Disclaimer: Me. Owner of nothing besides this storyline and a shity-ass
computer. Seriously.
~ Another song-fic chapter for you. The song is Changes by Three Doors Down. Sad chappie... beware.~
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Deceptions: A Cowboy Bebop Fanfic
By: Katie S.
Rated: PG-13/ R ( sexual situations, language)
Category: Romance/ Drama
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 11: The Best Deceptions
Everything seemed unreal. It was like my whole life had become fallacious... broken... dissipated. I had killed him. My fiance was dead. But I did not love him, and he did not love me. Yet somehow my heart still seemed to shatter into nothing. It was like I had thrown everything away. My life. My dreams. My hope... it was all destroyed with one bullet... one death. I didn't love Vicious, but he was still part of my past. There was no such thing as forgetting the past, because it will always be there. And no matter how hard you try to force it away, it always comes running back to you, more dominant than before. We had loved each other once before, and there was no forgetting it, no matter how much I hated the bastard. I thought for sure killing him would make it all go away, but it seemed it only brought more pain into my life. I was alone...
And no matter how hard I tried....
Spike would never be mine....
~*~
I gazed up into the dark sky, letting the raindrops mix in with my tears. I wrapped my trench coat tightly around my trembling body in attempt to defeat the frigid aura around me. But it would never go away. It was there to mock me, uncover my sins to the world. I was lost, and there was no one to run to... no one to comfort me. It was like I was dead and alive all at the same time. I knew what I wanted... I knew what I needed. But it was too late for that. Spike was gone, and it was all my fault. Vicious was dead, and it was all my fault. Everything was my fault... even Julia's death. I began to wonder, how did all this happen? How had I let myself fall into such an entrancing hole, one that I'd never get out of? This was not my life... I was supposed to be happy. I was supposed to be starting a new life with my fiance. But that fateful day that I met Spike...
Hell, maybe this is all a dream...
That day I met Spike... that's when it all started. How can your life possibly be changed by one person? Only things like that happen in your dreams... your nightmares... But if it was all a dream, why does it hurt so much? Why can't I forget him?
~
I'm not supposed to be scared of anything
But I don't know where I am
Wish I could move
But I'm exhuasted and nobody understands
~
I felt so guilty. Guilty for everything I've done... everything I ever would do. There was no reason for living, was there? I had lied... lied about everything. I told my heart that I loved Vicious... but I did not. I told the world that I had a family... a life... but I did not... I told myself that I did not love Spike... but I did... I needed redemption from my sins. I needed forgiveness...
I slowly stood up, making my way down the dark lonely streets. I was leaving... forever. I could not hurt anyone anymore... I wasn't going to lie anymore... I had to leave... I let my feet carry me faster and faster into the lonely night. There was no other place to go... Maybe leaving this life... this world... maybe it will make everything okay. Maybe I will finally be happy in other life. Maybe I can forget Spike...
No... It's not possible...
No matter where I'd go, he would always be in my thoughts. He had changed me. But it seemed it was all for the worst...
~
I'm trying hard to breathe now
But there's no air in my lungs
There's no one to talk to
And the pain inside is making me numb
~
The rain was falling heavier, and I quickened my pace, breaking into a frantic run. I wanted to get away from the rain... the tears... the erosion. I wanted it to end... I wanted it to die away. There was no flame inside of me anymore. I was numb on the outside, and screaming on the inside. But I'd never stop the rain... never...
My new world came to my sights, and I froze, letting the tears fall. The graveyard... it was like my new best friend... my only friend... I slowly stepped towards the large iron gate, pushing it open. This was my new home.... for I had no home... I walked blankly through the dark pathway, listening to the rustle of the trees and the steady rainfall. I gazed upon each grave, memorizing every spirit who had left this agonzing world... for I would be joining them soon... A small heart-shaped grave caught my eye, and I leaned in, squinting my eyes to read the name on the grave...
Julia...
