One Beautiful Secret
A/N I forgot to mention that in chapter 5 the song was from Leann Rimes and I don't own it. Also a little Luby angst. And thanks for reviewing everybody!
Chapter 7
I stared intently at the wall. I didn't want to talk to him but I might as well get it over with.
"Abby." He starts to apologize but I don't want any of it.
"Don't say it. Your not sorry John and neither am I." I say bluntly.
I hear him sigh.
"Abby would you just hear me out?" He asks and I might as well. There's nothing else to do right now. I wish Luka were back in here.
"Whatever." I say trying to move my hand to my head. I've got a headache and it started when he walked in. Therefore I blame it on him, simple as that.
"Look I shouldn't have left really I shouldn't have. I missed you so much and couldn't wait to come back and try to make things work between us again. But when I got back." He said.
"I was gone. John please I don't want you to do this!" I try yelling and am thankful it doesn't hurt to bad.
"I'm sorry about the letter Abby. I didn't know it would hurt you so much." He told me quietly.
I didn't want to go there. Why did he have to bring that up? Doesn't he know I hated him for that?
"Leave." I say. I can't talk to him anymore.
"Abby what about." He starts and I figure he's about to ask about Gracie.
"Please just go. If you loved me at all would you please just leave me alone? I can't stand to do this right now." I say near tears.
He didn't say anything, I just hear the chair scrape back and him opening and shutting the door.
As soon as its shut I start t cry. I can't keep the tears from falling. How could all this of happened so fast? Why did this have to happen in the first place?
The tears won't stop no matter what I do. I hear the door open and look to see who's coming in, its Luka.
"Are you ok?" He asked me softly wiping the tears from my chin. HE sits down next to me again and I look at him.
"No." I admit.
"What happened?" He asked me worry written all over his face.
"I hate him." I say as an explanation.
Luka looks like he doesn't know what to say and I stop crying and just stare at him. He knows something I don't.
"John he. He really loves me doesn't he?" I ask sudden realization coming over me.
Luka seemed to think about that for a moment and I could see he was debating whether to tell me or not.
"Yes." Was all he said.
I want to say more but I just can't. I look into his eyes, the ones I could be with right now except I got scared and ran.
"I've got to go Abby. I'll come by later so we can talk ok?" He asks me and I can tell he's lying about having to go.
"Yeah." I say and he gets up and leaves.
"I love you to Abby." Luka said under his breath as he left the room.
^^^^^
Susan saw Carter rushing out of the ER. She wondered what had happened so she ran outside to catch him.
"Carter wait!" She yelled and he turned around.
"She's awake." Was all he said then he left.
It took a moment for this to sink in but when it hit Susan ran back inside and headed up to Abby's room.
^^^^^
Gracie was bored and she wanted to see her mommy. The other kids in the playroom didn't want to play with her so she figured she would find her mommy. She snuck past the person who was supposed to be watching her and made it out the door. She watched as all the people went by and saw her Aunt Susan running towards an elevator so she decided to follow her.
^^^^^
Abby had her eyes closed and was just trying to relax when she heard the door open. Her eyes opened and then shut again. Hopefully it wasn't Carter again she couldn't take him begging her to take him back.
"You ok?" Susan asked me coming in I smiled recognizing her voice.
"How do I look?" I say sarcastically and she smiles.
"You don't look so good, did Carter talk to you?" She asked sitting where Carter and Luka had sat.
"Yes." I tell her frowning. And I was trying to get that out of my mind.
"I'm sorry Abby. I shouldn't have let him come up here." Susan told me and I smiled in response.
We didn't say anything for a few minutes.
"You know and you told him didn't you?" I ask her trying not to be to mad at her.
"Abby I couldn't lie when he asked me. I only told him you and Luka were becoming better friends and went out on a few dates but nothing serious." She told me and I sighed in relief.
"Nice lie." I joked smiling.
"I figured you should be the one to tell him what really happened." She told me smiling back.
"Could you bring Gracie up here?" I asked her really needing to see that she was ok.
