Note: In Edge of Reason we find out that Mark and Bridget are not so different. decided to play on that idea. And this is basically his thoughts in diary form because can not see him keeping a diary (unwork-related ) unless he has hidden somewhere behind one of his blasted new age furniture/appliances.

Saturday 12 July actually might be early July 13 have no way of knowing, as room in eerily dark like in horror movies.

(no. crazed fantasies about Bridget deciding she wants to get back together despite obviousness that she doesn't as seen from evidence, and saving me from Rebecca: only 54. very, very good.)

Rebecca's House, Gloucestershire. In Rebecca's room. In Rebecca's bed.

Am becoming very paranoid. And confused. And confusedly paranoid. And being a lawyer I know that's not a word. but it fits me so well right now. Have done really, awful horrible thing that really shouldn't be considered that horrible seeing as we broke it off nearly five months ago, and plus five months is a REALLY long time to go without shag especially for a guy, but still feel awful. And paranoid. keep thinking

1) Bridget was having an affair with another guy and in fact isn't nearly as special as I thought she was and is in fact money-grubbing lowlife very similar to Natasha, and most likely Rebecca.

evidence to prove this:

card (left unresolved, she claims she doesn't know who its from)

call from "Gary" (she says was builder.)

2) call was in fact from insane builder.

and why was card sent to my address? possible conspiracy. maybe from Guiles since he seems to be warming up to her.

evidence:

have heard wild rumor Bridget now has giant hole in wall. have no idea how, or from what, but logical that if builder placed it there, then he must be insane.

3) Bridget's only 50 feet away from me probably still awake. hopefully not with Guiles, though would probably serve me right to find them together in the morning, after what I've done.

4) slept with Rebecca. What was I thinking? I love Bridget! only 50 feet away! shouldn't feel guilty as we broke up, but still. I love Bridget! I don't want to sleep with anyone else. But she doesn't love me. Why can't I get over her?

5)What I would do for a drink (or a couple) right about now.

I mean what if Bridget was telling the truth? What if we broke up for a really stupid reason and now I'll never get her back? Or what if there's an off chance that she does want to get back together but will never trust me again because she was telling the truth and I was seen leaving a taxi with Rebecca at 10 o'clock at night dropping us off at my house. What if she thinks I'm the cheating bastard? What if she still loves me but will refuse to ever be more than distant friends because she says she can't trust what's coming out of my mouth. frankly, I think I'd say anything to get her back. Just thoughts of sixth thing.

6) What if I never fall out of love with Bridget (and she never falls in love with me again) and I waste away into old age and die, a lonely, creepy old man children throw stones at through windows, and am found three weeks later half eaten by an Alsatian?

or worst of all...

7) What if Bridget never loved me at all, and it was just a big lie. right, really need to try and find drink.