Hey all, I'm back again!! Well now all the soapiness is back after the boys
made up, though it did end up a little less boring than I might have made
it... so I'm happy!!! Well I've got a particular idea for this chappy and
I'm not sure if Riku's gonna realise that HE'S GAY!! Well he will, but I'm
not sure if it'll be this chapter or the next one or something... meh,
we'll soon see ^_~
Wowee, I got more reviews than ever before this time, thank you guys!! WOOT, 11 REVIEWS!!! ^_^ I won't let you down *salutes* Ok hugglez to you, you make me feel fluffy inside! I only really put those people who wrote long-ish reviews or had questions for me in my thanks, so don't get me wrong, I really am thankful to anyone who reviews! Thanks to- Uzumaki-sama- I really appreciate you saying that! And I'll check out your work as soon as I can. Sorry that I haven't yet but I'm SOOOO busy and all I've been able to do is write a little... I promise I'll have a look! baka coconut- YAAAAY, amber!! ^_^ *claps* well thanks for being there from the start, I'll keep on keeping on! camigirl4k3- yeah that was Riku saying it, coz even though he didn't know it then, Sora was in love with him and he knows that now. Thanks, I really appreciate the support and I don't think I've ever been on anyone's favourites list before- SQUEEEEE!!! ^_^ TRT14- teehee, yeah I'll read and review your story as soon as I have time, I promise!! I'm really sorry if that's not all that soon, but I'll try... but please keep reading and reviewing coz I love it, thank you Anna Chibi- sure, I'll read your fics as soon as I can and thanks, good to know I'm effecting people! I can relate to this too... I have a sad love life! CursedAngelofSephiroth- I know, I love the party thing, glad I thought of that!! Yaaaay, I sooooo love that I've inspired you!!! You're great, keep reviewing! Heather Christi- Thank you so much, it's always been a little bit of a dream to capture someone in my writing... it's very sweet of you!!! You deserve many hugglez and I hope you keep reading and reviewing!!!
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I was smiling contentedly, leaning back as I looked out at the darkening sky. Suddenly I let out a sigh and I could see Sora jump out of the corner of my eye at the sudden sound. I chuckled inwardly.
"Sor, you wanna go home now?"
The brunet tilted his head to face me and smiled at me gently.
"Ok... sure."
I planted my feet on the ground and stood up steadily. I almost stretched out my hand for Sora to get up when I reminded myself that that was exactly what had made Sora cry.
I suddenly remembered Kairi and wondered if we needed to wait for her.
"Oh, shouldn't we..."
But then I realised I wanted it to be just Sora and I, the way it had always been. So I just laughed and shook my head, grasping Sora's slender hands and heaving him up next to me.
"Hey Sora, when's Selphie's party anyway?" I asked as we fell into a slow walk heading to my house.
Sora looked at me wide-eyed.
"Riku... didn't you know?! It's tomorrow!!"
I looked up at him and laughed.
"Woops... well at least I know Kairi's not going to set me up with some scary single chick!"
"Heh, I wouldn't underestimate her setting up skills Ri, you know how it was with..."
"Yeah yeah, don't remind me!" I butt in, shuddering at the thought of my last date, the movies with the bitchiest girl I think I've ever met. Kairi found her for me in an hour after she learnt that I didn't have a date for the movies with her and Sora.
"Well damn Sor, it's no big deal!" I said after a while of thinking, "We're not girly girls, looking for our a hot guy and the right dress!"
I started fanning myself with my hand, batting my eyelashes at Sora in a girlish motion. I put on a high-pitched voice and started giggling.
"Hey... um... I like you! You're hot!" I giggled into my hand in feign embarrassment.
Sora blushed furiously and laughed giving me a strange look.
"You'd make a great girl Riku."
I ruffled Sora's hair before springing off to sprint the few metres back to my door, Sora trailing behind me.
I stopped, panting and laughing, at my doorstep. Sora shook his head and pushed my door open, chuckling. I followed him inside and we ran up to my room, slamming the door behind us as we both collapsed on my bed.
It seemed as though we had been lying there for hours when Sora shot up.
"Riku, what time is it?!" he said panicking, "My mum is going to KILL me!!!"
I smiled at him, nodding at him as he slowly sat back down on the bed.
"Just give her a call Sora, she'll be cool."
Sora gave me a sheepish smile and walked awkwardly out of my room to get the phone. I got up and walked over to where Sora had kicked his shoes off and placed them neatly in the corner. 'He's such a messy pig, thank god my room's not like his' I thought, remembering how each time I went there I was amazed that we came out alive! All of his possessions were stacked messily, one on top of the other, and the food that he left around the place made me really uneasy... I preferred coming to my house, that's for sure!
"Sora, I'm having a shower!" I yelled through the doorway as I began to undress. I slipped my shoes off next to his and pulled my top over my head, folding it over my desk chair. I slipped my pants down and slung them over the chair as well. I ventured into the big bathroom and put my socks in the washing basket, followed by my boxers.
I swung the tap until it spurted the water out and washed away the sweat and sand I was covered in, humming tunelessly as I scrubbed myself with soap. 'Ah, the shower, my little place to think,' I thought, smiling as I realised that it was true that I seemed to always be in the shower when I was thinking a lot.
Though right now it seemed that all I could think about was my relief that everything was the same as always, Sora and Kairi were going to Selphie's party together, I was going with someone and Sora was over at my place, my best friend. I rested assured that everything was completely wonderful and normal.
I heard a knock on the door. No doubt it was Sora.
"What? I'll be out in a sec Sor..."
"Um Ri, we've got a visitor," he said uneasily, "Kairi's skills may be better than we thought... she's already found one..."
I rolled my eyes as I turned off the taps slowly, yelling for Sora to run while he still could and hearing him laugh awkwardly.
I wrapped a towel around my waist, not caring if Sora and Kairi saw me half naked- it wasn't like they'd never seen it before!
I shook my head like a wet dog before pulling the door open with my hand on my hip.