I feel to my knees, burying my face in my hands. I let the tears fall the the frigid ground, embedding themselves in her grave. This was my confession to my sins... I did not go to the funeral... I did not want to. I hadn't killled her, but I still felt as if I was at fault. If I wouldn't have went to the bar that night. She would be alive... he would be alive... and at least I could pretend that he loved me. But I could not pretend anymore... he was dead and I had killed him with my bare hands.
~
I try to hold this under control
They can't help me
'Cause no one knows
~
I was not sorry for what I had done, but sorry for what I had become. Vicious deserved to die. Julia deserved to die... but just not like that. Everyone dies... everyone lives... it just wasn't their time. But I had sealed their fate anyways... I do not kill... why had I taken his life? Why couldn't I just move on? What the fuck is my problem? This is not me... this is not the real Faye Valentine... she doesn't let anything control her... she does not let herself die away...
But...
I was not Faye Valentine anymore. I was a useless body taking up space in this world... a useless body that needs to be defeated... a useless body that I would rid of...
~
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
~
I reached in my trench coat and pulled out my gun. I gazed at it, memorizing every feature that would let me leave this life. But then I remembered, I had used my last bullet on... him... Frustrated, I searched my pockets for any loose bullets. I was going to die, and nothing was going to stop me. After numerous attempts of searching, I finally found a fresh bullet. I slowly pulled it out my pocket, reciting my last sins to the world. I opened the gun and slipped the bullet in, clicking the safety button off. I took one long breath, and slowly raised the gun to my head, shutting my eyes tightly.
This was it... I would be leaving, and tomorrow I wouldn't be there when the world awoke. But no one would notice. Everyone would carry on with their happy lives, forgetting all the pain and suffering the rest of the world feels. The world is so selfish... No one cares about anything but themselves and their interests. They don't care until it happens to them, then suddendly they beg for forgiveness, as if they were the only ones in the world who had felt this pain. Everyone is weak... everyone is defeated... nobody is strong enough for this life....
~
I'm feeling weak and weary
Walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it
Cuts me to the bone
~
What am I saying? I am that person... I am the one who only cares until it happens to them. I was happy with Vicious, and I didn't give a shit about all the pain the rest of the world was suffering through. I didn't care, until it happened to me. But I wasn't begging for fogiveness like them. I was facing the pain, not running from it. I was going to kill the pain... I was going to end the madness...
I pressed the gun farther into my head, tembling more and more. That stupid voice inside of me was screaming at me, telling me to stop. But what the hell does it know? It's not the one who feels the pain... it doesn't understand how I feel...
~
I've got something to say
But now I've got no where to turn
It feels like I've been buried
Underneath the weight of the world
~
I wanted to pull the trigger. I was going to pull the trigger... but images of Spike kept flooding my thoughts. He was always interfering, even in my decisions. He was nothing to me. Nothing but a love I'd never have. I had only known him for a mere two weeks or so, why was he such a big impact on my life? He was nothing.... nothing at all...
No...
He was something... He was the one who had veered me differently. He was the one who had changed my mind. He was the one who I had fallen in love with.... and there was no denying it... But... I was never going to hold him as mine... I was never going to alter the inevitable... It was my time to leave this life...
~
I try to hold this under control
They can't help me
'Cause no one knows
~
Trembling, I pressed the gun farther into my head, readying the trigger. I shuffled my fingers back and forth, sweat dripping from my forehead. I was nervous... but I just didn't know what was going to happen to me... where I was going... if it was right or wrong... But I didn't care. I was going to die. I wasn't going to let myself suffer anymore...
I heard another gun click, and I swore I was hallucinating, so I ignored it. I took another heavy breath, swallowing nervously. I felt a gun barrel pressed against the back of my head, the cool metal colliding to my fiery skin. I shifted my eyes over at my gun.... nope... wasn't me... Then who....
I turned my head just enough to see the invader, my body trembling even more with fear. My eyes slowly traced over, glazed with doubt. I shut my eyes tightly, afraid of who I might see standing before me, but I slowly opened them afterwards, my vision a bit blurry with tears at first. But as I gazed upon the infiltrater, I froze, my eyes widening with disbelief.
It was her...
But she was dead...
~
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
~
She smirked that evil smile, her cold blue eyes flashing with deceit. She was dead...
