author's rants:
Yeah, another chapter is released, can you believe that? Alright, if you guys thought this fic is Lu Xun-centric, then you're wrong. Like what is written in the description: The nightmare begins… when Lu Xun turned into a WOMAN!! No, that doesn't mean it's a story about a running man-turned-woman who has difficulties of adapting his new gender. Actually, it means when Lu Xun turns into a woman, every mischief happens, and so, so… it's not just about Lu Xun, it's about everyone featured in this fic (well, almost). Oh, puh-leez, don't you guys love corrupted sanity??? …I'm such a pyromaniac *dances in a barrel*

I do not own Dynasty Warriors, KOEI Games, and other stuff related. I don't even publish the Sam Kok novel. Gee… people should be tired writing these. I mean, I can't just legally own a game company, it's too good to be true *nyuknyuk*  Besides, why would people write fanfics if they own the original story? *pffft*

My Dear Sweet Fruit!
     chapter four: captain Xingba to the rescue! (*lmao*)

"Huuhh… the moon sure looks beautiful tonight…"

Locked doors and lined up soldiers were guarding the room.

"But this isn't the time for this…" Lu Xun cried softly as his face looked restless, "Ugh… are girls always sensitive? I know that I'm a bit emotional, but I'm not supposed to be this delicate!" he scolded, brushing his tears roughly.

He looked at the moon again, which was beginning to be covered by clouds.

"NOOO!!" he hollered miserably, cursing the heavens with his middle finger, "First, you made the Wei officers to transmutate me into a girl. Second, you let this horny scumbag caught me… Now you're taking the moon AWAY FROM ME!?!?!?"

The clouds gestured, answering a "yes".

"Dammit."

"Alright. First, we're going to distract the guards by shooting firecrackers, which will be done by the fire team. When they go to the site, we'll rush in. Understood?"

"Not too shabby."

"But… don't you think that strategy is similar to the one Lu Xun used in the Battle of Yi Li—YEOCHH!!"

Zhou Yu and Sun Ce covered Gan Ning's mouth altogether.

"Be quiet!" Zhou Yu demanded in a whisper, "These guys are highly sensitive to sound. And there's a string aligning not far from you. If you mistakenly pull it, it'll open a sliding trap."

Sun Ce stared at his best friend blankly, "How do you know that?"

The strategist coughed a "hem!" in a red face.

"Cut it out, you two!" Gan Ning ducked an arm to his lord, "Aren't we here to save Lu Xun?"

"Of course we are!" Sun Ce stood up and blabbered confidently, "If it weren't for me, you guys will never come here. You know who took those gate captains? Yeah, it's me, The Little Conqueror!"

The pirate sank his head, "Those gate captains were sleeping and you attacked them even though you don't have to…" he muttered, barely audible.

Not until Sun Ce was up to pull the trigger on the wall. Zhou Yu stood up in alert, "NOO!! Don't touch that—"

And the young lord, hollering, fell down an endless pit right after he pulled the switch.

Zhou Yu's mouth twisted, and awed, "…will he be alright?"

"Fat chance!" Gan Ning shrugged, "I don't know if he's gonna come back but… don't you think he's gonna be okay? I mean, he just fell down to an endless pit. He'll be sleeping before he reach the ground." or never, he might add.

The long haired man placed his hand on his forehead and walked over to another set of bushes, "If you say so… err… I think you better call the fire team to cast the firecrackers…" still sulking his obliviously lost sworn brother.

Not long after Gan Ning sent a sign to the fire team, firecrackers wavered up in the sky, with beautiful, pastel colored blooms. Yes, they were indeed beautiful to ruin a kingdom. But the firing sounds were annoyingly disturbing and loud, sending a direct lightning strike to the ears.

Gan Ning promptly plugged his ears. Zhou Yu was too busy scheming a plan to save Sun Ce that he couldn't feel his ears were lurking out blood. One third of the guards fainted for their starlight eyes (the colors were too bright and contrast) and bleeding ears (the sounds were awfully striking).

"Damn. I thought I told Lu Xun to buy ordinary firecrackers. Why can't he be listening to me and keeps using my guinea pigs for his experiment?" Zhou Yu fiddled his well-burnt hair, which accidentally almost got hit by a crashing firecracker.