"So what creature have you found this time Kai?" I murmured as I turned to my cupboard, not even bothering to look at her.
"Well," she started impatiently, "If you would just turn around and be a polite little boy, I could show her to you!"
I blinked suddenly, hearing a giggle from behind me and I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. 'Great, a bimbo,' I thought with distaste.
"Er... sorry..." I mumbled, grabbing a top and slipping it on before pivoting around to face the three people sitting on my bed. Sora was sitting there looking at his feet, and Kairi was next to him with her arm linked through his. Next to her was a blonde girl with short wispy hair and giant brown eyes. She was smiling with her hand up to her mouth, stifling more annoying giggles.
"I like him, he's got THE hottest body!" she squealed turning to Kairi, "And he's really... gorgeous!!" she finished, clapping her hands and hugging Kairi.
"Isn't she great Ri? You two haven't even been introduced yet!"
Kairi pushed the girl off and stood up with the girl following.
"Hi Rika!"
"It's Riku..." I mumbled, sticking out my hand formally. The girl squealed and blushed, forcing out her hand towards mine, grasping it painfully. I winced and pulled it back.
"And you are...?" I asked, after waiting for her to introduce herself.
"AAAWWW!! Kairi Kairi Kairi, he wants to know MY NAME!"
The girl hugged Kairi again quickly, then turning back to me, nodding and taking a deep breath.
"My name's Katarina, but you can call me Kat baby!"
I almost laughed. Was this girl for real? How was I going to stand a whole night with her?! Well... as long as I had Sora with me...
"Kai, I think you'd better take your friend and go home, Riku needs his rest... he's playing blitz tomorrow."
I smiled at the lie Sora had just come up with. Guess he was just as annoyed by this Katarina.
"That's right girls, seeya tomorrow!"
I almost pushed them out of my room and shut the door behind me, already hearing Kairi try to let them stay. I held my breath as I listened to squeals cease and the door finally slam shut.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled as I flung myself on to my bed, rubbing my head continuously as I reminded myself out loud never to let Kairi do this again.
"Yeah, didn't think she was your type," Sora said bitterly as he flopped himself beside me.
"Hey, I don't have a type, I'm open about relationships! But that... that... thing! I don't think anyone would want a date with her! I mean, a blonde squealy bimbo is quite possibly the worst date I can imagine!"
"Oh don't worry, we can leave early and go back to my place, just say you've got more blitzball," he giggled as we shared a smile.
"Yeah ok then... I guess I'll manage."
"Oh Riku, by the way, it is cool that I stay tonight right?"
"Yeah, when has it ever not been cool?"
I turned around and slipped on some pants before smiling at Sora.
"Alright," he finished as he got up to go to the kitchen. I got up, stretching, and followed his lead to raid my fridge. He pulled the door open and brought out a piece of cold pizza, munching on it thoughtfully. I laughed inwardly, watching his brows furrow in frustration.
"What's wrong?" I asked amusedly.
"Hmph... nothing..."
Shrugging, I sat at the table and gave Sora a look as he chucked the now empty box in the bin. Getting the hint, he closed the fridge and pulled me up.
"Let's get some sleep now, we don't want to be tired for the big blitz tournament!" I joked, laughing with Sora until we got upstairs. He took a pair of pyjamas from my drawer and skidded into the bathroom to change into them.
I rolled my carefully made bedspread back so that I could slip inside, chuckling to myself as Sora skidded back in, roughly pulling the bedspread of my spare bed back.
I sighed contentedly as I began to drift to sleep.
"Ri?" said a muffled Sora.
"Mmmhmm?"
I opened one of my eyes to look at the shadowed figure with his head in his hand. He sighed.
"Don't worry. Seeya tomorrow," he murmured shakily as he flopped face first into his pillow. I shook my head briefly and shut my eyes firmly, falling asleep.
***
BEEP BEEP BEEP
I awoke panting at the sound of my alarm, whacking it hard as I sat up, looking across at the cocoon of sheets in my spare bed- unmistakably, Sora was still sleeping.
I got up from the bed and swiftly pulled the blankets off the spare bed, tumbling Sora to the ground.
"HEY! Ow... that hurt you know," he said irritably, rubbing his head and standing up slowly.
"Good!"
I stripped off my pyjama top and slung it over my shoulder, grabbing a towel from my cupboard.
"I'm going to have a bath, just yell if you need me!" I said, as I approached the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I chucked my clothes in the dirty washing basket and started running a bath. Once it was full I lowered myself in and began to wash myself quickly. Soon I was done and let out the plug, knowing Sora would want a shower soon. I jumped out and dried myself quickly, wrapping the towel around myself.
"Ok Sora, it's your turn," I announced as I came back into my room.
Sora turned towards me and nodded sweetly before grabbing a towel and his clothes and heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind softly. I shuffled through my clothes, picking up a pair of boxers and putting them on. I threw my towel at my chair and made sure it hung there. Satisfied, I turned back to my cupboard to find something to wear. Today I seemed to be especially distracted with something, so I found it pretty hard to find what I should wear.
Frustrated, I sat down and flung my body back, slamming my back into the door of my cupboard in annoyance. Why was I so distracted? I could feel the unsteady beat of my heart and I closed my eyes to block out everything else and calm my self down.
"Ahem..."
I snapped my eyes open and fixed them on Sora standing in front of me, reddening cheeks brought up into an awkward smile.
I returned the awkward smile as I realised how weird I must have looked, in my underwear, sitting with my back arched and breathing ragged, gasping breaths... like some kind of porn movie!
"Gee Sora, you sure are quiet..." I mumbled, raising to my feet and grasping at one of my tops, fumbling to slip it on. I then clumsily took a pair of jeans and pulled them on.
"Yeah..." he mumbled back to me.
"Hey, let's go eat, k?"
At that suggestion, Sora's eyes lit up and he nodded excitedly... cutely...
"Alright, let's go make ourselves something then."
