Disclaimer: I hope you all realize by now that I in no means own Harry
Potter, a grocery store, or the items in one. J.K. Rowling owns Harry
Potter along with 10,000 publishers, artists, movie companies, etc. Grocery
stores are owned by the millions of owners of them.
This may or may not be the last chapter of this fic. If it isn't, there will be 1-2 more chapters. I realized that the Euro was the new currency in Europe after I started writing this, but I'm sticking to pounds for this fic. R&R : )
Chapter 4: The meat/seafood, pasta, bakery, and deli aisles
*Ron, Neville, and Hermione are helping Harry scoop up his earnings.*
Ron: *counting the pile in his hands* Wow, I have five pounds right here!
Harry: You can have some of it, it's not like I really earned it, I was under the influence of a potion.
Ron: Thanks, mate! I think I'll buy a...what are those candy bars called with that odd name?
Hermione: What candy bars?
Ron: The ones that are called that word when you can't think of what they're called?
*Suddenly Dumbledore strides over to the group. He is wearing those sparkly plastic sunglasses (star framed) that look exactly like the ones Arnold Schwarzenegger wore in Terminator 3.*
Dumbledore: Whatchamacalits?
Ron: *freaked out* Yeah...that's it. Thanks, Professor.
Dumbledore: *pointing to his sunglasses* I got these in the miscellaneous aisle, 3 pounds. Well I hope you all get a move on, I saw Malfoy and his cronies and they're one aisle ahead of you! *ambles away*
Hermione: *putting some of the money in her purse* We have to go!
Harry: *sweeps up the last pound* Ok, where to next?
Hermione: *checks the milk stained list* The pasta aisle!
Neville: It's right down here. *Points down one aisle; everyone follows him with Ron cart cruising again*
Hermione: Must you do that, Ron?
Ron: Yes! *singing "Surfing U.S.A." but changes the words. "Everyone was cart cruising.... cart-cruising U.K."
Hermione: *sighs* We need one box of pasta, any kind.
Neville: Can we get wheels?
Ron: There's pasta flavored wheels?
Harry: No, it's just pasta shaped like wheels.
Ron: Muggles really do have some screws loose, don't they?
*Neville gets a box of wheels and tries to throw it in the cart, which is two feet in front of him. The box falls to the floor with that slow motion effect often seen in movies; Neville turns pale, and there is a 15 seconds of awkward silence in which a few owls can be heard hooting in the distance*
Neville: *picks up the box of wheel pasta* My bad. *Everyone laughs.*
Hermione: Ok, we need one jar of Del Monte spaghetti sauce. Why don't you get it, Harry?
Harry: Ok. *gets a jar of spaghetti sauce and puts it in a nice neat space in the cart.* It's a wonder everything has fit so well; it should have been full by now.
Ron: I, um, put a compacting spell on it... *some muggles walk by, look at him oddly, and start gossiping while Hermione gives Ron a severe look.*
Hermione: *waits until the muggles are out of earshot* Ron, you can't be putting spells on the cart! *takes the spell off as everything becomes scattered and overflows.* Neville, could you get another cart? And Ron, you can do a compacting spell? I didn't know that.
*Ron grins in spite of his guiltiness.*
Hermione: *checks the pasta food off the list* We're off to the meat aisle now. *They all walk to the meat aisle, Ron cart cruises until McGonagall berates him and takes 5 points from Gryffindor, but awards 5 points for Harry's moon walking.*
Hermione: We need one steak, a lobster, a pound of shrimp, and 3 pork chops. I'll get the lobster. Harry, you can get the shrimp. Ron, you can get the pork chops and Neville, could you get the steak? *walks to the lobster tank and starts protesting about animal cruelty to a miserable 21 and a half year male salesperson* Unbelievable! Simply inhumane!
Salesperson: *turns up his already blaring headphones*
Harry: I've never had shrimp before. Like the lobster, the Dursley's left me only the tails. *Gets a pound of shrimp and looks forward to eating it for the first time in his life*
Ron: *gets three pork chops* Yum, chops! I can't wait to eat these!
