Days with the "Police Academy" Crew
Note: Okay, for the first chapter in a series of events exhibiting the officers' usual comedic acts, I'm doing a day at the office with some of the "Police Academy" characters. I may have to do a background check on all seven movies in case there are characters I miss, so please bear with me! ^_^ As usual, the characters are owned by Warner Bros. Studios, Inc., with the exception of Jessica, who is MINE, ALL MINE! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!...Um, okay. Now, on to our first story.
At the Metropolitan Police precinct, headquarters for the officers, the day begins as usual-with hilarity and chaos.
FACKLER: *walks into the office area with a cup of hot coffee, passing other officers and cheerfully greeting them* Hi..How are you this morning?...Great day, isn't it? Hey, have a good day, okay?...*what he doesn't realize is that everyone is making tracks to get out of his way, the poor guy just keeps on going until.*
OFFICER: *as he slams into Fackler and gets the coffee dumped down the front of his shirt* NNNNNNGAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! X.X FACKLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! *however, because he's in so much pain the burned officer doesn't have the motivation to go after Fackler, so he runs off to find help for himself*
FACKLER: Oops! *calls after the officer* Sorry about that! *he continues walking along and takes his nightstick off his belt, yet there will be a few more unfortunate victims smacked either in the back of the head or in the face*
OFFICERS: *as they get hit by Fackler swinging his nightstick* YEOWCH! Watch it!...OW! Hey man, careful with that thing!...*as one takes a "sucker punch" type of hit in the face, he goes down and finds his hand has some red stuff on it because the blow gave him a nosebleed*
Meanwhile, over at the dispatcher desk.
HOOKS: Sir, can you please tell me what's wrong? *voice heard garbled on the other end* I can't understand you, sir. Please calm down and speak clearly. *Hooks still can't comprehend him* Sir, I-sir, would you please-I can't make out-*after a few more tries, Hooks gets fed up and her voice goes from light and airy to.* ALRIGHT! NOW YOU QUIT YOUR BABBLING OR I'M GONNA REACH IN THROUGH THIS PHONE AND RIP THAT TONGUE OF YOURS OUTTA YOUR MOUTH!! YOU GOT ME, BOY?! * this is a typical Hooks reaction when she needs to get someone's attention*
OFFICER #2: *walking by, hears Hooks screech into the phone, and holds his ears* Whoa! Easy there, Hooks!
HOOKS: *looks back over her shoulder at him, covering the phone receiver, now talking in her normal sweet voice* Oh, ah, I'm sorry. I really am.
OFFICER #2: Never mind. Just get on with what you were doing.
HOOKS: Okay. *turns back to the desk and uncovers the receiver* Sir, now if you can tell me where you are-*can tell the man is about to go on in a panicky voice and she won't be able to make out what he's saying again, so she gets him straightened out for good this time* LISTEN UP! I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS CRAP FROM YOU, SO TIGHTEN UP THAT TONGUE AND CALM THE HELL DOWN! I NEED YOUR LOCATION, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG, AND WHO I NEED TO SEND TO HELP YOU OUT! DO IT NOW! *the man on the other end of the line gives her the information she, um, "requested" and Hooks speaks in her regular voice* Thank you. But next time, sir, try and be more clear about the situation. GOT IT?! Have a nice day. *hangs up the phone and sighs, smiling* My job is done. *flips the switch for the dispatcher's pager* KN-43, Metropolitan Police to L.A. emergency squad.
And in Captain Harris's office.
CAPT. HARRIS: Proctor, do you know why I am not the commandant of this police force?
PROCTOR: It's obvious, sir. Because Commandant Lassard is! *grins, thinking he's so smart*
CAPT. HARRIS: *grimaces because his yes-man isn't the brightest in the world* I know that, you twit! Commandant Lassard is in charge and not me because all those who're in charge in the world are incompetent imbeciles! People are just too blind and stupid to see it! This police department needs someone who is competent, and.intelligent.a leader.someone like *looks off into space, lost in his dream world* me. *his dreamy smile grows into a demonic grin as he comes back into reality* D Proctor, I'm getting an idea.a deliciously evil idea.
PROCTOR: Oh, you always come up with the best ideas, sir! *he's getting excited now* What's your plan?
CAPT. HARRIS: Not so loud, Spam-for-brains! *uses his trusty baton to thwap Proctor* Do you want everyone in the whole precinct to hear?!
PROCTOR: OW! *drops his voice to a whisper* I mean, no, sir!
CAPT. HARRIS: Then keep your trap shut, blabbermouth! Besides, I need to concentrate. I have to figure out a way to incapacitate Commandant Lassard so that he's removed from his position, or else simply bump him off without the incapacitation part. Either way, I must force Lassard to step down and pass his rank on to ME. That position should be mine, and I will make sure it happens, one way or another. *a soft, evil laugh comes out of his mouth, then it grows louder, until Harris is laughing like a madman, and his lackey joins in, both making for a humorous scene of typical comedy villainy*
That's all for Day One. Stay tuned for our next hysterical episode inside the workplace of our favorite inept flatfeet.
