Last Revision: June 28, 2007.
Author's Note: So then, this fanfic is a little bit different than the ones I've written in the past since it doesn't focus on male bonding of any sort. This one is a Junpei-centric fic that focuses on Junpei's feelings for Izumi mostly, but there's a touch of romance mixed in as well. So, enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon Frontier or any of the characters in it.
Perils of Love
Blonde Haired Angel
The magnificent sky was above me, the gently blowing grass shifting around beneath me. Fluffy clouds dotted the sky and brightly colored flowers dotted the ground. It was a familiar sight, since I had started getting used to seeing this place frequently. It was the world in my dreams, a perfect little place that I could escape to in times of need. I felt that strange yet comforting feeling of being on neither the sky nor the ground, and then I saw her.
Turquoise eyes focused intently on my form, her golden blonde tresses wavering in the breeze. The breeze, the wind. It was her element, and she looked fantastic surrounded by it. How perfectly gorgeous she looked just standing there in that long white gown that I had always imagined her wearing in my daydreams. She looked like a princess, but that was expected. She was a princess, a princess I longed so badly to have. A princess that deserved only the best from her beloved. The best, something I couldn't possibly offer up to her.
Never have I considered myself to be anything special. I'm just the kid that the majority of people poke fun at. Just the chocolate-loving boy that everyone seems to be cooler than. Just the person who fails at doing the most simple of tasks half of the time and has become an expert at making a fool out of himself. I know I have good friends who might disagree with that, but still. I'm nothing special, nothing grand.
She's so attractive though, kind and caring, and smart with an incredible personality. How could someone like her ever like someone like me? I mean, sure. I've accomplished some things in my life. After all, I was one of the six kids who helped save two worlds. Then again, she helped too. So to her, my achievement probably doesn't mean as much as it would to outsiders. Not that any of them would believe me if I told them I helped save two worlds, but still.
I'm spending too much time thinking I thought to myself. If I wanted a chance I'd have to make a move. It's possible that she could like me back right?
Slowly I walked towards her, but as soon as I did she started to fade. I called out to her, wishing for her figure to reappear. It was to no avail as she continued to fade, slowly disappearing. It was like torture to see her image weaken until it was no more. Gone forever, and I had lost my chance with an angel because of my own self-doubt. It was my own fault, my own doing. If I had moved faster perhaps I would've had a chance, perhaps I would've been able to tell her my feelings. Just maybe.
"Should've believed in myself." I said, thinking out-loud. "Should've taken a chance...should've..."
"Shibayama-san! Wake up!" Came an angry male voice. I jumped as I heard it before looking up to my teacher, Mr. Fusaki. He seemed furious, but I couldn't blame him. After all, I had been sleeping in his class, again.
"This is the second time this week and it's only Wednesday! One more time and your parents will be informed of this!" He yelled. I heard giggles from students around me as Mr. Fusaki recomposed himself and continued on with the math lesson he had been rambling on about before. A groan escaped me as I rested my head on my desk once more, still not really paying any attention. Ever since my return from the Digital World I've only thought about her more, or for anyone who hasn't already guessed, Orimoto Izumi. Izumi-chan, angel in my dreams and reality.
It's strange, all these new feelings. I've never felt this way before. Every time I see her I can't help looking at her. I've never felt the urge to be around a person as much as possible, especially a girl. Somehow I think it being my first crush contributes to my uncertainty. It seems like all the other guys in my class are already with a girl, and if they aren't they've been with a girl before. Oh well, just another reason for me to be singled out. Of course I have friends at school, but they aren't as supporting as they should be at times. It really does make me wish I were back in the Digital World.
Now that I think about it, a lot of things were much different in the Digital World, but perhaps the biggest difference is that I don't get to see Izumi-chan as often as I used to. I'm in middle school, and she isn't. Even if there weren't a difference in grade level there would still be very little chance that the two of us would be going to the same school. I hate that I can't even see her until the day is almost over. Then again, the other four have to deal with it too, although they probably don't feel the need to see Izumi as much as I do.
I want to be with her. Someone like her would make me feel so complete. How great it'd feel to hear her say she liked me back. I've lied awake in bed at night thinking about the good things she'd say about me, and how afterwards I would return the favor. It's gotten to be a bad habit of mine. I shouldn't fantasize about such things.
Wait a minute. Her liking me back, is that even possible?
Well, it doesn't seem likely. After all, there were three other eligible guys in the Digital World with her, besides me of course, and most of the world's male population on top of that. There was Kouichi, a nice kid, although he seems a little too much on the shy side to tell Izumi if he feels anything for her outside of friendship. Then there's his twin, Kouji. Despite the fact that Kouji's hair makes him look like a girl in my opinion, he's still much cooler and calmer than I am. Still, he never seemed too interested in Izumi, and she seems to think of him only as a friend. Finally there's Takuya.