" J-Julia..." My voice quivered, my words swallowed in the cold, lonely darkness.
She pressed the gun farther into my head. " Did you really think I was dead Faye?" She chuckled, shaking her head. " You really thought he would kill me?"
" What?" I shuffled my fingers back and forth, toying with the trigger. Why did she have to interfere now? Dead or alive...
She chuckled again. " Spike would not kill me... are you kidding yourself?"
I gasped sharply, practically falling to the ground in shock. He really did shoot her... It really was him... But he didn't kill her, there was no point in shooting her. Besides, I was gonna to kill myself anyways...
I narrowed my eyes at her, gritting my teeth tightly. " Get away from me you bitch... I need my time alone..."
She shook her head lightly, narrowing her eyes at me. " If you were really going to kill yourself..." She paused, clicking off the safety on her gun. " You would've done it already..."
~
I'm running, shaking
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all theses changes
~
I growled, shaking with fury. How dare she challenge me! She did not know me... She did not understand my pain... She did not know Vicious was dead...
I froze. She did not know... If she did know he was dead, she would've shot me by now...
I swallowed nervously, never keeping my icy gaze off of her. " You know... he's dead... there really is no point in killing me..." I smirked at the defeated look on her face. " That is why you're killing me? Right? I was an obstacle in the way of your love..."
" Fuck you..." She was trembling... trembling with pain... fury... hell if I really care.
I smirked at her again, chuckling slighty. " I'm an obstacle. I've taken away both of your lovers... and you're jealous..." I held my gun taught to my head.... I still hadn't changed my mind...
She gasped sharply, gritting her teeth tightly. " FUCK YOU!!" She fired aimlessly into the dark night, the bullets piercing through the silence.
I shut my eyes tightly, listening to her excrutiating screaming. What a piece of shit... She turned back towards me, her dark eyes glazed with rage. " You mother fucking bitch! You know nothing about me! You know nothing about Vicious or Spike! You're just a stupid whore out for some free sex!!" She pressed the gun against the back of my head, forcing my head forwards slightly.
I was seething with fury. How dare she say that! She's the one who's the whore... " What are you saying Julia?! I was the one who was marrying Vicious! Don't you remember!"
" You weren't marrying Spike..." Her voice was quivering and barely audible, but I heard it. And I wished I didn't...
She was right, and it made me that much more angry. I was the one cheating on Vicious. I was also the one deceiving... but in my eyes... They were the best deceptions...
~
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it
~
I wanted to die... but I wanted to kill her even more. She was the useless piece of shit... She was the useless body taking up space... I was going to rid of her...
I lowered the gun to my chest, swallowing nervously. This was it... " Good-bye Spike..."
I pulled the trigger tighter and tighter, the bullet piercing through my chest and grazing past through Julia. Blood splattered everywhere, staining my surrounding. I fell towards the frigid ground, never keeping my eyes off the starry night sky. It had stopped raining, the clouds had cleared up...
I let my eyes trace over towards Julia, she was gazing at me with pleading eyes. I had completed my mission, I had shot her... and hopefully killed her...
Her screams were penetrating the cold night, shattering the silence. But unlike her, I did not feel the pain, I took it all in, rinsing away all my sins.
" I-I.... I'm sorry..." Her voice was hoarse and barely audible, but her eyes never left me. She reached over, grasping her gun tightly and raising it towards me.
I did not care if she shot me. Hell, I was pretty much already dead. But instead of shooting me, she whispered another apology, pressing the gun to her head.
The last thing I heard was a gun shot... and everything went black...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wow. That chapter is quite the tear-jerker, and also an excrucitating cliff- hanger. Ha ha ha...
No, just kidding. Did you like it? And NO! This is NOT the end of the story. I would never, never do that, but I never said Faye is alive, so don't get your hopes up...
Lol, just kidding XD
Please review! I want at least one hundred reviews by the end of this story ( which will probably never happen even in my wildest dreams, but hey, at least I'm trying... )
Happy sailing! Or something like that....
