Even Better Than the Real Thing
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Please note, that I do not own the characters Draco Malfoy or Ginny Weasley, or any other magical lingo.
This is a Draco/Ginny romance story.
www.lorddave.com/evenbetter
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Chapter 9: Everlong
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"I'm not sure, but I think he's my godfather."
"Well, how can you not be sure? Your parents must have told you."
"In our family, a child's godparents are kept secret. You don't realize that the Malfoy family has many enemies."
Ginny thought about that. She'd never met her godparents, though they were close friends of her father. She always figured that, in any event, one of her older brothers would be there to take care of her.
"Your father must have been close with Professor Snape."
"Of course, they were best of friends even before they started school together. I've heard countless stories about their antics from my mother. But they started to grow apart soon after their sixth year."
Ginny wrinkled her brow, and rearranged herself on the floor. She was sprawled out on the rug near the fire. Draco was sitting in an enormous armchair. He was covered with a blanket and a hot mug of butterbeer cradled in his hands.
He had cried for a long time. And when his sobs slowed, and his shudders finally stopped, he had pulled away from Ginny. He looked rather ashamed, but Ginny didn't care. Poor thing.
She had moved him to the fire, grabbing the thick green blanket off a sofa and covering him with it. She even went to the cabinet and picked up a bottle of butterbeer and a mug. The mug was enchanted to warm any liquid inside it, so by the time she offered him the drink, it was steaming.
And for the past hour, she sat in silence at his feet, a hand resting on his knee, while he talked. He told her about his discussions with Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Snape. He told her about how difficult it had been to decide what to do. And he told her exactly what it was he decided to do.
Then there was a long, agonizingly awkward silence, while Draco sat with his eyes closed and Ginny churned all his words through her mind. Leaving on the Hogwarts Express. Lord Voldemort. Dark Mark.
Her breath caught in her throat. The part that scared her most was his foolish idea of being a double agent.
Ginny didn't dare to say anything, because she knew she'd either end up in a flood of tears or begging him to run away. Finally, he had sniffled a little and started talking about Professor Snape.
She learned how much Snape meant to Draco. That man had been more than just a professor or head-of-house to Draco. He was even more than just a father. He was like a best friend, a mentor, a protective older brother.
"Are they still friends?"
Draco lifted his eyes from his mug to her, lightly shrugging.
"I don't really know. They still keep in contact, and they are still best of friends. But they have different interests now."
He stood up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. He set the mug down on a table while walking toward a bookshelf against one of the walls. He searched for something, fingering the different books.
Ginny stood up, too, trying to get a better look at what he was doing. She saw him pull out a book from a shelf, opening it. He walked to her quickly, looking excited about showing her something.
He stood next to her, towering a foot taller, and showed the book open across his arms. It was a photo album.
He turned a few pages, and there was a picture of three wizards, their arms wrapped around each others' shoulders, standing in the very same chamber. They looked to be about 15 years old, her age.
She immediately recognized the one on the left as Severus Snape. He was pushing his long black hair behind one of his ears, and he was smiling, an expression that made him look unusually handsome. His eyes were black, but bright. He looked happy.
The man in the middle could be none other than Lucius Malfoy. Draco looked just like his father, as much as she hated to admit it. His hair was silvery blond, just to the nape of his neck. It wasn't slicked back, instead it feel around his face, a few strands in his eyes. He blew at them, while laughing at something that Severus was saying.
The man on the right was someone she didn't recognize. Probably one of the people Draco had named off. He was far shorter than Snape or Malfoy, and had a mop of dirty blond hair. And he was pointing off to the right, maybe to someone else in the room.
Draco turned a page, he himself completely engrossed with the album. It was a picture with all six of the Slytherin wizards that made the Arcane Insula. They were standing, with their backs to the fireplace, each with a stoic look on their face. Once in a while, one of them would brush back their hair, or another would adjust his robes.
He turned the page again, and instead of looking at the album, she looked up to him. His face was inches from hers, as he leaned down, holding the book to her level. His blond hair, looking much like his father's, fell around his face. His eyes were scanning the page, observing each minute detail. Details that he'd probably memorized a thousand times over. Her eyes scanned his face.
