The first signs of light were beginning to peek through Dani's window. She was up early yet again; ever since she'd left home she'd been finding it hard to sleep. Josh put it down to a new environment, but Dani knew different. With Kirsty back again, it'd made her betrayal seem much more real. With a great distance between them, Kirsty and Kane seemed part of a warped imagination. Now she had to deal with the inevitable. She couldn't speak to her sister without getting upset, all she could think of was them together, for all those months, all those nights; it made her mentally sick. Back at home, Kirsty was being physically sick, after an equally sleepless night. All her dreams were the same; Kane getting shot, Kane having surgery; Kane not surviving. She had woken up in a cold sweat, and rushed to the bathroom to throw up. She felt empty inside, physically and mentally. Kirsty went downstairs to get a drink of water, and nearly jumped out of her skin, seeing a dark figure slumped on the couch. Dani. Kirsty didn't know what to say, whether she should make conversation, or confront her sister.
"Good morning, " she said, filling the silence. Dani jumped up.
"I was just leaving, " Dani went towards the door, and took one last look at her sister, "Kirsty, I don't know what happened to you, but I don't like it. I never thought you could be this selfish."
"Selfish?" Kirsty choked. "You don't know the meaning. Everything is always Dani this and Dani that. It's all about Dani; don't do this, what about Dani, what will she think, remember what she's been through, poor Dani. You can't act the victim forever, we've all moved on, we've all changed, Kane included and if you've really moved on you would at least try to understand."
"Understand? I don't have to understand! Don't you remember what he did?" Dani was almost in tears. "He raped me Kirsty, you can't even say it, but I can. Sometimes I think you've forgotten."
"I haven't forgotten and I never will. I hate a part of Kane for what he did to you, but I don't hate all of him, because he's changed. He's proved it to me, and to all of you by apologising."
"You can't just apologise and make the hurt go away, it takes time, and I can't move on knowing that you had a relationship with him. You wouldn't understand Kirsty, " and with that comment she left. Kirsty felt another headache coming on; was she in right saying what she just said? She would defend Kane till her last breath but that didn't change the fact that Dani had a reason to hate him, which was understandable. Everyone had a reason to hate him, except for her. Kirsty went upstairs, and took the letter from beneath her pillow, realising the full enormity of her decisions. She really had but her family in a difficult position; they had good reason to hate her, yet they still loved her despite it all. It was the same with Kane, she had a good reason to hate him, but she didn't because she loved him. Maybe she wasn't evil after all; maybe she was just human. Kirsty inscribed 'Kane' on the envelope, in her large loopy handwriting.
***
After everyone had left the house, Kirsty took the letter from her pocket and left for the drop in centre. She hadn't been out of the house in days; if she saw her family, she'd say she needed a run, to get some fresh air. The small town of Summer Bay hadn't changed, only the people. When she got to the drop-in centre, Flynn greeted her with a smile.
"Kirsty! How you doing?"
"Fine, " said Kirsty.
"Are you sure?" said Flynn. "I know it's been a difficult time for you, but you can get through it. I could organise…"
"Actually Flynn, I wanted to ask you a favour."
"Oh really, what?"
"Could you pass this letter onto Kane for me?" Kirsty brought the letter out of her pocket. "It's just, I don't know his address and I think he may be back now."
"Kirsty, are you sure this is a good idea? What would your family think, you are supposed to be moving on, not going back to the past."
"I know, and I think this letter will help me do that. My heads really messed up now, I just needed to pour out my feelings to someone, you know? Please help me Flynn."
Flynn thought about what to do. Maybe if Kirsty did this, just the once, it would be enough. "OK, I'll pass it on, but next time you need to talk, talk to me or your mother."
"Thanks, " Kirsty handed over the letter. She felt a strange sort of freedom. She ran back, the wind rushing through her hair, just imagining that her life was the way it was before, no secrets, no lies. When she reached home, breathless, she was surprised by Max sitting on the steps.
"Max!" she ran towards him. "Why aren't you at school?"
"Didn't feel like it. Thought I'd keep you company. What you up to?"
"Oh nothing, just felt like a run. You've gotta go back to school, they'll blame me."
"Oh walk on the wild side! " laughed Max. "You ran away, remember?"
"Don't remind me."
"So what did you do for money? Did you raid bins for food?"
Kirsty laughed. "No, we…I got a job as a waitress. Oh!"
"What?"
"I just remembered something." Kirsty ran upstairs to her backpack. She earned a lot of money while working, well over $1000, and hadn't spent much of it while at Edwina's. She'd been saving for their future. She grabbed $500 out of her purse, and returned to Max.
"Woah! Where d'ya get the bucks!" exclaimed Max.
"Well, while working I had to get paid something!" Kirsty had an idea. "I know! Why don't you help me blow this money, and we'll have you back in school during recess?"
"Sounds fair to me!"
***
Kirsty returned home buzzing. After doing some serious spending in Yabbie Creek, she'd bought some new clothes, a new pair of running shoes, and a new mobile phone as well as some gadgets for Max. It made her feel good for a while spending time with her cousin, yet when she was alone in the house she realised. She was an outsider yet again. No matter what she did to distract herself, she'd still be hated. Kirsty burst into tears yet again while running up to her room, throwing her new possessions on the floor. She chucked her new phone on top of the wardrobe, surely breaking it. As if Kane would ring her; as if he'd read her letter; as if anything good would happen to her again. Kirsty collapsed onto her bed, sinking into a deep depression.