I blame Revolutions. Before that, I wouldn't even read a depressing fic. Now look at me - I've gone and written one. Ah, well. What're you gonna do?
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Not for Nothing
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It wasn't fair. That was the thought running through his mind, as he knelt there beside her, squeezing her hand with all his strength.
"Oh, no." He was frozen, could barely move. He was praying in his head, to whatever god would listen, that this wasn't happening. That his love wasn't about to die. "Oh no, no, no." He choked on a sob and held her hand even tighter.
"It's all right," Trinity whispered. It tore his heart apart even more, hearing her strain to breathe, to speak. She was in pain, he could hear it. So much pain. But she continued to speak to him anyway. "It's time. I've done all that I can do. Now you have to do the rest." Neo couldn't move, couldn't think of anything beyond the fact that she was dying, impaled from the crash only moments before. He was holding back sobs, trying to think of something - anything - he could do to save her. "You have to finish it. You have to save Zion."
"I can't." His voice broke, unable to hold back his fear, his desperation. "Not without you."
"Yes you can. You will." She was smiling ever so slightly, he could hear it in her voice. A new wave of grief swept over him - that he would never see her again, never see those beautiful, angelic eyes. He would never see her smile, never again see the fire, the passion she had for everything she did. The last time he would ever see her would be with a knife pressed up against her neck.. "I believe it. I always have."
He could barely breath, his voice shaking. "Trinity," he begged, his hand instinctively finding the side of her face, stroking it gently. He tried to picture her, envision every curve and line of her face, the sweep of her neck, the jet-black hair that he so loved to twirl between his fingers late at night. He created a perfect image of her in his mind, her face smiling gently, kindly, lovingly. "Trinity... you can't die. You can't, you can't...."
"Oh, yes I can." There was a familiar conviction in her voice, a calm. She was not afraid of her death. Something in Neo snapped at this, accepted what was happening, whether he wanted to or not. No matter how horrible it was. This same thing halted all else in his mind, sending it away. She was fighting this, he knew, fighting to stay alive just a few moments more. For him. Something in his heart forced his mind into silence, making him listen to her, to hear the last things she wanted him to know. "You brought me back once, but not this time."
Her voice was growing weaker, her breathing slower, and he silenced his sobs so that not a single word would be spoken in vain, unheard.
She was silent for a moment. "Do you remember?" she asked him. There was happiness and sadness simultaneously, as she thought back. "On that roof, after you caught me? The last thing I said to you?"
"... you said 'I'm sorry.'"
"I wish I hadn't. That was my last thought. I wished I had one more chance, to say what really mattered. To say how much I loved you, how grateful I was for every moment I was with you." This admission from her broke his heart. Broke his heart, because it was exactly what he wanted to say to her, but didn't know how. Everything he wanted her to know, but couldn't express. That she was a blessing he didn't deserve, that she was everything to him. That she was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and that she made him complete. It brought forth a cry he could not suppress. "But by the time I knew how to say what I wanted to, it was too late."
He felt her struggle for breath beside him, and he wished that he could take her pain away. End her suffering. "But you brought me back," she sighed. "You gave me my wish. One more chance to say what I really wanted to say."
She was almost gone. Almost gone from this world, forever. "Kiss me. Once more."
Kiss her, urged a small voice in his mind. She had never asked for anything for herself, in the entire time he had known her. Everything she did was for someone else, to help another, to ease a stranger's hurt. Someone else. Always someone else, and never herself. This was the only thing she had ever wanted, just for her and no one else. Her one request, to leave this world with the feeling of his lips on hers, silently telling her just how much he loved her, one last time. Kiss her.
"Kiss me."
He forced his body to move, to bend closer to her, find her lips. His kiss was gentle, but as passionate as he could make it. In that moment, he poured ever bit of love, ever emotion he had ever had for her into that one kiss. It was a desperate kiss, desperate to tell her, to make her understand, just how deeply his love for her ran, how it filled his very heart and soul to bursting. Desperate to show her exactly what she meant to him. And when she kissed him back, drawing on the very last of her strength, he knew he had succeeded.
The kiss seemed to last an eternity, seemed that they would never be separated. But she stopped, her head fell back, breaking their final kiss, and her hand became limp within his.
She was gone.
He didn't know how long he was there, lying over her body, sobbing, holding her as tightly as he possibly could.
I can't do this Trinity, he thought, hoping desperately that, somehow, she would hear him. I can't do this without you. She had said he would be able to, that she had always believed he would. But he couldn't even begin to imagine how. She had been there from the beginning, guiding him, protecting him, giving him her strength. She was what kept him going, no matter what anyone else may have thought. If it weren't for her, he would never have been able to do any of the things he did. If it weren't for her, he wouldn't even be here. How many times had she saved his life, brought him back to life?
Yes, she had brought him back from the dead, just as he had done for her, not twenty-four hours ago. Why, why, why did this have to happen? Why did he bring her back, only to have her die in his arms again? So she could have her wish. That same voice again. She wanted to tell you, and gave her the chance. He broke down sobbing again, his face buried in her cooling neck.
"Do you feel this?" He heard her voice, her beautiful, angelic voice in his mind again, remembering the night in Zion only days before. It was as if she was still there with him. A ghost, or spirit. An angel now more than ever. It was as if he could feel her taking his hand again. "I'm never letting go."
Don't let her die for nothing. Just a whisper now. His sobbing quieted a little, softened. Don't you dare let her die for nothing! She wanted him to do this. She wanted him to finish this, to put an end to the war. She had spent every day for the past twelve years fighting, risking her life, so that she could end this war. She was the reason he fought, his reason for wanting to end it. He loved her more than anything, and nothing would make her happier than for it to be over, for there to be peace. Do this for her. Finish this, for her sake.
End this.
He forced himself up, to move to the wall of the cockpit, feeling around in his blindness for the cabinet where emergency blankets were always kept. When he found one, he crawled over the rubble of the crash, back to Trinity. He stayed there for a long minute, caressing the side of her face with a shaking hand.
"I'm gonna fix this, Trin," he whispered, fighting not to break down again. "I promise you."
He leaned over and kissed her again, ignoring how cold her lips had become. He stayed there for a long time, finally sitting up and unfolding the blanket. He covered her with it, as best he could with the poles being in the way.
"I promise."