"…he is a huge fan of fire, after all." Gan Ning commented, "He'd be happy to experiment his fire-related 'inventions' on your properties."

Zhou Yu snorted. He could feel the guards rushing towards the fire site not far from them.

"Oh goodie!" Gan Ning delightfully clapped his hands, "They're gone now!"

Gongjin looked at his officer strangely in disgust, Euh… my officer's gay… he thought silently as he held his mouth, face turning slight blue and purple. But quickly threw the thoughts away and followed Gan Ning.

And stopped. The unevitable happened.

"FEMALE GUARDS!?" Gan Ning whisper-screeched, "…but I thought we lured all the guards out…"

"Zhang He might have placed both groups here." Zhou Yu thoughtfully said, "He may be smarter than we thought… yeah, we thought he was terribly dumb."

"I know Zhang He has many men but… female guards???" the pirate looked at his senior quizzically.

Zhou Yu then remembered the time Zhen Ji spattered about coming to their camp together with Sima Yi, which was because of her disappearing guards. He couldn't forget her saying, "Those worthless runts… now I don't have anybody to shave my armpits!" which was said impatiently out of the blue hysterically.

Gan Ning, being almost as smart as his fellow 'transgender', suggested an idea, "Why don't you swindle them with your oh-so sophisticated looks, Gongjin?"

"…I beg you pardon?"

Without much thinking, Gan Ning threw his companion like throwing water out of the bucket. Not after he announced cheerfully, "CHECK OUT THE HOT PUNK!!"

And Zhou Yu was stammered by grasping women in an instant.

Captain Xingba quickly dashed to the dark hallway before Zhou Yu caught up with him and unleash uncountable tortures.

*GROWL*

Shut up… Lu Xun slapped his stomach for the umpteenth growl, "Now where the hell did that Zhang He crap might be? I know he has grown quite attached to me, but somehow, I want him to come here and bring me food!" he muttered in a hate-to-say-it tone.

Until sounds of silent tiptoes and moans(?) emerged outside his door.

"Huh?"

Lu Xun approached the door and pressed his ear. A familiar sound echoed gently. Sounds of bells.

"Xingba!" he felt like screaming with joy.

But his face faulted when he heard cheerful whistles and hopping steps from the other side of the room, from another door across the window. Lu Xun shivered for a second, until the sounds stopped and the door opened… revealing a rose bouquet.

"My dear sweet fruit~!" Zhang He sent a blooming smile.

The youth gasped in horrid, constantly pinching the door in attempt to push it right over. Fortunately for her, Zhang He's steps were close as he tried to stay in motion, not to spoil himself in front of his bride. But still, the door wasn't opening.

Out of the blue, Lu Xun shrieked tearfully, "XINGBAAA!!!"

But Zhang He quickly came to her aid and wiped away her tears, "No need to fear, my dear. That unworthy pirate does not deserve any bits of you. I shall protect you from harm." his hands went gripping tightly around her waist.

And his grip is dang tight! Lu Xun struggled to let him out of Zhang He's embrace. The narcissist posture wasn't really different if compared to Lu Xun. However, Boyan's woman form shrinked his body to the size of the Qiao sisters'. His body was so small and hug-comfortable, it was so easy to be snuggled.

Another shriek was let out, "Xingbaaa~~~~"

Hearing the name twice made Zhang He twitched an eyebrow and immediately dettached himself, "Why? Is that what your heart chanted to you? You do not love me?"

Oh, how did he feel like puking. But it was better than having Zhang He raped him. He quickly made a fake face, "I do not know… Zhang He, you are nice and caring, but my heart is that of another man…"

"You love… that Gan Ning…?" Zhang He's face fell miserably. Lu Xun could tell his eyes were about to broke into tears.

And so he played along, "I am afraid so… but I do not know!" he held his head tightly, "I'm confused! My heart… I cannot understand it!" he burst out with tears.

"…Boyan…" Zhang He called out with his name, at last.

"Please…" Lu Xun pleaded quietly, "Leave me alone… I-I don't want you to be involved with this…" she looked away.

Yet Zhang He didn't give up by grabbing her arm in, "But dear—"

"NO! I don't want you to tell me what to do, Junyi!" another plead went surprisingly loud, tears were bursting more, "I cannot make myself love you even though I want to…"

Zhang He wasn't pleased to lay an eye on his beloved.

