Colossus
A FanFic by Kaori-chan
See...chapter....one... o_o
Well, well! Look like Solain is in hot water! And I know now that at least one person besides me likes Frank! Wai!!!
Oh, and I recently had a reviewer not vote for who she wanted to because of Frank. Well, I talked to her and the votes are straightened out now. Vote for who YOU want out! It doesn't effect who stays and who goes, as far as NPCs like Frank and Bombchu Guy are concerned. Their fate depends entirely upon me. MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Anyways, here's the next chapter in..
Colossus: The Hylian Survival MIS-Adventure!
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
¤ We see the usual opening: Gerudo guards patrolling the maze of clay structure that is their hideout, with a stunning sunset stretching its fingers across the valley. There is a silhouette atop the highest of these buildings. We hear a female voice speaking, presumably the owner of the silhouette. ¤
Female Voice: We have been here for years. We survive in the desert where no one else can. But all things must change, like the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon. For the first time in Gerudo history, outsiders will pass the haunted wastelands and into the Desert Colossus to participate in a contest of wit, endurance, and skills. But this is no adventure. It is a competition. A game. And only the last to leave can truly call themselves:
Survivor.
¤ Eerie music starts, kind of like a remix of the Gerudo Valley song and the Gerudo's Hideout song with some ocarina playing mixed in. We see a shot of the Desert Colossus, with two different camps: one on each side, but equidistant from the Desert Oasis; now dancing in clear, crystalline water. The song ends, and we see Nabooru standing on the steps of the Spirit Temple. ¤
Nabooru: Hello, and welcome back to Colossus: the only TV show in Hyrule that forces innocent (and not-so-innocent) people to survive in impossible conditions simply because we like to sit on our overstuffed couches in our climate-controlled homes and watch it on our big-screen TVs!!! I guarantee you that no other show can manipulate fragile emotions and relationships the way we can!
Queue Card Guy #1: (From off camera) Nabooru! You're getting off subject!
Nabooru: Oh! Sorry. What's my next line?
¤ Nabooru looks for help while another Queue Card Guy (#2) scribbles something on a large piece of paper and holds it up. Nabooru squints to read the writing. ¤
Nabooru: Uuuuuhhhh....
¤ Nabooru leans forward more and produces a pair of glasses from her back pocket. (With pants like those, wow! Think of the storage space in pockets alone! Heh....Nabooru's pants rule.) ¤
Nabooru: (Putting the glasses on) I...I love Queue Card Guy #2! He's so hot! I want to--- HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUSTER?!
¤ Nabooru rips off the glasses and chases after QCG #2 while the poor guy, doomed by his own joke, tears like heck across the Desert. Just in time for...Leevers. ¤
QCG #2: Ow! Ooh! CRAP! Owowowowowow!!!! HEEEEELLLLLLLP!
Nabooru: MEN!
¤ With one mighty swing of a heavy, jewel-encrusted double scimitar, Nabooru dispatches the Leevers and returns QCG #2 to his spot as QCG #1 is rolling on the ground in conniptions due to laughing. ¤
Nabooru and QCG #2: ¬_¬
Nabooro: ..Ah, queue card guy #1? We have a show to run.
¤ QCG #1 doesn't listen, rather he appears not to have even heard Nabooru at all. QCG #2 hauls him off camera and tries to get him to settle down.
Nabooru and camera crew: o_o
Nabooru (trying to regain control of the show): Well, let's cut to a commercial break while our Queue Card Guys try desperately to salvage one another's mental stability. However I don't think that will happen anytime soon...
¤ The screen fades out as Nabooru points over to the QCGs, who are both rolling on the ground in total hysterics. ¤
¤ The scene fades back in again to reveal...a test pattern. ¤
Reader/Viewer: What the..?
Scary Computerized Voice on the TV: Do not attempt to adjust your computer monitor. This is---
¤ CLICK. ¤
¤ The screen goes black (?????) and we return to the steps of the Spirit Temple, where we see Nabooru talking to her stock broker. ¤
Nabooru: Yes, I know how high it is right now! That's why I want to sell it!
