Haldir was walking amongst the woods. He was a guardian of the woods of Lorien. He served the Lady of the Wood.
Haldir was walking in the wood when his sensitive ears picked up a rustling noise from some of the dense forestry nearby. He rushed over to investigate the noise with his bow drawn and ready.
He cautiously moved forward. Silently he moved the leaves that were obstructing his path. He heard a soft noise as if someone was awakening. He looked down and saw a figure sprawled on the ground at his feet. The attire the figure was wearing was odd to him; he had never seen anything like it.
He spoke, 'You have entered the Realm of the Lady of the Wood. What is your business here?'
The figure started and arose. Haldir withdrew his bow as he stood facing the most beautiful female he had ever seen. Her eyes sparkled like the sun reflected through the leaves of the wood. Her hair was a colour that Haldir had never seen on a living being. It was the colour of the mouth of his Lady, yet as bright as the circle in the sky. This illustrious hair floated down her back, where it rested about halfway down. Her skin was flawless bar a small birthmark shaped like a star by the corner of her right emerald eye. Her nose was slightly snubbed at the tip and was of average size…
Oh, come on, thought the Wemust, we get it Mary Sue, you are supposed to be the most beautiful thing Haldir has ever laid…eyes on. Please make an error, please!
Her limbs were beautifully proportioned. Her forearms flowed into her graceful hands. Hands that were soft and looked as if they were made for playing a harp.
As she was rising Haldir noticed her silohette dancing on the forest floor; she had curves in all the right places…
One big problem, smirked the Wemust, she is not a male! One error, two to go before anything drastic happens.
…her bosom was heaving. Haldir was staring at her but betrayed no emotion, although his head was reeling with new sensations he had never felt before. His ears could hear her laboriously breathe as she pushed the air in and out of her body.
Surely I can call that something, thought the Wemust. I have no idea what Mary Sue is on about, but I do sense that she is letting Haldir keep his elf senses. Crap!
The Wemust scrutinised the scene, praying that it would not change before he had mapped out the plan of attack. It could handle it; it would just have to be quick.
'I am Nyaninya,' she said finally, gazing up at the startling blue eyes of the handsome elf before her. The name sounded strange as she spoke it, but also so right.
'Child of the Stars,' she whispered to herself.
The Wemust was having trouble controlling itself. The Mary Sue had named herself Rat Woman thinking it meant 'child of the stars.' Surely this was number three. The Wemust tried to enter the woody scene, but the powers that be would not allow it. The breathing scene was getting by!
'Nyaninya,' said Haldir, rolling the name around his mouth, 'what is your purpose in these woods?'
'I do not no,' she replied.
Thank the powers that be! The Wemust was finally able to enter the scene. It landed soundlessly on the trunk of the tree nearest to the un-pointy ear of 'Nyaninya.' The Wemust knew where the story was headed (most likely some secluded bush after 'Nyaninya' learned who she was from Galadriel) and wish to end the agony of it before it managed to get that far.
'What sort of attire is that you wear,' asked Haldir.
Nyaninya looked down not knowing how to respond. She stood gaping at herself.
Again she replied, 'I do not know.'
'You must come with me to the Lady of the Wood,' Haldir said as he turned away indicating that Nyaninya should follow him.
Now! While Haldir's pert posterior was facing the Mary Sue! The Wemust leapt unto the 'illustrious' red hair. Mary Sue let out a little gasp of shock.
Quickly, before Haldir turned around, the Wemust wrangled around to that special place on a body's neck and pushed with all its strength. Mary Sue collapsed as the Wemust jumped of the crumbling body.
Haldir turned and saw nothing. He heard a gentle rustle in the brush near to him. He shrugged and headed back. He was due to meet Celeborn and go out to corrupt some firm young elves.
The Wemust surveyed the scene from behind the brush. Then was off away back to his lair until the next time his spidey…er, Wemust sense called him to action.
*The scene fades in a swirl of black*