We trekked down the stairs and into the kitchen and Sora began to take out a pan, fetching the ingredients for pancakes. I went to help him with the stove- no doubt he would burn himself out of his eagerness to eat.
My hands spun the knob swiftly and I took the pan to butter it as Sora stirred furiously at a gluggy mixture, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. He soon came rushing over, little bits of pancake mixture splashing out of the side of the bowl. He put in the spoon and slopped a big pile of mixture into the middle of the pan. After it cooked, we piled in one after the other and put them in a stack on a plate.
"Yummy!" Sora squealed, sounding scarily like Kat, making me wince at the sound.
Sora ate eight pancakes while I ate one, still distracted...
"C'mon Ri, we'll be late for school if you keep going at this rate! Let's get going slowpoke!" he said cheerily as he dumped his empty plate on the sink.
I nodded groggily and smiled up at him, standing up and strolling to the door after Sora.
School that day was too short for my liking- I sure wasn't looking forward to the party with Kat! What a date that would be.
History was first, followed by French, English literature, 3D art and lastly PE. I hoped it would last me forever and I found myself enjoying myself more than ever before, just happy to be anywhere but with Kat at that party!
Once we were dismissed I found myself walking to the showers reluctantly with Tidus who was bouncing around excitedly at the thought of Selphie's party. 'Is it all anyone can talk about?' I thought irritably. I entered the shower block and washed myself, drying and dressing myself before heading up to my locker. Sora was there fiddling with his lock.
"Hey Sora, how was chemistry?"
"Oh hiya Riku! Yeah, it was a bit of a drag. I've got a stupid test next Monday and the words are just flying out of my head."
I opened my locker and packed my bag with my homework, pulling it out and slamming the door shut.
"Guess I'd better head off and get ready for the party will the cheerleading devil," I moaned dramatically.
"It won't be so bad Riku, you'll have Kairi and I there! Well anyway... I'll come round and get you in an hour and we can go and get the girls from then, alright?"
I rolled my eyes in response and nodded, waving as I walked off.
"Riku?"
I turned around to see a little brunette girl fumbling with her thumbs.
"Um, I know it's late notice and all but well... would you wanna go to tonight's party with me?"
I smiled at the girl, about two grades below me. I didn't know her name, but she seemed like a sweet girl.
"I'm really sorry, but I've already got a date... hey, I'm sure you'll find someone better than me to go out with!" I laughed, receiving only red cheeks and a sad smile from the girl.
"Of course you've already got a date... sorry, seeya round," she finished, trembling and speeding away towards her eagerly waiting friends.
I watched sadly as her friends crowded around her, arms around her as she stared at the ground. 'Why me?' I thought, wondering why so many girls giggled whenever I looked at them or trembled when I spoke to them. 'Must be something about a guy with confidence,' I thought sourly as I walked off towards home.
I approached my door and willingly thrust the door open, slipping inside and shutting it carefully as I stepped inside. I trudged up to my room and dumped my bag in the corner as I approached my cupboard to find something to wear. I was pretty bad when it came to choosing which clothes suited what, but at least now I knew my options were open, that I could choose pretty much anything in my cupboard that would suit the party.
I scratched my head as I flipped through the contents of my wardrobe, pulling out a couple of pairs of casual pants. I chose one of the two possibilities and hung the other ones back in their place. Stripping off the sweaty top I had worn in PE, I pulled out a shirt and a jacket, because I knew it was going to be a really cold night tonight.
'Perfect,' I thought, inwardly patting myself on the back, 'That's all I need!'
I briefly considered going to get some flowers for Kat to pass some time, but when I realised how stupid it would be to make her think I liked her I immediately dismissed the idea. I looked at my watch eagerly and my face lit up as I realised Sora was coming in only 5 minutes!
I bounced off of my bed and down the stairs, studying myself in the lounge room mirror before sitting down, satisfied enough with my appearance. Suddenly I heard the unmistakeable knock of Sora and sprung off of the couch and to the door, pulling it open and walking coolly outside.
"Alrightey then, off to Kairi's!" I said, raising my eyebrows at Sora.
"Yep, off to Kairi's. with Kat," he replied, nudging me mockingly.
We decided not to run this time, since we actually wanted to look approachable. It seemed like forever compared to how we usually got around, racing each other and sprinting casually.
When we finally got to Kairi's door I considered running all the way home when I became suddenly aware of Sora's smile on me, and I didn't doubt that this night might not be so bad... not with Sora here.
We knocked on the door in unison, three even knocks. We could hear the girls both squealing inside, Sora and I shared a weird look as we heard their scrambling footsteps towards the door, and they pulled it open.
Kairi looked very nice, her hair blow-dried in flicking wisps and beautiful pink colours for her make-up, a glossy lip colour and sparkling colour swept over her eyelids. Her cheeks had been blushed a rosy pink and the pink makeup suited her knee-length dress nicely, a strapless dress in a shade of pretty coral.
But... Kairi was nothing compared to how amazing Kat looked, and we both looked at her in amazement, wondering if she was really the same girl that we had seen the night before. Her hair was swept up in an elegant chignon with loose wavy tresses hanging around her face, which was decorated with glittery purple eyeshadow, sweeping over and just around her eyelids. Her lips had a red stain applied to them, which made them look soft and full, and the stain had also been applied to her strong cheekbones, which were rosy and healthy looking. The dress she was wearing was a colour of powder blue with thin spaghetti straps that came half way down her back and over her shoulders. It was slightly low-cut and had a sort of corset style to it that did wonders for her slender figure. Where the top ended, a soft flowing skirt protruded to the floor and she lifter her skirts with white gloved hands as she stepped outside next to me, giggling as she snaked her arm through mine. Kairi did the same to Sora and we began to walk.
I looked at Sora who was thinking the same thing as me- we were way too dressed down for these two!
For some reason, however, Kat's beauty tonight didn't seem to matter to me. It didn't change the fact that I wanted to be out of this party and back at Sora's place as soon as possible. Somehow, I doubted that Sora thought I felt that way, and was looking rather taken aback by how stunning my date looked.