Cell phone: (Incomprehensible mumbling from the other end of the call)
Nabooru: I don't care! I need that cash to pay off the debt I'm in from the Silver Gauntlets that Link stole from the temple! Do you have any idea what that costs?!
Cell Phone: (More incomprehensible mumbling)
Nabooru: I know I was going to steal them, but that doesn't matter! I used to have enough cash to make up the cost until SOMEBODY said I had to pay for all this Colossus crap out of my own pocket! I...uh...I gotta go. BYE.
¤ Nabooru hangs up the phone and stomps on it HARD, resulting in shards of silicon, plastic, and little buttons flying everywhere. ¤
Nabooru: WHERE IS OUR COMMERCIAL?!?!?
¤ Apparently she doesn't know that the camera is rolling. ¤
Switch Board Guy #1: I don't know! We lost the signal! And the backup tape is nowhere to be found! We had no choice but to cut back live to the Spirit..Temple...oh.
¤ Nabooru looks like Death Mountain ready to erupt in a violent explosion. SBG #1 loses all color in his face. ¤
Nabooru: PLAY THE FOOTAGE FOR TODAY'S SHOW!
¤ SBG #2 fumbles with the film reel, struggling to get it playing immediately. ¤
Nabooru: NOW!
¤ Nabooru stomps off camera and the screen fades out. ¤
¤ Tribe Tresaid: Rauru and Zelda are having...difficulties. ¤
Zelda: Hi, Rauru! ^_~
Rauru: BAH! Humbug!
¤ Rauru stomps off in search of junk food. Little does he know that Malon got her share at two-thirty in the morning, resulting in the few remaining Cheez-E-Puffs to vanish "mysteriously" from camp. Hey, the guy got what he deserved, okay? ¤
Zelda: o_o
¤ Malon walks up ¤
Malon: What's his problem?
Zelda: Don't expect an answer from me! All I know is that ever since that challenge, Rauru has been acting like he hates me! He barely even steps out of my way when we're walking right towards each other!
Malon: Maybe he's upset that you, who took over his former position as the Head of the Sages, a "rival" you could say, saved his life! I see it all the time. He's a classic case.
Zelda: But how could I be his rival? I mean, we're on the same side, right?
Malon: Yeah, but you know how his mind works. Think about it: He's locked up in the Sacred Realm for hundreds of years with nothing to do but stand on his little pedestal and listening to that horrible chanting. He finally gets some authority when the other Sages awaken, only to have you show up as the Seventh and take command! He's barely even mentioned in fan fictions, let alone the Zelda series! The only thing he does is order Link around and explain one of the biggest parts of the storyline! Whereas you get the story going in the first place! Plus he's old and cranky and can't get a date or even go on one because he has to stay in the sacred realm!
Zelda: Malon, inhale.
¤ Malon takes a deep breath and relaxes a little. ¤
Zelda: You're right. I should talk to him.
¤ Suddenly Rauru shows up, looking much like Nabooru just did a moment ago. ¤
Rauru: WHERE ARE THE CHEEZ-E-PUFFS?!?!?
¤ Malon is just about to reply as the scene cuts off, and we see static for a moment before going back (yet again) to the Spirit Temple. ¤
Nabooru (Sighs): What NOW?!
SBG #3: The tape cut off! I can't get it to work again!
SBG #2: Wait a minute! Wasn't the footage we played on a film reel?
SBG #3: You played that?! But I played the tape too! I thought the film reel was for backup only!
SBG #4 (HOW MANY OF THEM ARE THERE?!): You must have overloaded the equipment! It'll take awhile to fix, I'm afraid.
Nabooru: Well, you heard it folks! One more chance to sumbit your vote! So hurry up and send them in! There are a few ways to do this:
If you know Kaori-chan, just IM her.
E-mail her at hyrulechick104@aol.com
Leave your vote in a review (reviews are appreciated doubtless of whether you're voting in a review or not; hint, hint)
So fulfill your duty as a FF.N reader and vote for who you want kicked off the story! See ya!