Lu Xun rolled his eyes impatiently, C'mon, c'mon. Go, go…

"But Boyan… I love you! I love you more than any beauty of this world!" Zhang He confessed dramatically.

Lu Xun frustratedly gritted his teeth, "Leave me, Junyi! You may love me, but I don't! It is my heart, and you aren't God, you cannot control it! Please… give me some time to think… I'm confused…" she covered her face with hands as she thought silently.

Zhang He paused.

Realizing himself in tears, Lu Xun grinned, Hey, I can be an actor!

And the young lady found herself in Zhang He's arms. He whispered, "I love you,"

Lu Xun felt his hair on the air. Without hesitant, he slapped the older man's arms and threw himself to the bed, covering his face once again, "Go away, Junyi! I cannot see you like this! I beg of you…" his voice muffled with pillows.

A disappointed look flashed upon Zhang He's face, "I understand," he said before shutting the door.

Lu Xun blew a sigh of relief.

"Wow. I didn't know you're good at acting, Boyan."

The mentioned Boyan leaped in surprise. But quickly ran over to the other door with a joyful face.

"Xingbaa~~!! You really came!" the boy felt like throwing his friend in enjoyment.

Gan Ning struggled to get out of Lu Xun's tight hold from the other side of the window, "Yeah, yeah, I'm here to save you, but I dunno how the hell this door opens with!" he pulled the door trigger.

"Don't you think the keys are supposed to be woth the guards?"

"Euh… do you know how much guards you have?" Gan Ning snapped, "Thirty. And that's just your room. Fifteen for each gender in general."

"Zhang He set both male and female guards for me!?" Lu Xun jumped. Gan Ning nodded, "Man, that guy must be crazy."

Gan Ning shrugged, "Yeah, he's crazy in love with you." he stated teasingly.

"Cut it out, Xingba," Lu Xun waved his hand flatly, "your grin is disgusting." he complimented as Gan Ning's grin was getting wider.

"Don't say that, Boyan…" the older man poked the youth's nose, "Do you know how long I've been here?" Lu Xun blinked, then literally twitched, "I've been hearing those mushy I-LOVE-Us since the last minute. Man, you could replace Shang Xiang's position as a princess or play a drama, y'know?"

"Shut up…" his face went flat, "Don't compare me to her nor those soap opera actresses… you know that I puke everytime I watch Xiao's novellas, right? Why the heck would I bother imitating them?"

Xingba stared blankly, "…cause you're being loved by someone your own sex?"

Boyan sweatdropped. He then realized there was only Gan Ning, "Umm… are you alone? You're not bringing the others?"

"Ah, right," Gan Ning almost forgot the other two, "Sun Ce got caught in a trap, or more precisely, falling down an endless pit… while Zhou Yu is…" he looked to his back, "I think he's busy right now…" he assumed awkwardly.

"Busy? What happened?"

"You see, we set firecrackers to distract the guards and get rid of them from the gate. The male guards are heading for them, but the female guards stayed on spot. So I used Zhou Yu as a decoy to lure them out of your door."

Lu Xun huffed, "No wonder I've been hearing moans."

"Exactly,"

"But you have to get Zhou Yu here." Lu Xun jerked to see the crowding women, "He's smarter than you. He knows how to save me."

Gan Ning went bright red, "WHAT!? You're saying I'm not smart enough!?"

"At least he's smarter than you," Boyan rolled his eyes, "he's not nearly that stupid that he doesn't even know that carrots are supposed to be orange—which you think were purple."

The spiky-haired guy snorted.

"Anyway, I think you should call the others. You can't save me by yourself."

Now he was pissed, "And you also think I ain't strong enough to save you!?"

Lu Xun slapped his forehead, "Hey, you're a strong guy with a huge sword, but you can't just run for the door without thinking. I will never, never do that if I were you." he shook his head.

Gan Ning hissed, unable to win from Lu Xun's advice, "So you want me to call the others? I can't shoot firecrackers or even getting back… it's been a lot of trouble coming here alone."

The strategist hoped too much, "…but the female guards are now with Zhou Yu… you'll get less trouble with that," he suggested, "or if you want to, you could lure the men to that endless pit you mentioned before."

And planted a kiss on the cheek, "Boyan, you're a genius… I can't believe that she's supposedly a man!"