Takuya has all the qualities girls seem to be looking for now. He's a born leader and a complete optimist. He's the kind of person who's almost always happy and equipped with a good sense of humor. It always seemed like he would've gotten together with a girl sooner than he did, but I'll get into that later. His most admirable physical quality is probably his smile. When he smiles even I feel suddenly happy. There's always just been something about him that brings a certain light into my soul, something I'll never have, something I could only dream to...
"Briiiiiiiing!" Goes the bell, bringing me out of thought. Slowly I get up from my seat and look up at the clock. 13:04 it says in big black numbers, time to leave the school. I grab my belongings from the back and head out of the room. Even though I know I should have stayed to help clean up I didn't feel like making my Digital World friends wait for me. I already was going to be a little late because I would need to change out of my uniform, one of the many middle school requirements. Guess I should explain this ritual I and the other five share a bit more.
All six of us ex-Legendary Warriors had made a decision after arriving back home. We all promised that we'd meet on Saturdays at the local park. Today had been the second Saturday of the month however, so therefore everyone had to go to school first. Even if it is for only half the day it still isn't fair. Not really sure, but I've heard that American kids don't ever have to go to school on Saturdays.
Anyways, school on Saturday did mean changing out of uniform first. Despite the fact that I like the uniform, it isn't very comfortable in a casual setting. I headed off to the bathroom to change into the T-shirt and pants I had brought in my backpack. As I did I couldn't help thinking about my dream.
It truly did seem to reflect the problems I was facing. Never could I work up the nerve to tell Izumi-chan how I felt, and even if I could I'd probably spend too much time thinking about what to say and do. I'd lose my chance, again. It scares me, what if I told her how I felt and she didn't feel the same way? What if I scared her off and she started avoiding me? What if she didn't want to be friends anymore? I couldn't stand the thought.
I want our relationship to be more, but I don't want to ruin the good one we already have. Although, I'm pretty sure she already knows I like her. Takuya knew after a few hours of us being around each other. If she doesn't know that I like her, I wish she did know. I wish she'd tell me and save me from possible rejection. Really, I should ask her. I helped save the Digital World, defeated one of the most powerful creatures around, but yet I'm still too scared to ask her a simple question.
But I couldn't stay in the bathroom thinking forever; I slowly turned to leave and headed out of the school. It was still about a half-mile to the park, and I had to walk.
I heard my feet pattering against the concrete with each step as I made my way towards the park. Finally I had time alone to continue my thought session that started in the bathroom.
My question to myself was simple. Why couldn't I tell her how I felt? Rejection doesn't seem like a big deal when you hear other people talk about it, but the thought scares me. At least in my current situation I can dream about and have distant hope that she could like me back. But if I told her and she didn't feel the same way, then I worry that I'd no longer be able to think about her as anything more than just a friend.
Soon the park was in my sights. Just as I had suspected I was the last to arrive. Tomoki was practicing soccer with Takuya. Both of them seemed to be having the time of their lives. The twins were on one of the several park benches, conversing on the topic of common interests and experiences as far as I could tell. Despite the fact that I enjoy Tomoki, Takuya, and the twins' company, they weren't the ones I was looking for.
I quickly scanned over the park. Several other groups of kids were playing on the equipment, most being younger than me. I continued to scan, not finding Izumi-chan. Before I knew it my heart had begun beating as I became slightly panicked. My worrying was soon subdued however, for soon I saw her beautiful figure walking towards the park.
She looked absolutely stunning, at least in my opinion. A long, red skirt that came down a bit past her knees and a matching red sweater with a white turtleneck underneath completed her main attire. In each ear she wore golden-colored earring in the shape of a butterfly along with a matching necklace. Her hair, which she had left down, blew back behind her as her element encompassed her form. Gorgeous, so gorgeous.
As everyone caught sight of her they stopped what they were doing and went off towards her. Tomoki was the first to reach her, since he had been the closest. He greeted her with a hug, and the three other older boys just watched him, something in their eyes glistening with envy of some sorts at the young Tomoki. It was almost as if they wished they had the courage to hug a girl in such a casual manner.
Ah well, it didn't matter for long. After noticing the other boys' hesitation she gave each of them a hug. Kouichi only smiled slightly and hugged her back, Kouji half-heartedly tried to move away but managed a half-smile, and Takuya turned a bright red. Izumi-chan then saw me.
A warm smile adorned her face as she told me not to be shy and she soon gave me a hug as well. I knew my face must have looked like an apple of some sort by the time she pulled away from me. Thankfully she didn't seem to notice, and went off to the bench that Kouichi and Kouji had been sitting on earlier after ridding herself of pleasantries. Everything then suddenly went back to normal. Tomoki and Takuya resumed their game, and the twins relocated to another bench to continue their conversation. Of course, they only did this after they had greeted me. Izumi-chan sat by herself for a moment, observing the scenery before pulling out a novel and reading.
I couldn't help but to smile at her. She looked so beautiful. I had decided at that moment I had to tell her how I felt. If I didn't, then I'd most likely live my whole teenage life wondering what could have been. I took a deep breath and weighed the consequences.