Well, well! Look like Solain is in hot water! And I know now that at least one person besides me likes Frank! Wai!!!
Oh, and I recently had a reviewer not vote for who she wanted to because of Frank. Well, I talked to her and the votes are straightened out now. Vote for who YOU want out! It doesn't effect who stays and who goes, as far as NPCs like Frank and Bombchu Guy are concerned. Their fate depends entirely upon me. MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
Anyways, here's the next chapter in..
Colossus: The Hylian Survival MIS-Adventure!
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
¤ We see the usual opening: Gerudo guards patrolling the maze of clay structure that is their hideout, with a stunning sunset stretching its fingers across the valley. There is a silhouette atop the highest of these buildings. We hear a female voice speaking, presumably the owner of the silhouette. ¤
Female Voice: We have been here for years. We survive in the desert where no one else can. But all things must change, like the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon. For the first time in Gerudo history, outsiders will pass the haunted wastelands and into the Desert Colossus to participate in a contest of wit, endurance, and skills. But this is no adventure. It is a competition. A game. And only the last to leave can truly call themselves:
Survivor.
¤ Eerie music starts, kind of like a remix of the Gerudo Valley song and the Gerudo's Hideout song with some ocarina playing mixed in. We see a shot of the Desert Colossus, with two different camps: one on each side, but equidistant from the Desert Oasis; now dancing in clear, crystalline water. The song ends, and we see Nabooru standing on the steps of the Spirit Temple. ¤
Nabooru: Hello, and welcome back to Colossus: the only TV show in Hyrule that forces innocent (and not-so-innocent) people to survive in impossible conditions simply because we like to sit on our overstuffed couches in our climate-controlled homes and watch it on our big-screen TVs!!! I guarantee you that no other show can manipulate fragile emotions and relationships the way we can!
Queue Card Guy #1: (From off camera) Nabooru! You're getting off subject!
Nabooru: Oh! Sorry. What's my next line?
¤ Nabooru looks for help while another Queue Card Guy (#2) scribbles something on a large piece of paper and holds it up. Nabooru squints to read the writing. ¤
Nabooru: Uuuuuhhhh....
¤ Nabooru leans forward more and produces a pair of glasses from her back pocket. (With pants like those, wow! Think of the storage space in pockets alone! Heh....Nabooru's pants rule.) ¤
Nabooru: (Putting the glasses on) I...I love Queue Card Guy #2! He's so hot! I want to--- HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUSTER?!
¤ Nabooru rips off the glasses and chases after QCG #2 while the poor guy, doomed by his own joke, tears like heck across the Desert. Just in time for...Leevers. ¤
QCG #2: Ow! Ooh! CRAP! Owowowowowow!!!! HEEEEELLLLLLLP!
Nabooru: MEN!
¤ With one mighty swing of a heavy, jewel-encrusted double scimitar, Nabooru dispatches the Leevers and returns QCG #2 to his spot as QCG #1 is rolling on the ground in conniptions due to laughing. ¤
Nabooru and QCG #2: ¬_¬
Nabooro: ..Ah, queue card guy #1? We have a show to run.
¤ QCG #1 doesn't listen, rather he appears not to have even heard Nabooru at all. QCG #2 hauls him off camera and tries to get him to settle down.
Nabooru and camera crew: o_o
Nabooru (trying to regain control of the show): Well, let's cut to a commercial break while our Queue Card Guys try desperately to salvage one another's mental stability. However I don't think that will happen anytime soon...
¤ The screen fades out as Nabooru points over to the QCGs, who are both rolling on the ground in total hysterics. ¤
¤ The scene fades back in again to reveal...a test pattern. ¤
Reader/Viewer: What the..?
Scary Computerized Voice on the TV: Do not attempt to adjust your computer monitor. This is---
¤ CLICK. ¤
¤ The screen goes black (?????) and we return to the steps of the Spirit Temple, where we see Nabooru talking to her stock broker. ¤
Nabooru: Yes, I know how high it is right now! That's why I want to sell it!