"Sure, I'll be back in a few minutes." Susan told me walking out of the room.
I can't believe I've been gone for so long. I guess I kinda missed it here. I missed talking to Susan.
^^^^^
Gracie hit the fifth floor button on the elevator and when it opened she saw Aunt Susan staring back at her.
"What are you doing up here?" She asked Gracie.
"I wanted to see mommy is she here?" Gracie asked getting off the elevator and taking Susan's hand.
"Yes come on I'll take you to her." Susan said wondering how she got up here by herself.
^^^^^
Just as soon as the doors closed they opened again. Wouldn't these people ever let me get some rest?"
"Mommy!" Gracie ran up and jumped on my bed and I smiled.
"Hey baby!" I thank Susan and spend some time with my daughter.
^^^^^
Its been a few hours and I can't get to sleep now. Susan had taken Gracie down two hours ago and I hadn't seen Luka yet.
But just then somebody opened my door and I saw him. My stomach tied in a knot and I had butterflies and I think my heart must have skipped a beat.
He came and sat by me smiling.
"How are you feeling?" He asked after we had just watched each other for a minute.
"Better. Luka." I start and he puts his fingers to my lips.
"Abby no please let me start." He asks me and I nod.
"Abby I missed you. I really did. But I need to know why you left. And who Gracie's father is." He told me and I nodded slowly.
"I missed you to. I don't really know why I left except that I was scared. I was so scared Luka." I say trying to keep my eyes from getting cloudy.
"I didn't know what to do. We were together again and I loved it. Being with you I felt safe but when. when I found out I was pregnant I didn't feel safe anymore." I told him closing my eyes.
I felt Luka take my hand in his.
"Abby." He started and I cut him off looking at him giving him a weak smile.
"Let me finish." I said and he nodded.
"I was really scared because Carter was coming back and I was pregnant. I couldn't stand the thought of him knowing or even seeing him again." I said taking a deep breath.
"Is Gracie Carter's girl?" He asked me with sad eyes and I could tell he was hoping she wasn't.
"I can't tell you yet." I told him simply. I had to get out of here first.
"Abby are you feeling what I'm feeling? Do you regret leaving here. leaving me?" He asked seeming to accept my other answer.
"Everyday. Everyday I regret leaving you. I missed you so much it hurts. It burns inside of me knowing what he had and I just left. I so sorry Luka. I'm regret everyday running from this." I admit to him.
"Every morning when I get up I wish you were holding me. Every day when I go to bed I wish you were there to keep me warm." I say, tears falling freely now. I hate crying.
Luka looks like he was about to cry to.
"I'm feeling the same thing you are Luka. Every time I saw you today, when I looked into your eyes I hurt even more. I wished I could take things back and stay here." I finish no longer having control over my emotions.
"Abby I loved you and you left me, you left here." He said sadly and I couldn't say anything, we just sat in silence for a minute until I finally spoke.
"I'm so sorry Luka." I say meaning it so much.
"I know. What do you expect though? We couldn't go back to the way things were Abby you have a daughter!" Luka seemed to be getting mad and I tried hard to stop the crying but it wouldn't.
"Stop." I say quietly.
"Abby you left me. For four years, you didn't call me or anything! I didn't even know if you were ok or even alive!" He shouted standing up.
"Luka stop please." I pleaded; I couldn't take this right now.
"Why? Abby why? I know you must have been scared but I was there for you! Abby I loved you and would have done anything to protect you!" He kept shouting and I finally stopped crying. I was to mad for that.
"Stop it." I saw warningly.
"Why or you'll run? Why don't you go run to Carter? He still loves you! He's never gotten over you! Why don't you tell him about Gracie huh? Is that why you left because the baby was Carter's?" Luka kept asking and I couldn't help but get angrier.
What did he know? I never told him Gracie was Carter's.
"Stop it Luka you don't know that!" I yell and he stopped by me yelling, a little surprised.
"Then tell me? Why did you leave?" He asked calmly again and I closed my eyes.