We soon arrived at Selphie's house and when we entered, there seemed to be an endless sea of faces gawking at us. Well... at the girls anyway.
I spotted the girl who had asked me to go to the party with her and her face showed utter devastation. I felt awful for her, and I gave her a warm smile, which she returned with blushing cheeks.
"Let's dance Riku!" squealed Kat, and I was reminded that I was dating a bimbo.
"I'm not in the mood for dancing tonight," I said bluntly, pulling my arm away from hers, "I'm going to see how Selphie's doing."
Kat snaked her arm around my waste and followed me across the room, followed by Kairi and Sora.
"Hey Selph."
Selphie looked up at me and smiled excitedly, pulling out of her embrace with Tidus.
"Oh Riku, you made it!" she screamed, hugging me tightly to the extreme frustration of Kat, who stamped her foot while Selphie held on to me tightly.
"Sora, Kairi, you too? Well... of course, I mean, where there's Riku, there's Sora!" she giggled, winking at us.
I looked at my watch and moaned as I realised we'd only been here for fifteen minutes. I listened to the music, hoping that it would help pass the time while the girls gossiped amongst themselves and Sora stood there looking at his feet. (A/N: I fought a battle with my mind whether I should put Simple And Clean in, but then I decided it would probably seem that it's exactly the same as every other fic, not that I have anything against it)
After another twenty minutes of listening to the music and watching happy couples dance, I realised Kat had turned her attention back towards me and was pulling on my arm so that I would dance with her.
"No," I said, just shaking my head determinedly as she whined and hugged me, pleading and begging. Sora seemed to be staring at her icily...
"Riku, we have to go. You've got more blitzball tomorrow" he said bluntly, pulling at my arm as we headed for the door.
"You're leaving?" said Kat sadly, "Ow... well... call me?" she pleaded, and after I didn't answer, she smiled, approaching me as she kissed me slowly on the lips. When I didn't respond, she pulled away and looked at Sora who was giving her an evil look... if looks could kill...
"Sora, what's your problem?" she yelled as he pulled me away and we took off out the door, not bothering to look back or answer her.
"You used the same excuse?" I laughed, stopping at Sora's pouting face, "Woah, what's up Sora?!"
I grabbed Sora's shoulders and turned him around to face me. His look softened as his gaze fell into mine.
"Yeah... I'm just really tired," he replied, smiling as if nothing had happened.
I nodded at him, and ruffled his hair as I so often had done before. This time, we sprinted, and didn't stop until we reached his house, pulling the door open. I screeched to a halt as Sora's mum stood in front of the stairs.
"Hello boys," she said sweetly, with that Sora smile, "Riku, I've made you up a mattress next to Sora's bed, you boys can go up and get changed."
I smiled at her and thanked her, starting my way up the stairs next to Sora.
"Oh! Sora honey, your pjs are down in the lounge drying, come with me and I'll grab you something else ok?"
"Mum!" Sora whined, descending the stairs back down, "Ri, just wait up in my room, I think mum cleaned it a bit."
I sighed in relief as I neared his room and saw that everything was perfectly clean and a neat little mattress was made up next to Sora's bed. I began to take out some old clothes of Sora's to wear for the night, but before I could find them something caught my eye... on Sora's desk there was something I didn't recognise about Sora's room, a small red book, with a bookmark in the middle.
I slowly walked towards it and picked it up. The book wasn't labelled, so I guessed it wasn't a schoolbook and I curiously opened it to the bookmark.
What I found inside changed my view altogether... from then on, I couldn't doubt the possibilities, because nothing I could ever try to tell myself would be able to persuade me that it was true. Although I didn't know it at the time, that book was the key to everything, to unlocking my happiness... though I was too ignorant to realise...
~*~*Sora's Diary*~*~
Dear diary,
I have some bad news... I didn't go through with it. I tried to tell him, I really did, but I just knew that he wouldn't want to hear it. If it ruined my relationship with him, I don't think I would ever be able to forgive myself. Losing Riku would be the most unbearable thing that could ever happen.
I almost lost him yesterday... we were standing on the shore, and it was just like my dream. You know, that recurring dream I always have, the one where he disappears after we embrace... and he held out his hand to me, with that same seductive, welcoming smile. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced, I thought he was going to vanish! So, I panicked... I held him tightly and I cried... I cried into the embrace of my love. Though somehow I think he knew, knew how scared I was, and he ran as far away as he could and left me standing there crying. How could I have let myself do that?
I went to see him later on in the day, right after school. I didn't go to school of course- how could I? I looked sick enough when I came home, so that's what I told mum. I told her I had a headache and I went to bed and wept. I exhausted myself from crying, and I slept for hours until suddenly... I had the dream again. Except this time, Riku stayed with me, and he kissed me again, just like I've always hoped... and then I knew I hadn't lost him.
So I went to see him, and everything is exactly the same as before. Only I wish it wasn't... I wish it were so much more. Now I have to act like I'm straight, like I love Kairi... and I have to watch as Riku dates that girl. That girl who he doesn't even like gets to hang off of him like I wish I could! Why can't I be the one? Is being gay really that shameful? If the world is so against my beliefs, how am I expected to tell him how I feel about him? I can't do it... you have no idea how much I want to, but no matter how many times I try, the words just won't come out.
Nothing anyone says can make me ashamed for being gay, not even Riku. Not even the love of my life can change what I think, and how I feel, even if it kills me to say so. As much as I lie about it, nothing can change the person I am. I'm gay, and always will be, and if Riku can't accept it, then there's nothing I can do to change that. It's who I am, what I feel, and what I always will be.
***
@____@ Wow... that was pretty long! I'm proud of myself!!! So that was the little diary part, it was an idea I wanted to experiment with so tell me if you think it's alright, coz I thought it was the best way for Riku to confirm that Sora was in love with him. I love feedback, so keep reviewing like you do, you good little peoples!!!!
