I have an essay due tomorrow. Rather than working on that I found myself writing this. I didn't really plan on continuing on my first story, so I'm not sure how well it fits, but it's here all the same.
The pounding of the rain woke Mireille up, as it had several times throughout the winter night. Groggily rolling over on one elbow, she faced her still sleeping girl next to her. Kirika's face was completely relaxed in sleep; her childish features almost serene as if she had no knowledge or worries of thundering storm that was brewing outside. Normally Mireille might find it odd that Kirika managed to sleep so soundly though the pelting rain that banged so loudly against the windows she was almost afraid they would break. At that moment, however, she was taken by the simple beauty radiating from Kirika's form that her mind forgot to consider anything else.
After several moments she contemplated leaving the bed, as sleep no longer seemed an option. She should really do something. It had been days since they returned to the apartment and they still hadn't decided who they were, or where they were going from here.
She was calculating the probability that Kirika would wake up from the noise and contemplating the simple warmth of the bed, when she heard a roll of thunder outside. That settled it for her. No way was she going to get up and brave that storm when she had a perfectly good bed here, and an positively serene Kirika next to her. The real world could wait for a while.
Sparing another glance at her partner, and assured that she was in fact asleep, she allowed herself to breath a sigh of relief. It was the first night in ages she had seen Kirika so calm, and the first night since their return to the apartment when she had seen her sleep so soundly. It gave her hope that everything might work out okay. Although she was reluctant to admit it, Mireille had been worried about the younger girl. At times she would seem fine, her eyes full of life as she smiled. In fact it was down right disturbing how optimistic she sometimes managed to seem considering everything that had happened.
Mireille saw the other times as well.
The times when Kirika's eyes seemed to look straight through her, and Mireille knew she wasn't seeing the present. The times when she wandered around the rooms, touching things, as if they didn't seem real to her, as if she was merely just a ghost of some past event, unable to move on, and unable to let go.
They scared Mireille more than she would ever know how to admit.
The night before she had stepped out the shower to find Kirika staring in the mirror, her tooth brush frozen in her hand, staring so intently at her own reflection, as if she could no longer see who she was Of course the younger girl had tried to hide it, covering it up with smile, and questions about Mireille's injured arm. However it had done nothing to subside Mireille's worries, that maybe Kirika wouldn't be able to pull past this.
Mireille's musing were interrupted when the small figure next to her shifted suddenly, her countenance suddenly taking a dark turn. Kirika's arm twitched, the one she carried a gun in, Mireille noted, and her chapped lips opened, as if silently screaming.
"Chloe," came the pleading whisper, with so much pain behind it, Mireille almost turned away. And just when she had thought things might be okay again.
"Kirika," Mireille said firmly, shaking her with one arm.
Dark eyelashes fluttered for a moment as Kirika opened her eyes.
"Mireille?" came a hourse whisper. She sounded surprised somehow, as if she had expected to wake up somewhere else.
"You were having a dream; it's okay now." Even as she tried to hide her panic she felt the words catch in her throat.
"I thought that," her voice trailed off, and her eyes shifted of Mireille to some point on the ceiling. "I saw her."
" I know." It was the only thought that came to mind, and as soon as she heard the words she realized how inadequate they seemed. She tried to say more. She imagined the pained expression that she knew was on Kirika's face, tried to think of something that could erase it. She found there was nothing, that everything she truly wanted to say, she could never find words for.
So Mireille tried for a different form of communication.
She rolled her body towards Kirika's and wrapped one arm around her shoulder. Kirika started for a moment, her shocked glance pulled from the memories she had been replaying in her mind to her friend's face, which had been pulled into a tentative, almost shy, half smile. Kirika tried to return the smile, but found she could not. Instead she buried her head on Mireille's shoulder, as the blonde pulled her closer. A bandaged hand briefly stroked Kirika's hair, as she lost herself in Mireille's embrace.
"Mireille...I'm so sorry.." the words came muffled and half tearfully. "Your family...and..."