Neville: *to Ron* What's the steak, is this it? *is holding up a package of liver as Ron looks disgusted* No, I think that's dragon liver. *Once again muggles look at him oddly.* That's steak. *points to ground beef and everyone meets up at the lobster tank, where Hermione is still protesting.*
Harry: Give it up, Hermione. I don't think the salesperson cares.
Hermione: I'll make him care. *gets a lobster carefully out of the tank and sets it on the floor.
Salesperson: *looks up from his magazine* Hey, you can't do that!
Hermione: Well, I just did. *The lobster proceeds to scurry away. No one bothers looking for it.* Now, I need a lobster. *gets one out of the tank and puts it in a plastic container with holes. Salesperson doesn't care and continues to read his golf magazine.*
Harry: Um, Neville, weren't you supposed to get steak?
Neville: yeah, it's right here. *holds up his ground beef*
Harry: I hate to tell you this, but that's ground beef.
Neville: *looks at the ground beef* That it is Harry, that it is. *goes and finally is successful in getting a steak.
Ron: Where to next, Hermione?
Hermione: The deli and bakery. Why don't you and Neville go to the deli while Harry and I are at the bakery? *rips off the part of the list for the deli and gives it to Ron*
Ron: Why can't I go to the bakery?
Hermione: Fine, just go! *switches lists with Ron* And don't loose it-it has the rest of the list on it! And Harry and I will meet you at the bakery! Don't forget one of the carts!
Ron: *to Neville, as Harry and Hermione walk away with their cart* If I didn't know any better, I'd say Hermione is turning out like my mum... *Neville shrugs.*
*At the bakery, which is about 2 aisles-distance from the deli*
Ron: Mmm *smells air* This is my favorite part of the store. *looks at the doughnuts longingly, then at the list* Excellent, we need a dozen doughnuts. Why don't we each get 6?
Neville: Ok. *gets 3 French crullers and 3 jelly-filled while Ron gets 3 Bavarian cream and 3 éclairs.*
*At the deli* After 15 minutes of waiting in line, and behind grumpy muggles to top it off... Hermione: *to deli worker behind all the meats and cheeses* We need half a pound of chopped ham, please.
Deli worker: Will that be all?
Hermione: No. *checks list* and half a pound of Swiss cheese...
Deli worker: Ok. *gets to chopping*
Hermione: and a quarter pound of salami...sorry
Deli worker: *sighs and continues chopping away*
Hermione: *to Harry in an undertone* See, we don't need house-elves to do all the work; muggles and wizards are perfectly capable of doing stuff on our own.
Harry: When are you going to get off the case of house-elves?
Hermione: *confidently* When they are all freed, that's when! *Harry sighs and thinks how it sucks to have gotten ticket 50 for waiting in line at the deli*
*At the bakery*
Ron: *after buying a pumpkin pie from some of Harry's earnings* Well, that's all we needed to get. *looks at cookies to pass the time* @#$% Harry's face is on these cookies!
Neville: *gets the common freaked-out expression on his face* You know, I saw something similar in the health care section...
Ron: What?
Neville: Harry Potter toothbrushes!
Ron: This is getting weirder and weirder... HEY WHAT'S THIS? *Pulls a coupon from one of those coupon dispensers* Cool! 5% off when you buy 20?! doughnuts, are they mad? *another coupon comes out of the dispenser* WHOAH! *takes it, and yet another coupon comes out, and Ron takes it, too* Dad would love this! *takes so many coupons that the dispenser eventually runs out of them, and a pile 2 ft. deep of coupons is left on the floor; Ron jumps in it like it were a pile of autumn leaves, just as Draco and his cronies comes over...*
Draco: *laughs* What are you doing, Weasley?
Ron: *quickly gets up, then gets an idea* Oh, I just found these...in that dispenser there...they're a new type of muggle money.
