A/N: Whew. Another chapter written. And posted. Whee. Please enjoy
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I decided not to ask Ryou about it. The mere idea of confronting him bothered and frightened me in ways I found hard to explain. I kept my inquisitions at bay, playing along with his façade of innocence. Maybe if I didn't remind him, he'd forget, and stop nursing his impossible delusions.
Yet the dreams continued. Though I knew they had to stop, one fast growing part of me desperately wanted them to go on. They held a perverse enjoyment that was borne of both the goings-on in Ryou's dream, and the joy I found in watching myself suffer. Because I do. Enjoy my own pain I mean. And no pain was worse than watching Ryou being given such unbridled pleasure from a stranger.
After all, the boy, though he may have looked like me, was not me. Merely a figment of my Hikari's imagination.
Yet it was even more hurtful to know I would never be able to take his place. And I knew I couldn't take much more of this pain. No matter how much it satisfied my own need for self torture.
In spite of my inner turmoil, I was still able to enjoy the more obvious parts of the dream. Watching "me" inside him, while he writhed underneath me, begging for more, his inaudible moans interspersed with desperate calls of my name. Bakura-sama had never sounded so beautiful, the way it slunk around the curve of his tongue, dancing it's way past his soft, delicate lips, only to be lost in the creak of bedsprings.
And I would kiss his mercifully until he bled, following with the innocent intent of licking the away the blood, only to let my tongue take me where it pleased.
He couldn't get enough, and at times I wondered how many wet dreams one could have until it could be categorized some kind of disorder.
The greatest pleasure came from his mental feeling of satisfaction when waking, the way he would sit in bed long after he had awakened, reliving his dream with such abandon he sometimes forgot to shield his thoughts from me. Not that his pathetic efforts succeeded anyway.
When he did forget, a cloud of shame would momentarily fill his emotional field. His reverie broken, he would check on me in my soul room with the innocent intent of "waking me", when in truth he wanted to check if he had been caught.
Instead of increasing his embarrassment by catching him in the act, I felt myself putting on the best act of my life. I made sure he always found me asleep or otherwise occupied, and acted with great annoyance when I was, "disturbed". Convinced I was naïve regarding his malignant actions, his wave of guilt would lift, returning him to his usual state of blissful oblivion.
The most disturbing thing was, no matter how much I told myself I did it for the sense of fulfillment I got from watching myself doing naughty things to Ryou, in truth I did it because it made him happy.
Happy. The way his eyes would light up in secret triumph, a blush of clandestine accomplishment creeping to his cheeks as he apologized for bothering me. I'd watch as he returned to his own body, smiling that sweet smile and hugging his pillow.
I enjoyed this display of happiness more than anything I'd ever known. This confused me to know end, often ruining the moment by sending me into a spiral of questions devoid of answers. But even my own puzzlement could not detour me from making him smile.
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A/N. Smiles are fun ^_^. It's really early in the morning *yawn*. Hope ya'll enjoyed. I'll update as soon as possible… possible being once I get my muses rears in gear. Ooh! Today's my Mom's birthday. I'm not sure how happy she'd be to have a yaoi fanficiton dedicated to her though… maybe a nice card.