Cell phone: (Incomprehensible mumbling from the other end of the call)
Nabooru: I don't care! I need that cash to pay off the debt I'm in from the Silver Gauntlets that Link stole from the temple! Do you have any idea what that costs?!
Cell Phone: (More incomprehensible mumbling)
Nabooru: I know I was going to steal them, but that doesn't matter! I used to have enough cash to make up the cost until SOMEBODY said I had to pay for all this Colossus crap out of my own pocket! I...uh...I gotta go. BYE.
¤ Nabooru hangs up the phone and stomps on it HARD, resulting in shards of silicon, plastic, and little buttons flying everywhere. ¤
Nabooru: WHERE IS OUR COMMERCIAL?!?!?
¤ Apparently she doesn't know that the camera is rolling. ¤
Switch Board Guy #1: I don't know! We lost the signal! And the backup tape is nowhere to be found! We had no choice but to cut back live to the Spirit..Temple...oh.
¤ Nabooru looks like Death Mountain ready to erupt in a violent explosion. SBG #1 loses all color in his face. ¤
Nabooru: PLAY THE FOOTAGE FOR TODAY'S SHOW!
¤ SBG #2 fumbles with the film reel, struggling to get it playing immediately. ¤
Nabooru: NOW!
¤ Nabooru stomps off camera and the screen fades out. ¤
¤ Tribe Tresaid: Rauru and Zelda are having...difficulties. ¤
Zelda: Hi, Rauru! ^_~
Rauru: BAH! Humbug!
¤ Rauru stomps off in search of junk food. Little does he know that Malon got her share at two-thirty in the morning, resulting in the few remaining Cheez-E-Puffs to vanish "mysteriously" from camp. Hey, the guy got what he deserved, okay? ¤
Zelda: o_o
¤ Malon walks up ¤
Malon: What's his problem?
Zelda: Don't expect an answer from me! All I know is that ever since that challenge, Rauru has been acting like he hates me! He barely even steps out of my way when we're walking right towards each other!
Malon: Maybe he's upset that you, who took over his former position as the Head of the Sages, a "rival" you could say, saved his life! I see it all the time. He's a classic case.
Zelda: But how could I be his rival? I mean, we're on the same side, right?
Malon: Yeah, but you know how his mind works. Think about it: He's locked up in the Sacred Realm for hundreds of years with nothing to do but stand on his little pedestal and listening to that horrible chanting. He finally gets some authority when the other Sages awaken, only to have you show up as the Seventh and take command! He's barely even mentioned in fan fictions, let alone the Zelda series! The only thing he does is order Link around and explain one of the biggest parts of the storyline! Whereas you get the story going in the first place! Plus he's old and cranky and can't get a date or even go on one because he has to stay in the sacred realm!
Zelda: Malon, inhale.
¤ Malon takes a deep breath and relaxes a little. ¤
Zelda: You're right. I should talk to him.
¤ Suddenly Rauru shows up, looking much like Nabooru just did a moment ago. ¤
Rauru: WHERE ARE THE CHEEZ-E-PUFFS?!?!?
¤ Malon is just about to reply as the scene cuts off, and we see static for a moment before going back (yet again) to the Spirit Temple. ¤
Nabooru (Sighs): What NOW?!
SBG #3: The tape cut off! I can't get it to work again!
SBG #2: Wait a minute! Wasn't the footage we played on a film reel?
SBG #3: You played that?! But I played the tape too! I thought the film reel was for backup only!
SBG #4 (HOW MANY OF THEM ARE THERE?!): You must have overloaded the equipment! It'll take awhile to fix, I'm afraid.
Nabooru: Well, you heard it folks! One more chance to sumbit your vote! So hurry up and send them in! There are a few ways to do this:
If you know Kaori-chan, just IM her.
E-mail her at hyrulechick104@aol.com
Leave your vote in a review (reviews are appreciated doubtless of whether you're voting in a review or not; hint, hint)
So fulfill your duty as a FF.N reader and vote for who you want kicked off the story! See ya!