Well until next time, I love you all and I can't wait to hear from you!
xoxo Eva McBeava
Wowee, I got more reviews than ever before this time, thank you guys!! WOOT, 11 REVIEWS!!! ^_^ I won't let you down *salutes* Ok hugglez to you, you make me feel fluffy inside! I only really put those people who wrote long-ish reviews or had questions for me in my thanks, so don't get me wrong, I really am thankful to anyone who reviews! Thanks to- Uzumaki-sama- I really appreciate you saying that! And I'll check out your work as soon as I can. Sorry that I haven't yet but I'm SOOOO busy and all I've been able to do is write a little... I promise I'll have a look! baka coconut- YAAAAY, amber!! ^_^ *claps* well thanks for being there from the start, I'll keep on keeping on! camigirl4k3- yeah that was Riku saying it, coz even though he didn't know it then, Sora was in love with him and he knows that now. Thanks, I really appreciate the support and I don't think I've ever been on anyone's favourites list before- SQUEEEEE!!! ^_^ TRT14- teehee, yeah I'll read and review your story as soon as I have time, I promise!! I'm really sorry if that's not all that soon, but I'll try... but please keep reading and reviewing coz I love it, thank you Anna Chibi- sure, I'll read your fics as soon as I can and thanks, good to know I'm effecting people! I can relate to this too... I have a sad love life! CursedAngelofSephiroth- I know, I love the party thing, glad I thought of that!! Yaaaay, I sooooo love that I've inspired you!!! You're great, keep reviewing! Heather Christi- Thank you so much, it's always been a little bit of a dream to capture someone in my writing... it's very sweet of you!!! You deserve many hugglez and I hope you keep reading and reviewing!!!
_____________________________________________________________________
I was smiling contentedly, leaning back as I looked out at the darkening sky. Suddenly I let out a sigh and I could see Sora jump out of the corner of my eye at the sudden sound. I chuckled inwardly.
"Sor, you wanna go home now?"
The brunet tilted his head to face me and smiled at me gently.
"Ok... sure."
I planted my feet on the ground and stood up steadily. I almost stretched out my hand for Sora to get up when I reminded myself that that was exactly what had made Sora cry.
I suddenly remembered Kairi and wondered if we needed to wait for her.
"Oh, shouldn't we..."
But then I realised I wanted it to be just Sora and I, the way it had always been. So I just laughed and shook my head, grasping Sora's slender hands and heaving him up next to me.
"Hey Sora, when's Selphie's party anyway?" I asked as we fell into a slow walk heading to my house.
Sora looked at me wide-eyed.
"Riku... didn't you know?! It's tomorrow!!"
I looked up at him and laughed.
"Woops... well at least I know Kairi's not going to set me up with some scary single chick!"
"Heh, I wouldn't underestimate her setting up skills Ri, you know how it was with..."
"Yeah yeah, don't remind me!" I butt in, shuddering at the thought of my last date, the movies with the bitchiest girl I think I've ever met. Kairi found her for me in an hour after she learnt that I didn't have a date for the movies with her and Sora.
"Well damn Sor, it's no big deal!" I said after a while of thinking, "We're not girly girls, looking for our a hot guy and the right dress!"
I started fanning myself with my hand, batting my eyelashes at Sora in a girlish motion. I put on a high-pitched voice and started giggling.
"Hey... um... I like you! You're hot!" I giggled into my hand in feign embarrassment.
Sora blushed furiously and laughed giving me a strange look.
"You'd make a great girl Riku."
I ruffled Sora's hair before springing off to sprint the few metres back to my door, Sora trailing behind me.
I stopped, panting and laughing, at my doorstep. Sora shook his head and pushed my door open, chuckling. I followed him inside and we ran up to my room, slamming the door behind us as we both collapsed on my bed.
It seemed as though we had been lying there for hours when Sora shot up.
"Riku, what time is it?!" he said panicking, "My mum is going to KILL me!!!"
I smiled at him, nodding at him as he slowly sat back down on the bed.
"Just give her a call Sora, she'll be cool."
Sora gave me a sheepish smile and walked awkwardly out of my room to get the phone. I got up and walked over to where Sora had kicked his shoes off and placed them neatly in the corner. 'He's such a messy pig, thank god my room's not like his' I thought, remembering how each time I went there I was amazed that we came out alive! All of his possessions were stacked messily, one on top of the other, and the food that he left around the place made me really uneasy... I preferred coming to my house, that's for sure!
"Sora, I'm having a shower!" I yelled through the doorway as I began to undress. I slipped my shoes off next to his and pulled my top over my head, folding it over my desk chair. I slipped my pants down and slung them over the chair as well. I ventured into the big bathroom and put my socks in the washing basket, followed by my boxers.
I swung the tap until it spurted the water out and washed away the sweat and sand I was covered in, humming tunelessly as I scrubbed myself with soap. 'Ah, the shower, my little place to think,' I thought, smiling as I realised that it was true that I seemed to always be in the shower when I was thinking a lot.
Though right now it seemed that all I could think about was my relief that everything was the same as always, Sora and Kairi were going to Selphie's party together, I was going with someone and Sora was over at my place, my best friend. I rested assured that everything was completely wonderful and normal.
I heard a knock on the door. No doubt it was Sora.
"What? I'll be out in a sec Sor..."
"Um Ri, we've got a visitor," he said uneasily, "Kairi's skills may be better than we thought... she's already found one..."
I rolled my eyes as I turned off the taps slowly, yelling for Sora to run while he still could and hearing him laugh awkwardly.
I wrapped a towel around my waist, not caring if Sora and Kairi saw me half naked- it wasn't like they'd never seen it before!
I shook my head like a wet dog before pulling the door open with my hand on my hip.
"So what creature have you found this time Kai?" I murmured as I turned to my cupboard, not even bothering to look at her.
"Well," she started impatiently, "If you would just turn around and be a polite little boy, I could show her to you!"