~ Another song-fic chapter for you. The song is Changes by Three Doors Down. Sad chappie... beware.~
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Best Deceptions: A Cowboy Bebop Fanfic
By: Katie S.
Rated: PG-13/ R ( sexual situations, language)
Category: Romance/ Drama
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 11: The Best Deceptions
Everything seemed unreal. It was like my whole life had become fallacious... broken... dissipated. I had killed him. My fiance was dead. But I did not love him, and he did not love me. Yet somehow my heart still seemed to shatter into nothing. It was like I had thrown everything away. My life. My dreams. My hope... it was all destroyed with one bullet... one death. I didn't love Vicious, but he was still part of my past. There was no such thing as forgetting the past, because it will always be there. And no matter how hard you try to force it away, it always comes running back to you, more dominant than before. We had loved each other once before, and there was no forgetting it, no matter how much I hated the bastard. I thought for sure killing him would make it all go away, but it seemed it only brought more pain into my life. I was alone...
And no matter how hard I tried....
Spike would never be mine....
~*~
I gazed up into the dark sky, letting the raindrops mix in with my tears. I wrapped my trench coat tightly around my trembling body in attempt to defeat the frigid aura around me. But it would never go away. It was there to mock me, uncover my sins to the world. I was lost, and there was no one to run to... no one to comfort me. It was like I was dead and alive all at the same time. I knew what I wanted... I knew what I needed. But it was too late for that. Spike was gone, and it was all my fault. Vicious was dead, and it was all my fault. Everything was my fault... even Julia's death. I began to wonder, how did all this happen? How had I let myself fall into such an entrancing hole, one that I'd never get out of? This was not my life... I was supposed to be happy. I was supposed to be starting a new life with my fiance. But that fateful day that I met Spike...
Hell, maybe this is all a dream...
That day I met Spike... that's when it all started. How can your life possibly be changed by one person? Only things like that happen in your dreams... your nightmares... But if it was all a dream, why does it hurt so much? Why can't I forget him?
~
I'm not supposed to be scared of anything
But I don't know where I am
Wish I could move
But I'm exhuasted and nobody understands
~
I felt so guilty. Guilty for everything I've done... everything I ever would do. There was no reason for living, was there? I had lied... lied about everything. I told my heart that I loved Vicious... but I did not. I told the world that I had a family... a life... but I did not... I told myself that I did not love Spike... but I did... I needed redemption from my sins. I needed forgiveness...
I slowly stood up, making my way down the dark lonely streets. I was leaving... forever. I could not hurt anyone anymore... I wasn't going to lie anymore... I had to leave... I let my feet carry me faster and faster into the lonely night. There was no other place to go... Maybe leaving this life... this world... maybe it will make everything okay. Maybe I will finally be happy in other life. Maybe I can forget Spike...
No... It's not possible...
No matter where I'd go, he would always be in my thoughts. He had changed me. But it seemed it was all for the worst...
~
I'm trying hard to breathe now
But there's no air in my lungs
There's no one to talk to
And the pain inside is making me numb
~
The rain was falling heavier, and I quickened my pace, breaking into a frantic run. I wanted to get away from the rain... the tears... the erosion. I wanted it to end... I wanted it to die away. There was no flame inside of me anymore. I was numb on the outside, and screaming on the inside. But I'd never stop the rain... never...
My new world came to my sights, and I froze, letting the tears fall. The graveyard... it was like my new best friend... my only friend... I slowly stepped towards the large iron gate, pushing it open. This was my new home.... for I had no home... I walked blankly through the dark pathway, listening to the rustle of the trees and the steady rainfall. I gazed upon each grave, memorizing every spirit who had left this agonzing world... for I would be joining them soon... A small heart-shaped grave caught my eye, and I leaned in, squinting my eyes to read the name on the grave...
Julia...
I feel to my knees, burying my face in my hands. I let the tears fall the the frigid ground, embedding themselves in her grave. This was my confession to my sins... I did not go to the funeral... I did not want to. I hadn't killled her, but I still felt as if I was at fault. If I wouldn't have went to the bar that night. She would be alive... he would be alive... and at least I could pretend that he loved me. But I could not pretend anymore... he was dead and I had killed him with my bare hands.