I look straight at him and keep an angry look on my face. I couldn't do this anymore I shouldn't be fighting with him. When I didn't respond he left. He left me in this room full of beeping monitors that I hated so much.
I couldn't believe him. One moment we were talking like we used to, then I was crying and he was yelling and then suddenly everything just stopped. I couldn't tell him, it wouldn't come out from my mouth so he left.
"Luka I'm so sorry." I say quietly to myself since he couldn't hear me.
^^^^^^^^^^
The next morning I woke up and looked around, where was I? Oh yeah the hospital. I wonder if Gracie's ok? I think as I look around. Hopefully I'll get something to eat soon. I looked down at the phone by my bed.
I needed to somehow reach Luka and tell him to come back. I couldn't take him being mad at me right now. He may have a right to be mad but I still have to try.
I look up at the door when it opens and frown. I never wanted to talk to him again, ever.
"Abby before you tell me to go away I just have two questions." He told me pleading in the way he said it.
"Go ahead its not like I can get out of here." I say sarcastically.
I watch him as he sits beside me on that ever so famous chair.
"Well tell me, I may have all day but I don't want to spend it with you explaining things to me." I say and he looks a little hurt. Good, he should be.
"Do you still love me? Did you still love me after I left?" He asked bluntly and I smile at him. The way he asked was just so funny.
"The answer to that is one no, I don't think I could ever love you again and two yes, I did believe there might have been a chance for that happen." I tell him turning to my side to get more comfortable.
He looks sad. Not angry or mad, just sad.
"I guess that's fair enough." He tells me and he looks like he's trying to gain the courage to ask me something.
"Spit it out already John!" I yell mockingly and laughing at him. He smiles back.
"Is Gracie mine?" He finally asks me and I stop laughing.
Should I tell him? I didn't tell Luka and I think that was a mistake. I guess he sorta kinda does have a right to know. I smile at him and he looks like he's hoping Gracie is his.
"No she's not John. She's not yours." I finally spit it out. It felt good to say it though.
"But I thought I was the only one you had slept with?" He wondered frowning and I couldn't help but give him a pity smile back.
"No I was with Luka for a few weeks before you came back, we were dating again and things were great." I say and realize I hadn't told anybody this before except for Susan once.
He looks at me with no expression, which is so unlike him. He really has changed. I can tell he's interested so I decide to finish telling him what I should have told Luka last night.
"But then I found out I was pregnant." I tell him smiling because it was the best and worse thing that ever happened to me in my life.
"So you were sleeping with Luka- again?" He asks me frowning.
"How else do you think I would have become pregnant?" I ask him jokingly.
"Of course I was sleeping with him. John I really loved him, it felt right, better than the first time I was with him." I say thinking back to that time.
"And then you found out I was coming home and you were scared to tell me?" He asked sounding a little angry.
"No, that's not the truth." I admit. Why was I telling all of this to Carter?
"Oh, what's the truth then?" He asks me and I smile at him and he gives me one back.
"I was scared of what Luka would think of me being pregnant with his kid. That it would make him think of Marko and Jasna all the time and hurt him." I say feeling my eyes become cloudy.
Carter didn't say anything to me and I didn't say anything either. We just looked at each other and I was wondering how I had gone to yelling at him to leave to spilling everything out to him. It all happened so fast that I didn't know what I was doing. He kissed me and I kissed him back and I didn't realize the door open and somebody come in.
^^^^^^^^^^
When you're not looking he stares at you all the time. -Maggie (to Abby on Luka, "The Dance We Do")
^^^^^^^^^^
A/N I wrote this chapter to go another way but decided to rewrite it so I could continue the story longer. The other way this would have gone is to an end, the only thing different in it though is the ending when Luka and Abby are fighting but he doesn't walk out. If you want it Email me, put in the subject line of the email 'Alternate Ending' or else I won't open it, then I'll send you the chapter.
Wow this has got to be my longest chapter ever! Yay for me! It says nine pages on word! Yay! Please review and tell me if you liked this extra long chapter!