Mireille drew a sharp breathe. Her family. It should bother her. By rights she should hate Kirika, or at least keep some residual trace of anger and resentment that would make her want to turn away from the assassin she held so closely. But there was nothing like that. There was only sorrow, and some faint sense of loss, which only led her to want to hold Kirika tighter, to promise everything would be okay. Mireille missed and loved her family, and would always mourn their death, but she would never tie Kirika to those dark feelings. She had already moved on and she refused to return to the such a dark places.
And at the moment Kirika had to take priority over Mireille's own bitter memories, so she let go the thoughts of her family, hugging Kirika a little tighter.
"I told you it's over."
"But Mireille, I..." Mireille could hear the tears in Kirika's voice and it made her somehow angry.
"It wasn't your fault." The sharpness in her own voice surprised her. "It was Soldat's who gave you the gun, and took away my family, and if I ever get the chance I'll kill everyone of them for what they've done to both of us."
The anger in her voice must have had some effect on Kirika because she moved her head enough to see Mireille's face.
"Kirika," Mireille tried again, trying to soften her tone, find more appropriate words, but found she could not, and instead let the silence hang in the air.
She wanted to promise her it would be over, but she couldn't. They still had enemies, and they both knew that before very long they would have to deal with them in one way or another. As much as she wanted them both to be able to slip away into their own world together, she knew that real life couldn't be ignored forever. She couldn't tell her it would be okay because she didn't know if it would, and the terror that thought brought her froze the words in her throat.
She wanted to promise her that the past was dead, but she knew it could hardly be expected to stay that way for very long. The memories would always be there, and Mireille knew better than anyone except perhaps Kirika how the memory pain could linger long after the hurt. Perhaps even hold her close and tell her they could search for light, except at the moment they were very much in the darkness, and the struggle seemed even more futile than normal.
So instead Mireille did the only thing she could do given the situation.
She hugged Kirika closer and stated simply, "I'm here for you".
As she felt Kirika resting her head back on her shoulder, her gratitude the sentiments expressed in everything, but words, Mirielle thought that perhaps that would be enough.
The pounding of the rain woke Mireille up, as it had several times throughout the winter night. Groggily rolling over on one elbow, she faced her still sleeping girl next to her. Kirika's face was completely relaxed in sleep; her childish features almost serene as if she had no knowledge or worries of thundering storm that was brewing outside. Normally Mireille might find it odd that Kirika managed to sleep so soundly though the pelting rain that banged so loudly against the windows she was almost afraid they would break. At that moment, however, she was taken by the simple beauty radiating from Kirika's form that her mind forgot to consider anything else.
After several moments she contemplated leaving the bed, as sleep no longer seemed an option. She should really do something. It had been days since they returned to the apartment and they still hadn't decided who they were, or where they were going from here.
She was calculating the probability that Kirika would wake up from the noise and contemplating the simple warmth of the bed, when she heard a roll of thunder outside. That settled it for her. No way was she going to get up and brave that storm when she had a perfectly good bed here, and an positively serene Kirika next to her. The real world could wait for a while.
Sparing another glance at her partner, and assured that she was in fact asleep, she allowed herself to breath a sigh of relief. It was the first night in ages she had seen Kirika so calm, and the first night since their return to the apartment when she had seen her sleep so soundly. It gave her hope that everything might work out okay. Although she was reluctant to admit it, Mireille had been worried about the younger girl. At times she would seem fine, her eyes full of life as she smiled. In fact it was down right disturbing how optimistic she sometimes managed to seem considering everything that had happened.
Mireille saw the other times as well.
The times when Kirika's eyes seemed to look straight through her, and Mireille knew she wasn't seeing the present. The times when she wandered around the rooms, touching things, as if they didn't seem real to her, as if she was merely just a ghost of some past event, unable to move on, and unable to let go.
They scared Mireille more than she would ever know how to admit.