~
I try to hold this under control
They can't help me
'Cause no one knows
~
I was not sorry for what I had done, but sorry for what I had become. Vicious deserved to die. Julia deserved to die... but just not like that. Everyone dies... everyone lives... it just wasn't their time. But I had sealed their fate anyways... I do not kill... why had I taken his life? Why couldn't I just move on? What the fuck is my problem? This is not me... this is not the real Faye Valentine... she doesn't let anything control her... she does not let herself die away...
But...
I was not Faye Valentine anymore. I was a useless body taking up space in this world... a useless body that needs to be defeated... a useless body that I would rid of...
~
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
~
I reached in my trench coat and pulled out my gun. I gazed at it, memorizing every feature that would let me leave this life. But then I remembered, I had used my last bullet on... him... Frustrated, I searched my pockets for any loose bullets. I was going to die, and nothing was going to stop me. After numerous attempts of searching, I finally found a fresh bullet. I slowly pulled it out my pocket, reciting my last sins to the world. I opened the gun and slipped the bullet in, clicking the safety button off. I took one long breath, and slowly raised the gun to my head, shutting my eyes tightly.
This was it... I would be leaving, and tomorrow I wouldn't be there when the world awoke. But no one would notice. Everyone would carry on with their happy lives, forgetting all the pain and suffering the rest of the world feels. The world is so selfish... No one cares about anything but themselves and their interests. They don't care until it happens to them, then suddendly they beg for forgiveness, as if they were the only ones in the world who had felt this pain. Everyone is weak... everyone is defeated... nobody is strong enough for this life....
~
I'm feeling weak and weary
Walking through this world alone
Everything you say, every word of it
Cuts me to the bone
~
What am I saying? I am that person... I am the one who only cares until it happens to them. I was happy with Vicious, and I didn't give a shit about all the pain the rest of the world was suffering through. I didn't care, until it happened to me. But I wasn't begging for fogiveness like them. I was facing the pain, not running from it. I was going to kill the pain... I was going to end the madness...
I pressed the gun farther into my head, tembling more and more. That stupid voice inside of me was screaming at me, telling me to stop. But what the hell does it know? It's not the one who feels the pain... it doesn't understand how I feel...
~
I've got something to say
But now I've got no where to turn
It feels like I've been buried
Underneath the weight of the world
~
I wanted to pull the trigger. I was going to pull the trigger... but images of Spike kept flooding my thoughts. He was always interfering, even in my decisions. He was nothing to me. Nothing but a love I'd never have. I had only known him for a mere two weeks or so, why was he such a big impact on my life? He was nothing.... nothing at all...
No...
He was something... He was the one who had veered me differently. He was the one who had changed my mind. He was the one who I had fallen in love with.... and there was no denying it... But... I was never going to hold him as mine... I was never going to alter the inevitable... It was my time to leave this life...
~
I try to hold this under control
They can't help me
'Cause no one knows
~
Trembling, I pressed the gun farther into my head, readying the trigger. I shuffled my fingers back and forth, sweat dripping from my forehead. I was nervous... but I just didn't know what was going to happen to me... where I was going... if it was right or wrong... But I didn't care. I was going to die. I wasn't going to let myself suffer anymore...
I heard another gun click, and I swore I was hallucinating, so I ignored it. I took another heavy breath, swallowing nervously. I felt a gun barrel pressed against the back of my head, the cool metal colliding to my fiery skin. I shifted my eyes over at my gun.... nope... wasn't me... Then who....
I turned my head just enough to see the invader, my body trembling even more with fear. My eyes slowly traced over, glazed with doubt. I shut my eyes tightly, afraid of who I might see standing before me, but I slowly opened them afterwards, my vision a bit blurry with tears at first. But as I gazed upon the infiltrater, I froze, my eyes widening with disbelief.
It was her...
But she was dead...
~
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm going through changes, changes
~
She smirked that evil smile, her cold blue eyes flashing with deceit. She was dead...
" J-Julia..." My voice quivered, my words swallowed in the cold, lonely darkness.