What if she got scared and didn't want to be friends with me anymore? What if she didn't take me seriously? What if she already had someone?
Another deep breath. It wasn't likely that she'd stop being friends with me over something so silly right? After all, we had survived the wilderness of the Digital World and destroyed the most powerful creature in the world together. Surely her knowing that I liked her wouldn't destroy that which we had created. As far as her not taking me seriously at first, I concluded that that wouldn't be a problem.
What if she already had someone?
That question made me feel weird. She seemed too young to already have someone. She was only in 5th grade, right? Still though, someone as attractive as her would be likely to have a boyfriend already. Besides, if she did have someone then I'd know that I wasn't the first on her list, and most likely not on her list at all.
But what if she said yes?
If she said yes I could finally be happy and quit worrying. I would no longer have to admire her from far away or wish she were mine. She'd be my first girlfriend, and I would no longer have to feel left out when my friends talked about their girls. It would end the cycle of my friends teasing me about not having anyone who would want me. Although, I never really wanted her to impress my friends. All I ever wanted was someone who would like me despite my small flaws, or perhaps even like me because of them.
After contemplating I realized that the pros far out-weighed the cons. I gathered myself up from my spot on the ground and sat next to Izumi-chan, my mind racing like a runaway train, my heart pounding with a sound that resembled stampeding elephants. She only glanced up at me, a smile upon her lips. "Hey Junpei."
"H-Hello Izumi-chan..." I stuttered. Silently I cursed myself for stuttering like I had. I was nervous, but I didn't need Izumi-chan to know that. "...can...can I tell you something?" I continued.
She looked at me for a moment, obviously not suspecting a thing. "Sure." she replied happily, marking the spot in novel with a bookmark before setting it down beside her.
"Well I...I just wanted to say that...well what I mean is that...I...I like..."
"Hey Izumi!"
I looked up, interrupted from my thoughts. It had been Takuya. As he walked over to us I couldn't help but to glare at him, not understanding why he had to choose such a terrible time to barge into our conversation. He stopped in front of Izumi and forced a smile to his lips.
"Izumi, I need to talk to you, alone. It's important." He said in a matter-of-factly tone. She looked to me, back to Takuya, and then to me again.
"I'll be back in a moment Junpei." She said. With that she rose from her spot on the bench and followed Takuya off to a place just out of hearing range, but I could still see them if I looked closely and sat at just the right angle.
First I saw Takuya talking, a slight blush on his face, his expression being a mix of embarrassment and shyness from what I could tell. Then Izumi smiled, and this caused Takuya to smile too. They then hugged and began walking back towards me, both looking indescribably happy. I couldn't help but to tilt my head, curious as to what had been said.
Soon Izumi-chan was sitting next to me again. I decided that I'd asked what had happened, despite it not being any of my business. Naturally, I wasn't the type of person who'd poke my nose into other people's daily doings, but I needed time to regather my thoughts and courage, and asking her about it seemed to be the perfect way to stall for enough time to do this. To my question she sighed happily and began her explanation.
"Takuya...he said that he liked me...that he's liked me for a long time now...you have no idea how happy I am Junpei. I've wanted to be with him for so long...I love his smile and his attitude...he's so outgoing and optimistic and...oh...I'm sorry. What were you going to say before we were interrupted?"
"I..." By now I no longer had the will to tell her how I felt. She had someone, Takuya. And she had wanted to be with him. However, I wasn't going to be rude and leave in the middle of the conversation. "I...I was just going to say...that you look really pretty in that skirt. I...I just wanted to know if it was new." My gaze drifted downward.
"Yeah. As a matter of fact it is! I'm glad someone noticed. Thanks Junpei." She said, looking at me. A moment of uncomfortable silence passed before she spoke again. "You okay?"
"I...I just feel a little sick. I think I'm gonna go home." I said, trying to sound halfway believable. Soon I felt Izumi-chan look at me with concerned eyes before gently patting my back. All I wanted was to get away and be alone with my thoughts.
Slowly I got up and headed out of the park unnoticed by anyone other then Izumi-ch-, no. Just Izumi. A feeling of regret dove deep into my stomach and my eyes burned with tears. Why did it hurt so much to think that Izumi almost certainly didn't like me back? The tears I managed to hold back, but the pain only grew worse. Maybe it hurt so badly because I felt that Takuya didn't deserve Izumi, but that was a selfish thought. He deserved her more than anyone else. Through all the toughest times he was the hero, not me. From the point where he was able to Double Spirit evolve on I felt like I was just there. Not as worthy or useful as I could've been.
It's just like in the movies. The hero gets the girl and fame while any lessers slowly fade into the background and get little more than personal satisfaction for their good deeds.
But, perhaps one day in the distant future I'll have another chance.
Author's Note: End of the fanfic. Critique is always appreciated. Thanks to everyone who read through it.