Draco: Yeah right, Weasel. *takes one and examines it* It says "coupon." I'm not that stupid. *scratches the back of his head*
Ron: Well, they are. *Crabbe and Goyle have cupped up all the coupons from the floor and are now running from junk food aisle to junk food aisle, grabbing as many sweets as their cart can hold, as if on one of those 3- minute shopping spree contests.*
Draco: What? Those idiots... *runs after them as Ron and Neville crack up after realizing Draco has a lobster attached to the back of his hair*
Neville: Hey, why don't we buy one of these "Harry Potter" cakes *points one out as Ron laughs at the muggle cake artist's interpretation of a cartoon version of Harry*
Ron: Good idea. I have extra money from Harry's moon walking earnings. *buys a cake and hides it with the bag of doughnuts and the pumpkin pie in the cart; then Harry and Hermione come over.*
Hermione: *looks at the pumpkin pie* That wasn't on the list, was it Ron?
Ron: No, I had extra money from Harry's moon walking earnings. Hey Harry, have you thought of taking that up as a future career?
Harry: No! Like I said before, I was under the influence of a potion!
Ron: Hey, Draco has that lobster you let loose attached to the back of his hair, Hermione.
Hermione: Did you tell him? *Ron shakes his head and says "Are you mad?!" as Hermione looks in the cart.* And what's- *laughs*
Harry: What, what is it? *has a bad feeling*
Hermione: *composes herself* Oh, nothing, nothing. *quickly covers up the cake*
Harry: It didn't sound like nothing to me. *Looks in the cart* What- I don't-what-who-would-do-a-thing-like-that?! *the cake has white frosting with a cartoon Harry with surprising kempt hair, wearing red, white, and blue quidditch robes bearing a wingless griffin/lion on one corner of them, in his hand is a silver snitch that is as dented as a quaffle, and on his broom, that is written in green frosting, is "Quidbus 8000." He has a pink lightning scar on his nose.
Ron: Um...I guess it's patriotic Harry Potter?...
Harry: *starts to find it humorous, and, to his friends' relief, a grin comes across his face* You know what guys, this proves only one thing to me...
All else: What's that?
Harry: Never hire an alcoholic cake designer! *they all laugh*
This may or may not be the last chapter of this fic. If it isn't, there will be 1-2 more chapters. I realized that the Euro was the new currency in Europe after I started writing this, but I'm sticking to pounds for this fic. R&R : )
Chapter 4: The meat/seafood, pasta, bakery, and deli aisles
*Ron, Neville, and Hermione are helping Harry scoop up his earnings.*
Ron: *counting the pile in his hands* Wow, I have five pounds right here!
Harry: You can have some of it, it's not like I really earned it, I was under the influence of a potion.
Ron: Thanks, mate! I think I'll buy a...what are those candy bars called with that odd name?
Hermione: What candy bars?
Ron: The ones that are called that word when you can't think of what they're called?
*Suddenly Dumbledore strides over to the group. He is wearing those sparkly plastic sunglasses (star framed) that look exactly like the ones Arnold Schwarzenegger wore in Terminator 3.*
Dumbledore: Whatchamacalits?
Ron: *freaked out* Yeah...that's it. Thanks, Professor.
Dumbledore: *pointing to his sunglasses* I got these in the miscellaneous aisle, 3 pounds. Well I hope you all get a move on, I saw Malfoy and his cronies and they're one aisle ahead of you! *ambles away*
Hermione: *putting some of the money in her purse* We have to go!
Harry: *sweeps up the last pound* Ok, where to next?
Hermione: *checks the milk stained list* The pasta aisle!
Neville: It's right down here. *Points down one aisle; everyone follows him with Ron cart cruising again*
Hermione: Must you do that, Ron?
Ron: Yes! *singing "Surfing U.S.A." but changes the words. "Everyone was cart cruising.... cart-cruising U.K."
Hermione: *sighs* We need one box of pasta, any kind.
Neville: Can we get wheels?
Ron: There's pasta flavored wheels?
Harry: No, it's just pasta shaped like wheels.