His soft pale skin. The small faded scar on the bridge of his nose. The gentle curve of a smile on his lips. His fluttering eyelashes. His sharp blond eyebrows. His jaw line, set square. Her eyes absorbed every feature. The firelight reflected off his clear gray eyes. They were focused on intently on the book, and she was focused intently on him.
He was strong. Stronger than anyone she knew. And today, she was with him, seeing his weakest moments. Ginny deluded herself into thinking that he might actually need her. Because she realized she wanted him to need her.
She was still looking into his eyes moments later. His eyes quickly glanced up at her and back to the book, while he turned a page. He did a double take. Ginny couldn't hide her feelings from showing. She wasn't as practiced with being unreadable as Draco was.
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The raw emotion on her face startled him. He looked back up to her face. She was looking at him in a way that made him tremble. It made him scared. It was the way he imagined she would look at Potter. The very thought made his knees weak.
And it was that moment when he became painfully aware his face was inches from hers. He felt a rush of air escape his lips. His breath blew a few strands of her hair aside. He straightened himself, and closed the book. He ended the magic of the moment.
He stepped back toward the bookshelf, though a bit shakily. He'd invited her here to distract him. And that she did; all thoughts of Friday fled his mind. And all thoughts of Virginia poured in.
"How long have you been an artist?"
He closed his eyes, thankful at change of subject.
"Since I first learned to hold a quill. Keep in mind, growing up I had little company."
"Oh."
"And I thought you said you weren't going to look in my book, Virginia." She saw her shudder, though didn't know quite why.
"I'm sorry, Draco. I don't know what got into me."
She stood in the middle of the room, wringing her small hands. He stood at the wall, nearly pressing his back against the shelves. He was acting silly. She wasn't going to bite. At least, he didn't think she would, he smirked. He licked his lips and stepped away from the shelf, walking to the table to get his butterbeer.
"Severus gave me my first set of quills."
He swallowed down the drink, a bit fast, burning his throat. He didn't care. It gave him something else to focus on, besides Virginia. He put the mug back on the table and ran his hands through his hair.
Virginia watched him. She tugged a little on the hem of her sweater, looking rather like a little girl. Its pale blue contrasted drastically with the dark room. And he smiled.
"He always gave me the greatest gifts. Things that I remembered for years. Things that I still cherish today." He paused, remembering all the magnificent presents he'd received, and how special they made him feel. "Like when I was six, he gave me a train set for my birthday. I remember he pretended he forgot to get me a Christmas present, but the next day a huge package arrived, signed Uncle Severus. It was the largest train set I'd ever seen. Of course when I was small, everything seemed big."
He looked over at her, and watched her sit down.
"It was finest quality Enchanted Engineer set there was. They don't make them anymore." He was getting nostalgic. "I spent hours playing with it. I even took the caboose with me to bed." He laughed softly to himself.
"I remember those. Fred and George were dying to have one. But…," she paused, obviously going to say something about not being able to afford it. She didn't continue, and she started studying the silver tassels on the green pillow next to her.
"They were pretty difficult to find. Extremely rare to come by," he finished for her, as he sat down next to her. Her eyes met his, and she smiled gratefully. It warmed his heart. It was a different feeling compared to how he usually felt when he insulted the Weasleys' financial situation. He rather liked this warm sensation better.
"But being young and careless, I left parts of it lying on the floor in the hallway. And when my father stepped on them, he lost his temper and cursed the magic right out of them. So most of the set became basically useless."
"You still have it?" She set aside the pillow, leaning back on the sofa.
"No. My mother threw it out. I was devastated."
Oddly, that made her grin. She rolled her eyes.
"What?"
"Devastated?"
"Well, I was six! And I didn't even get a replacement set!"
"You are so spoiled."
He grinned back at her.
"I know. I quite enjoy it."
She rolled her eyes again. He liked when she did that.
"What time is it, Draco?"
He frowned. What? Was she in a hurry to leave? Slowly, he pulled out his gold antique pocket watch and flipped it open. It read 3:15. He told Virginia.