A/N I forgot to mention that in chapter 5 the song was from Leann Rimes and I don't own it. Also a little Luby angst. And thanks for reviewing everybody!
Chapter 7
I stared intently at the wall. I didn't want to talk to him but I might as well get it over with.
"Abby." He starts to apologize but I don't want any of it.
"Don't say it. Your not sorry John and neither am I." I say bluntly.
I hear him sigh.
"Abby would you just hear me out?" He asks and I might as well. There's nothing else to do right now. I wish Luka were back in here.
"Whatever." I say trying to move my hand to my head. I've got a headache and it started when he walked in. Therefore I blame it on him, simple as that.
"Look I shouldn't have left really I shouldn't have. I missed you so much and couldn't wait to come back and try to make things work between us again. But when I got back." He said.
"I was gone. John please I don't want you to do this!" I try yelling and am thankful it doesn't hurt to bad.
"I'm sorry about the letter Abby. I didn't know it would hurt you so much." He told me quietly.
I didn't want to go there. Why did he have to bring that up? Doesn't he know I hated him for that?
"Leave." I say. I can't talk to him anymore.
"Abby what about." He starts and I figure he's about to ask about Gracie.
"Please just go. If you loved me at all would you please just leave me alone? I can't stand to do this right now." I say near tears.
He didn't say anything, I just hear the chair scrape back and him opening and shutting the door.
As soon as its shut I start t cry. I can't keep the tears from falling. How could all this of happened so fast? Why did this have to happen in the first place?
The tears won't stop no matter what I do. I hear the door open and look to see who's coming in, its Luka.
"Are you ok?" He asked me softly wiping the tears from my chin. HE sits down next to me again and I look at him.
"No." I admit.
"What happened?" He asked me worry written all over his face.
"I hate him." I say as an explanation.
Luka looks like he doesn't know what to say and I stop crying and just stare at him. He knows something I don't.
"John he. He really loves me doesn't he?" I ask sudden realization coming over me.
Luka seemed to think about that for a moment and I could see he was debating whether to tell me or not.
"Yes." Was all he said.
I want to say more but I just can't. I look into his eyes, the ones I could be with right now except I got scared and ran.
"I've got to go Abby. I'll come by later so we can talk ok?" He asks me and I can tell he's lying about having to go.
"Yeah." I say and he gets up and leaves.
"I love you to Abby." Luka said under his breath as he left the room.
^^^^^
Susan saw Carter rushing out of the ER. She wondered what had happened so she ran outside to catch him.
"Carter wait!" She yelled and he turned around.
"She's awake." Was all he said then he left.
It took a moment for this to sink in but when it hit Susan ran back inside and headed up to Abby's room.
^^^^^
Gracie was bored and she wanted to see her mommy. The other kids in the playroom didn't want to play with her so she figured she would find her mommy. She snuck past the person who was supposed to be watching her and made it out the door. She watched as all the people went by and saw her Aunt Susan running towards an elevator so she decided to follow her.
^^^^^
Abby had her eyes closed and was just trying to relax when she heard the door open. Her eyes opened and then shut again. Hopefully it wasn't Carter again she couldn't take him begging her to take him back.
"You ok?" Susan asked me coming in I smiled recognizing her voice.
"How do I look?" I say sarcastically and she smiles.
"You don't look so good, did Carter talk to you?" She asked sitting where Carter and Luka had sat.
"Yes." I tell her frowning. And I was trying to get that out of my mind.
"I'm sorry Abby. I shouldn't have let him come up here." Susan told me and I smiled in response.
We didn't say anything for a few minutes.
"You know and you told him didn't you?" I ask her trying not to be to mad at her.
"Abby I couldn't lie when he asked me. I only told him you and Luka were becoming better friends and went out on a few dates but nothing serious." She told me and I sighed in relief.
"Nice lie." I joked smiling.
"I figured you should be the one to tell him what really happened." She told me smiling back.
"Could you bring Gracie up here?" I asked her really needing to see that she was ok.