Lu Xun's mouth twisted in awe… then realized he was still a girl, and quickly threw away the imprinted thoughts of homophobic gays. A crossbow was attached together with Gan Ning's bells, "Why didn't you tell me that you bring a crossbow?"

"Uh, what?" Gan Ning took a glance at the back of his waist, "I don't remember bringing a crossbow, probably Gongjin wants me to bring his bow for him that he placed it on me."

"Well? You can send a message to the headquarters with that!"

     -- ten hours later --

Gan Ning yawned for the thousandth time.

"Did you remember to fire your arrow, Xingba?" Lu Xun was bored to question it after billion repeats.

The pirate nodded and leaned on the wall under the window, "It's a miracle nobody hasn't visited you since that big fight with Zhang He except bouquets of flowers. Kinda makes you wonder what flowers he'll give you next." he said mockingly.

"Whatever," a flash of glare shot directly, "just let me know when the reinforcements have arrived." he informed before closing his eyes.

And the bushes moved.

"…what was that?" Gan Ning remarked.

"What?"

"The bushes… it just moved."

Lu Xun ducked, "Probably just the bunnies." and went back to his beauty sleep.

Gan Ning tend to believe Lu Xun's words, although it sounded unbelievable. After rounds of yawning and blanket-searching, the bushes dugged deeper, in which disturbed him. He bothered to throw a twig and mumbled cusses, "…stupid bunnies…"

     -- to the wu camp --

"Zhou Yu! What happened to you!?" Xiao Qiao ran over to her husband concernedly.

Zhou Yu stared at her for a while and continued walking with trembling steps.

Taishi Ci ducked a blow playfully, "You okay, partner?" but due to Zhou Yu's out-of-guard condition, he crashed the recesses of vases. He sighed heavily, eyeing his teared off clothes, "Man, you look like you just got raped or something. Did some Wei dog mistook you as a woman and kidnap you for the night?"

Hearing the word rape kept Xiao alarmed, "How come there're many lipstick smooches around your face!?"

Sun Quan, Sun Shang Xiang, Lu Meng, Zhou Tai, and the rest of the Wu officers looked at him in amusement, "Uuuuuu~~~"

"By the way, where's my brother?" Shang Xiang approached the badly-shaped Zhou Yu.

He kept silent, then mumbled something about, "…fell down an endless pit…"

Shang Xiang shrugged and questioned again, "And where's Gan Ning?"

Passed out.

     -- back at Lu Xun's chamber --

"It's been a while…" Lu Xun began to look back at the enchanting yet mystifying moon… like he did yesterday.

Gan Ning was sleeping very soundly, as well as the guards. Sun Ce's whereabouts was still mysterious, however. But fortunately, the Wu officers had came to the rescue, following Gan Ning's unexpected lead. The party stumbled to a forest of bushes—

…and two of the officers fell down an endless pit, same to where Sun Ce had fallen.

"Damn. They're gone." Sun Quan looked back.

Shang Xiang immediately took the lead, "Anyway, we gotta get Lu Xun fast. Who knows Zhang He impregnates her already!"

Lu Meng groaned, "You know it's bad luck to say those things…" he stated statically.

But after a few minutes of exploring, a very-very-stressing-and-ear-disturbing-alarm-like sound echoed. None did the Wu officers realized what it was, but the next thing they knew, Shang Xiang was alone.

Lu Xun woke to see if Gan Ning was doing alright, but unfortunately, he was nowhere to be found.

Disappeared.

~tbc

author's rants:
A very, very scriptive chapter, don't you think? I personally think it's not so funny, although I really like the part where Lu Xun and Zhang He had a little bit of arguing (which looks like a soap opera rip-off). But anyway, this chapter ended unexpectedly with a cliffhanger. Right, a cliffhanger, can you believe that? The Wu troops are all busted (except Shang Xiang) and a punishment might be awaiting them in the next chapter… Whoops, spoiler! No, not really, I haven't really thought about how the next chappie will go so I'll think about it ASAP.

Thanks for your feedbacks! It really has gotten me a super duper boost! ^_____^  Keep those reviews coming, kay?

Btw, if you haven't noticed the sentence "they were indeed beautiful to ruin a kingdom" is obviously taken from the novel (again again). I just love to reuse original phrases~~