"Oh, good. We still have several hours before dinner." With that, she stood and walked over to the table with her water glass. Draco felt his mouth drop open in surprise.
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She whirled the water around in the glass, watching it. She swallowed. She didn't want this day to end. She didn't want to leave. She took a drink. And she took a deep breath.
She knew he wanted to talk about anything but Friday. But that's the only thing that kept running through her mind. He'd be all alone on the train. He'll meet his father and then that night Lord Voldemort. Poor Draco. Her heart was burning with the ache this whole situation gave her. Ginny's eyes felt wet again, ready to overflow.
She looked over her shoulder at him, noticing him staring at her with his mouth slightly open.
"What?"
He closed his mouth and shook his head. He blinked a few times. He cleared this throat loudly and stood up.
"Would you care for a game of chess?" He gestured to a table off toward the left. They walked over to it, each carefully keeping space from the other. She was beginning to feel rather awkward.
He was in her arms, crying, no more than two hours ago. And here he was, ready to challenge her to a game of strategic combat. He sat down at one of the plush leather chairs, so she sat across from him.
It was an antique wizard's chess table, all the squares, made of marble and granite, inset on the surface of the oak table. She pulled her chair closer, as he pulled pieces out of a table drawer.
She smiled to herself, pushing her hair away from her face. For years, she'd played with Ron. For a long time, they didn't have a set. So they made one, out of parchment, and had their father enchant the pieces. It was rather frustrating, considering every time George walked by the pieces went flying. But they got their first real set and played often, mostly when they weren't outside playing Quidditch.
Ron was the real genius, as far as this game went. And she hardly ever won against him. But she did learn a lot. She knows more about strategy than most people even know about the basic rules.
"Want to go first? Or second?"
"Second."
He took the black pieces. It was more appropriate, she thought.
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This was too damn hard. There had been several times during the game where Virginia could have easily taken his queen, or even his king. She was holding back, he could tell. Well, he didn't want a sympathy win.
He halfheartedly played, minutes passed. Then he realized what she was doing. She was taking out his pieces one-by-one. From lowest ranking to highest, reserving the queen and king for last. He smirked. Damn.
"You're good."
She looked up at him, as one of her white rooks smashed apart his bishop. She smiled, gesturing toward the board.
"Your turn."
He looked down, pretending to study his three remaining pieces. Instead, he was trying to calm his nerves. Suddenly, he didn't want to play. He wanted to throw the game table aside. He wanted to stand up, walk around.
His eyes shot up to Virginia's face. He realized what he really wanted. He wanted her to hold him again. She looked back at him inquiringly.
He took a deep, shuddering breath, slightly startled at his own thoughts. He looked back to the board and carelessly moved his remaining bishop in front of his king, for protection.
"Draco, you could have just taken my queen!"
He glared at her, and watched her slightly shrink into the chair. Usually, it made him feel good, watching someone cower before him. But instead this made his heart sink. He softened his expression.
"I'm sorry. I guess I'm a sore loser."
He stood up, and not willing to finish the game or to even put away the pieces. He walked to the fireplace and paced on the rug. Virginia stood by the game table and watched him, with that same look that made him tremble.
What was she doing? That look. He knew that look. He'd been at the receiving end of that look hundreds of times. But never, NEVER, before had it made him tremble. And besides, he thought that she fancied Potter. Damn Potter.
Being friends with a dark wizard was the sort of thing that was usually bad for one's reputation. Hell, it was just as bad for the reputation as being a dark wizard. He knew he was being selfish. He wanted her friendship. He needed it. And he'd do anything to preserve whatever relationship they had. But he knew that for Virginia's good, he should stay away from her.
Draco didn't want to think about that. Enjoy the time you have, he told himself.
When he turned around and started to pace again, he glanced in Virginia's direction. She was peeling off her blue sweater. He stopped in his tracks and stared. She was wearing a blue button-up shirt underneath, but it stopped him, nonetheless. What was she doing now?
Clutching the sweater in one hand, she sauntered toward the fireplace. She tossed her sweater into a chair, and sitting on the sofa across from it, she removed her shoes. She looked up at him from under her thick eyelashes. It was more like a plea than a look, he thought.
