings in each others ear. I could see him proposing to me, sealing my lips with a kiss of loyalty. It was all so fresh like it all had happened yesterday... But yesterday was gone, and it was never coming back. Those things were merely memories. Nothing more. Nothing less. He was my love once before... but not anymore... never again...
He growled viciously, clenching his fists tightly. He was slowly making his way towards me, but I couldn't move... couldn't speak... couldn't breathe... I tried to think. I tried to react, but my body remained plastered in the same position, staring blanky as he made his way closer and closer, blood staining his surroundings. I managed to raise my gun towards him, but my hands feel loose around the trigger. I shuffled my fingers in attempt to magically make them work again, but inevitably, it was failing miserably. I shut my eyes tightly, hoping out of some miracle that everything would turn out okay. That Vicious would be gone, replaced by a remarkably handsome Spike covenanting his love to me.
I slowly opened my eyes, and my whole heart dropped. This wasn't a nightmare. It was REAL, and there was no stopping it. I gazed upon him, the dark look in his eyes penetrating through me like acid rain. I had to do something. I couldn't let myself be controlled. My life was my life, and no one else had the power to change that. However, anyone can have the power to veer your courage to dismay... and I had let him take that part away from me. He had decieved me... he had lied to me. That was not love... why hadn't I seen that? I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes. But I did not hold them back. I let them flow freely down my pale cheeks. They seemed to wash all my dismay away. They were tears of denial... freedom... determination. It was time... time to let it all go...
I shut my eyes tightly, concealing them from him. I pulled the trigger tighter and tighter, the bullet piercing the air rigidly. My mind raced as my surroundings froze, focusing only on the sound of the bullet and the cries of the love I once knew. His body fell limp, falling towards the frigid floor with a silent thud. I trembled fiercly, letting the gun drop to the floor guiltily. My eyes remained shut, but I knew he was dead... It was over.... I had really done it... I fell to my knees, silently begging for forgiveness. Why had I killed him? There had to be some other way... right? I let the tears fall, cleansing my whole mind of my sins. My heart knew why I killed him... but my mind thought otherwards. He had to die...
At least he could finally join his precious Julia.... hopefully in hell...
I slowly dragged my body into a standing position, replacing my sorrow with anger and frustration. I was tired of life... I was tired of it all... Death seemed like the only real solution for everything... There was no such thing as hapiness to me... just sorrow hiding itself in its everyday mask. Hapiness was a deception...
There was no such thing...
Life is a stupid test. And in the end, no matter how much you muse, you always fail. No one had ever passed the test of life, and I don't think anyone ever will. It isn't meant to pass. For if it is, it will only cause termoil and destruction. But just because you know you'll always end up failing, that doesn't mean you can't learn from your mistakes. And maybe next time, you just might pass.... maybe...
I sighed heavily, shutting my eyes tighter. I wasn't going to look at him. I wasn't going to admit to my sins. I turned away sharply, quickly stumbling out of the apartment and down the hallway, pushing my way through the heavy glass doors. I let my body fall limp in the steady rainfall, letting everything wash away...
Everyting....
I fell to my knees, engulfing my sinful body into the pool of pity below me. But it was not rain to me... It was tears of sorrow... tears of disappointment...
I had really done it... and I WASN'T sorry....
Good-bye Vicious...
See you in hell...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
SO, SO sorry about how long it took me to get this damn chapter out. I've had 4 major reports in the past week, and I haven't stopped once ( except for tonight)! Stupid teachers.... stupid school...
Anyways, how did you like it? It's not the end, either. I will have many more twists and turns up ahead...
he, he, he...