The night before she had stepped out the shower to find Kirika staring in the mirror, her tooth brush frozen in her hand, staring so intently at her own reflection, as if she could no longer see who she was Of course the younger girl had tried to hide it, covering it up with smile, and questions about Mireille's injured arm. However it had done nothing to subside Mireille's worries, that maybe Kirika wouldn't be able to pull past this.
Mireille's musing were interrupted when the small figure next to her shifted suddenly, her countenance suddenly taking a dark turn. Kirika's arm twitched, the one she carried a gun in, Mireille noted, and her chapped lips opened, as if silently screaming.
"Chloe," came the pleading whisper, with so much pain behind it, Mireille almost turned away. And just when she had thought things might be okay again.
"Kirika," Mireille said firmly, shaking her with one arm.
Dark eyelashes fluttered for a moment as Kirika opened her eyes.
"Mireille?" came a hourse whisper. She sounded surprised somehow, as if she had expected to wake up somewhere else.
"You were having a dream; it's okay now." Even as she tried to hide her panic she felt the words catch in her throat.
"I thought that," her voice trailed off, and her eyes shifted of Mireille to some point on the ceiling. "I saw her."
" I know." It was the only thought that came to mind, and as soon as she heard the words she realized how inadequate they seemed. She tried to say more. She imagined the pained expression that she knew was on Kirika's face, tried to think of something that could erase it. She found there was nothing, that everything she truly wanted to say, she could never find words for.
So Mireille tried for a different form of communication.
She rolled her body towards Kirika's and wrapped one arm around her shoulder. Kirika started for a moment, her shocked glance pulled from the memories she had been replaying in her mind to her friend's face, which had been pulled into a tentative, almost shy, half smile. Kirika tried to return the smile, but found she could not. Instead she buried her head on Mireille's shoulder, as the blonde pulled her closer. A bandaged hand briefly stroked Kirika's hair, as she lost herself in Mireille's embrace.
"Mireille...I'm so sorry.." the words came muffled and half tearfully. "Your family...and..."
Mireille drew a sharp breathe. Her family. It should bother her. By rights she should hate Kirika, or at least keep some residual trace of anger and resentment that would make her want to turn away from the assassin she held so closely. But there was nothing like that. There was only sorrow, and some faint sense of loss, which only led her to want to hold Kirika tighter, to promise everything would be okay. Mireille missed and loved her family, and would always mourn their death, but she would never tie Kirika to those dark feelings. She had already moved on and she refused to return to the such a dark places.
And at the moment Kirika had to take priority over Mireille's own bitter memories, so she let go the thoughts of her family, hugging Kirika a little tighter.
"I told you it's over."
"But Mireille, I..." Mireille could hear the tears in Kirika's voice and it made her somehow angry.
"It wasn't your fault." The sharpness in her own voice surprised her. "It was Soldat's who gave you the gun, and took away my family, and if I ever get the chance I'll kill everyone of them for what they've done to both of us."
The anger in her voice must have had some effect on Kirika because she moved her head enough to see Mireille's face.
"Kirika," Mireille tried again, trying to soften her tone, find more appropriate words, but found she could not, and instead let the silence hang in the air.
She wanted to promise her it would be over, but she couldn't. They still had enemies, and they both knew that before very long they would have to deal with them in one way or another. As much as she wanted them both to be able to slip away into their own world together, she knew that real life couldn't be ignored forever. She couldn't tell her it would be okay because she didn't know if it would, and the terror that thought brought her froze the words in her throat.
She wanted to promise her that the past was dead, but she knew it could hardly be expected to stay that way for very long. The memories would always be there, and Mireille knew better than anyone except perhaps Kirika how the memory pain could linger long after the hurt. Perhaps even hold her close and tell her they could search for light, except at the moment they were very much in the darkness, and the struggle seemed even more futile than normal.
So instead Mireille did the only thing she could do given the situation.
She hugged Kirika closer and stated simply, "I'm here for you".
As she felt Kirika resting her head back on her shoulder, her gratitude the sentiments expressed in everything, but words, Mirielle thought that perhaps that would be enough.