His chest tightened and he turned away from her, pacing, struggling for his breath.
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It was awkward now. Completely and totally. No doubt about it. Ginny nearly slapped herself. She always could make any situation unbearably uncomfortable, couldn't she? Like every time she's in the room with Harry. Putting her elbow in the butter, walking into walls…and that one time she threw a garden gnome right at Ron, because she was watching Harry so closely.
Wait…why was she comparing Draco to Harry? She fancied Harry. She didn't fancy Draco, did she? Oh, dear. No, no…it's just that he's attractive. Well, he is. And he's a perfect gentleman, usually. And he's suave, when he's not being annoying, and he's witty, when he's not being a git, and he's quite sensitive, when he's not being angry. She groaned aloud.
Draco turned around sharply, to look at her again. She felt herself blush. She was sitting on the sofa. She took off her sweater and her shoes to help her feel more comfortable. Instead, it made her feel like she stuck her elbow in the butter dish.
"Sorry."
He walked straight to her. He stood above her a few moments, looking at her. He bent down onto his knees in front of her, pushing her sneakers out of the way. He set his hands on her knees and closed his eyes. Her heart was racing.
"Virginia, what if I get lost?"
"What do you mean?" She frowned down at him, confused by his question, and wishing desperately he'd move. The closeness was making her weak and shaky. He opened his eyes.
"I mean, what if I lose myself? What if I lose myself to the Dark?"
He looked up at her, his eyes clear and sincere. She understood now. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to tell the real Draco from the Draco he would pretend to be. And in the performance, what if he lost himself. She sighed.
"You won't, Draco. You're strong. Just remember why you are doing what you've chosen to do. Do you know why?"
He nodded, looking carefully at her. She waited, hoping he'd elaborate. She wanted to know why. What would make Draco Malfoy decide to betray his own father? What would make Draco Malfoy want to deceive his own father? What would make Draco Malfoy want to be a spy for the Light? Ginny wondered if there was something in it for him.
She forced herself to smile. She kept her hands folded in her lap, resisting the urge to touch his hair, his face, his shoulders.
"Good. That's all you need, Draco. Just remember why. Think of everything you want to accomplish by going through with this. You won't get lost. I promise."
His hands slipped from her knees to the floor. He sat back on his heels, and looked down. His breathing was uneven.
Ginny slipped off of the sofa, kneeling across from him. She took his hands, hesitantly. But he didn't resist. He snickered.
"You promise?"
"Well, I guess my word's not good for much. But I believe it in my heart, Draco. You're strong." She smiled at him, more naturally, warmly. But he was still staring at a spot on the floor.
"Just remember why. I can do that." He paused, closing his eyes with a pained expression. "I don't think I can ever forget, Virginia."
He brought his eyes to hers, and she saw the one thing she'd always desired, but never expected. Friendship.
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"Why?"
Draco swallowed, knowing she'd ask soon enough. Why? How can he tell her? It's because of you, Virginia. The words you said to me. That I didn't have to do it. That I could stop them. Those words. And the desire to be someone better…more like you. More compassionate. More alive. Less superficial. Less judgmental. Virginia, you make me want to change. You make me want to be a better man. That would scare her, surely.
"I don't think you want to know, Virginia." He stood up and threw himself down onto the leather sofa, sprawling out rather ungentlemanly. In this chamber, he allowed himself a break from his manners.
"I do want to know, Draco, that's why I asked."
Her voice was quiet and strained. She stayed on the floor, kneeling there. She didn't even turn her head to look at him.
"I want to know more about you, Virginia."
"Draco, tell me."
"How is it that you can stand to live with Ron? I just don't understand it."
"Draco, please?"
"Do you have to share your room with anyone?"
"Please."
"Have you ever wished you had at least one sister? I mean, six brothers!"
"Why?!"
She screamed. He closed his eyes, his chest feeling tight once more. Then he heard her start to cry. Oh, no. Certainly didn't want that. He opened his eyes to see her small body shudder with each sob. He stood up and moved in front of her.
He grabbed her shoulders, remembering the tender way Severus had done the same to him, and stood her up.