Note: Okay, for the first chapter in a series of events exhibiting the officers' usual comedic acts, I'm doing a day at the office with some of the "Police Academy" characters. I may have to do a background check on all seven movies in case there are characters I miss, so please bear with me! ^_^ As usual, the characters are owned by Warner Bros. Studios, Inc., with the exception of Jessica, who is MINE, ALL MINE! Bwahahahahahahahahaha!...Um, okay. Now, on to our first story.
At the Metropolitan Police precinct, headquarters for the officers, the day begins as usual-with hilarity and chaos.
FACKLER: *walks into the office area with a cup of hot coffee, passing other officers and cheerfully greeting them* Hi..How are you this morning?...Great day, isn't it? Hey, have a good day, okay?...*what he doesn't realize is that everyone is making tracks to get out of his way, the poor guy just keeps on going until.*
OFFICER: *as he slams into Fackler and gets the coffee dumped down the front of his shirt* NNNNNNGAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! X.X FACKLEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! *however, because he's in so much pain the burned officer doesn't have the motivation to go after Fackler, so he runs off to find help for himself*
FACKLER: Oops! *calls after the officer* Sorry about that! *he continues walking along and takes his nightstick off his belt, yet there will be a few more unfortunate victims smacked either in the back of the head or in the face*
OFFICERS: *as they get hit by Fackler swinging his nightstick* YEOWCH! Watch it!...OW! Hey man, careful with that thing!...*as one takes a "sucker punch" type of hit in the face, he goes down and finds his hand has some red stuff on it because the blow gave him a nosebleed*
Meanwhile, over at the dispatcher desk.
HOOKS: Sir, can you please tell me what's wrong? *voice heard garbled on the other end* I can't understand you, sir. Please calm down and speak clearly. *Hooks still can't comprehend him* Sir, I-sir, would you please-I can't make out-*after a few more tries, Hooks gets fed up and her voice goes from light and airy to.* ALRIGHT! NOW YOU QUIT YOUR BABBLING OR I'M GONNA REACH IN THROUGH THIS PHONE AND RIP THAT TONGUE OF YOURS OUTTA YOUR MOUTH!! YOU GOT ME, BOY?! * this is a typical Hooks reaction when she needs to get someone's attention*
OFFICER #2: *walking by, hears Hooks screech into the phone, and holds his ears* Whoa! Easy there, Hooks!
HOOKS: *looks back over her shoulder at him, covering the phone receiver, now talking in her normal sweet voice* Oh, ah, I'm sorry. I really am.
OFFICER #2: Never mind. Just get on with what you were doing.
HOOKS: Okay. *turns back to the desk and uncovers the receiver* Sir, now if you can tell me where you are-*can tell the man is about to go on in a panicky voice and she won't be able to make out what he's saying again, so she gets him straightened out for good this time* LISTEN UP! I'M NOT GONNA TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS CRAP FROM YOU, SO TIGHTEN UP THAT TONGUE AND CALM THE HELL DOWN! I NEED YOUR LOCATION, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG, AND WHO I NEED TO SEND TO HELP YOU OUT! DO IT NOW! *the man on the other end of the line gives her the information she, um, "requested" and Hooks speaks in her regular voice* Thank you. But next time, sir, try and be more clear about the situation. GOT IT?! Have a nice day. *hangs up the phone and sighs, smiling* My job is done. *flips the switch for the dispatcher's pager* KN-43, Metropolitan Police to L.A. emergency squad.
And in Captain Harris's office.
CAPT. HARRIS: Proctor, do you know why I am not the commandant of this police force?
PROCTOR: It's obvious, sir. Because Commandant Lassard is! *grins, thinking he's so smart*
CAPT. HARRIS: *grimaces because his yes-man isn't the brightest in the world* I know that, you twit! Commandant Lassard is in charge and not me because all those who're in charge in the world are incompetent imbeciles! People are just too blind and stupid to see it! This police department needs someone who is competent, and.intelligent.a leader.someone like *looks off into space, lost in his dream world* me. *his dreamy smile grows into a demonic grin as he comes back into reality* D Proctor, I'm getting an idea.a deliciously evil idea.
PROCTOR: Oh, you always come up with the best ideas, sir! *he's getting excited now* What's your plan?
CAPT. HARRIS: Not so loud, Spam-for-brains! *uses his trusty baton to thwap Proctor* Do you want everyone in the whole precinct to hear?!
PROCTOR: OW! *drops his voice to a whisper* I mean, no, sir!
CAPT. HARRIS: Then keep your trap shut, blabbermouth! Besides, I need to concentrate. I have to figure out a way to incapacitate Commandant Lassard so that he's removed from his position, or else simply bump him off without the incapacitation part. Either way, I must force Lassard to step down and pass his rank on to ME. That position should be mine, and I will make sure it happens, one way or another. *a soft, evil laugh comes out of his mouth, then it grows louder, until Harris is laughing like a madman, and his lackey joins in, both making for a humorous scene of typical comedy villainy*
That's all for Day One. Stay tuned for our next hysterical episode inside the workplace of our favorite inept flatfeet.