Ron: Muggles really do have some screws loose, don't they?
*Neville gets a box of wheels and tries to throw it in the cart, which is two feet in front of him. The box falls to the floor with that slow motion effect often seen in movies; Neville turns pale, and there is a 15 seconds of awkward silence in which a few owls can be heard hooting in the distance*
Neville: *picks up the box of wheel pasta* My bad. *Everyone laughs.*
Hermione: Ok, we need one jar of Del Monte spaghetti sauce. Why don't you get it, Harry?
Harry: Ok. *gets a jar of spaghetti sauce and puts it in a nice neat space in the cart.* It's a wonder everything has fit so well; it should have been full by now.
Ron: I, um, put a compacting spell on it... *some muggles walk by, look at him oddly, and start gossiping while Hermione gives Ron a severe look.*
Hermione: *waits until the muggles are out of earshot* Ron, you can't be putting spells on the cart! *takes the spell off as everything becomes scattered and overflows.* Neville, could you get another cart? And Ron, you can do a compacting spell? I didn't know that.
*Ron grins in spite of his guiltiness.*
Hermione: *checks the pasta food off the list* We're off to the meat aisle now. *They all walk to the meat aisle, Ron cart cruises until McGonagall berates him and takes 5 points from Gryffindor, but awards 5 points for Harry's moon walking.*
Hermione: We need one steak, a lobster, a pound of shrimp, and 3 pork chops. I'll get the lobster. Harry, you can get the shrimp. Ron, you can get the pork chops and Neville, could you get the steak? *walks to the lobster tank and starts protesting about animal cruelty to a miserable 21 and a half year male salesperson* Unbelievable! Simply inhumane!
Salesperson: *turns up his already blaring headphones*
Harry: I've never had shrimp before. Like the lobster, the Dursley's left me only the tails. *Gets a pound of shrimp and looks forward to eating it for the first time in his life*
Ron: *gets three pork chops* Yum, chops! I can't wait to eat these!
Neville: *to Ron* What's the steak, is this it? *is holding up a package of liver as Ron looks disgusted* No, I think that's dragon liver. *Once again muggles look at him oddly.* That's steak. *points to ground beef and everyone meets up at the lobster tank, where Hermione is still protesting.*
Harry: Give it up, Hermione. I don't think the salesperson cares.
Hermione: I'll make him care. *gets a lobster carefully out of the tank and sets it on the floor.
Salesperson: *looks up from his magazine* Hey, you can't do that!
Hermione: Well, I just did. *The lobster proceeds to scurry away. No one bothers looking for it.* Now, I need a lobster. *gets one out of the tank and puts it in a plastic container with holes. Salesperson doesn't care and continues to read his golf magazine.*
Harry: Um, Neville, weren't you supposed to get steak?
Neville: yeah, it's right here. *holds up his ground beef*
Harry: I hate to tell you this, but that's ground beef.
Neville: *looks at the ground beef* That it is Harry, that it is. *goes and finally is successful in getting a steak.
Ron: Where to next, Hermione?
Hermione: The deli and bakery. Why don't you and Neville go to the deli while Harry and I are at the bakery? *rips off the part of the list for the deli and gives it to Ron*
Ron: Why can't I go to the bakery?
Hermione: Fine, just go! *switches lists with Ron* And don't loose it-it has the rest of the list on it! And Harry and I will meet you at the bakery! Don't forget one of the carts!
Ron: *to Neville, as Harry and Hermione walk away with their cart* If I didn't know any better, I'd say Hermione is turning out like my mum... *Neville shrugs.*
*At the bakery, which is about 2 aisles-distance from the deli*
Ron: Mmm *smells air* This is my favorite part of the store. *looks at the doughnuts longingly, then at the list* Excellent, we need a dozen doughnuts. Why don't we each get 6?
Neville: Ok. *gets 3 French crullers and 3 jelly-filled while Ron gets 3 Bavarian cream and 3 éclairs.*
*At the deli* After 15 minutes of waiting in line, and behind grumpy muggles to top it off... Hermione: *to deli worker behind all the meats and cheeses* We need half a pound of chopped ham, please.