"Draco, why? Why would you want to do this?" She was crying hard, each word coming out as a shout. He pulled her toward him, wrapping his arms around her small shoulders. She clutched at his sweater, and cried harder, her sobs echoing in the room.
Draco bent down his head, resting his cheek on top of her head. She heaved a breath out. And he breathed her in. He held her in tighter, not caring if he was squishing her. This felt so good, so right. And it might be his last chance, he reminded himself. He felt tears sting his own eyes, so he closed them.
Her sobs didn't slow. They built up, shaking her body more and more. He hugged her tighter still, not wanting to let go.
"Draco, why?" she wailed into his chest.
He brought one hand up to the back of her neck, and he caressed her soft hair. He opened his mouth to say something, but found that no sound would come out. He was choking with tears. He cleared his throat, and weakened his hold on her.
He couldn't tell her. Not himself. Not to her face. He didn't have the courage. He nearly laughed aloud. He didn't have the courage to tell this little girl that she was the one who inspired him to change his fate. Yet he had the courage to join Lord Voldemort and purposely betray him.
Draco remembered his sketch. The sketch of Virginia. It best described his reasons for wanting to become a spy. Maybe he would show her that sketch someday.
She beat her small fists against his chest softly.
"Please, Draco, tell me!" A new wave of tears caused her to cover her face with her hands. He moved his hands back to her shoulders, and lightly pushed her away. She lowered her hands and looked him in the eyes.
"Run away, Draco! I'll help you. This isn't your only choice. Why? Draco! Tell me!" Her tears were still flowing down her red, blotchy face, and she occasionally shuddered, but she was growing angry. She was now demanding answers.
"Virginia, listen –"
"No, you listen, Draco! You aren't getting on that train on Friday! I'll write to Charlie, he's in Bulgaria, you can hide –"
"Virginia, I'm not going to hide –"
"But why? Why would you –"
"It's you! Because of you, dammit!"
He let go of her shoulders, angry, mostly at himself for losing his temper. He took a few steps away from her, to the end of the fireplace. He put both hands up, above his head, on the cold stone, hanging his head between his arms
He could hear her starting to cry again. It was at this particularly painful point that his tears decided to stream down his face.
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U2 – Even Better Than the Real Thing
The Strokes – Hard to Explain
Weezer – Island in the Sun
Cake – Hem of your Garment
Moby – We Are All Made of Stars
Madonna – Don't Tell Me
Foo Fighters – Walking After You
Smashing Pumpkins – 1979
Oasis – Wonderwall
Foo Fighters – Everlong
Reader Recommended:
The Cranberries – This is the Day
Michelle Branch – All You Wanted
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Author's Postscript:
This one took me a while and I apologize. Well, I'm not really sorry, because I felt that it needed the time. I picked over it several times, and it's the best I can get it.
I realize something very important: The songs I use are meant to supplement the chapters. Meaning: the lyrics are what I left out. Basically. Like in this chapter, I actually wanted to incorporate several quotes:
I wonder if everything
could ever be this real forever…
I wonder if anything could be this good again…
But I couldn't manage it. There are several parts of the chapter, where these quotes fit perfectly. But I didn't want to disrupt their thoughts in order for them to say something from the song. It seemed silly, yet it's exactly the thought they're having. Ginny observing Draco while he's looking at the photo album. She's wondering if anything could be this good again. And Draco, holding Ginny while she cries, is wondering if everything could be this real, for him, forever. And since I was unable to work that into the chapter, I had to mention it here in my postscript.
Next chapter: I've got ideas formed in my mind already, so it should be easy to write. It'll be a bit sad, but it will have major character development and set the stage for post-Hogwarts. I know, I know, I keep saying "post-Hogwarts" and I'm not delivering. I'm sorry! :-) I'll get there. I promise. Only one or two more chapters. This is all very crucial.
So anyone feeling the love, yet? I'm feeling the love. Oh, yeah. Ginny's mistaking her feelings for friendship, sometimes she was never entirely familiar with. And Draco recognizes it, but it too frightened by his feelings to really react. Also, he's got lots of other stuff on his mind… like Voldemort!