"Sure, I'll be back in a few minutes." Susan told me walking out of the room.
I can't believe I've been gone for so long. I guess I kinda missed it here. I missed talking to Susan.
^^^^^
Gracie hit the fifth floor button on the elevator and when it opened she saw Aunt Susan staring back at her.
"What are you doing up here?" She asked Gracie.
"I wanted to see mommy is she here?" Gracie asked getting off the elevator and taking Susan's hand.
"Yes come on I'll take you to her." Susan said wondering how she got up here by herself.
^^^^^
Just as soon as the doors closed they opened again. Wouldn't these people ever let me get some rest?"
"Mommy!" Gracie ran up and jumped on my bed and I smiled.
"Hey baby!" I thank Susan and spend some time with my daughter.
^^^^^
Its been a few hours and I can't get to sleep now. Susan had taken Gracie down two hours ago and I hadn't seen Luka yet.
But just then somebody opened my door and I saw him. My stomach tied in a knot and I had butterflies and I think my heart must have skipped a beat.
He came and sat by me smiling.
"How are you feeling?" He asked after we had just watched each other for a minute.
"Better. Luka." I start and he puts his fingers to my lips.
"Abby no please let me start." He asks me and I nod.
"Abby I missed you. I really did. But I need to know why you left. And who Gracie's father is." He told me and I nodded slowly.
"I missed you to. I don't really know why I left except that I was scared. I was so scared Luka." I say trying to keep my eyes from getting cloudy.
"I didn't know what to do. We were together again and I loved it. Being with you I felt safe but when. when I found out I was pregnant I didn't feel safe anymore." I told him closing my eyes.
I felt Luka take my hand in his.
"Abby." He started and I cut him off looking at him giving him a weak smile.
"Let me finish." I said and he nodded.
"I was really scared because Carter was coming back and I was pregnant. I couldn't stand the thought of him knowing or even seeing him again." I said taking a deep breath.
"Is Gracie Carter's girl?" He asked me with sad eyes and I could tell he was hoping she wasn't.
"I can't tell you yet." I told him simply. I had to get out of here first.
"Abby are you feeling what I'm feeling? Do you regret leaving here. leaving me?" He asked seeming to accept my other answer.
"Everyday. Everyday I regret leaving you. I missed you so much it hurts. It burns inside of me knowing what he had and I just left. I so sorry Luka. I'm regret everyday running from this." I admit to him.
"Every morning when I get up I wish you were holding me. Every day when I go to bed I wish you were there to keep me warm." I say, tears falling freely now. I hate crying.
Luka looks like he was about to cry to.
"I'm feeling the same thing you are Luka. Every time I saw you today, when I looked into your eyes I hurt even more. I wished I could take things back and stay here." I finish no longer having control over my emotions.
"Abby I loved you and you left me, you left here." He said sadly and I couldn't say anything, we just sat in silence for a minute until I finally spoke.
"I'm so sorry Luka." I say meaning it so much.
"I know. What do you expect though? We couldn't go back to the way things were Abby you have a daughter!" Luka seemed to be getting mad and I tried hard to stop the crying but it wouldn't.
"Stop." I say quietly.
"Abby you left me. For four years, you didn't call me or anything! I didn't even know if you were ok or even alive!" He shouted standing up.
"Luka stop please." I pleaded; I couldn't take this right now.
"Why? Abby why? I know you must have been scared but I was there for you! Abby I loved you and would have done anything to protect you!" He kept shouting and I finally stopped crying. I was to mad for that.
"Stop it." I saw warningly.
"Why or you'll run? Why don't you go run to Carter? He still loves you! He's never gotten over you! Why don't you tell him about Gracie huh? Is that why you left because the baby was Carter's?" Luka kept asking and I couldn't help but get angrier.
What did he know? I never told him Gracie was Carter's.
"Stop it Luka you don't know that!" I yell and he stopped by me yelling, a little surprised.
"Then tell me? Why did you leave?" He asked calmly again and I closed my eyes.