Deli worker: Will that be all?
Hermione: No. *checks list* and half a pound of Swiss cheese...
Deli worker: Ok. *gets to chopping*
Hermione: and a quarter pound of salami...sorry
Deli worker: *sighs and continues chopping away*
Hermione: *to Harry in an undertone* See, we don't need house-elves to do all the work; muggles and wizards are perfectly capable of doing stuff on our own.
Harry: When are you going to get off the case of house-elves?
Hermione: *confidently* When they are all freed, that's when! *Harry sighs and thinks how it sucks to have gotten ticket 50 for waiting in line at the deli*
*At the bakery*
Ron: *after buying a pumpkin pie from some of Harry's earnings* Well, that's all we needed to get. *looks at cookies to pass the time* @#$% Harry's face is on these cookies!
Neville: *gets the common freaked-out expression on his face* You know, I saw something similar in the health care section...
Ron: What?
Neville: Harry Potter toothbrushes!
Ron: This is getting weirder and weirder... HEY WHAT'S THIS? *Pulls a coupon from one of those coupon dispensers* Cool! 5% off when you buy 20?! doughnuts, are they mad? *another coupon comes out of the dispenser* WHOAH! *takes it, and yet another coupon comes out, and Ron takes it, too* Dad would love this! *takes so many coupons that the dispenser eventually runs out of them, and a pile 2 ft. deep of coupons is left on the floor; Ron jumps in it like it were a pile of autumn leaves, just as Draco and his cronies comes over...*
Draco: *laughs* What are you doing, Weasley?
Ron: *quickly gets up, then gets an idea* Oh, I just found these...in that dispenser there...they're a new type of muggle money.
Draco: Yeah right, Weasel. *takes one and examines it* It says "coupon." I'm not that stupid. *scratches the back of his head*
Ron: Well, they are. *Crabbe and Goyle have cupped up all the coupons from the floor and are now running from junk food aisle to junk food aisle, grabbing as many sweets as their cart can hold, as if on one of those 3- minute shopping spree contests.*
Draco: What? Those idiots... *runs after them as Ron and Neville crack up after realizing Draco has a lobster attached to the back of his hair*
Neville: Hey, why don't we buy one of these "Harry Potter" cakes *points one out as Ron laughs at the muggle cake artist's interpretation of a cartoon version of Harry*
Ron: Good idea. I have extra money from Harry's moon walking earnings. *buys a cake and hides it with the bag of doughnuts and the pumpkin pie in the cart; then Harry and Hermione come over.*
Hermione: *looks at the pumpkin pie* That wasn't on the list, was it Ron?
Ron: No, I had extra money from Harry's moon walking earnings. Hey Harry, have you thought of taking that up as a future career?
Harry: No! Like I said before, I was under the influence of a potion!
Ron: Hey, Draco has that lobster you let loose attached to the back of his hair, Hermione.
Hermione: Did you tell him? *Ron shakes his head and says "Are you mad?!" as Hermione looks in the cart.* And what's- *laughs*
Harry: What, what is it? *has a bad feeling*
Hermione: *composes herself* Oh, nothing, nothing. *quickly covers up the cake*
Harry: It didn't sound like nothing to me. *Looks in the cart* What- I don't-what-who-would-do-a-thing-like-that?! *the cake has white frosting with a cartoon Harry with surprising kempt hair, wearing red, white, and blue quidditch robes bearing a wingless griffin/lion on one corner of them, in his hand is a silver snitch that is as dented as a quaffle, and on his broom, that is written in green frosting, is "Quidbus 8000." He has a pink lightning scar on his nose.
Ron: Um...I guess it's patriotic Harry Potter?...
Harry: *starts to find it humorous, and, to his friends' relief, a grin comes across his face* You know what guys, this proves only one thing to me...
All else: What's that?
Harry: Never hire an alcoholic cake designer! *they all laugh*