I blinked suddenly, hearing a giggle from behind me and I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. 'Great, a bimbo,' I thought with distaste.
"Er... sorry..." I mumbled, grabbing a top and slipping it on before pivoting around to face the three people sitting on my bed. Sora was sitting there looking at his feet, and Kairi was next to him with her arm linked through his. Next to her was a blonde girl with short wispy hair and giant brown eyes. She was smiling with her hand up to her mouth, stifling more annoying giggles.
"I like him, he's got THE hottest body!" she squealed turning to Kairi, "And he's really... gorgeous!!" she finished, clapping her hands and hugging Kairi.
"Isn't she great Ri? You two haven't even been introduced yet!"
Kairi pushed the girl off and stood up with the girl following.
"Hi Rika!"
"It's Riku..." I mumbled, sticking out my hand formally. The girl squealed and blushed, forcing out her hand towards mine, grasping it painfully. I winced and pulled it back.
"And you are...?" I asked, after waiting for her to introduce herself.
"AAAWWW!! Kairi Kairi Kairi, he wants to know MY NAME!"
The girl hugged Kairi again quickly, then turning back to me, nodding and taking a deep breath.
"My name's Katarina, but you can call me Kat baby!"
I almost laughed. Was this girl for real? How was I going to stand a whole night with her?! Well... as long as I had Sora with me...
"Kai, I think you'd better take your friend and go home, Riku needs his rest... he's playing blitz tomorrow."
I smiled at the lie Sora had just come up with. Guess he was just as annoyed by this Katarina.
"That's right girls, seeya tomorrow!"
I almost pushed them out of my room and shut the door behind me, already hearing Kairi try to let them stay. I held my breath as I listened to squeals cease and the door finally slam shut.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled as I flung myself on to my bed, rubbing my head continuously as I reminded myself out loud never to let Kairi do this again.
"Yeah, didn't think she was your type," Sora said bitterly as he flopped himself beside me.
"Hey, I don't have a type, I'm open about relationships! But that... that... thing! I don't think anyone would want a date with her! I mean, a blonde squealy bimbo is quite possibly the worst date I can imagine!"
"Oh don't worry, we can leave early and go back to my place, just say you've got more blitzball," he giggled as we shared a smile.
"Yeah ok then... I guess I'll manage."
"Oh Riku, by the way, it is cool that I stay tonight right?"
"Yeah, when has it ever not been cool?"
I turned around and slipped on some pants before smiling at Sora.
"Alright," he finished as he got up to go to the kitchen. I got up, stretching, and followed his lead to raid my fridge. He pulled the door open and brought out a piece of cold pizza, munching on it thoughtfully. I laughed inwardly, watching his brows furrow in frustration.
"What's wrong?" I asked amusedly.
"Hmph... nothing..."
Shrugging, I sat at the table and gave Sora a look as he chucked the now empty box in the bin. Getting the hint, he closed the fridge and pulled me up.
"Let's get some sleep now, we don't want to be tired for the big blitz tournament!" I joked, laughing with Sora until we got upstairs. He took a pair of pyjamas from my drawer and skidded into the bathroom to change into them.
I rolled my carefully made bedspread back so that I could slip inside, chuckling to myself as Sora skidded back in, roughly pulling the bedspread of my spare bed back.
I sighed contentedly as I began to drift to sleep.
"Ri?" said a muffled Sora.
"Mmmhmm?"
I opened one of my eyes to look at the shadowed figure with his head in his hand. He sighed.
"Don't worry. Seeya tomorrow," he murmured shakily as he flopped face first into his pillow. I shook my head briefly and shut my eyes firmly, falling asleep.
***
BEEP BEEP BEEP
I awoke panting at the sound of my alarm, whacking it hard as I sat up, looking across at the cocoon of sheets in my spare bed- unmistakably, Sora was still sleeping.
I got up from the bed and swiftly pulled the blankets off the spare bed, tumbling Sora to the ground.
"HEY! Ow... that hurt you know," he said irritably, rubbing his head and standing up slowly.
"Good!"
I stripped off my pyjama top and slung it over my shoulder, grabbing a towel from my cupboard.
"I'm going to have a bath, just yell if you need me!" I said, as I approached the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. I chucked my clothes in the dirty washing basket and started running a bath. Once it was full I lowered myself in and began to wash myself quickly. Soon I was done and let out the plug, knowing Sora would want a shower soon. I jumped out and dried myself quickly, wrapping the towel around myself.
"Ok Sora, it's your turn," I announced as I came back into my room.
Sora turned towards me and nodded sweetly before grabbing a towel and his clothes and heading into the bathroom, closing the door behind softly. I shuffled through my clothes, picking up a pair of boxers and putting them on. I threw my towel at my chair and made sure it hung there. Satisfied, I turned back to my cupboard to find something to wear. Today I seemed to be especially distracted with something, so I found it pretty hard to find what I should wear.
Frustrated, I sat down and flung my body back, slamming my back into the door of my cupboard in annoyance. Why was I so distracted? I could feel the unsteady beat of my heart and I closed my eyes to block out everything else and calm my self down.
"Ahem..."
I snapped my eyes open and fixed them on Sora standing in front of me, reddening cheeks brought up into an awkward smile.
I returned the awkward smile as I realised how weird I must have looked, in my underwear, sitting with my back arched and breathing ragged, gasping breaths... like some kind of porn movie!
"Gee Sora, you sure are quiet..." I mumbled, raising to my feet and grasping at one of my tops, fumbling to slip it on. I then clumsily took a pair of jeans and pulled them on.
"Yeah..." he mumbled back to me.
"Hey, let's go eat, k?"
At that suggestion, Sora's eyes lit up and he nodded excitedly... cutely...
"Alright, let's go make ourselves something then."
We trekked down the stairs and into the kitchen and Sora began to take out a pan, fetching the ingredients for pancakes. I went to help him with the stove- no doubt he would burn himself out of his eagerness to eat.