I look straight at him and keep an angry look on my face. I couldn't do this anymore I shouldn't be fighting with him. When I didn't respond he left. He left me in this room full of beeping monitors that I hated so much.
I couldn't believe him. One moment we were talking like we used to, then I was crying and he was yelling and then suddenly everything just stopped. I couldn't tell him, it wouldn't come out from my mouth so he left.
"Luka I'm so sorry." I say quietly to myself since he couldn't hear me.
^^^^^^^^^^
The next morning I woke up and looked around, where was I? Oh yeah the hospital. I wonder if Gracie's ok? I think as I look around. Hopefully I'll get something to eat soon. I looked down at the phone by my bed.
I needed to somehow reach Luka and tell him to come back. I couldn't take him being mad at me right now. He may have a right to be mad but I still have to try.
I look up at the door when it opens and frown. I never wanted to talk to him again, ever.
"Abby before you tell me to go away I just have two questions." He told me pleading in the way he said it.
"Go ahead its not like I can get out of here." I say sarcastically.
I watch him as he sits beside me on that ever so famous chair.
"Well tell me, I may have all day but I don't want to spend it with you explaining things to me." I say and he looks a little hurt. Good, he should be.
"Do you still love me? Did you still love me after I left?" He asked bluntly and I smile at him. The way he asked was just so funny.
"The answer to that is one no, I don't think I could ever love you again and two yes, I did believe there might have been a chance for that happen." I tell him turning to my side to get more comfortable.
He looks sad. Not angry or mad, just sad.
"I guess that's fair enough." He tells me and he looks like he's trying to gain the courage to ask me something.
"Spit it out already John!" I yell mockingly and laughing at him. He smiles back.
"Is Gracie mine?" He finally asks me and I stop laughing.
Should I tell him? I didn't tell Luka and I think that was a mistake. I guess he sorta kinda does have a right to know. I smile at him and he looks like he's hoping Gracie is his.
"No she's not John. She's not yours." I finally spit it out. It felt good to say it though.
"But I thought I was the only one you had slept with?" He wondered frowning and I couldn't help but give him a pity smile back.
"No I was with Luka for a few weeks before you came back, we were dating again and things were great." I say and realize I hadn't told anybody this before except for Susan once.
He looks at me with no expression, which is so unlike him. He really has changed. I can tell he's interested so I decide to finish telling him what I should have told Luka last night.
"But then I found out I was pregnant." I tell him smiling because it was the best and worse thing that ever happened to me in my life.
"So you were sleeping with Luka- again?" He asks me frowning.
"How else do you think I would have become pregnant?" I ask him jokingly.
"Of course I was sleeping with him. John I really loved him, it felt right, better than the first time I was with him." I say thinking back to that time.
"And then you found out I was coming home and you were scared to tell me?" He asked sounding a little angry.
"No, that's not the truth." I admit. Why was I telling all of this to Carter?
"Oh, what's the truth then?" He asks me and I smile at him and he gives me one back.
"I was scared of what Luka would think of me being pregnant with his kid. That it would make him think of Marko and Jasna all the time and hurt him." I say feeling my eyes become cloudy.
Carter didn't say anything to me and I didn't say anything either. We just looked at each other and I was wondering how I had gone to yelling at him to leave to spilling everything out to him. It all happened so fast that I didn't know what I was doing. He kissed me and I kissed him back and I didn't realize the door open and somebody come in.
^^^^^^^^^^
When you're not looking he stares at you all the time. -Maggie (to Abby on Luka, "The Dance We Do")
^^^^^^^^^^
A/N I wrote this chapter to go another way but decided to rewrite it so I could continue the story longer. The other way this would have gone is to an end, the only thing different in it though is the ending when Luka and Abby are fighting but he doesn't walk out. If you want it Email me, put in the subject line of the email 'Alternate Ending' or else I won't open it, then I'll send you the chapter.
Wow this has got to be my longest chapter ever! Yay for me! It says nine pages on word! Yay! Please review and tell me if you liked this extra long chapter!