She pressed the gun farther into my head. " Did you really think I was dead Faye?" She chuckled, shaking her head. " You really thought he would kill me?"
" What?" I shuffled my fingers back and forth, toying with the trigger. Why did she have to interfere now? Dead or alive...
She chuckled again. " Spike would not kill me... are you kidding yourself?"
I gasped sharply, practically falling to the ground in shock. He really did shoot her... It really was him... But he didn't kill her, there was no point in shooting her. Besides, I was gonna to kill myself anyways...
I narrowed my eyes at her, gritting my teeth tightly. " Get away from me you bitch... I need my time alone..."
She shook her head lightly, narrowing her eyes at me. " If you were really going to kill yourself..." She paused, clicking off the safety on her gun. " You would've done it already..."
~
I'm running, shaking
Bound and breaking
I hope I make it through all theses changes
~
I growled, shaking with fury. How dare she challenge me! She did not know me... She did not understand my pain... She did not know Vicious was dead...
I froze. She did not know... If she did know he was dead, she would've shot me by now...
I swallowed nervously, never keeping my icy gaze off of her. " You know... he's dead... there really is no point in killing me..." I smirked at the defeated look on her face. " That is why you're killing me? Right? I was an obstacle in the way of your love..."
" Fuck you..." She was trembling... trembling with pain... fury... hell if I really care.
I smirked at her again, chuckling slighty. " I'm an obstacle. I've taken away both of your lovers... and you're jealous..." I held my gun taught to my head.... I still hadn't changed my mind...
She gasped sharply, gritting her teeth tightly. " FUCK YOU!!" She fired aimlessly into the dark night, the bullets piercing through the silence.
I shut my eyes tightly, listening to her excrutiating screaming. What a piece of shit... She turned back towards me, her dark eyes glazed with rage. " You mother fucking bitch! You know nothing about me! You know nothing about Vicious or Spike! You're just a stupid whore out for some free sex!!" She pressed the gun against the back of my head, forcing my head forwards slightly.
I was seething with fury. How dare she say that! She's the one who's the whore... " What are you saying Julia?! I was the one who was marrying Vicious! Don't you remember!"
" You weren't marrying Spike..." Her voice was quivering and barely audible, but I heard it. And I wished I didn't...
She was right, and it made me that much more angry. I was the one cheating on Vicious. I was also the one deceiving... but in my eyes... They were the best deceptions...
~
Now I'm going through changes, changes
God, I feel so frustrated lately
When I get suffocated, save me
Now I'm falling apart, now I feel it
~
I wanted to die... but I wanted to kill her even more. She was the useless piece of shit... She was the useless body taking up space... I was going to rid of her...
I lowered the gun to my chest, swallowing nervously. This was it... " Good-bye Spike..."
I pulled the trigger tighter and tighter, the bullet piercing through my chest and grazing past through Julia. Blood splattered everywhere, staining my surrounding. I fell towards the frigid ground, never keeping my eyes off the starry night sky. It had stopped raining, the clouds had cleared up...
I let my eyes trace over towards Julia, she was gazing at me with pleading eyes. I had completed my mission, I had shot her... and hopefully killed her...
Her screams were penetrating the cold night, shattering the silence. But unlike her, I did not feel the pain, I took it all in, rinsing away all my sins.
" I-I.... I'm sorry..." Her voice was hoarse and barely audible, but her eyes never left me. She reached over, grasping her gun tightly and raising it towards me.
I did not care if she shot me. Hell, I was pretty much already dead. But instead of shooting me, she whispered another apology, pressing the gun to her head.
The last thing I heard was a gun shot... and everything went black...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Wow. That chapter is quite the tear-jerker, and also an excrucitating cliff- hanger. Ha ha ha...
No, just kidding. Did you like it? And NO! This is NOT the end of the story. I would never, never do that, but I never said Faye is alive, so don't get your hopes up...
Lol, just kidding XD
Please review! I want at least one hundred reviews by the end of this story ( which will probably never happen even in my wildest dreams, but hey, at least I'm trying... )
Happy sailing! Or something like that....