My hands spun the knob swiftly and I took the pan to butter it as Sora stirred furiously at a gluggy mixture, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration. He soon came rushing over, little bits of pancake mixture splashing out of the side of the bowl. He put in the spoon and slopped a big pile of mixture into the middle of the pan. After it cooked, we piled in one after the other and put them in a stack on a plate.
"Yummy!" Sora squealed, sounding scarily like Kat, making me wince at the sound.
Sora ate eight pancakes while I ate one, still distracted...
"C'mon Ri, we'll be late for school if you keep going at this rate! Let's get going slowpoke!" he said cheerily as he dumped his empty plate on the sink.
I nodded groggily and smiled up at him, standing up and strolling to the door after Sora.
School that day was too short for my liking- I sure wasn't looking forward to the party with Kat! What a date that would be.
History was first, followed by French, English literature, 3D art and lastly PE. I hoped it would last me forever and I found myself enjoying myself more than ever before, just happy to be anywhere but with Kat at that party!
Once we were dismissed I found myself walking to the showers reluctantly with Tidus who was bouncing around excitedly at the thought of Selphie's party. 'Is it all anyone can talk about?' I thought irritably. I entered the shower block and washed myself, drying and dressing myself before heading up to my locker. Sora was there fiddling with his lock.
"Hey Sora, how was chemistry?"
"Oh hiya Riku! Yeah, it was a bit of a drag. I've got a stupid test next Monday and the words are just flying out of my head."
I opened my locker and packed my bag with my homework, pulling it out and slamming the door shut.
"Guess I'd better head off and get ready for the party will the cheerleading devil," I moaned dramatically.
"It won't be so bad Riku, you'll have Kairi and I there! Well anyway... I'll come round and get you in an hour and we can go and get the girls from then, alright?"
I rolled my eyes in response and nodded, waving as I walked off.
"Riku?"
I turned around to see a little brunette girl fumbling with her thumbs.
"Um, I know it's late notice and all but well... would you wanna go to tonight's party with me?"
I smiled at the girl, about two grades below me. I didn't know her name, but she seemed like a sweet girl.
"I'm really sorry, but I've already got a date... hey, I'm sure you'll find someone better than me to go out with!" I laughed, receiving only red cheeks and a sad smile from the girl.
"Of course you've already got a date... sorry, seeya round," she finished, trembling and speeding away towards her eagerly waiting friends.
I watched sadly as her friends crowded around her, arms around her as she stared at the ground. 'Why me?' I thought, wondering why so many girls giggled whenever I looked at them or trembled when I spoke to them. 'Must be something about a guy with confidence,' I thought sourly as I walked off towards home.
I approached my door and willingly thrust the door open, slipping inside and shutting it carefully as I stepped inside. I trudged up to my room and dumped my bag in the corner as I approached my cupboard to find something to wear. I was pretty bad when it came to choosing which clothes suited what, but at least now I knew my options were open, that I could choose pretty much anything in my cupboard that would suit the party.
I scratched my head as I flipped through the contents of my wardrobe, pulling out a couple of pairs of casual pants. I chose one of the two possibilities and hung the other ones back in their place. Stripping off the sweaty top I had worn in PE, I pulled out a shirt and a jacket, because I knew it was going to be a really cold night tonight.
'Perfect,' I thought, inwardly patting myself on the back, 'That's all I need!'
I briefly considered going to get some flowers for Kat to pass some time, but when I realised how stupid it would be to make her think I liked her I immediately dismissed the idea. I looked at my watch eagerly and my face lit up as I realised Sora was coming in only 5 minutes!
I bounced off of my bed and down the stairs, studying myself in the lounge room mirror before sitting down, satisfied enough with my appearance. Suddenly I heard the unmistakeable knock of Sora and sprung off of the couch and to the door, pulling it open and walking coolly outside.
"Alrightey then, off to Kairi's!" I said, raising my eyebrows at Sora.
"Yep, off to Kairi's. with Kat," he replied, nudging me mockingly.
We decided not to run this time, since we actually wanted to look approachable. It seemed like forever compared to how we usually got around, racing each other and sprinting casually.
When we finally got to Kairi's door I considered running all the way home when I became suddenly aware of Sora's smile on me, and I didn't doubt that this night might not be so bad... not with Sora here.
We knocked on the door in unison, three even knocks. We could hear the girls both squealing inside, Sora and I shared a weird look as we heard their scrambling footsteps towards the door, and they pulled it open.
Kairi looked very nice, her hair blow-dried in flicking wisps and beautiful pink colours for her make-up, a glossy lip colour and sparkling colour swept over her eyelids. Her cheeks had been blushed a rosy pink and the pink makeup suited her knee-length dress nicely, a strapless dress in a shade of pretty coral.
But... Kairi was nothing compared to how amazing Kat looked, and we both looked at her in amazement, wondering if she was really the same girl that we had seen the night before. Her hair was swept up in an elegant chignon with loose wavy tresses hanging around her face, which was decorated with glittery purple eyeshadow, sweeping over and just around her eyelids. Her lips had a red stain applied to them, which made them look soft and full, and the stain had also been applied to her strong cheekbones, which were rosy and healthy looking. The dress she was wearing was a colour of powder blue with thin spaghetti straps that came half way down her back and over her shoulders. It was slightly low-cut and had a sort of corset style to it that did wonders for her slender figure. Where the top ended, a soft flowing skirt protruded to the floor and she lifter her skirts with white gloved hands as she stepped outside next to me, giggling as she snaked her arm through mine. Kairi did the same to Sora and we began to walk.
I looked at Sora who was thinking the same thing as me- we were way too dressed down for these two!
For some reason, however, Kat's beauty tonight didn't seem to matter to me. It didn't change the fact that I wanted to be out of this party and back at Sora's place as soon as possible. Somehow, I doubted that Sora thought I felt that way, and was looking rather taken aback by how stunning my date looked.
We soon arrived at Selphie's house and when we entered, there seemed to be an endless sea of faces gawking at us. Well... at the girls anyway.
I spotted the girl who had asked me to go to the party with her and her face showed utter devastation. I felt awful for her, and I gave her a warm smile, which she returned with blushing cheeks.
"Let's dance Riku!" squealed Kat, and I was reminded that I was dating a bimbo.
"I'm not in the mood for dancing tonight," I said bluntly, pulling my arm away from hers, "I'm going to see how Selphie's doing."
Kat snaked her arm around my waste and followed me across the room, followed by Kairi and Sora.
"Hey Selph."
Selphie looked up at me and smiled excitedly, pulling out of her embrace with Tidus.
"Oh Riku, you made it!" she screamed, hugging me tightly to the extreme frustration of Kat, who stamped her foot while Selphie held on to me tightly.
"Sora, Kairi, you too? Well... of course, I mean, where there's Riku, there's Sora!" she giggled, winking at us.
I looked at my watch and moaned as I realised we'd only been here for fifteen minutes. I listened to the music, hoping that it would help pass the time while the girls gossiped amongst themselves and Sora stood there looking at his feet. (A/N: I fought a battle with my mind whether I should put Simple And Clean in, but then I decided it would probably seem that it's exactly the same as every other fic, not that I have anything against it)
After another twenty minutes of listening to the music and watching happy couples dance, I realised Kat had turned her attention back towards me and was pulling on my arm so that I would dance with her.
"No," I said, just shaking my head determinedly as she whined and hugged me, pleading and begging. Sora seemed to be staring at her icily...
"Riku, we have to go. You've got more blitzball tomorrow" he said bluntly, pulling at my arm as we headed for the door.
"You're leaving?" said Kat sadly, "Ow... well... call me?" she pleaded, and after I didn't answer, she smiled, approaching me as she kissed me slowly on the lips. When I didn't respond, she pulled away and looked at Sora who was giving her an evil look... if looks could kill...
"Sora, what's your problem?" she yelled as he pulled me away and we took off out the door, not bothering to look back or answer her.
"You used the same excuse?" I laughed, stopping at Sora's pouting face, "Woah, what's up Sora?!"
I grabbed Sora's shoulders and turned him around to face me. His look softened as his gaze fell into mine.
"Yeah... I'm just really tired," he replied, smiling as if nothing had happened.
I nodded at him, and ruffled his hair as I so often had done before. This time, we sprinted, and didn't stop until we reached his house, pulling the door open. I screeched to a halt as Sora's mum stood in front of the stairs.
"Hello boys," she said sweetly, with that Sora smile, "Riku, I've made you up a mattress next to Sora's bed, you boys can go up and get changed."
I smiled at her and thanked her, starting my way up the stairs next to Sora.
"Oh! Sora honey, your pjs are down in the lounge drying, come with me and I'll grab you something else ok?"
"Mum!" Sora whined, descending the stairs back down, "Ri, just wait up in my room, I think mum cleaned it a bit."
I sighed in relief as I neared his room and saw that everything was perfectly clean and a neat little mattress was made up next to Sora's bed. I began to take out some old clothes of Sora's to wear for the night, but before I could find them something caught my eye... on Sora's desk there was something I didn't recognise about Sora's room, a small red book, with a bookmark in the middle.
I slowly walked towards it and picked it up. The book wasn't labelled, so I guessed it wasn't a schoolbook and I curiously opened it to the bookmark.
What I found inside changed my view altogether... from then on, I couldn't doubt the possibilities, because nothing I could ever try to tell myself would be able to persuade me that it was true. Although I didn't know it at the time, that book was the key to everything, to unlocking my happiness... though I was too ignorant to realise...
~*~*Sora's Diary*~*~
Dear diary,
I have some bad news... I didn't go through with it. I tried to tell him, I really did, but I just knew that he wouldn't want to hear it. If it ruined my relationship with him, I don't think I would ever be able to forgive myself. Losing Riku would be the most unbearable thing that could ever happen.
I almost lost him yesterday... we were standing on the shore, and it was just like my dream. You know, that recurring dream I always have, the one where he disappears after we embrace... and he held out his hand to me, with that same seductive, welcoming smile. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced, I thought he was going to vanish! So, I panicked... I held him tightly and I cried... I cried into the embrace of my love. Though somehow I think he knew, knew how scared I was, and he ran as far away as he could and left me standing there crying. How could I have let myself do that?
I went to see him later on in the day, right after school. I didn't go to school of course- how could I? I looked sick enough when I came home, so that's what I told mum. I told her I had a headache and I went to bed and wept. I exhausted myself from crying, and I slept for hours until suddenly... I had the dream again. Except this time, Riku stayed with me, and he kissed me again, just like I've always hoped... and then I knew I hadn't lost him.
So I went to see him, and everything is exactly the same as before. Only I wish it wasn't... I wish it were so much more. Now I have to act like I'm straight, like I love Kairi... and I have to watch as Riku dates that girl. That girl who he doesn't even like gets to hang off of him like I wish I could! Why can't I be the one? Is being gay really that shameful? If the world is so against my beliefs, how am I expected to tell him how I feel about him? I can't do it... you have no idea how much I want to, but no matter how many times I try, the words just won't come out.
Nothing anyone says can make me ashamed for being gay, not even Riku. Not even the love of my life can change what I think, and how I feel, even if it kills me to say so. As much as I lie about it, nothing can change the person I am. I'm gay, and always will be, and if Riku can't accept it, then there's nothing I can do to change that. It's who I am, what I feel, and what I always will be.
***
@____@ Wow... that was pretty long! I'm proud of myself!!! So that was the little diary part, it was an idea I wanted to experiment with so tell me if you think it's alright, coz I thought it was the best way for Riku to confirm that Sora was in love with him. I love feedback, so keep reviewing like you do, you good little peoples!!!!
Well until next time, I love you all and I can't wait to hear from you!
xoxo Eva McBeava